purplesky

moved on

2007-05-03T11:35:00.000+08:00

i've moved to purplecross.wordpress.com

relink me:)

just a squeeze of the heart

2007-04-29T23:28:00.000+08:00

ok. I didn't expect my last entry to illicit so many (in my opinion) comments. thanks dears:)

anyway, today's worship service spoke to me much, esp after last night's late night chat with jiggly.

Shepherd
~by Paradise

I will give my heart to You
Forever faithful God
Guide me to Your truth

I will go where You may lead
Your hands are a graceful guide
They draw me to Your side

I'd praise Your name forever
Join with shouts of heaven
Glorify

You are the King of Glory
You are the Lord Almighty
You are the Shepherd of my heart

I will give You all my praise
I'd follow You always
The Shepherd of my heart.

And then, after service, I read Vera's bookmark and on it, this was stitched:

Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
~Proverbs 4:23

Ah. yes. LAST exam tomorrow. I've got so much to say.. last official day as an NUS student, last time I get to see some friends, last time I get to mug in SMC, last time, last time...

but I'm not done with studying for pragmatics, so it's back to the notes.

[ To listen to this song, click here. But you'd need to join multiply.com and be a member before you can listen to it=)]

no if maybe...

2007-04-25T21:34:00.000+08:00

To be honest, I'm not really in a mood to study.

I think it's partly to do with the fact that this is my last semester. Rather, me realizing my days left as an NUS student are rather numbered (5 days to be exact). It hit me more when I was chatting with my sb just now, and she was saying how she foresaw the first 2 weeks of May to be especially draining.. and I was like. yah hor. She's joining exco soon...

My mom was talking to one of our family friends last night over the phone, and giving the usual lowdown on her 4 kids.. How I, the first child, am finally graduating, albeit slightly prematurely at year 3. And I thought it was rather interesting how my mom started her 'report' on me by saying, "aiyah, my adeline has never really been interested in studying anyway", saying that she was ok with me not graduating with honours, and very average grades, because for my whole life, I've been getting past the Singapore education system by the skin of my teeth, each time, giving my parents mini-heart-attacks along the way. She continued, rather proudly, that I've spent most of my time in NUS serving in VCF and how I enjoy it, being the arts chair and all..

Honestly, I thought it was rather funny and heartwarming to know that I've not disappointed my parents... that much.. Although they are proud of the fact that I aspire to be a teacher, and then missionary, sometimes, there's a nagging fear at the back of my mind, that all these plans I've come up with, may not really be realized in the end. Like how I may not get into NIE next year, although I must be one of those crazy nuts who's actually willing to sell her soul to the Singapore government.

Coupled with the fact that I started off as a rather promising kid, out of 3 of their children, I was the only one who made it to the top class in primary school and then one of the top 10 secondary schools in Singapore.. In between, I made it to a neighbourhood JC (Pioneer!), and somehow, ended up here in NUS. I started off my uni life truly thankful that I managed to somehow, scrape my way into NUS. To be even able to get into a local uni, without my parents having to pay much to send me elsewhere, I really thank God.

Yet, at times, I do wonder, if I enjoyed studying more, like my brothers, and the many others in NUS, would these exams just be part of my third last semester and not my last? I mean, I do enjoy studying. I've loved almost all my Elang classes, save for those one of two soundand morphology classes which seriously drove me up the wall. Or rather, perhaps the better word would be I enjoy "learning". Not "studying".

There are so many 'IF's and 'maybe's. If I had done this, maybe I would be this.. If I hadn't done that, maybe I wouldn't have ended up that. But, there's no point in all these 'if''s and 'maybe's. As I told J when he told me I could have been chair, I told him point-blank: I'm a 'could-have-been', but you are going to be a 'be'.

So, the case is really closed.

The fact is, I'm really graduating this semester. (of course, that's granted IF I pass that silly "life as a complex" module...) What's done is done. Although I do wonder if I could have been blessed with better brains than what I already have (R always reminds me that I'm very smart to be able to get into NUS. ha). And now, whenever I hear of how someone is having difficulty in his/her studies, my heart skips a beat, and I actually feel for and understand that person..

I'm still trying to decide whether I would like to be able to understand people this way, or never be able to understand what it feels like to be at the bottom, by being at the top.. It's a hard price to pay. But then, I have spent the whole of this semester coming to terms with the end of my term. And my conclusion is that God has a reason and plan for me beyond these 3 years. I know, so cliche right. My faith seems almost blind. Like, God is supposed to work for the good of all those who put their trust in Him.. then how come I can't make it for honours.. that's not good.

But, that's not necessarily good. As I've told some, perhaps it's high time I start focusing more time and energy on church ministry. Probably, I'm not needed in NUS anymore, though it pains my heart (alot!!) to not be able to go for class with jig, mich, val, sara, janice and the whole jing gang of them. And although, at times, I think there's so much more I can do to contribute, I suppose God thinks otherwise.

It's really too early to tell now. I'd only know in a few years time, when I'm wherever I am, where God wants this person who "cannot really study" to be instead.. SO, til then. Stay tuned and see;)

I smell a fish

2007-04-08T18:39:00.000+08:00

A fishy conspirancy is brewing between my parents right in my very home. Right under my very nose.

I don't like the sound, rather, the smell of it because it's fishy. And, seriously. I can't even believe they are doing this.

oh. And the best part? They think I'm clueless to what's going on. Seriously. I don't even know whether to laugh or grimace... in amusement.

Thanks for the compliments. really. It's taken quite a while.

lose weight

2007-04-08T15:30:00.000+08:00

I'm very certain I've put on weight... but then, I just weighed myself and the weighing machine (which always tells the painful truth) says that I've lost 1kg. OK. fine. it's not alive, so it can't really SAY. but you get my point.. I need to lose weight. To stop looking so unglam in pics. bah. find me again in a month and see whether my new exercise regime (basically to exercise everyday...) works. or rather. whether it was implemented.

two are better than one.

2007-04-02T19:34:00.000+08:00

I think I really sapped a lot of energy writing those 3 individual assignments of 3000 words each + that one group project in the last 2 weeks. I'm really glad they are over. I've only 2 group projects and presentations left to this semester.. rather to the end of my time in NUS. sounds so sad :(

I spent most of my monday afternoon sleeping. Was really tired. When my back really hurt last week in the midst of all those late nights (4 a.m.) essaying, I couldn't help but think of what my dear friend E said a couple of weeks back:

"I guess when we are feeling tired, down, we yearn more for someone to share the burden together."

So I guess that's why Solomon said in Ecclesiates 4:9-12,

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:

10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

of pragmatics and my parents

2007-03-29T17:29:00.000+08:00

Recently, I’ve gotten to understand my parents better from what they say from my elang module Pragmatics, Ethnopragmatics in particular. For the non-elangers, practically all of you, pragmatics is the study of language that is used in conversations, i.e. what a speaker really means when he/she says something. Ethnopragmatics will then be the study of conversations in the context of different ethnics or cultures.

This is something from one of my readings by the Jewish writer Sholom Aleichem:

There are as many types of curses as there are people cursing, but the hardest to explain is the mother cursing her child. The child may be crying because he is hungry. The mother bursts out, ‘Eat, eat, eat. All you want to do is eat. May the worms eat you. May the earth open up and swallow you alive.’ This mother loves her child, she is only pouring out the bitterness that’s in her heart in the only way she knows. But in translation she sounds like a monster. (Butwin, 1958:9)

As the translator’s comment shows, reading stories can be an exercise in crosscultural communication—and it can involve miscommunication. If on the basis of cultural practices that a given piece of literature reflects we can formulate some rules of interpretation, we can help to minimize such miscommunication and build crosscultural bridges between readers and writers. In the case of Jewish culture whose vehicle was Yiddish, we can propose, inter alia, the following rule of interpretation:

when people say something like this to someone:
‘‘I want something very bad to happen to you’’

they can want to say something like this with these words:
‘‘when I think about you now I feel something bad’’

Formulated from the Yiddish speaker’s point of view, the cultural script in question might read:

if I feel something very bad when I think about someone
I can say something like this to this person:
‘‘I want something very bad to happen to you’’

~~
When I was younger, ok, not that much younger, I used to cry myself silly when my parents said hurtful things. I've since realised that they don't really mean such horrible words. Rather, it's part of their chinese mindset/culture. Sometimes, we yearn to have our parents or loved ones tell us they love us and all things nice, like what we watch on tv. But what we expect from them is akin to asking them change their skin colour.

In Chinese culture, the only way Chinese know how to express a warning is by saying something like this:

When I feel bad for you,
I say something like this:
This very bad thing will happen to you.

In essence, they just want you to know that this "bad thing" will happen if you continue being naughty/ rebellious, which is something they hope won't happen to you.

this brought a smile immediately to my face:

2007-03-28T16:18:00.000+08:00

The OST of My Name is Kim Sam Soon, on someone's iTunes while I sit in SMC to finish up a paper. I absolutely love this show. And yes, in case you were wondering. It's another Korean drama.

Other than the obvious fact that the lead actor is ohsohot. It's a story of this plump 30 year old woman, with a horrible name to boot, (Kim Sam Soon.. don't ask me what's wrong with this name. I've no idea) who falls in love with her restaurant-owner boss. And vice versa may I add. I could gush about this show for a few minutes but greater things call, like my essay.

When I've more time, I'd post pictures of them (and the other hot korean actors I've been catching in the dramas). In my defence, I don't only watch korean dramas with hot guys. There have been shows that the guys didn't catch my fancy, but the plot and humour more than made up for it. According to my mom, she believes the reason for the popularity of Korean dramas across countries is how they have a philosophical approach to love. In fact, I've been giving advice to some friends based on what I watch... haha. Do NOT laugh. I may end up dishing some for you ;p

So, to apply all those theories and concepts I've been essaying about, I think if Singapore wants to export their media, they really have to stick to their culture. No point trying to americanize everything. Stick to Singlish for goodness' sake. And stop trying to erase it from the face of Singapore. It's the only semblance of a culture that we have.

In fact, I love Singaporean films. Many of the films in recent years have been rather astute at depicting Singapore life. Singapore Dreaming has to be one of my favourites. In fact, just now during class, one of the groups presenting showed the trailer of Just Follow Law. Eventhough I'm anti-FannWong (yes, we even share the same surname), that little snippet made me regret not catching it in the cinema... nevermind, I'd rent it next time and watch it together with my family. It's such a Singaporean thing to do. Laugh at the Singlish, laugh at the kiasu and sian attitude of Singaporeans, laugh at how all the beauracracy has rendered us helpless at times...

I've digressed too much. Back to my essay. After today, my sore back and cramped left arm will get a bit more rest... til the next project. heh. oh well.

kwenchana

it's okay.

a major reason why I've been feeling tired:

2007-03-22T17:46:00.000+08:00

I read Revelations 2: 4,5 on mon for QT,

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

I had forgotten my first love. The past two months, I had done my QT, sporadically. And, Qt became something to be "done", while it should be quality time treasured with God. So, it was rather timely that melissa emailed this:

Feed on God’s Word Every Day

Matthew 4:4
But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’”

The Bible tells us that God breathed into man and he became a living being. (Genesis 2:7) It also tells us that all Scripture is God-breathed. (2 Timothy 3:16, NIV) This means that when you read the Bible or listen to God’s Word preached, you are imbibing the very breath of God which gives you life.

That is why there may have been times you walked into church feeling tired at first, but left at the end of the service feeling refreshed and energised — God’s Word had breathed life into your body! I have also seen many of our church members becoming healthier, stronger and even younger-looking because they spend time in God’s Word.

It is no wonder that Proverbs 4:22 tells us that God’s words are “life to those who find them, and health to all their flesh”. So if you are under the weather or if symptoms are attacking your body, double up on God’s medicine. Simply feed on God’s Word even more, and you will find life and health flowing through your body again.

Jesus said that man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. If it is important to eat our meals every day, how much more feeding on God’s Word. Jesus tells us that we need God’s Word even more than our daily “bread”. He made us, so He knows best what our bodies need daily.

So whatever you do, remember to get your daily feeding of God’s Word. Read your Bible in the comfort of your home or in the office during your lunch break. Play sermon CDs while driving to work or doing household chores. If you prefer something more visual, watch DVDs on the preaching of His Word. Choose whichever form you prefer, but get His Word into you!

Beloved, you cannot live when you stop breathing. In the same way, you cannot live without the Word because it is the very breath of God which gives you life and health!

This reminds me of yesterday's lala-kairos cg. WX had come from cg absolutely tired. He practically had the words: "I just finished essay and boy am I exhuasted" written on his face. But after cg, Ps Jabez commented, "WX, your countenance has changed. You know why? You came for cg!". Yes, tis true. Nothing beats feeding on the living word of God.

One of the things that keeps me very awake.

2007-03-19T19:38:00.000+08:00

Coke light or Diet Coke.

Ruth introduced it to me at night cycling last year. I had (stupidly) left my bottle to sit at matt's home. And of course we had to cycle the entire night. And I was really thirsty. I drank a bit and realised it tasted better than all the hype.

And seeing ruth now and then means seeing her, usually, with a can or bottle of Coke light.

I just burped last 5 times. To try and not make burping sounds, yet burp. PAINFUL. gosh. all those gas. bah. But it keeps me awake. My eyes were like tired from all those collecting of data from Singaporean male food-blogs (better known as flogs).

Been told lately by a no. of friends that I look tired. I guess I do. I have been feeling tired. It's been hard to wake up early. And I've not been watching late night korean dramas. ok.fine, I have, save for that one night. To reward myself last tues for doing what I had set out to finish, I finished up the last 2+ episodes of The Wedding. Ohgreatchair and Icantstandnoiseonmybusride were smirking and rolling their eyes when I was recounting the plot to my dear ms.

I paid the price dearly because the next day, I made up by sleeping 12 hours. Doesn't help that I've had a mild (to others' standards. But major to me) pimple breakout. Which I think has to do with me deciding to apply moisturiser with SPF 20 everyday before I step out of the house, because the sun is seriously way too strong. I have henceforth stopped... which is worse: pimples or skin damaged by UV rays. I don't know. Because I can only see the pimples on my forehead now.

Ok, I have digressed. I've gotta go. Was just reminded that I had volunteered my services to compile a project, of which I thought was done by someone else... ta/

i did bake in the end

2007-03-04T14:55:00.000+08:00

orange and butter cupcakes. yummy, with that hint of zest. and brownies for ming. heh.

anyway, there are a few reasons why I take a break from blogging:

1. I am really busy

2. I can also be really lazy

3. I have close to no inspiration.

well, for the past month, it was a combination of the 3, but more so of no inspiration.. if this blog talks about my life and I feel like there's nothing much to say, it's rather telling. It just shows that God and me haven't been that good friends. When life becomes ok and nothing new, I don't have much to right about. So, yup, that pretty much sums up the past month. Stuff have happened. and ya. Now, I'm just tired. But I've got a lot of stuff to say.. which I'd leave for another time, but considering the workload now it'd just not materialize...

Anyway, this just shows how there are times that I can take God for granted and leave Him out of my life, (un)intentionally at times. When I do that, my life suffers, I'd just be numbed to the things around me, and more importantly the Holy Spirit. Things will be ok, and that's about it. close to boring. But that's not because life is boring, it's because I left God out of it.

Yup, anyway, this week was good. Because for some (un)known rason, I got shaken out of it.. and am spending more time with God. Things feel better now;)

i can't bake tomorrow?!

2007-02-09T17:33:00.000+08:00

I was struck with the sudden recollection that I wanted to bake this weekend in time for valentine's. and then, here I am, still in school with church on tonight, and with the sudden realisation that I'd be out early tomorrow morning... bleagh. I shouldn't complain, right. it's my own doing. bah.

time to rest moi eyes.

one of those nameless posts

2007-02-09T17:28:00.000+08:00

i've printed enough readings today to wipe out my $9-full cashcard. this is for one module. the best part? it doesn't even cover the entire semester. the printer is soon becoming my best friend, if it ain't already.

wanna learn Hanguel... anyone?

2007-02-05T13:47:00.000+08:00

adeline is looking for someone, a guy preferably, who's willing to learn Korean with her. If he has no interest in learning Korean, that's fine. The minimum requirement is that he's willing to make new friends(with adeline's Korean friends. not her).

adeline wouldn't resort to such shameless advertising on her blog if not for the fact that most guys (like her cgl and prayer co-ord) are only interested in pretty Korean babes or others are only interested in Korean christian songs.

ok, jokes aside. I am serious about looking for a guy to learn Korean and teach English to these 2 Korean guys. Your reward will not be in the form of monetary payment, but perhaps heavenly treasures sounds enticing? plus, Wook and David are really nice! I'm trying to be friends with them, but I think at times, a guy could do a slightly better job in terms of male-bonding... let me know if you have friends who are interested. Oh, I must add, you must be from nus, because I meet them in nus.

so undeserving

2007-01-29T20:52:00.000+08:00

after that super angst-ridden post *points below*, I saw my sec school best friend, liz, online.. and we chatted a while... the good news is that I'm in a much better mood because she justsaid that she's thinking about water baptism.

It made me go, oh!! and really joyful. Goes beyond happy, I tell you.

It's really an answered prayer because I've been praying for ages (til the point of aging..) for her and her walk with God. It's always such a joy when someone you love decides to follow and run after the same God.

oh so cool.

Thank you God.

p/s the title is 'so undeserving' because I asked God for something that will cheer me up, like a friend to pop up somewhere.. I got so much more, through the internet. the irony of it all is that I'm still cracking my head over my Language and the internet presentation. go figure. but in all.. yay!!

moody issues

2007-01-29T19:53:00.000+08:00

I'm in a really bad mood.

I'm angry. Not pissed, not frustrated. Just angry. I don't know how to explain. I'm also hungry, yet I don't feel like eating because that piece of Chinese carrot cake I ate about an hour ago, is now is making me feel rather queasy. I'm also pissed because my mom didn't cook as I told her to. Ok, this makes me sound like I'm treating her to be a maid... But, when you are in a bad mood, every little thing that does not go according to plans, just makes one want to go ARGH.

I'm also annoyed at the fact that I have ZERO clue to my presentation topic on Language as a possibility vs Language as a probability. If you go huh? Trust me you aren't the only one. To make matters worse, the only book in the library that touches on the above subject has been borrowed out, possibility by the girl from the other class who's presenting on the same topic.

Plus my back aches pretty badly because I forgot that I cannot use my nike sling to lug my dinosaur apple. Tell me I'm in such a grouchy mood. I think I'd probably just go home later to sleep and cut off contact with the world for the next 7 hours. And I'm in school on my free day which is a monday past 8pm. Alone.

On top of that, my handphone decided to not make any sound. Again. Plus my brothers lost my earphones. I've been forgetting to bring things and. well, I could go on..

And perhaps I shouldn't go on. One thing I've learnt in my language and internet class, aside from incomprehensible presentation topics, is that blogs are egocentric. Well, ok, it doesn't take a linguist to figure that out. But, if you concorde this post, it would probably have the most 'I's per word ratio.

That's it with humans. Always me, my, I, myself. Things go bad. Argh. sometimes, even swear words come out. Never glorifying. But what's a way to glorify God in (bad mood) times like this?

Praise God. I'm trying.

ok.back to research.

don't study.. then teach??

2007-01-21T14:44:00.000+08:00

WHO WANTS FBT shorts?? says:
what you gonna do after uni?
WHO WANTS FBT shorts?? says:
are you doing honours?
in God i'm ADEquate` says:
i think im grdautating..
in God i'm ADEquate` says:
you?
in God i'm ADEquate` says:
probably going to take a gap year to do contract teaching and go thailand to teach english
WHO WANTS FBT shorts?? says:
i'm graduating as well
WHO WANTS FBT shorts?? says:
i'm.. sick of studying
WHO WANTS FBT shorts?? says:
and the irony of it all is.. i'm planning to teach
in God i'm ADEquate` says:
hahahah
in God i'm ADEquate` says:
you know.
in God i'm ADEquate` says:
i feel the same way too

happy green frog

2007-01-21T14:33:00.000+08:00

jon leong sent this to me while we were msning. and I have to agree.. it looks rather happy. ms asked how I am now. well, I'm not in a estatic mood.. but neither am I feeling lousy. I'm just feeling a-ok. would like to feel as happy as this frog. but, that seems like a silly wish because

1. this frog is just a jpeg.

2. it is afterall, a frog.

3. there was never a story about the prince who kissed the frog-ess.

so, hmm. ya. heh.

no conclusion

2007-01-18T13:18:00.000+08:00

You are forewarned... this entry has potentially no conclusion. What defines a conclusion anyway? That's a philosophical question which I shall not attempt to answer.

SO, one day after my birthday, still suffering from the hangover effects of... drinking kevin's coffee, my brain or rather my heart went into a major overdrive.

OK, I think I still can't tell if it was the heart or the head, because the head is suppose to be rational while the heart is irrational... bottom line is I got irrational to the point of blurness on tuesday night.

I'm dead certain it was the head that told me, "hey! you are graduating in less than a year. What are you going to be doing adeline!!"

hurhur. so some friends say.

I also dunno.

It does not help that the majority, and I am not exaggerating when I say MAJORITY of the year 3s in cf are only graduating next year. I am actually part of the minority graduating this year. Which means that my peers hardly talk about graduating stuff. It's not that I don't count ms, ruth, etcs as my peers.. But it's like. same year supposed to be somewhat same experience... Right?

It also does not help that practically everyone is asking if I'm graduating. I thought that I'd have gotten used to the fact that I am graduating in year3. But, I thought wrong. In fact, I've realised, the more I say, the more I don't want to say, and worse.. the more I want to stay. Some have caught me in this somewhat confused state... That they had to raise their eyebrow and ask, again, "er.. so are you graduating or not?"

The cure to this is not "don't ask ade anymore". I just realised I'm quite confused. This is a whole lot more confusing than that singleness issue. bah. At least last year, I knew what I was struggling with. Now, I don't even know what I'm struggling with...

To stay on? To go? To work? or not? Work where? theological school? missions?

huh? what?

For once in my life, I feel seriously lost. I can't seem to siphon out which are my ambitions, my parents hopes, concerned adults' advice, friends' suggestions.. But most importantly, God's will.

Dealing with BGR is a piece of cake (on hindsight, never when you are in it..). It's either do you want to get attached or not? If no, then, it stops there. If yes, you go on to ask, so is there anyone now? If yes, then, er.. haha. more stuff to consider lah. But if no, then wait lor.

So, ya. I can wait for this. But how to wait when I graduate? I can't be living off my parents for the rest of my life. They've paid for my education all the way up to university.

sigh.

Well, I guess I do know what to do. I need to know what God's saying in the midst of everything. Which means that I have to stop and be still before God. Constantly. So, if I start lapsing into thin air or start talking a lot of random nonsense or start wincing or start sighing or start not replying emails (and even forwarding stuff) or start blogging nonsense... I'm not going mad. Just thinking.

All this is compounded with all the recent stuff that seems to be happening.. so, if I'm not thinking for myself.. I'm thinking for someone else.

trying not to feel bleah

2007-01-16T19:56:00.000+08:00

today's sunset prayer ended at an record-breaking time of 6.57pm!!

so I headed down to the yih comp lab to print notes and see if I could finish up the history slides.

but after staring at it all, I decided I'd print the notes tomorrow, I didn't have the history text to fill in the gaps. having cramps now meaning I can't move. Wishing I'd get teleported back home somehow. But I've had my fair share of car rides in the past week. So while waiting for the cramps to subside...

do you know that the way you drive really shows your character?

The one person who wins hands down for the Best Driver Award is... Xiong Kun!
That's for offering to send fern AND me home at 12plus in the morning from Changi airport all the way down to Clementi and up to Woodlands.. and this crazy boy stays in Bedok I tell you. Plus, he doesn't scold you for missing the turns and ending up at Tuas. haha. Everything is a-ok.

The scariest thing, aside from speeding cars, which I actually relish, is getting scolded for giving the wrong the directions. I found the entire experience funny more than anything.. so shan't complain.

and, contrary to belief, girls are actually pretty good drivers.. so I say of hweeshan & rixin. But, some guys are nice lah. They drive safely because they realise they've a few lives in the carseats..

I really should learn how to drive.

you know you are 22 when

2007-01-16T19:41:00.000+08:00

you spend half of your birthday sleeping at home

AND

feeling blissfully happy

AND

your peers agree that it (sleeping) is a good way to spend one's birthday.
In fact, so Cheryl says, "when you get older, you get to appreciate sleep."

AND

your youth calls you up on the phone, with a conversation that goes like this:

val: Happy Birthday Adeline!!

me: thanks val:)

val: so, how has your birthday been so far?

me: (as of 6.50pm) very good!

val: really? what did you do today?

me: oh! I spent my day sleeping.

val: sleeping? but that's so sad!!

me: haha. no, I think it was bliss.

hahah. I am so old. But, if some people remember, I kicked a mini fuss just before I turned 21. the horrors of adulthood. now, 22 rolls of the tongue easily. It connotes a sense of stablility.

And I do hope that this year will be a stable year, focused on God.

thanks all for the smses & presents & cards:)

love,
ade in her swanking new pastel green birks!!

of rainy weather and goodbyes

2007-01-13T02:52:00.000+08:00

I'm still up at this crazy hour of 2.53am.. because I'm still hungry. but I haven't decided if I want to feed the stomach yet.

and so it's raining again. today, it rained and rained and rained and rained and rained and well, you get my point, it rained somemore..

It was raining while I was sleeping. It was raining when I got up. It was raining when I went to school. It was raining on 96. It was raining and raining all through lunch with kumu. It was raining all through Minorities lecture. It was raining after that. It was really raining when I met up with matt. It was raining when Clara and I took the bus to Parkway Parade. It was raining while we tried to find that supposedly very good fish& chips store.. It was raining when we decided to head to the hawker centre for diner in the end, after walking like 2 rounds round the basement. It was raining while we talked. It was raining when we went back to change my nokia charger. It was raining while we slid across the overhead bridge to catch 36. It was raining all the way to the airport...

Don't know if it rained while we were there to send Christian off.. but, it probably was. It was not raining when xiong kun sent me home.. but we still got lost somewhere near Tuas anyway.

And now, it's raining once again.

The one constant thing: rain.

The next: goodbyes.

I finally realised why I liked The Fray's How to save a life. Not because a close friend has died.. rather...

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I realised the fear is of losing friendships that were once dear... but then somewhere along, don't know what happened.

Xiongkun is such a funny bone.. he was happily driving along the AYE and we were talking about random stuff, until...

me: eh, how come the road got no cars one.

xk: we are not the only car on the road.. we are the first car on the road.

me: *turns around to check the back*
Eh! this is cool lah! we are the only car on the road!!

xk: of course. It's late.

me: but, no, it's only 1am... there should be more cars on the expressway.

* sits up to check the road sign*
*gasp*
TUAS!! why are we going to Tuas??

xk: you said continue on AYE and look out for woodlands ave 2. don't need to look for special turning.

me: oh no. we better turn around... and I better stop talking..

and so there, yes. you happily get distracted only to miss the turning. shan't be so sad about all these goodbyes.. there's a lot more to life than goodbyes.

my birthday wishlist

2007-01-11T22:29:00.000+08:00

It is so shameless to be posting my birthday wishlist on my blog.
but the friends want it. and I figured I might as well say what I want.

but first of all, what I really do not need...
NO: handbags. I think I've more than enough already.

to make things easy, this year, and probably for the rest of my 2- years, it'd be cds and cookbooks.

cds because eversince last year, the process of conviction that piracy and ripping is so wrong, that meant forking out money to get cds for myself instead of ripping off someone...

cookbooks, because they are always so pretty and yummylicious and to prepare for days ( and years) I actually get my own place + kitchen.

1. corrinne may: fly away, safe in a crazy world
2. jamie cullum: twenty something, catching tales
3. the fray: how to save a life
4. casting crowns: casting crowns, lifesong
5. corinne bailey
6. damien rice: O!
7. House soundtrack... does that series House have a soundtrack??

I should stop here.. don't even think I would get all..
1. Jamie Oliver: Jamie's Kitchen

ok. this can cover a few years. I need to sleep. nite.

prc camp

2006-12-29T00:26:00.000+08:00

oh. I'm very lagging in my top 10s. heck. I've been too busy with PRC camp and other stuff to blog about the past year. And, can I say that I'm seriously too lazy to blog about them?

Met up with liz, sarah & sond on tues. It was good. We laughed over our old school photos. I really miss secondary school days.

Which fast-fowards me to uni days. Results came out. And I'm actually disappointed. Graduation in less than 6months is actually eminent (this word looks odd). But, I can say that each semester has been such a joy. The friendships are such blessings from God.

PRC camp for the past 2 days has been really good. For some, Anntic is the camp to go. But for me, it'd always be PRC camp. Each year that I go for, it's a different thing. Year 1 was God's wake up call for me to quit wallowing in self-pity and to realise that the harvest field is there. Year 2 was really a challenge of trust in God, that He is in control of everything. This year, I just found it all peaceful. My group was the nuah kind. And they are so so sweet. The look on their faces when we gave them the cards that debs, weng seng & I wrote to them. gosh. so priceless. You could tell that they were touched. They started comparing cards, and it was very funny when one of the guys Wen Hao (the mark lookalike) asked why we wrote different stuff on the cards (so sweet rite, debs?).

Plus it's always nice to be with people I can just be myself. I'm very grateful for good co-group leaders. It's way too tiring to manage a group on one's own. Will post photos up when I get them. Sb, help me get from T or is it Tee?? Oh and debs, I got all their emails. will be starting a yahoogroup for them this weekend. I'm looking foward to 13 jan for the afterglow (sb!! our birthday plans!! haha)

out/

2006 Lesson No. 8 - Work.

2006-12-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

I got a whole lot more than what I had bargained for when I agreed to work at Pearson during my summer vacation. The one main thing I learnt was that working life ain't a bed of roses. I never could understand why people who used to serve so actively in church, would slowly fade from the scene when they entered the working world. I used to think they had chosen the chasing after the winds over God.

But experiencing a bit of it when I worked at Pearson, changed my entire perspective. Helping Emily with her Modern World History project (of which, I can proudly say I did the maps in that textbook. heh), made me experience real deadlines and the demands of various people from MOE to the authors. I got it easy. I could leave everyday at 5.25 pm to catch the bus back to Boon Lay. But Emily usually had to stay back to work overtime. Seeing her and the many others in the office who were rushing to meet very tight deadlines, made me realise that it's not really our call to decide how much to work. If there's work that needs to be done by a certain time, it has to be done by that time.

Temping at Pearson in the day, while having various cf meetings at night, made me realise that working life is tiring. It saps the life out of you. I had long talks with a few friends, and we realised that eventually it boils down to oneself. Yes, there will always be a never-ending workload. But we can actually choose how much to work, although it would be a tough choice.

I've also realised that if I don't start putting God first in my life now, it's going to be so much harder once I start to work. Reaching out, spending time with Him can easily fall to second, fifth even last place, if I don't begin and continue now.

2006 Lesson No. 9 - Turning 21 in the family.

2006-12-24T22:25:00.000+08:00

I turned 21 this year.

In my earlier reflections on turning 21, I wrote about my dad's 'reaction' in that immediate week. Close to a year later, there's been little things here and there that the dad has been loosening the strings that's rather sweet.

Like for example how I asked permission to go night cycling in May, across the far east (of Singapore. heh). My dad smsed: Take care. Then, less than a second later, he sent another: Take care and enjoy yourself.

Now, to do crazy things overnight, going on holidays overseas, I don't have to ask for permission. It's more of just telling them, to let them know where I am so that they won't have to worry. On hindsight, the really good thing about getting a handphone before entering university, is that the parents do not have the habit of calling you up to find out where you are, which I've noticed, annoys some of my friends.

In my teens, staying out late and hanging out with boys were the 2 main things to show that you were "cool". Now I roll my eyes and go "yeah, right. cool." Now that my age starts with 2-, I notice that I usually stay no later than 10pm when out with my friends. I try to get home before midnight, and usually reach home by 11pm. If given the option to stay out later for drinks, I'm always one of the first to throw in the towel and head home.

I've also come to realise that family is really important. While I was younger, I would try to spend as much time with friends. Family was secondary. I'm still no expert now, but I've since learnt to spend more time with my family. And actually enjoy it.

Had a talk with my mom in November, and it just hit home the importance of family. Even if the family can be annoying, but it's the one place people really know me for who I really am. Although 21 means indendence and freedom, I've realised complete freedom is not the doing whatever you want. Rather, it's living life responsibly that makes the people who love you, blessed.

2006 Lesson No. 10 - Of Money and Materialism

2006-12-23T22:27:00.000+08:00

My travels to Hong Kong, Indonesia, Thailand and Malaysia this year made me realise how materialistic I can be and how fortunate I am to be living in Singapore.

It started off with the HK trip and continued with the Bangkok trip. They were both great holidays. But it was the aftermath that made me wonder whether I was too much of a shopaholic. Granted I had saved a lot and worked at Pearson to fund myself for both trips. Plus I rationalized that the shopping clumped in those 2 trips alone was less than spending $100/month worth of shopping spread out in the entire year.

I felt the pinch more because my former employer delayed my pay check for 2 months, which meant I was seriously in debt for 2 months. And because of that, I had to live at the mercy of my parents who nagged no end. I deserved it though.

The money spent could have been better channelled to the church building fund, people who do not even have enough food to eat, let alone clothes to wear. And here I was adding more variations to a closet that's already too full. But lest you think I'm going to swing to the other extreme and be a hermit and adopt an austere lifestyle, I've come to realise that's not the solution. Whatever God has given, is a blessing. It's good to enjoy life. But, I've since learnt self-control. Before I go on shopping trips, like the recent one to KL, I don't overbuy. Set aside enough to reward myself, and save enough for more fruitful stuff like mission trips.

The KL trip showed me that Singapore is really blessed. I don't know why God would choose to bless us with a good geographical location that's safe from tsunamis, typhoons, earthquakes, etcs. I came back half a day later than planned, because the Malaysian train service was disrupted due to the floods in Johor. At first, I got a kick out the delay. How often can we say, "oh, my plans were disrupted because of a flood?"

While it's a novelty to me, I realised that it's a stark reality to many others. The ride home in the coach with plush red seats and air-conditioning was very comfortable. Too comfortable infact, to be peering out of the bus window to see this:

trees half-submerged, rivers bursting out of their seams, houses flooded, villagers rallying to push a car. I just read in the newspaper today that 60,000 people have been displaced in Johor because of the floods. 4 people have also died because of it. And while some of my friends thank God for great drainage systems in Singapore, it breaks my heart to be there and see that though the waters are shiny on the surface, a lot more lies beneath the calm.

I've also been realising slowly that I am too much of a pampered city girl. While we city folks can often laugh about how we would never survive on a camping trip out in the wilderness with no proper plumbing for any more than 2 days, I guess we often forget that these camping trips are a choice and not a lifestyle. The exco social action game at Anntic (VCF's Annual Teach-in Camp) made me realise the hard way that many of us (soon-to-be graduates) are going to be living a rather easy life.

By the second game station, I (a lowly Indian construction worker) soon realised that those 14 Bible verses that I spent 45 minutes memorising was only going to earn me a measely $5, while a high-flying graduate would only need to memorise 2 verses and be paid a whopping $800 for that. I whined to YanChang that it was unfair, and he was kind and let me work in installments (i.e memorise 3 verses at a shot).

In real life, I know that many would not be able to meet such nice employers. Although it was only a game, it brought home the message very hard to me that there are many others in society who slave and sweat so much, only to earn a few measely dollars. While many of us would be able to work in comfy air-con offices, and although we can gripe about the stress the work brings (which is very real), we would never know what it feels like to work so hard, only to receive $360 a month, with no time for entertainment and other luxuries.

I will always remember that day during the recent exams very vividly, when I was watching an episode of 7Swords on SCV. My dad told me to turn around, to see the Indian cleaner standing at our gate, looking on. 20 minutes later, as the credits ran, he was still standing there. And the sight of him broke my heart. There I was, sitting on my over-squashed but nevertheless still comfy sofa, watching my HK serial, while the cleaner had to stand outside and peer on.

I think when I start work, I need to remember these images and use money wisely for the glory of God's kingdom. With this lesson, I've got few answers but many questions.

where did I go wrong

2006-12-22T23:33:00.000+08:00

my current earworm: How To Save A Life, by The Fray.
Courtesy of wei's blog and bluetooth technology. It's one of those songs that makes me sad instantly and puts me into a mulling melancholic mood... I guess that beats songs like the teeny bopper version of Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart (and the very next day you gave it away) that every single imaginable shopping centre and radio station has on repeat mode...I passed my earworm to poor jeelee =X

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

speaking of stuff that puts me in a melancholic mood.. I watched Casino Royale when I was in KL. Seeing Daniel Craig kick serious butt beats Pierce Brosnan sauntering in suave suits. It made me sad for the other half of the day. I think as I grow older mt heart gets softer. Jeelee and Val were saying they must be pretty hard-hearted.. I don't know actually. I actually felt sad after a Bond movie. To redeem myself, the movie shows Bond before his flambouyant cassanova ways. So, you get to meet the girl who broke his heart.

And so, yeah, I've grown older. Another year has passed, made new friends, gone for trips, got broken a few times, laughed lots, cried some. Was talking to Clement the other day online, and decided that I'd take a leaf out of his blog. Will post a 2006 Top 10. Clem's doing Top 10 moments of the year.. After lots of mulling, I decided that many of the issues I've gone through can't be pin-pointed to that one particular moment. It's been a journey. So, I'd be posting my Top 10 lessons of the year from tomorrow til 1 Jan. Some of the posts would explain my absence since the exams. So, there.

Facing exams and existentialism

2006-12-05T08:34:00.000+08:00

the parents are away for a holiday with the little brother, the eldest is away at bedok camp, the other, at youth camp downstairs.

so last night was the first night I was home, all alone. Ithink it feels good.

this morning, I was roused from slumber at 6am by the alarm. I woke up dazed. My first thought was, "where am I?". after staring out of my window into the surrealness of the pitch black sky with the lone moon shining from my left, I finally deduced that I was at home. After which, I thought next, "what am I doing today?". after thinking for a long while, I suddenly remembered that I have one more exam today. I actually had to think. gah. must be yesterday's exam. oh wellz. there's only about 7and a half more hours to go...

persistence

2006-12-03T23:11:00.000+08:00

"Persistent prayer keeps bringing God and me together, with several important benefits. As I pour out my soul to God, I get it off my chest, so to speak, unloading some of my burden to One who can handle it better. Little by little, as I get to know God I learn that God has nothing in common with an unjust judge or a stingy neighbour, though at times it may seem so. What I learn from spending time with God then better equips me to discern what God wants me to do on earth, as well as my role in that plan."

"Like a child who quits badgering a parent, I have sometimes found that I get an answer to my persistent request after I have learned to without it. The answer then comes as a surprise, an unecpected gift of grace. I seek the gift, find instead the Giver, and eventually come away with the gift I no longer seek."

Philip Yancey's Prayer

May the peoples praise you, O God; may all the peoples praise you.

2006-11-26T00:35:00.000+08:00

Some would know that this semester has been the hardest semester of school in my life. It beats year 1 sem 1. Perhaps it's because of the 2 level 4000 modules I am taking, on top of the fact that this is the first semester that I'm taking 4 English modules. I've been rather maxed out by schoolwork that I seriously don't think I want to go through year 4. Then again, realistically speaking, I don't think I would even qualify.

Yes, I am thankful I'm in NUS. A chance to study in one of the top 25 universities of the world (though some may beg to differ) is really granted by the grace of God. And, although schoolwork stresses me out to the max, I do enjoy what I am learning. I think my thinking has been sharpened and my writing polished. (with stress on 'I think')

And yes, I do enjoy vcf tons. I can say that my cf friends are the closest friends I have ever had. I would be a very aimless adeline without them all.. Shan't even attempt to mention names, because they are too many. From my batch who entered the thursday cgs together as freshies, to people I've served together in various committees, to people from cross faculties, to chance meetings, to wise and caring seniors, to bubbly juniors... the list goes on. Nothing beats serving, praying, questioning the same God.

Gosh. I sound like I am writing my farewell speech.

But in the midst of all the I-want-school-to-end-now thoughts, God has been doing a very special work. It's rather ironic that in the semester that I am the weakest, He is doing the most breakthroughs. It is these breakthroughs that always push my back in focus of my purpose in NUS.

It started off small, with my Jap friend A. We started off lunch small talk with me chattering about Jap food and fashion (yes, I couldn't think of anything better to talk about.), she not saying much. As the semester progressed, she started opening up more and talking a whole lot more, to the point that there were times I wanted to get back to an assignment, but seeing how open she was, I decided to just enjoy the company.

The last Fellowship Teaching saw a student from last year's batch of Chinese SM3 scholars, giving a testimony of how he found God through the camp and later the English Speaking Corner. Hearing that he was baptised last month, and how he wanted to join this year's SM3 orientation camp to help out, both flo and I agreed that all the crazy planning and hiccups we went through last year was worth every frenzy, prayer and sleepless night. It warmed my heart to see how it truly is in God's time that fruit is borne.

As if that was not enough, I bumped into one of my Chinese friends from my ESC group, last month. He actually offered to help out at this year's SM3 orientation camp and was disappointed on finding out that he wouldn't be in S'pore then. But, he quickly offered to join my ESC group next year. And on top of that, said he wanted to join a vcf cg. I was rather blown away.

What made me extremely excited was Jig's call last friday, to tell me that M, a fellow E-lang major on exchange from Canada, expressed interest in accepting Christ. The co-labouring with Jig and prayers were actually bearing fruit. It's not that I don't believe that God answers prayers. It's just that I never thought I'd get to harvest them.

It was really amusing on wed to have lunch with 3 non-christian friends. And as I always do, I gave thanks to God for my food and asked God for a good time with them, before proceeding to tuck into my meal.

I was stunned when my friend J looked at me queerly and asked,

J: Why do you pray so fast?
Me: *eyes open very big* Huh? What do you mean by 'pray so fast'?
J: How come you never pray outloud?
Me: I.. er... you want me to pray outloud??
(I turned and faced all three. Each had this look of expectance on his/her face.)
Me: er. ok, er.. I'd say grace for all of us, ya?

And so I gave thanks for the food.

Ok, so maybe you are wondering why I am typing all this. You see, out of that lunch, I found out that the two guys were sitting for their English qualifying exam on friday(yesterday). One of them, David, was dead certain he was going to fail. I told him, that the more he said he was going to fail, he would. So I told him to tell himself, "I can do it! I WILL pass! My English is good!" each time he felt like he was going to fail. And promised to pray for him.

I just checked my gmail to see this:

Hi Adeline,

First, thank you for your praying!!! I will pass it,...but next sem a tougher one will come to me. I don't know how many exams you have, but anyway all the best for all your exams. Although I don't know how to pray for you, I can help you: if you don't know how to answer questions in the exam, do sms me, I will definately reply immediately,hahahaha,trust me!

I'm going home on Dec 6th. Of cause I'll be back. But just want to know whether you have msn or blog or other online contacts so that i can get in touch with when I'm at home. My msn is... and by the way, if you are free, you may want to pay a visit to my "infant" blog, and of cause you can comment whatever you want there; no matter positive or negative comments, feel free to give. hehe,i won't be angry with you,...because your name is also there.

Finally, again best wishes for your exams, and also Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance (coz i'm afraid to forget to wish you after I leave Singapore)

Regards,

David

aka Zong Liang

So, to David, this entry is for you. I mentioned your name too;)

And to the rest of my readers, I am not boasting to show all the brownie points I think I am chalking up in heaven. If everything has been going smoothly for me this semester, I would be inclined to think that all these breakthroughs are a result of my effort. But it's precisely because school has never been such a struggle that it is so clear that this is all God's work. Just as in 2 Corinthians 12:9,

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

For us who are in the midst of exams, and to everyone else be it at work, school or play, let's remember our purpose:

Psalm 67

For the director of music. With stringed instruments. A psalm. A song.

May God be gracious to us and bless us
and make his face shine upon us,
Selah

that your ways may be known on earth,
your salvation among all nations.

May the peoples praise you, O God;
may all the peoples praise you.

May the nations be glad and sing for joy,
for you rule the peoples justly
and guide the nations of the earth.
Selah

May the peoples praise you, O God;
may all the peoples praise you.

Then the land will yield its harvest,
and God, our God, will bless us.

God will bless us,
and all the ends of the earth will fear him.

change

2006-11-22T21:45:00.000+08:00

ms will know by now how much I dislike it when I'm told I've to change groups... it has happened one too many times, that each time I hear I've been moved out of a group to another (usually not as fun), I cringe. seriously. and it affects my mood after that.

thankfully, the latest one was an ok one. got moved from one fun group to another. ok, an added incentive to look forward to this year's youth camp. I really hope this year will be a change from the previous two. I really miss being able to sleep late and chatting with friends and the random youth and playing taiwanese heartattack and playing midnight soccer in the mud and laughing at miso soup and challenging youths to love God and hugging youths and singing christmas carols while prancing around.

I guess as much as I say I embrace change, I do like familiarity, especially that of people. crikey.. I'm getting all sentimental now.

Of doaps and Doulos

2006-11-20T12:33:00.000+08:00

The past week seems to have passed by really slowly. A lot of stuff have happened. Which, honestly, is quite a lot to handle in a week. But, I'm still alive. Just a little tired.

I've had an overdose of Doulos this week, in the good sense. A team came down on tues for FT (fellowship teaching) and I was struck by the testimony of L who happens to be a PK (pastor's kid) too.. just that he's a SOAP (son of a pastor) and I'm a DOAP (daugther of a pastor). I think I can safely say I was never too problematic as a pk.. but L was really the stereotypical rebellious pk. What's amazing is how he found his identity in God and not in men. and, it doesn't hurt to say that he's cute with floppy hair. hahah. oh wellz.

God really spoke to me on thursday, when another team from Doulos came down to cg. The first was through the presentation of the world. Let's say, everyone in the world (all 6.5 billion) was to be represented by only 10 people:

3 are Christians: 2 nominal + 1 really christian Christian
2 are Muslims
2 are Hindus
1 is a Buddhist
1 is an atheist
1 is a tribal animist

and, for every 10 Christians in the world, only 1 would end up in missions and another would be actively reaching out back home.

1+1=2. only 2 Christians are effectively living out the Great Commission.

That really hit me.

The second thing that struck me was this G's testimony. I really like her. She's really beautiful (not pretty). She reminds me of Catherine Zeta Jones, has such a wacky personality, has such a fire for God.

She grew up in a Christian home and lived a sheltered life. She joined Campus Crusade in uni and was really on fire for God. But it was only her mid-twenties that she was struck by the price Jesus paid for her. And that meant living her life only for Jesus. She decided she wanted to be serious for God. That also meant serving God together with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend, however, wasn't keen on living all out for God. So, she made the painful decision of breaking up with her boyfriend of 10 years.

Don't know if I could ever make a decision like that.. then again, I don't have a boyfriend to begin with, let alone one of 10 years. so, heh. I don't have to make a decision like that after all!! Her testimony spoke because she was willing to give up someone she loved for God. And since I don't have that someone to begin with, I shall not harp for such things.

I am happy for her though, she's 33 this year, and when she goes home next year, she'd be getting married. Her new boyfriend was willing to wait 2 years for her as she went round the world doing God's work on Doulos. cool huh.

Eventhough my dream to get married by 25 seriously looks bleak, I was very edified by G's testimony. She was willing to give someone she loved, put things on hold for God. And God has blessed her ever so richly.

So, I guess waiting does have benefits. Ok, I'd wait =D

(sidenote to S: this is really waiting. press on!!)

humans

2006-11-19T21:38:00.000+08:00

human beings are such sinful and complicated creatures. I really do not know why God would choose us to serve Him. I guess, He really chooses the foolish things of this world to shame the wise.

argh. humans. I used to say adults. but, now that I'm an adult. bah. It would be good to be a child all over again.

break me

2006-11-15T23:38:00.000+08:00

A friend shared something with me on Sunday, which at that time, didn't really sink in. I guess it was meant for today.

She shared that God really spoke to her through the story of the five loaves and two fishes from Elisabeth Elliot's Passion and Purity:

One morning I was reading the story of Jesus' feeding of the five thousand. The disciples could find only five loaves of bread and two fishes. "Let me have them," said Jesus. He asked for all. He took them, said the blessing, and broke them before He gave them out. I remembered what a chapel speaker, Ruth Stull from Peru, had said: "If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."

As a song goes,

As bread that is broken, use our lives
As wine that is poured out, a willing sacrifice.
Empower us Father to share the love of Christ
As bread that is broken, Lord, use our lives.

If I live my life the way I want it, it feeds only one.

But, if my life is broken, and I allow Jesus to have it, it can feed a multitude.

impatience

2006-11-13T08:04:00.000+08:00

This is the origami ball that Andrew made for me. So pretty rite? Heh. It was in exchange to keep moi mouth shut from annoying him. You see, he came back from Brunei with nothing for me. Which is fine. Just that you don't get your sister nothing, while you get others something-.-

Yesterday was a good Sunday. God spoke to me 3 times on impatience. First through QT, then through Tabby, and lastly through the Bible Study that Sulwyn led.

There is no running away from it. No.

Ask and do not doubt

2006-11-11T23:00:00.000+08:00

Since I am on the topic of God answering prayers.. I am in the midst of learning what this verse means:

But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord.

~ James 1:6,7

Something tells me I am going to be learning this for quite a while.

Then you will know that I am the LORD.

2006-11-09T15:54:00.000+08:00

I met Clement (black) for lunch today.

He was sharing with me that he thinks that this semester, the cgs in arts have been mostly going their own ways. which is fine, because that means they are building themselves up.
But, they need to move beyond that. Next semester, each cg needs to do more as a body of Arts VCF.

When he said this, a slow smile spread across my face.

As you would have read in my previous post, I was mulling over the state of things in Arts VCF. In fact, just yesterday night, I was, in a way, feeling impatient and uncertain of this semester and what can be done next. (weiying will be my judge. ha)

She reminded me of what I shared with her from the Ezekiel 12:21-28, a month ago, when I told her to hold on to the vision that God gave her at last year's Anntic.

The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, what is this proverb you have in the land of Israel: 'The days go by and every vision comes to nothing'? Say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am going to put an end to this proverb, and they will no longer quote it in Israel.' Say to them, 'The days are near when every vision will be fulfilled. For there will be no more false visions or flattering divinations among the people of Israel. But I the LORD will speak what I will, and it shall be fulfilled without delay. For in your days, you rebellious house, I will fulfill whatever I say, declares the Sovereign LORD.' "

The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, the house of Israel is saying, 'The vision he sees is for many years from now, and he prophesies about the distant future.'

"Therefore say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: None of my words will be delayed any longer; whatever I say will be fulfilled, declares the Sovereign LORD.' "

Granted, the context of this passage is that the prophecies and visions that God said would be fulfilled, were of disaster and famine.. not exactly things anyone would want to be fulfilled..

But, at that time I read it, I could sense God saying, None of my words will be delayed any longer; whatever I say will be fulfilled. The visions that some comm members have seen in June and July will not be delayed any longer. They will be fulfilled.

And in a sense, when I met Clement today, I felt God gently rebuking me. Asking me why have I been doubting what He promised, that they will not come true?Why did I not believe that God loves NUS and IS going to do something.

For it says in Ezekiel 12:20, that all that God allows to happen, both good and bad, only Then you will know that I am the LORD.

Amen. To God be the glory.

A spiritual revival.

2006-11-07T20:01:00.000+08:00

"America needs a shaking, spiritually.

I don't think that a change of leadership in any place or whether it be politically or any other way, I don't think a new programme or another approach to evangelism is going to change our nation.

I need we need a spiritual revival starting with me. I need a revival in my life and so do you."
~ Larry Stockstill

This was Sunday's sermon at New Life Church, in response to Pastor Haggard's sin. These lines jumped out at me because I've been thinking recently about artsvcf as the semester nears its end (shoosh). Was wondering what could be done better... and was reminded that it's ultimately God who would have to do the shaking. Not that we have done enough. I don't think we have, honestly.

It's only up to God. But the only thing we can do is to pray and ask God to intervene. Something which I'm still rather perplexed. I can't judge and say whether we've been praying enough. You can't gauge prayer. You can't see people's hearts. Only God can.

I could definitely do with a revival in my life. How about yours?

p/s click here to go New Life Church's website to hear the sermon.

wash me clean as snow

2006-11-07T13:07:00.000+08:00

It breaks my heart utterly to read of another Christian in the spotlight for the wrong reason.

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

It's impossible to live a perfect life. I should know.

Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

Anyone should know actually. How is one to live a life without any sin?

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

Although we humans have that hypocritical tendency to grade our sins, yet in God's eyes, a sin is a sin. If you cannot reach his standard of perfection, you are a sinner.

Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

You may think I'm being simplistic and naive. But tis' not true? I can only pray that God will turn this ugly thing into something beautiful.

Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

It can get rather ugly when a Christian leader commits a sexual sin. Somehow, embezzling funds does not sound as sinful as a gay tryst coupled with drug abuse.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Throw in politics with this week's American elections and you have a worldwide sensational news-story.

Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

And you recall how King David had an affair with Bathsheeba, the wife of a loyal soldier, Uriah. Afraid that his sin would be found out, King David had Uriah 'murdered' by sending him to the frontline to fight.

Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

And yet, God called David a "man after His own heart".

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me

I do not know how God will turn this into something beautiful. But, I do know that this pastor is probably sleeping more peacefully at night these days, despite all the media hype.

Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

I also know that God has forgiven him just as He has forgiven each one of us. God loves you and will never leave you nor forsake you.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

The burden of a hidden sin now lifted, brings joy to one, when it comes to light. More importantly, joy that can only come from God.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.

And God will make this beautiful. As difficult as it may seem, he is using this to turn people back to Him. To let them know He loves them, and only He can heal them.

Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.

Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

~ Psalm 51

Evangelical confesses to 'sexual immorality'

One gaze only.

2006-11-04T18:38:00.000+08:00

Our hands were firmly cemented
By a fast balm which thence did spring;
Our eye-beams twisted, and did thread
Our eyes upon one double string.

So to engraft our hands, as yet
Was all the means to make us one;
And pictures in our eyes to get
Was all our propagation.

As 'twixt two equal armies Fate
Suspends uncertain victory,
Our souls—which to advance their state
Were gone out—hung 'twixt her and me.

And whilst our souls negotiate there,
We like sepulchral statues lay;
All day the same our postures were,
And we said nothing, all the day.

-- from The Ecstasy by John Donne.

One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

-- Psalm 27: 4 by King David.

Psalm 27: 13, 14 says,
"I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD."

How do I name fried dumplings? Let me count the ways...

2006-10-27T00:52:00.000+08:00

Today's blue skies reminded me of a song I sung frequently in my heydays:

Glad that I live am I
That the sky is blue
Glad for the country lanes
And the fall of dew

After the sun, the rain
After the rain, the sun
This is the way of life
'Til the work be done

All that we need to do
Be we low or high
Is to see that we grow
Nearer the sky

My scgs school song. haha. I guess Clara's like the only I know who'd sing it with me;)

Dear God,
thank you for blue haze-less skies;)

Today was a pretty hilarious day. I laughed quite hard twice.

The first, I bumped into Christian and had a chat with him. That poor guy's inbox is full of messages to himself. Ok, to give him credit, he smses reminders to himself. I laughed for a full minute on finding out, cos, he's like the first person I know who smses himself. What a waste of money. Then again, I promised that poor guy I'd sms him more, since he doesn't know that many people here in S'pore.

The fried dumpling fiasco at Fong Seng's -after-cg-supper was even more hilarious.

The Eskimos have 27 different words for snow, while the English Language has only 1.

How about fried dumplings?

Well, according to Eugene, there're at least 4:

(To put into context, this was after Kumu spent a good 5 minutes trying to get the attention of the "Manchu" auntie who works in a Tawainese (afamosa) noodle shop. In the end, he sends his poor friend Shaun to order.)

Kumu: Shaun, can you go order those fried dumplings?
Shaun: What are they called in Chinese?
Eugene: go ask the aunty for shui jiao (or dumplings in soup)
Me: No lah, they aren't called shui jiao!!
Eugene: Aiyah, then ask her for tang yuan la. ( glutinous rice dumplings in sweet soup)
Me: TANG YUAN?!?!
Eugene: I dunno lah, what are they then? WANTONS? (fried flat dumplings)
Me: EUGENE!! THEY ARE GUO TIES!! (fried dumplings)
Eugene: aiyah, what's the difference? they are all the same!

Trust me, when Eugene said tang yuan, Ryan choked in amusement. He has always been saying his chinese is bad, but at least he knows what tang yuans are.. Liz was laughing so hard, she couldn't eat her noodles.

oh boy, I've not had such a good laugh in ages.

It seems when the weather clears, so does my mood. Hope I actually have joy and not just happiness.

Put my hope in God.

2006-10-22T20:53:00.000+08:00

The plus point about having a room that faces Johor Bahru is that when wind blows into your room, it means the winds are blowing down from Malaysia!!!!

Blow wind blow!
Blow what?
Blow all the haze back to Indonesia!

hahaha. ok, I'm really quite happy. the hazy weather has been making me rather grouchy. ok. fine. I've been grouchy either way, the haze just doesn't make me feel any better.

ok. today was a rather interesting sunday.

I woke up, er.. grouchy. the house was in a mess, and my cg was coming up. So, I didn't exactly pack the house in the most glorifying manner. No excuses. adeline was bad.

But service at church was good. Aunty Annabel led my favourite song, no prizes for guessing what it is. Sing with me! I think the main thing was that Ps Ivan gave a very good sermon. He spoke on Psalms 42, which is one of my favourite Psalms because of my favourite verse, Psalm 42:5a,

"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Saviour and my God."

Ps Ivan brought up an interesting point. Often, when we are down and out, we would often remind ourselves of the "Happy Times" to pick ourselves up.

That's good. Just that we end up focusing on the wrong thing. Instead, we should be reminding ourselves of the God who brought those happy times. It puts the focus back on the Giver and not the gifts.

There is a second part to Psalm 42:5 which is often forgotten,

"My soul is downcast within me,
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon --from Mount Mizar."

Remember God.

sigh. oh well, after that, was cg time. Today, I teared a bit too much before cg. Had to stop myself before streams actually flowed. well, yes. See, I've been rather down lately. But I couldn't even work out tears for myself to vent my frustrations.

It so happened when one of my girls told me she was going through quite a down time, that tears sprung up in my eyes quite readily. If it wasn't for the fact that we were taking a lift up to my house, I would have really cried right on the spot.

ok, what's my point. now thinking things through, I finally understand that whole thing about feeling for someone. This was really one of those few times that I actually felt the person's pain. Can't say I totally felt it. but if it actually evoked tears in me, you can imagine.

After cg, the girls had a time of prayer, and it was a rare moment. For me, that was a breakthrough in ministry to these girls that Sulwyn and I are leading. I truly thank God for this.

I promise to put up pics of the girls.. I seriously have problems uploading pics from home. I need to put my dormant Flickr account into action!!

Then, there was Kairos business meeting from 2-4pm. oh boy. It was seriously quite straining. I have to hand it to Ps Jabez. Sometimes, I whince at having to lead 13 other people in arts comm, but, that's only 13 other people as compared to a total of 24 youth leaders.. to try to get everyone moving in the same direction is a huge feat.

It's exciting though, the plans for 2007 (time flies huh). They are mostly structural changes. And, if you know me, I don't really like structure. Especially implementing them. But, this time round, I think the pros outweigh the cons. And, to me, that's really exciting. In PJ's words, "Kingdom mentality".

It's my prayer that things will work out fine despite the need to change stuff, that God will continue to use our youth ministry to reach out to the youths here in Woodlands. I guess, that's me, getting kinda used to change. It used to be once every few years, then two, then yearly.. now, changes come like every 6 months.

And, with these changes, there will always be uncertainty. That's why there's a need to put our hope and trust in the one unchanging God, who will never fail Himself.

break my mid-sem break

2006-09-26T01:19:00.001+08:00

the past 3 months have been truly a challenge. there has never been another period in my life when i can be happy one day and then depressingly sad the next. sometimes i show it, but often i try to hide it. i do thank God for friends who can look from afar and sense something amiss in me.

but that's not the point. over the weekend, i was wondering. this is not the way life should be. i can't live from day to day, happy one day sad the next.. and be sad more often than joyful. i've been letting people and things affect me more than i want them to be. my mood has become dependent on things, when it should actually be resting on God.

and i guess i felt it a lot in the weekend. that week, it seemed that quite a few friends were going through problems and i felt extra burdened for them, didn't have the best of weeks with my parents, i was very tempted to throttle one of my tuition girls, i was a bit at wits end for the state of arts vcf, plus personal issues were resurfacing again. i slept a lot on saturday too..never felt so defeated before..

which struck me then. if i have Christ with me, why am i not living a victorious life. why is everything dependent on the circumstances, which change all the time. instead of the one God, who never changes?

so there, that's me in retrospection again.

the good thing about this week's term break is that i'm surprisingly quite free... other than wed, being the only day i'm packed from morn to night, the rest of the days, i have nothing planned!! which means, i can lunch with whoever's free, and meet friends on the spur of the moment. so cool can. i mean, it's cool to be free and not be bogged down by obligations and appointments.. makes everything sound so professional and business like. *shakes head* be happy for me.. hahaha

an ADEfying post

2006-09-22T16:56:00.000+08:00

okie.. a quickie before i talk to adrian...

i'm in smc now(s'pore m'sia collection). was supposed to be doing readings for my assignment due in like one and a half weeks.. but after a while, i gave up. the brain was rebelling..

am using dan's mac, and decided to check out blogs, since i've not done so in like, a week. read matt talking about his weekend plans to emerald isle (sounds so scgs-ish...) and him going up to urbana for the ivcf conference in dec.. saw debs' blog.. and oohed over her city photos with winnie.. with adrian reading behind my back now.. and then went to gilbert's blog and the conversation went like this:

me: he can run through

HI ADE. =D [einniw and gniyiew are here to contribute to your blog]

it's now 7.44pm on a sat evening.. and i'm supposed to finish up my post. haha.

as i was trying to say:

me: he (gilbert) can run past a park to the beach!! eh, his daily runs are to the beach lah. mine's round hdb flats in woodlands.

winnie: at least you have legs to run.

winnie or einniw has a point. i can gripe about my seemingly boring life here in spore and really wish i was somewhere else...

or, i can truly be thankful for the things i have, like the fact that i can even run.

speaking of run, time for my destressifying sat evening jog now. i seem to need jogs more often to clear the head and system.

dream dream dream whenever i'm with you...

2006-09-14T00:11:00.000+08:00

Was reminded of Singapore Dreaming from damien's blog..

I'm very proud to say that in week 5 of school, I went to catch a movie on a monday night with two international students, Irene & Christian. It took much effort though, on Christian's part to drag me away from work.

What I really loved about the movie was how it was so real. Irene, turned to me a few times during the movie to ask whether the enstrangement of the family members was real or exaggerated. I had to whisper back that I do see such distant relationships in Singapore. From sibling rivalry to almost-there sex-scenes, the need for hard work to prove oneself to the lack of communication in a marriage...

There's no explicit moral at the end of the movie. But as adults, we should be able to draw the links for ourselves. Neither do i want to be a spoiler. Go watch. Forget Monster House. Forget Devil Wears Prada. Drop by a cinema in the heartlands and catch a local movie about Singaporeans, with your fellow Singaporeans.

The government should pay me for this.

Speaking of hard work, after the movie, Christian was lamenting on how Singaporean students are so serious with their schoolwork, that they can't seem to see life beyond their studies.I was half-chuckling to myself, because he had a hard time trying to pull me away from school. He had asked me when I was free. Thinking that he wanted a tourguide, I started to ask him where he wanted to go visit in Singapore, etc.. it took a full 5 minutes for me to realise he just wanted a friend to go chill out with. I felt rather ashamed for myself, and fellow Singaporeans, how we've "forgotten" to just be friends with people.

Be it in cg or arts comm or international students or old friends, the people i'm serving, have at times lost their "faces". I've seen them as chores and a list of people to meet, only to get ticked off when i've accomplished what I've done. Obviously I don't aspire to do that.. But along the way, unconsciously, this has been happening.

Which reminds me of the hols, where almost every other night, I'd be rushing off for some vcf event or meeting.. to which my friend would always chuckle and shake his head on hearing that it's vcf. Again.

Have I forgotten my first love. Have i forgotten how to enjoy this life that God has given me. Have i forgotten how to just be myself, a child of God, serving God. Yes. But not a servant of God. To "be" and not "do".

Dream, dream, dream
Whenever I'm with you.

endorphins and euphoria

2006-09-07T00:14:00.000+08:00

today (wed), was one of the worst days of my school life.. i never had so much trouble concentrating during class and feeling extremely tired to boot. first, there's was morning prayer at 9am, which i was obviously late. not proud of it, but i seriously had to drag myself out of bed. i felt like a piece of stone. was hoping to speak to flo after that, but turns out she had to go home to do stuff. meisi went off to the labs, william went off somewhere...so, for the first wednesday eversince school started, i had a free break. spent the time writing a letter, then finished up my readings.. but i struggled through them. in the library, i was so tired i had to nap before continuing.

what's worse, at peter tan's interactional discourse class, my head was up in the clouds. no, i wasn't on cloud 9. my brain had never felt so flighty for ages.. i was day-dreaming.. about nothing. normally when i day-dream, it would be about something. but today, i day-dreamed about nothing. it was so weird. i couldn't eat chocs to lubricate the brain cells.. so during break, i had a mix of milo and black coffee (sans milk).. felt slightly better after that, caffeine does wonders. i'm thankful that today's class was interesting.. can't imagine if it were boring.. i would've probably turned into stone..

after zapping semantics readings, i kinda rushed home.. had to rush, because emily wanted to have dinner. but, my day was so bad, and i was seriously so down and out, i knew i had to run. and i did. the first 10min was torture, because, the brain kept telling the muscles, "you can't do it. STOP!". which i did. i would stop, walk a few steps, then push myself more.

the running was good. as wei always says, " running produces endorphins. endorphins make you happy". so there, after half an hour, the mind was a whole lot clearer,my spirit was somewhat lifted.. the body was real hot though. i took a hot shower and rushed down to 834 for dinner. thankfully eunice, farand & ps jabez were there, to keep emily company;)

had a steaming bowl of bittergourd soup for dinner.. trust me, a 30min run+hot shower +hot soupy dinner= a very hot ade. i felt like i was a self-contained sauna. i think that all the perpsiration made me sweat my stress and guts out. i never felt so good in a long while.

emily and i had quite a good conversation over dinner.. we were talking about how everyone needs healing & deliverance.. for the past 4(out of 6) sessions of H&D that i've gone, i must say, i've been working through some issues.. especially issues which i never knew were issues. come to think of it, if i've been moody recently, it's quite possibly that some stuff are being getting rid of, in my life. so have patience with me.

as we run in this race of life, there will oft be times and things that will try to stop us from running. but we can't give up. different things can motivate us to continue, but the one thing that should be our main motivation is Christ. to press on and finish the race. to hear God saying, "well done, my good and faithful servant". i'm definite that when i hear those words, endorphins could never compare to the euphoria of being with the Father.

boosters

2006-09-04T13:46:00.000+08:00

if you were wondering, i got rid of the tagboard because i got spammed too many times. patience got the better of me at their 4th atrocity-.-

and i changed my layout, but it appears on internet explorer that there's a huge gap in between my links. i tried to read the html to find out what went wrong. but i can't tell. so, it's just going to stay that way, until a kind soul finds out for me, or, i get bored and change it myself. both options, i think will prob only be realised at the end of the year..

let's talk about school: i'm starting to realise that this year's classes are kinda mixed. i still feel i'm at the wrong side of the bell curve. especially when 2 out of 4 of the elang classes i'm taking, i'm one of the few year 3 students. doesn't help that it's a struggle to do readings, because those that i've read so far, are honestly, beyond me. they make me:
1. frown ;(
2. scratch my head *scratches*
3. wince (as if in pain)
and, my classic emoticon:
4. -.- annoyed.

nope, i'm not annoyed at my lecturers.. just a bit annoyed at myself for not being able to get something.. ok, this now sounds like i have a major inferiority complex. like i'm dumb or something. everything's relative. that i know.

just need encouragement here and there.. which came in today's elang argument class when i found a good claim to an argument. and also, the return of my media writing assignments..

thank God. perhaps i need to work harder.. which i did, over the weekend.

the end of the year seems to come real soon..

betting is fun?!

2006-09-03T00:32:00.000+08:00

While researching for my E-lang Argumentation Discourse class debate on gambling, I chanced upon the Singapore Pools' website, which had a line that read:

"Betting should be fun. It should be under your control. Do not let it control you or your life instead.

Be A Winner ! Play Responsibly !"

My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Although it was already 12.20am, trust me, I was wide awake instantly.

Seriously, who are they trying to kid?! And since when was betting "fun". And, may I add, not only is it "fun", it "should be fun". If it isn't, something's wrong! *alarm bells ring*

I shall not attempt to launch into the vices of gambling, much less, the legalization of gambling.

It is a sad mis-fact of life that one should resort to gambling for a dose of "fun".

What's more appalling is that one is encouraged by a government-backed company, to bet.

The governement is in place to protect it's people (see Romans 13). Do pray that it will continue to do so.

wishes and dreams that are yet to come true

2006-08-26T22:17:00.001+08:00

i finally spruced up my blog a lil:
-increased font size (sorry sonn!!)
-linked, relinked & unlinked quite a few people
-changed headings,etc...

still thinking of changing layout, i.e new picture.. but, lazy to find a new picture, plus i haven't found a layout that is simple yet compact.. so, as the picture says, wait lah.

speaking of pictures, as most would know, my apple's hard disk crashed, burying along with it, some photos, and countless songs... which made me feel a bit sianz. the songs, are legal, because i inherited this laptop from my aunt... now, i'm just chris-rice-less.. which makes me wanna go *argh argh*. but that's not that bad, because, it'll just mean lots of money to buy the albums.. what makes me go *argh argh* to the power of 100, is that my home pc's hard disk ALSO crashed. what's worse is that all my photos, you read it right, ALL got buried to goodness-knows-where. everything from photos from jc prom, to random cf cg absurdities, to my 21st birthday, to the odd ones with frennies... i really ought to make it a habit to upload photos online.. argh

and if you ever wonder why i don't exactly reply tags on my board it's because, i procrastinate and people don't usually reply my replies to their tags that i figured that i'd just leave it at that. but i do read lah. it's one of my (bad) habits, like how i am capable of taking ages (like in days...) to reply smses..

while i carry on rambling... after blog-surfing on friends' blogs, i realise that there are a lot more people reading blogs than one can actually fathom. this is to a certain extent, er.. can't find the word.

ok, i think i sound angsty.

and so 2 weeks of school has whizzed by. i don't wish the hols back, but i do wish i can just get beamed up to heaven now. rest assured, i'm not sucidal. it's just that i realise that if there is that one person i really really want to be with, it's God.

ok fine, so maybe i don't think that everyday. i'm human. but at uds (university dedication service) on thurs, it suddenly dawned on me the meagre capacity of one's heart. i.e, the room one's heart has for something. ok, let me try to explain.. ever liked 2 people at one time before? yes/no? it's not something i'm exactly very proud of (in fact i scoff at shows with people who can't decide between 2.. but hey, that's for being judgemental ade...).

so yes, i have liked 2 guys at a point of time before. i put myself through a lot of torture for that because it came to a point where i was pissed at myself for being fickle. i can't stand it when others are fickle, and i definitely could not tolerate it in myself. but i noticed that after a while, the first guy that i liked, gradually got replaced in my thoughts by the second guy, until he eventually got phased out into oblivion. and so, fickleness would not be an issue anymore. it would be back to one guy again.

i totally forgot about this until uds, when i was thinking of how to pursue God single-heartedly. and it clicked all of a sudden. just as my human heart cannot handle 'liking' 2 separate people, this same heart, definitely cannot follow both God and the world. one would have to be phased out after a while... the world? or is it God?

i never fully grasped Matt 6:24, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." but on thursday, it finally dawned sense.

i cannot, no matter how hard i try, serve God, while still being dogged down by worries, unfulfilled desires, concerns in this world.

either she will hate one and love the other.

and so, as i sang,

"All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaim
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

Chorus:
Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You."

the line "wishes and dreams that are yet to come true" struck my heart hard. God, they are yours.

I'd be taking a lifetime to learn how to place God as the one thing my heart focuses on..

oh well, i've got an entire life to learn..

and in the mean time, i know i'm not ready to meet God yet. so til then, hey earth;)

cors bidding

2006-08-12T19:06:00.000+08:00

this is blog-worthy:

thursday, 12.15pm:

NM 2220 Introduction to media writing, of 1660, i bid 1700
EL 4252 Interactive Discourse of 101, i bid 99.

at 4.30pm, at close bidding, with like zero clue what i could bid, i swopped 10 points around:

NM 2220 Introduction to media writing: 1690
EL 4252 Interactive Discourse: 109

wei asked what's the point of what i was doing.. i didn't know either..

friday, 9.40am, i logged onto ivle to see that i had all 5 of my modules. half amused, i went online to cors to check my programme account.

imagine my amusement and amazement to see that my programme account looked like this:

0.

yeah. bidding in the blind ain't fun.

but, it is pretty awesome to see that i got such figures so "zhong". never was lucky at lucky draws.

but, i give God the glory. couldn't have been so accurate for 2 modules.

hopefully, this is a sign to a different academic year.

passion. hobbies?

2006-08-08T20:32:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking eversince (uncle) james asked me last tuesday what my passion is. i said it was people. i enjoy spending time with people, and i love to see them grow.

while i was working, farand asked meisi and me what our hobbies are. and i think i remember being a bit stunned at that question (because no one asks such old fashioned questions anymore), and then muttering, watching movies, reading, shopping.

so, yes. back to thinking. after a few days, i remembered that i enjoy writing. not the kind of writing that requires a pen and paper.. but you know, writing in general? writing poetry, prose. in secondary school, i wanted to be a journalist when i grew up. it was my dream to study in columbia university. and then, after a while, i perished that thought, because a journalist's life in singapore was a tad too erratic especially if i knew that serving God in church is important.

another thing that i've always loved is music. when i was young, i had begged my parents for years for piano lessons. but music lessons were too expensive. i finally got it my wish in p5, albeit because my brother 'needed' it as an outlet for him. i'm supposed to know piano. even after playing the guitar for 7 years, i'm only so-so. i've come to deduce that i may have an interest in music, but my talent isn't really there. i've always wanted to be a part of a band and have our own gigs. but i guess that would only be a figment of my dreams and imagination.

if God calls, perhaps i'd have a shot. but, in the mean time, i'm back with people. are my hobbies in line with my passion/s? i guess i better go mull more.

God's funny

2006-08-07T15:45:00.000+08:00

[disclaimer: i think i'm going to go very off tangent with this post, so, don't grade me for topic flow..]

so there, 2 weeks have passed since i ended work. and weird as it may seem, i enjoyed work at pearson for various reasons, one reason being there was this cute and really nice guy at work, who turns out to be such a major staunch buddhist that he does not eat onions nor garlic because it makes him think too much. ok, that may seem to be the highlight, but nope. he was just eyecandy.

eversince i've been stressing to arts comm that prayer is very important, i've been trying to incorprate prayer in my life. and honestly, i don't know if i've succeeded. i don't spend hours on my knees beside my bed praying and interceding on behalf of people. but i do spend many times a day, on rides home on the mrt, stoning at some fastfood outlet with a book in hand, just talking to God about random stuff and reflecting on a lunch/tea/dinner i just had with a long-time-no-see friend. if anything, with my mac sitting at the apple repair centre getting it's hard-drive changed, has led me to blog very infrequently and dread checking my emails.

don't get me wrong. i love receiving and reading emails (esp those addressed to me only), but it also means that i have to reply them, which i usually enjoy mulling over in the comforts of my room, and not in the church office with different people hovering around. so there, to answer the countless questions of "ade, your comp fixed already ah?" nope, it's still under repair. oh, don't get me wrong, i have nothing against church people hovering over me, (it can't be helped anyway), i've actually had a few pretty good conversations with people while i was trying to finish emailing arts comm stuff. that's like the most important thing that i those precious minutes on the email to do nowadays.

with the hols coming to a close in less than one week, i must say that my 2 objectives have been pretty much met. the first was that i would get ample rest spiritually and physically, of which the past few days have been spent sleeping and reading. the second was to enjoy being (and serving) in church. of which i must give all thanks and glory to God. to be in church now, is like being on auto-run. i know it sounds crude, but if you knew that at a point of time, i had to jumpstart myself each sunday morning, you'd understand why.

it just occured to me that vcf didn't fall into any of the objectives.. not that i love vcf any less, it's just that i knew that God will do His work, as He has been the past 2 years. funny how time flies, i'm going on year 3 already...

oh. did you know God's one funny guy?? i met my jc cca-mate last week at the old kr bus-stop. seeing him brought back many memories from jc. time sure flies.

yup, God's been so funny recently that sometimes, i wish He wasn't so. oh well. i guess i'd appreciate it when i understand why He does what He does. in any case, my train of thought has stopped. that's all for today.

ta-da/

I don't wanna fall away from You

2006-07-20T15:40:00.000+08:00

often I wonder. In life, it's so so easy to stray from God, so easy to lose focus on Him, so easy to listen to everyone/thing else except His Voice, so easy to believe every other lie except His Word..

After all the things that you have shown me
I'd be a fool to let them slip away
In doing things I know I shouldn't do
But I don't want to fall away from you
From you

After all
I've only grieved Your spirit
And then I don't know why You stay with me
But every time I fall Your love comes through
And I don't want to fall away from You

When the light is gone
And good times are getting old
There's no one left to count on
And all my friends are cold
When I thirst for love oh Lord
You're a fountain to my soul
My soul, My soul, Oh Lord
My soul

In a way my life is full of burdens
But in a way You carry them from me, Jesus
Cause no one understands the way You do
And you know Lord
I don't want to fall away from You

Well every day I pray to start anew
Cause I don't want to fall away from You

No Lord, I don't wanna fall away from You
No Lord, I don't wanna fall away from You
From You...Lord

-- Keith Green ( I don't wanna fall away from You)

and so, it died.

2006-07-18T16:14:00.000+08:00

This is it.

Yesterday, Bumpy finally bumped out on me.

And in case you are wondering, "huh? Who's Bumpy?!" Bumpy is the name I gave my ibook, named because of that bump on the front which my aunt gave it from putting it against a candle flame, and also because it gives me a bumpy ride, hanging on me..

And so, yesterday, it finally crashed. I couldn't start it up at all. It took ages, only to just sit there and hang.

That's not all.

My handphone is threatening to just die on me any moment. I HAVE to trade it in before it actually cannot work. The keypad refusing to be pressed syndrome is getting more frequent.

Sigh.

I'm not so worried about the handphone. It can easily be bought for less than $50. $0 if I am not picky. It's the laptop. I'm going to pray real hard that it can be serviced. But, it is so so so tempting to just get a new ibook (yup. i'm a mac fan now.heh). My present one, in it's former state was slow, old(try beating 5 years).. thus, it couldn't be used with a whole lot of applications. Which was fine by me, because, it was meant to be for typing out essays.

Now, with my pay finally within sight, I don't know if I should get a new lappy. It'd easily blow 1.7-1.9K. and that was not why I agreed to work for.. was trying to save up money for Vietnam trip next year.

Oh. Emily just told me great news. Maybe a new ibook wouldn't be so expensive after all.

Maybe.

It's tempting to want to work more to get more work done to earn more money. I'm very tempted. But I need my rest, need to spend time with my family, go out with my mom, spend time just hanging out with my comm. members, play more basketball with my youths (which, heh, I'm not that bad at shooting hoops), meet friends whom I've not been able to because every night seems to have something on.

Sigh. Pray. I dunno how, what. But I do need a new laptop to write my essays on. It is a need, not a want.

Bangkok

2006-07-12T00:09:00.000+08:00

Ah. The Bangkok trip was good.

The main reason was that the 4 of us who went, were in desperate need of a break. As Eunice said on her blog, she went with the intention to shop and rest (yes. I know, to put those 2 word together is an oxymoron. But hey! We actually accomplished that feat!!). Mindy and Frankie had been tired out from cafe business due to the World Cup (thank God it's over). As for me, as said in the previous entry, I was in dire need of rest from work, ministry stuff, concerns, worries, yada etc... and so, with 4 very tired people, everything goes at a much slower pace. Shopping and having fun is important, but rest is way at the top. Funny how none of us said anything about it, but I guess it's because we were tired, it crept into and stayed at the top of our agenda. You can do anything you want, but don't tire yourself out. so we got the rest we needed.

Our hotel/guest house rooms were pretty good. The first one that Eunice booked, I refused to stay because the toilet was in a worse state than the SU campsite. After half an afternoon spent calling up hotels/hostels/guesthouses, we eventually found ourselves winding round the back alleys of Chinatown to Riverview Hotel. We managed to squeeze the four of us into one room, which was really cosy. That was for the first 2 nights. The next two nights, we stayed at Asha Guesthouse which exuded a rustic feel. Even though we had to use a common toilet, it was way cleaner and better than SU, except, the toilet cubicle was so puny that when you sit down, your legs stick out from beneath the door.

I guess the fact that we were stuck in traffic in cabs most of the time, as opposed to crazy Thai cabbies who speed down highways at neck-breaking speeds, was a good thing. It's amazing how living in Singapore, everything must be done snappy and pronto. Those jams in Bangkok slowed down the need to rush, because, you are just stuck there. And seeing how laidback the Thais were, definitely put things into perspective. We spent two to three-fifths of our days shopping at the different outdoor and street-side markets. And I bought a lot. Heh. But much less than HK. HK still wins for the quality of their stuff. But Bangkok wins hands down for it's cheap price. Which, I'm very thankful that I am tall and have big feet, hence, buying pretty shoes and funky baby tees were not possible for me.

The company was good. Had good chats with Eunice while stuck in those traffic jams, in between showers, after our QTs. Plus when the other two were too tired, we'd be entertaining ourselves on our own. I've always known Mindy to be quiet, but to see her resilience in action and when she does talk, you realise not talking does not equate to nothing. As for Frankie, he was very useful to do all the guy stuff like carrying our shopping, being a bodyguard, buying food, being fierce... and the not so guy-ish, helping us bargain, partly because he was the only one who could speak Thai, but also, he was dog-set.

I had a lot of time to think about stuff with God. And, I only thought about ministry stuff once (during QT when God spoke). Which was good because, I had been thinking and preparing non-stop, for youth cg and arts comm. stuff. I seriously needed a breather to spend time with God and just to hear Him out on the big and small things in life. Read Eunice's book on discerning God's will, which helped make things a whole lot clearer for ministry and life in general.

So there. Had a refreshing time spiritually, mentally and physically. For now, it's just a matter of keeping things at a lower pace...

rest in love

2006-07-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

I didn't realise how badly I needed a rest, until I went for FOC. For 3/4 of the camps I go for, I enjoy myself tremendously, and am ra-ra to quite an extent. But this camp fell into the other 1/4 category. My energy level was seriously low. So low to the point that I did not want to meet new people. I very much preferred talking to the people I knew already. Because, talking to totally new people requires a lot of energy... it didn't help that I went to foc with a mental list of people I had to talk to before I went, plus other admin stuff that had to be settled before I left for Bangkok.

I was feeling rather bad because as a senior to the freshies (leader or not), I was obviously not setting a good example. But more so, with seniors like Delia and Adrian, I was not doing any justice to the care and attention they lavished on freshies like me. Plus God spoke very pointedly through Ps Edmund, and as I shared with my OG during the session, that God has set us to live in a community, where we are to love everyone deeply. Love is not a choice. Doggedly, it's a command. I have to love the people around me. Even if I feel antisocial, it's wrong because God first loved us and it is through our love for one another in this Christian community, that others would see and come to know about God's love (John 17). And it is this love that sets us apart as holy and different from everyone else (1 Peter 4:8-11). But, once you do love, you would realise it ain't dogged. Love frees you up (sounds idyllic.)

And therein lay a bit of a problem. Often as leaders and supposedly, "more spiritually mature" people, we feel as if we have to keep up with this "holy&zhai" persona. But, I've been learning the past 2 months that this facade is well... a facade. The fact that this entry is going to be in plain view, I am now acknowledging that it is hard. I've learnt from one of my cg members that pretending that everything is ok is not ok. It's fake. But that doesn't mean I can be heck care about everything, because that's not what God called for. Instead, it's about acknowledging that I struggle and try my best with heaps of God's grace and love.

One way for me to change about loving people is to cut down on my busyness. A busy life tires me out. The effects are very telling. I've been busy ever since I returned from my HK trip. That trip tired me out further because of the guilt trip that I made myself go on. Plus a busy weekend and starting work immediately, cancelled out all the positive effects of rest that I had from the previous few camps/retreats. Having to work 5 days a week since then every evening having an appointment for a/n arts comm. meeting/ meet up with a friend/ church stuff, was enough for me to go for FOC seriously drained.

I guess I will still have loads of stuff to do, because by the looks of it, I may only get to end work at the end of July. Grrh. But, it's the perspective and slowing life down and not filling my days up back to back with appointments. Like for example, today, I decided to stay at home and spend time with my family instead of going for some meeting, gathering, yada.. Ah. Family. That will be a separate blog entry. Soon. Hopefully.

So there, loving people will be a lifelong thing. Just as loving God is for eternity. My prayer is that some time next year, I can look back and say that yes, I've grown a bit more closer to God. And for that, I hope God will be pleased.

long time no blog

2006-06-21T00:16:00.000+08:00

if you realised, my previous entry is kinda hanging in mid-air.. last sat, after the kairos guys did their nonsense on my comp, i had to discuss camp details with caleb.. and then, i watched Cars with valery (it was a good outing+show.. deserves an entry on its own actually), after which, i met my sc classmates for dinner at jb. had a long chat with ms on msn on sunday afternoon, took a much needed nap after that, woke up, can't remember what i did actually, but.oh answered a few emails. ah, had another long chat with sb on msn, shared with d & j too.. cool. msn. i'm glad it's back in my life.. now that meet team would be back in like 18 hours, that means, debs & hweeshan would be free on msn too (i hope). yay!! welcome back. [note to matt: see the wonders of msn? but then, you email, so, not too bad..]

haven't really had time to blog about life in specific & general. that measely entry on lpc would never do justice to how real and refreshing that camp was. added on with the unity prayer that saturday, that ended off that week with a sort of bitter yet sweet note. the disappointment of the church retreat after that.. the hk trip, that i enjoyed, yet, something still nags at me.. working at pearson publishers immediately after i returned, which, on a side note, it is a great blessing that ms has joined me. plus the arts comm meetings that have taken place.. oh, last week's kairos that i actually enjoyed.. and how things in church are starting to fit into place. yet things aren't all that rosy..feeling spiritually dry is a reality. and the youth cg camp that is this weekend.. still so much to prepare for, yet so little time & prayers!! but, it's heartening to see sul, caleb, wx & angela working together...still unsure about taking thai lessons.. what the future holds.. and the creeping thoughts of me actually being a workaholic?!

plus how being sick does affect me a bit... to the extent that i think i better end here and post all those stuff i just blogged about,another day. one thing that has been constantly hitting me is that God is most concern about each one of us. and that is enough to give me joy to go through each day, despite how tired i am:)

2006-06-17T09:32:00.000+08:00

here i am, sniffling a flu.. with a lump of used tissues threatening to grow into a pile.. this morning i just coughed out the first green phelgm. i finally caught the flu bug. 'finally' because people in close proximity have been coughing their heads off since the beginning of march.. i've been studying around them (in air-con rooms), sharing rooms with them.. from school to church camp.and it took a trip with wen&nat that finally caused my immune system to give way a little. by right i shouldn't be complaining.. because i've been remarking that the best way to lose those kgs accumalated from nerves-soothing-chocolate is by falling sick.. argh.

here i am, feeling a little tired. i couldn't sleep very well last night. possibly because of the flu that was making it difficult to breathe while sleeping. but, i had a lot of thoughts enough to compose a few emails while i tossed& turned in my bed.

Here I am, humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

[Majesty - Delirious]

that song just came to mind.

lpc

2006-05-27T18:23:00.000+08:00

i typed this long entry on lpc only to have the comp shutdown on me. and the entry is lost. if i even find time to type again. arghargh. actually, i don't think i'd find the time to type them all back again. in summary, lpc was:

1. a simulation of what heaven would be like
2. "prayer is very important" is going to be the foundation of arts comm. plus co-partnering with other faculty chairs:)
3. lpc was a microcosm of the academic year to come. of having to struggle over 2 issues.

want to know more, ask me out on a date, and i'd gladly update you. sigh. if i could summarise lpc in one sentence: i truly met God there.

thank you to the friends, for the times of prayer, chit-chat sessions, back massages, milo & biscuits, laughther, support... too many to say, but you know who you are:) esp when i wasn't my perkiest self during the camp.

thank God for the results, that i've actually completed enough MCs to be a full-fledged ARTS 3 come august. still need to trust in Him that He knows what's for me, and to not worry so much.

will be gone from 31may-3june to batam for church retreat, and then 5-9june, to hk. can't wait. i'm quite excited. after that, i may be starting work...

so, prob won't be blogging for a while.

wait for the LORD

2006-05-21T17:25:00.000+08:00

it's been a while.. and you are forewarned, this is going to be a long entry=D

i changed my blog picture to "Wait for the LORD" during the exam period. when i saw the picture, it just jumped out at me, because the past few months, the one main lesson that God has been teaching me is to wait on Him. to wait on Him for big issues like arts comm, relationships, discipleship; and even seemingly insignificant events, but stuff that carry importance day-to-day like finding a roomate for church retreat.

1. arts comm
thurs& fri, we had arts comm retreat at my church. seeing almost the whole comm (with a few missing cgls), i could only give thanks to God. God is the one who had formed the comm. each member, has been chosen specially by God. it's amazing. when we had vision casting on thursday night, where each one shared about his/her personal burden for arts vcf, i was really amazed to see how the admin side of the comm had a common vision. considering that we didn't really have meetings to plan the retreat, each burden was truly placed there by God.

like how after praying in school with adrian about the comm, to have jocelyn ask me if she could serve in arts comm, i was like *blinkblink/woa God*... to weiying's unknown (to us) mission in nus that needed to be unearthed, to winnie's seemingly long time to pray yet it was truly a process of distilling, to william's response after night cycling .. then there are the cgls too...

i learnt one thing. that i had to wait on God. there's no point rushing, because, God has already chosen His people, and He's simply using this time to mould them. in His time, He would call them when they are ready.

there was and is no need to manipulate people's feelings and thoughts. to coerce them into serving. if it's a no, then, it's up to God. if someone doesn't want to obey the call, then God will simply rise someone else.

for now, the practical lesson i have is that we, as a comm wouldn't have to rush through planning. that doesn't mean that we sit and dilly dally. instead, we need to spend time praying to seek God's direction and to hear His voice. and then, when He reveals, we would be ready to obey and carry out His will.

2. relationships

in a flash, i've completed my first 2 years in nus. and even i can't believe how fast time has just flown by... if you know me well enough, you would realise that i'm a slicker for setting things and time specifically for God. eventhough i'm a female, i can't really multi-task stuff, esp when it comes to relationships, esp of the opposite sex, in particular, that ONE special relationship. then again, after talking to farand the other day, i realise that, it's normal, because girls aren't really able to compartmentalise their feelings from their actions as well as guys do (which, we shall not debate here). and knowing full well of myself, before i entered nus, i specifically set aside the first 2 years to study and serve God, to concentrate on building up friendships and family relationships.. looking back, i'm glad that i did what i had to do, cos, frankly, it made me quite focused on what i had to do. i treat my guy friends as friends, which makes things quite easy for me, because that means i don't have to worry about bgr and all that (which isn't nonsense, but very time consuming).

and well, guess what, 2 years are up. and technically, i should be open to date. which at the moment, doesn't seem to make any difference because, well. there's not really anyone who's clearly the one. and believe it or not, i actually would like to be married by the time i'm 25, which, frankly, is not impossible.. but hard leh.

i'm of the mindset that dating is a complete waste of time. the time can be better used to build up friendships, disciple others, to serve God. instead of flitting from one guy to another, to see if he is THE one. thanks, but no thanks.

not that the biological clock is starting to tick frantically like a timebomb. not that i'm being brainwashed by our beloved government to make babies, which a friend cautioned me against couple months back, telling me to ignore all those campaigns. heh. not that my parents are starting to hint that they want grandchildren, although my mom seems to be scrutinizing every male friend i have now-.-

it's just that. sometimes, it would be nice to have that special person whom you can share on a deeper level and who can provide stability in this crazy world. which, by right, God is supposed to be sufficient for me. that i know. this, can take up another blog entry. i better get back to my point.

point is. when it comes to bgr, i've learnt to wait on God. to not do crazy things to try to attract attention from that person, to not stick your finger in to make things go faster..

and, yes. i guess, with more experience, i would be able to say how waiting on God will bring this into fruitation. but, from expereince with God in other areas, i know that God has prepared someone for me. that although things may seem a bit slow now, God is refining me til i'm ready.

okie dokes, hope this encourages you to wait on God. He makes us wait and not give things instantly, because He is more concerned with us becoming more Christ-like. i'd blog about the rest another time, gotta run. have yet another 21st party to attend:)

no internet

2006-05-17T23:00:00.000+08:00

there's been tons of things i wanted to blog about. and as the days pass, many thoughts get lost.. which is quite sad. but GOd holds all our thoughts, rite?

anyway, this is just to inform everyone, since it appears that i've not been appearing here on this blog, and on msn.. plus, the fact that i take a good 3to5days to reply emails, when in the past, it was daily(sometimes hourly).

i don't have internet at home. it's a long story. you want to know, ask me when you see me. but, if you want to know how i've been? my handphone is still working fine. so just sms. although, i've been receiving complaints that i take hours to reply smses sometimes, sigh. oh well. better a reply than none, rite??

okie dokes, got to go. see you whenever i see you, if not, sms. but more importantly, pray for me! and if you need prayer, let me know, i'd glady pray for you:)

jim elliot

2006-05-02T12:02:00.000+08:00

let's just say, yesterday after coming back from school, instead of returning to my el3254 notes, i went and ventured on into a new book, Shadow of the Almighty, by Elizabeth Elliot on the life and testimony of Jim Elliot.

one point to note, Jim Elliot's uni days life ( at least up to where i read), were really captivating, to see how decisions he made, were really God focused.

and/but, because they were so God focused, they dealt a serious and earth-shattering blow. resulting in me feeling so darn freaked, and knowing that if i've surrenered all to God, i shouldn't be holding this life and etc things so dear to me.

which means that, i've not surrendered.

which also means that, by right, these exams aren't that important, but because i've to be a good steward of the time and place that God has given me here in NUS, it's back to EL 3254 for me now.

i strongly encourage everyone to read Shadow of the Almighty, you can't not think of God.

notice for the beach

2006-04-29T19:29:00.000+08:00

i should be studying. argh. i actually had a lot of thoughts this morning and afternoon, and finally when i sit down and face this, i dunno what to type.

oh well. another time.

oh, this is a notice: who wants to go sentosa (though some would prefer east coast park) for a time of bumming at the beach. no beach volley, no frolicking in the sea, no frisbee.. actually can. just that i intend to just have a time of relaxation & reflection after this crazy AY. yup.

company's always nice. no?

leave a comment if you are keen. we'll prolly meet at 5 May 2006, friday, 11am harbourfront mrt station controls :)

and my love lang is....

2006-04-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

now i know...
by the way, wen, looks like i was so wrong.. words of affirmation are quite low...

The Five Love Languages
My primary love language is probably
Acts of Service
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Information
Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

come home

2006-04-24T23:58:00.001+08:00

for times of existentialism...
and bewildered weariness...
and lonely achings...

2 Timothy 2:9, 10 in the New Living Translation version hit me like a rock on friday night:
"It is God who saved us and chose us to live a holy life. He did this not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan long before the world began--to show his love and kindness to us through Christ Jesus. And now he has made all of this plain to us by the coming of Christ Jesus, our Savior, who broke the power of death and showed us the way to everlasting life through the Good News."

got this song off gracet's blog. makes me think of home...

softly and tenderly Jesus is calling
calling for you and for me
see on the portals He's waiting and watching
watching for you and for me

come home, come home
ye who are weary come home
earnestly, tenderly Jesus is calling
calling O sinner come home...

ah. sigh.

someone to watch over me

2006-04-22T00:36:00.000+08:00

ah. Katherine Mcphee sang this song this week on American Idol. i thought Someone To Watch Over Me is such a beautiful song, and it was even more beautiful, because katherine sang it:)

Someone to watch over me
There's a saying old, says that love is blind
Still w're often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

oh, ace young is out. like finally...

speaking of songs, same birthday and i were just talking about stuff and the conversation kinda evolved into this:

weiying// everyone's acting strangely.. & so am i says:
i was singing in the showers: He's able, He's able, I know He's able, I know my Lord is able to carry me through.
` rong en - Be a Barnabee/ says:
i've been singing diff variations of songs with the word BE STILL
weiying// everyone's acting strangely.. & so am i says:
hahaha.
` rong en - Be a Barnabee/ says:
they were to counter "i dont wanna grow up, im a toys r us kid" and "que sara sara" songs playing in my head
weiying// says:
wahahahahaa
` rong en says:
i had to remind myself from hebs 5:5 that i HAD To grow up
weiying// says:
hahahhaha!!!!!!
` rong en says:
yeah
weiying// says:
i keep thinking how to dress up as snoopy. hahaha
` rong en says:
*raises eyebrow*
` rong en says:
sometimes, i feel like oscar the grouch, others, i feel like cookie monster
weiying// says:
hahaha'
weiying// says:
sometimes i feel like the green monster in the rubbish bin (what's that called?) when i eat too much
` rong en says:
oscar the grouch lah

we were trying to destress after a very stressful week of school. and we both agreed, this was the weirdest week of school. ever. it wasn't just the school work. for me, certain issues i was intending to deal with after the exams, took on different forms (macham like ghost liddat) and because it got too much to bear, i had to let it out. which i did yesterday (thanks jL). plus people have been telling me things which i don't want to hear, or rather, i don't want to hear because now is not the time lah. and everyday, there is some new development in arts comm. really. every. day. and the reason why the past few weeks i was so busy meeting people, was because i hoped to free myself up (and others) to just concentrate on exams. but, oh well. they come and they go.

the one thing i ask is really to be still and know that God IS God. just like Psalm 131 says to "quieten down oneself like a weaned child with his mother", i must also quieten down myself before God. especially in decision-making. to make sure that whatever is decided is not of me, but of God.

yup, oh well.. no point blogging so much.. spending time with God is more important. so nitey.

ohoh.. argh. pray for me. i had a major diarrhea( i swear this word is spelt wrong. but i'm going to be lazy) just now in school.. but unfortunately, the stomach still ain't totally cleared... it's a mix of constipation and diarrhea.. the worst case of stomach aches. argh argh=X

thank God for blessings.

2006-04-19T22:23:00.000+08:00

when the going gets tough, count your blessings..

was quite agitated with today's minimal amount of studying. and the stress of not being able to retain stuff in the brain. and a whole lot of other nonsense... and it shows when i start to talk incoherently.. then again, i talk incoherently all the time. left for home much earlier than usual to rest, since i was starting to see nothing but blurs of dots.

on the way home, i remembered that the exams start on friday, and half of my cg had not emailed their exam timetables.. so i spent the mrt ride, smsing them. and by the time i reached woodlands, i got quite a few replies.. which, really warmed my heart and brought a smile to my face. been really struggling the past few weeks trying to reach out to some of the members, and it was good to see that they kinda reciprocrated by asking how they could pray for me. of course pessimists can jolly say that it's the only polite thing to do, but, i choose to see that God is working and that though the journey may be loooooong, it ain't that long=D

and then, when i stepped out of the mrt station, it started to drizzle. it was the kind of mao mao yu that reminded me of the last trip to hk, where the drizzle was so fine, it was akin to walking in a mist. but, because this is singapore (ha!) the fine mist turned into droplets, then drops of rain and eventually, a shower. by the time i reached my block, it started to pour. just nice:) have not walked in the rain for a loooooooooong time. though this ain't the best time to do so, with exams in less than 2 days, i think, just enjoy it lah.

the third wonderful thing was that i came home to see muffins!! on the dining table. my favourite choc-banana and carrot muffins. very got for constipated times like this. but, those were not all, my mom baked oatmeal raisin cookies too.. =D i so feel like buying the bossini cookie monster shirt. mom has been so busy lately, she hasn't been baking on the spur of the moment, so, these definitely made me happy, esp after eating snacks for dinner.

i checked my email to receive the wonderful news that wen booked rooms at ymca for our hk trip already! so exciting *grinz*plus a nice reply from her too. the poor girl has a fever now though=X better pray for her that she wouldn't,in her lack of (muscle) strength, drop any patients..

the ultimate had to be mark's email, though. after 'complaining' on behalf of debs yesterday to him, that he always wrote short emails, he replied today with a much much longer email of nonsensical questions, which i think debs and i can take our time to reply. heh. oh boy. miss him much. though, he's another one with mood swings.. would miss debs & matt to when they go for exchange next sem. but ah. cheryl & mark would be back=D

speaking of which, things in arts comm are starting to fall quite nicely into place.. though i still hope that more vcfers would have the conviction and stand up to serve, i've been learning that it's all really in God's time. to simply commit to God and see how He is the one who does the work. now, 6 out of 7 cgs have cgls! Praise God! (though co-cgls is always less taxing). but, today, as i counted, i realised that out of the 6 confirmed cgls, 4 of them are guys. which also means, 2 are girls. and this is not inclusive of the others still (hopefully) praying.. when delia and ryan prayed for more guys this year (05/06), i don't think any of us expected such an answer. which, should be good, rite? but, being a human (female), i must say, it's going to be a challenge..

oh well. we'll let tomorrow worry for itself. i'm off to bathe and then sleep. and (hopefully) i'll be up in time to watch the NUS Rat Race. Don't miss it! 8 a.m @ Central Library. if i could, i would include a clip here on my blog, but, i don't think i want a sudden increase in readership.... would like to keep this little enclave as close as possible;)

good nite:)

p/s 7 blessings in half an hour. try to top that!

exambreak

2006-04-16T18:06:00.000+08:00

heya. exams start this friday and end about 2 weeks later.

pray for me. exams have never been my forte. have my more than fair share of inadequacies regarding results, CAPs, bell curves, honours, stress..

as much as i want God to be glorified in all that i do, studies is one major area that i struggle. though i hardly talk much about it.

so pray for:

1. perserverance.
as much as i'm on my way to freedom in less than 3 weeks, to end later than a lot of people is going to be :(plus, i'm quite tired. not burnt out. but tired. spent the past 2 days sleeping.. AND i woke up this morning with flu-like symptoms. red, itchy, watery eyes AND nose.

2. i'll continue to be a blessing to others.
i'm not the only one going through this, er... to put it mildly, exams. there are more than 25,000 other nus students going through this too.. but, i'm blessed, because i've hope in Christ. pray that even in this stressful times, i would be a blessing to others.

3. enjoy studying.
need i say more? i am sadistic, i rather do projects and essays than to study=X i score better for them anyway...argh.

so, when you see this, pray for me. esp those who like my company so much, you would want me to spend an extra year in nus for honours with you=D haha. ok,that was thick-skinned.

ok, now onto hibernation for a few weeks in some corner of the library...

Good friday rain

2006-04-14T13:37:00.000+08:00

it is yet another rainy Good Friday. it is as if, the heavens are mourning in commemoration Jesus' death on the cross.

hmm. the past few Good Fridays were wet ones for me.

All for love the Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love the heavens cried
For love was crucified

sunset moonrise

2006-04-14T00:46:00.000+08:00

today's cg gathering was ultra cool.

the walk to west coast took about half an hour. we sat on the grass at the field. and adrian was late (talking to someone as usual lah). but then, while we were all waiting for him, we were just chatting and stuff. when adrian finally arrived, he walked slowly taking pictures of the sky, and only then we turned to see a truly beautiful sunset.

i read a few days ago somewhere that we should admire the works of nature, not for their beauty, but because of The Maker.

what was more amazing was that, we all got to see a moon-rise. ultra cool. we were all staring at this light blur behind an apartment block, and bit by bit, we would see the moon inch out more.

i can only say that God is truly amazing. He has created such beautiful works of art, to tell of His glory. at the same time, He gives us a chance to appreciate them.

which reminds me of a song. i'm going to introduce a new song!! since, it appears that How Great Is Our God (sing with me) has been so firmly imprinted in people's minds^ ^ there's another song that sings of God's great love:)

Sing of Your great love

All that is within me Lord
Will bless Your Holy name
I live my life to worship You alone
You brought me out of darkness
And into Your glorious light
Forever I will sing of Your great love
Forever I will sing of Your great love

I love to see You glorified
To see You lifted high
I yearn to see all nations bow their knees
It's You alone Lord Jesus
Who can cause the coldest heart
To find Your love and everlasting peace
To find Your love and everlasting peace

Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord
Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord

Your trumpet will sound
And all heavens will know
That the time has finally come
For the bride to take Her place
And we'll hear the angels sing

it's my prayer that each one of us would truly yearn to see people, nations bow their knees before such a beautiful and wonderful God.

today's sharing was good. especially to see how each one of us have grown in God^ ^ and it's my prayer that each one of us would allow ourselves to be used by God to bring the gospel to people to find God's love and everlasting peace. the people who would one day bow their knees before God's throne in heaven to sing of God's great love;)

thank God for FT

2006-04-11T22:54:00.000+08:00

thanks to darlie, the tagboard has been fixed;) so tag and be merry!

anyway, i'm really glad i went for FT today. not because of the aftermath, but because of the message. once again God spoke and encouraged. especially today. i really needed encouragement and reaffirment from God.

when i agreed to serve in arts comm, i was really excited especially when it became clear to me the whole purpose of campus ministry. and to have God reaffirming that it was by seeking Him through prayer, that people would be reached.

however, as the weeks wore on, and as i talked to more people, and as i realised that my term as cgl was ending, and as i started to put more pressure on myself, and as i felt that there was starting to have some form of pressure from people... i could feel my enthusiasm waning. on top of that, to start to actually see the state of vcf and the vcfers and nus, i got really burdened. burdened because, i felt helpeless, that i didn't know what to do. also to see how man can be at times..

especially after monday's supposed final arts comm meeting and stuff about cg, plus the stress of that crazy engine gem which i had s/u-ed yet gotten a brit scholar whose grades are counted plus the toll of meeting people.... it really got to me. that when i meet JL to pray in the morning, i told her i didn't want to talk anymore. it culminated when i met E & Lz... that there was this huge burden on me.

but, i'm glad i went for FT. even though time and time again i encourage (although it ends up as nagging to majority) my cg members to go for it, which makes me have to rethink of how to pass on conviction to the people.. once again God spoke. but this time, it was a strange mix of comfort and conviction.

comfort because God's work never stops nor fails.

conviction because all of God's work is to reach and save the lost.

and there's a huge huge huge harvest field here in nus. every time dr Patrick Fung brought up a new point like when he talked about crossing cultural barriers and international students, i would smile and start poking JL. heh. it's really amazing how God works.

and it's my prayer that each one of us who went for today's FT would, as Barnabas had, be sensitive to God's prompting and the needs of the people around them.

and for each one of those who didn't get a chance to hear, it's my prayer that you would also learn likewise.

anyway, on other happy notes:
i thank God once again for friends to brave crazy temperatures in lt 29, which i found out after talking to Em from medicine, that her med mates initially found the lt to be warm. so, they called the nus people to lower the temperature. and the nus people probably got so irritated, they brought it down so low, i( and many many others) was shivering from the inside, that when i (finally!) got the chance to nominate CMS, i was not talking sense.. couldn't even articulate which faculty i was from. ha.

and the abundant donations of food.. it's good to be broke, but yeah, thanks D&M^ ^

and the wonderful sms from wen that she booked the air tickets to HK today!!!!!!!

and a nice grade for el2111 presentation. the presentation that got me rather confused... because i wanted to go one way and S another... heh

oh, and i almost forgot, a nicely wrapped piece of banana chocolate cake from a tutorial mate:) that's another story to tell for another time.

;)

do not touch that tagboard

2006-04-11T00:27:00.000+08:00

please do NOT tag on that tagboard.

oh no...i replied some tags on what i thought was my tagboard only to see myself transported to anyi's tagboard.

what was even more hilarious was to see that maicie say i was "good" at html.. *faints*

my reputation at html is definitely down the drain (what rep??hmm...)

so, anyi, if you are reading this, i kinda copied your html for your blog because you had friendly filters for apple computers... and actually, i don't know what went wrong.. i think your tagboard html and mine got a bit mixed up. and i seriously don't know what to do about it. so, ya. give me a few days when i'm a bit freer and hopefully, i would have cleared it by then, if not, deleted that tagboard of mine.. so, it explains why eunice and maicie appeared on yours.. they are my friends:) i am so so sorry....

shucks. so paiseh.

so the prob was my darn apple *BUMPY* ibook. i swear i need a new latop. this is already 5 years old....... argh.

or, you could just say i need to know how to read html, which i don't.. darlie who usually does my blogskins is busy with jc.

so, er.. if you need to say hi here,use my comments instead.

i feel like a klutz=X

accountability

2006-04-06T01:21:00.000+08:00

recently, i've been learning that accountability is really important.

your friend and buddy is not just there to pray for you.. often, when we use the word "accountable", what does it actually mean?
in the past few weeks, i've grown to realise the significance behind that overused word.

accountablility is:

1. being open to your leaders.

to be honest, i used to think that my church and school life were very separate. been struggling a lot in both areas recently, and especially in the area of church. and i thought i was alone in this struggle.. but after countless of complaining sessions and after M pointed out that leaders should have a degree of understanding of whatever each of us go through, i did a burden verbaige on F two sundays ago... which subsequently led to another verbaige on S the following saturday. and i must say, it was really a form of release for me. i was really surprised by how both F& S were so understanding, they let me talk and they offered good advice and most importantly, they prayed for me.

2. telling your friend to keep watch for you.

sometimes,handphones can really be annoying..today, i checked my hp after ltp, and read an sms which made me really disappointed with the person... and esp after how i almost ate another person up with my irritation last monday... when i came home, i msn-ed Ms and told her that i had to tell her something, and i really wanted her to pray for me. and it was really necessary, because, i was obviously annoyed and disappointed.. but,if i had let that seed of annoyance and disappointment grow. oh boy. i don't even want to know what the outcome is. after i told her, she helped to clarify some stuff.. and both of us agreed that we should just leave it into the hands of God. by telling Ms, i was getting her to ensure that i wouldn't bitch about that person and have unreasonable thoughts. and more importantly, pray with me for it. ( so, Ms,when you read this.. remember:pray!!)

[ok, here we stop for a lil commercial break. because, as i was typing, this humongous bug flew into my room.. humongous because it landed on my back. without looking, i swiped it away with my hand. it flew to the wall with a thud. and i turned to look, only to see a COCKCROACH!!! of course it felt huge, it was a freaking cockcroach. i stared at it, half in amazement because a cockcroach just flew into my room?! the other half of me was utterly disgusted, because it was a cockcroach, worse, one that could fly. as i watched that thing trot along my wall, a growing fear welled up inside of me. next thing i knew, it flew, and i gave a short yelp and grabbed my towel to shield me. and of course, curiosity got the better of me and i had to peer over that clean towel just in time, to have that thing fly towards me. i quickly crouched, and allowed it to fly to my curtain. but alas! it was not going to fly out. and,i was seriously freaked out. it was 1.35am.. i decided that i couldn't and didn't have the guts to fight it alone, so, i quickly ran out and woke my dad up. and he came. and to cut an already long story shorter, he eventually killed that awful cockcroach by squeezing it in his hands=X (think twice before you shake his hands next time!!). but, ya, he washed his hands with a lot of soap;) now,my room reeks of insecticide...and i think i should sleep in the guest room tonight..]

anyway, what was my point in recounting the midnight tale of the flying cockcroach? well, yeah, it would serve as a really funny story.. but it also shows the importance of accountability..because when you need help, HOLLER. you can never fight a cockcroach alone=D

3. getting your friend to pray with and for you.
as much as i have a tendency to talk a lot.. i actually keep a lot of things to myself.. sometimes i think i keep too many things inside of me, which isn't really wrong. it's just that, there are certain things that need accountability. that if i'm seeking God for an answer and also because of the nature of the issue, it's better to do it with a friend. ok, er, i recognise that i can't exactly state the nature of it, because it's private. but yeah... anyway, after keeping a particular issue to myself for more than 6 months, and after getting a cue today, after knowing that a friend has been keeping himself accountable to his cgl, I decided i better let W know too.. because, i think the burden was getting a lil too heavy for one person to bear. what's amazing is that, after i told her what it was, she sensed that i wasn't ready to give her a full story, so she told me to wait til i was ready. and i really thank God for that. because, i had been holding back for a long time from telling anyone as i was worried that the matter might be blown out of proportion.. and i guess that's why i keep stuff to myself and try to settle it with God.

anyway, there are quite a few other instances that God has been using friends to bless me. if i thank you individually, you know:)

so, if you've been encountering an issue, and you know that it's not best to hold it inside you, let it out, and get a friend to pray for you, ok? which actually, is the most important thing. accountability is firstly letting someone know. but more importantly, being prayed for and with:)

modes and moods

2006-04-05T10:51:00.000+08:00

hong kong...

i really can't wait for that. absolutely looking foward to it. and it's the time of the semester that i would tend to go into escapist mode. often.

actually, considering how tired i started off this semester, new into youth min at church, new cg in school and all. i can only give thanks to God for sustaining me, not barely though. it's been overflowing. (hmmm.. i think it's time to change blog picture.)

i was really worried because, i didn't want to suffer a burn out, which would not just incapacitate me from serving effectively, but it would also mean that i would not exactly be able to handle my studies..

although now and then i wished i had learnt certain lessons sooner... i think it's good i learnt them eventually. i can be darn slow and stubborn. been talking to different people, especially since we are nearing the Academic Year.. and once in a while, someone would say that he/she regrets something.

i definitely regret certain stuff. but, i've grown to realise that when we disobey by not doing what God wants, yes, it does mean that we in a way, blocked something greater from happening. but that doesn't mean that God has been restrained by our inability and disobedience. God is much greater than that. Knowing that He has allowed us to go our own ways, shows that He really wants us to be a part of His salvation plan. as much as God wants to seek and save the lost, He also wants each of us to grow to be more Christ-like as we do His will. as much as i realise that it's important to reach others for Christ, i've grown to realise that God is still concerned for me too... He doesn't go about thinking, "ok, since adeline is a christian now, let's move on to the next target". instead, God will use me to touch someone else's life. and by using me, He is actually concerned that eventually, i wouldn't be left out in this race.

as always, it's always one thing to realise, and another to live it out. i guess that's the next step for me. but, it's definitely not easy.. i'm bound to laspse, once in a while, especially when i lose focus, to go into my different modes and moods...

like how now, as much as i would like to be in hk now, to see that lone wishing tree, to eat smooth chee cheong fun, to go shoppping.. to do all these with the 2 friends i'm going with... at the moment, i'm still in singapore with 3 and a half proj/assignments due. so, i jolly well snap out of it and do what i'm entrusted with..

and, if i sound on the depressive side. it's just that i blog more when i'm in a introspective mood... if i get too hyper, i would be dancing about... ok, that sounds weird. ^ ^

Jesus, take the wheel

2006-03-25T21:57:00.000+08:00

ade's a happy happy girl:) she finally bought carrie underwood's cd, Some Hearts. the speakers are blasting Jesus, take the wheel now.

have to hand it to carrie (macham talking as if she's my friend.. ). of all the songs in her album, she chose Jesus, take the wheel as her first single. is that a statement or what. when she sang this song on American Idol a few weeks back, and my dad heard her. and we heard the applause the audience had for her, which was not exactly thunderous, i really felt for her. dad says we must really pray that she is really a Christian and not a "christian" ( think britney spears), that God will keep her pure and use her mightily.

She was driving last Friday
on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy
with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low
on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind
and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning
on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder
when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat
sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

friends and God

2006-03-25T00:02:00.000+08:00

i think i think too much. oh well.

i usually get quite scared when life's too good, and i'm given too many blessings. i know some may think what is wrong with me.. God give, just take lah?! right...

when i was 14or 15,can't really remember exactly when.. we had a new year's lunch at uncle roger's home. uncle roger and family invited this whole bunch of their friends from church(gefc), friends they've been with for years.. and they were having a sharing session with the whole gin gang of family members. they were thanking God for the stuff that had happened in the past year.

i remember how aunty G thanked God for blessing her with aunty L for being such agood friend, to the extent that once, when G had a bad quarrel with her husband, she called L when L was having a holiday with her family. and L was patient enough to hear her out, despite the fact that she was away on holiday... and there were other similar stories..thanking God for family members, friends, etc...

i remember on the way home, i told my mom that it was really cool to have such friendships. however, my mom pointed out that throughout that entire sharing session, no one was really praising and thanking God for being God. yes, they said " i thank God for friend A...." or " i am thankful to God for friend B...".

but no one said " i thank God for being being there for me.."

all those thanks had centred on the gift, and not the giver.

well, almost, save for one. uncle John and his wife had thanked God for being their pillar of strength and comfort that year, as he had cancer. and with a near-death experience, he realised that only God is truly grace and worthy of praise. they had thank God for being Him.

often i read people's blogs, and hear people share that they are grateful to God for their friends/ cg/ bf or gf/ cg leader or any other leader for that matter / *insert some person*, for being there and providing the support when they really needed it.

and often i wonder, in the midst of it all, where is God?

yes, it is good to have a friend/s who is/are there when you need her/him. and lest you think i'm some loner bugger with no friends (hence this entry), please don't get the wrong idea. i do have friends, many in fact.. some who are really people i know i can count on for prayer and accountability. friends who have been there to cheer me up, friends who have been there to point me back to God. in fact, i think that's what friends are for... to point you back to God.

but then, there are times when these friends are there, that when there's trouble, instead of turning to God first, i turn to them. and that's when it gets scary. it's like my dad getting me that ipod i've wanted for ages. but instead of thanking my dad,i go, "thank you ipod! you are there to bring music into my life(literally). you are the one who gives me a beat to live to! you are the one who saves me from the annoying clutches of the evil tv mobile!"

ok, so maybe i sound like i am exaggerating. like a hyperbole gone all wrong. but i think, i do that at times.

i think the turning point of my life came when i was in sec1, back from the land of 50 stars (and states). i came back to scgs, where i was eager to reunite with my sweet valley high-like gang of friends. and boy, was i wrong. for those last 3 months, i went through pure teenage hell of backstabbing. girls bitched about me having a fake american accent, being proud for having lived in the states.. they even spread these rumours to girls from other classes... and everyday, i went home to cry. but, my parents prodded me to bring everything to God. and i have definitely not regretted that decision.

it's been 8 years since i decided to depend on God only. as much as i hope i am depending on Him only, and no one else, there are times, when i forget God, and focus on His gifts instead. that's why i thank God for trials, because, they remind me that God is there. that i don't need to run anywhere else, except to Him.

and i think, by fully understanding that it is only God who provides, that i can truly appreciate His gifts. and not be afraid of accepting His blessings.

so, there. thank you, my friend;)

and thank you God, for being here.

kairos vs kairos??

2006-03-24T23:25:00.000+08:00

today after frontiers, i had 2.. no 3 choices:

1. previous cell
2. food trail around eastern part of singapore with the youth leaders
3. go home. period.

and since the thai Meet team was going for my previous cg, i thought it would be good to go back, because i could go back and see them all,while blending into the background (cos Meet team was there). of course the reason i wanted to go back was because i missed them too.. it's been almost a year since i moved to wefc.

but then,because the wefc youth leaders had that food trail, and yes, it was food. but no, i actually had no mood for any greasy food... and also, i thought it's good that i should go because it's the church that i am in now.

it's always good and comforting to be with people you are comfortable with. you can just be yourself, sit back and watch the people you love chatter, and once in a while, laugh with them.

yet, the nagging thought of responsibility and of course, calling (which was what today's frontiers' session was all about) kept being pushed back and forth, back and forth in my mind.

in the end, i decided i was/still am actually, really tired. plus if i did go for cell, i would be late, and i didn't want to make a grand entrance(which defeated the whole idea of blending into the background). and, i had not much energy left to go to some ulu part of singapore in the east (easties.. don't protest.. i actually like east coast park. yes. ).

i went home.

but at causeway point, while checking out the bakeries and prodding their breads to see if they were soft and eat-able, i suddenly remembered that my previous cell was called kairos.

and that brought back a flood of memories...i remembered that after i had prayed about whether i should stay on in qbc or move with the rest of the family to wefc, of which God indicated very clearly in several instances, that i should move on to wefc.. i talked to jonathan, who was at that time, both a vcfer and a youth leader in wefc, and he said he was going for kairos. and i asked him, "kairos?! what's kairos". to which he replied that it was the cg formed for the youth leaders in wefc.

and i remembered how that sent shivers down my spine... to see how God was taking me out from one kairos to another. it has always been clear that God wants me to serve in the youth ministry.

i look at the bunch of youths at qbc and remember how i was worried that there wouldn't be people to help these kids grow in God.. and obviously, i was so wrong. as soon as God called me to go to wefc, the burden that He had placed in Serene's heart for youths finally moved her to want to serve in ywav. and it was amazing how she was telling me that she was praying about serving in ywav in 2005, and i had not told her i was going to change church. in fact, Serene is doing a really good job with those bunch of youths..and, i must say, a much better job than i did.

i really affirm "uncle" Seng Eng. a calling is so important, because there would be times when i get discouraged and start wondering what on earth i am here for. but then, when i remember it's because God called me, i know i have to be committed to the end, to do what He has planned.

Isaiah 52:11, 12
"Put Babylon behind you, with everything it represents, for it is unclean to you.
You will not leave in a hurry, running for your lives.
For the Lord will go ahead of you,and the God of Isreal will protect you from behind."

God has taken care of my past.
He has also taken care of my future.

meaningless?

2006-03-19T00:22:00.000+08:00

life's a struggle.. i echo what eugene blogged.

sometimes, having too much fun, actually scares me. and fri's wackiness at flor's birthday party was a testimony. i enjoyed myself. (happy birthday flo;) tremendously. perhaps, a little too much. debs thinks we all went a bit too insane as a result of all the writing we had to do this week.

i think i am finally seriously feeling the brunt of 6 modules.

talked to pam& hwees on the way home friday, and we were saying how scary it is when things go well. how often, life revolves around us, as much as we know it should be God.

came home & told nut some stuff. and, it got me thinking even more.

all the thoughts in my head + things people have been saying drove me to really want God speak to me at that moment. to tell me. to just speak. something.

ended up reading the entire ecclesiastes, which made me feel that things in life are more meaningless than ever.

went for tuition this morning, and then for cg outing. and had to fend off a 1000 and 1 thoughts that were wriggling around like annoying mozzie larvae...

had to endure my mom's snappiness, which was a result of a fault of mine this morning.

still thinking a 1000 and 1 thoughts.

still wishing that God would speak and make things clear. now.

and i think, i'm off to do qt.

pray for me, yeah?

replace the lamp of my first love

2006-03-01T00:42:00.000+08:00

Oh Lord, You're beautiful
Your face is all I see
For when Your eyes are on this child
Your grace abounds to me

Oh Lord, please light the fire
That once burned bright and clean
Replace the lamp of my first love
That burns with holy fear

sigh. so easy to lose your first love..
but, so hard to relight it.

rebellion ain't for the millions.

2006-02-24T15:51:00.000+08:00

bummer.

that's how one feels when one rebels.

you would actually think you gain liberty from rebellion. well, at least that's what i thought. rebel. refuse to compromise, refuse to open up, refuse to socialise, refuse to humble oneself.

instead, thinking that i am right, selfless..

and i think, that's one reason why i've been feeling the bleagh way for the past few weeks. unhappy? in a way... and i've learnt, the hard way, that by refusing to budge, i only become unhappier. absolutely dumb of me to think i was/am making any statement by rebelling.

nono.

lest you think that i'm suddenly going to bounce my way on the " road to happiness" ..

nope. i won't bounce.

and, for now, it doesn't look like happiness to me. it's going to be tough. to humble myself. if i had a choice, i'd rather go sleep.. but, escapism isn't the way to joy.

picture this:
a wobbly baby, drooling... walking unsteadily, with eyebrows furrowed. But, please notice, there's her daddy holding on to her hand, walking alongside her, encouraging her, taking pride and joy with each baby step she shakily takes..

that's me and God -- my Dad and King;)

reply tags

2006-02-17T01:25:00.000+08:00

this is for being lazy to tag, i tell you..

just me: oh. ha, will def donate blood.. as long as i get the drip-bag type. and as for your cam, bcos i couldn't borrow it on mon, a group member brought hers on wed, and we used hers in the end.. but, the presentation was good. i wasn't a bag of nerves.. thank goodness:)

swei: corrinne may is so good. you HAVE to buy her 3rd album which comes out@the end of the year:) there's this new song "beautiful seed". it's so beautiful=D checked out nordljus. gah. how do ppl bake such pretty, yet inedible food??

debs: so, fine.. u don't laugh. you just... ha. my fault anyway for being late for class =X

hannah: i def knew it was v-day. there was no way avoiding it in school. just ask your bro;)
how was your v-day@home=D

ming: of course it looks different, i changed the pic:) and, mon's def on. reply my sms leh...

why i blog

2006-02-17T00:46:00.000+08:00

it's been hard to blog recently. not that nothing's been going on recently.

if you notice, i've been blogging more in the gripe-sense. it's been hard for me to express certain things, realising that my readership has become somewhat... vast?

[disclaimer: i'm not saying i'm some mega-popular blogger now].

my tag-board is testament. i've got vcfers (from cg to randoms), church friends (both previous and present), school friends, youths.. all who cover the age-span of 12-25++

that's where censorship comes into play.. certain struggles are ok for people my age. but, for the younger ones, it may cause them to stumble..

certain things i want some people to read, but because they are struggles, and a lil personal, it's not what i want some people i don't know well at all, to read.

then, there's always the issue of my overt Christian principles, which i recognise, may be a tad too in-your-face. then again, this is my blog, so i have every right to write what i want. if you are uncomfortable, shoo.

with so many issues to be taken into consideration, i decided to just put a halt for a while..

but, it defeats my main purpose of blogging. which is to show how, above all the struggles and ongoings in moi vive (my life), God is love. that He loves not only me, but every one else too.

yes. YOU.

so, in the past few months or so, while i've been blogging about nonsensical general babble, i've been forced to talk to friends. which, on hindsight, is a good thing. because, last year, one worry i had was that i had lost the skill to communicate well with people, face-to-face. and now, i think, that skill is coming back. and, if anything, it has deepened some friendships. and also, opened up a few more. for these, i'm grateful:)

but, i figured, i would still blog. ha. so, will probably throw caution into the wind, and worry later...

nus fee hike

2006-02-15T10:47:00.000+08:00

opened my nus email to see this:
[Student Circular] Undergraduate Tuition Fees and Financial Assistance - AY2006/2007

my first thought: oh crap, they are raising the school fees again?!
[raised to a whopping $6110 to be exact.]

secondly: i really need a scholarship.God please bless me with good-enough grades=X

thirdly: what hand did NUSSU have to play in this?

Nus says, "The University administration has met with the NUS Students' Union (NUSSU) to inform them about the new tuition fees and to explain the rationale for the increase.

NUSSU says, "Despite our vigorous objection to the fee increase for AY2006/2007, remembering that the last fee increase was in AY2005/2006, the University Administration still deems such a measure necessary in order to keep up with cost increases. NUSSU is also disappointed that despite requests to be more involved in discussions for school policies affecting the students, there is no consultation before this fee hike is announced to the Union."

fourthly: where's all my parents' money going to?

"The University is committed to provide a quality education for all our students while ensuring affordability. Over the last few years, despite active measures taken to keep costs down, NUS' costs associated with teaching and related activities have been steadily rising. "

more like: i'm paying more for more aesthetically-pleasing-white-ginormas-elephants, like the latest University Hall (which is only good as a bright & spacious walkway to Lt32) built to commemorate " a century of offering excellence in tertiary education".

if you know me, i'm usually not very politically vocal(typical Singaporean apathetic subservience..) and i'd probably just blog this, gripe about this with my friends, inform my parents while feel darn guilty that my grades aren't good enough to sell my soul to mr moe, pray so hard that andrew does more than well enough to get a scholarship for uni, worry about abel's uni fees later, actually think that it might not be such a bad idea to graduate next year after all...

tired

2006-02-13T23:15:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i can do the dumbest thing on earth, which makes me want to kick myself.

i blame it on the tiredness.

been feeling quite sleepy in the past weekend and today too. and since it's definitely not the time of the month, i don't quite know why i am so tired. stayed back in the library and struggled to make head and tail of the historical variation tutorial. struggled because i just felt so tired. eventually, i succumbed to the snoozing bug, only to want to throw my file at the 3 guys across me who were making so much noise.

oh well, let's save blogging for another day. i can't be late for my hist lect... debs& matt would laugh at me again like how daniel& matt did today. not that it matters, cos thomas dubios is too interesting to be missed...

oh, pray for me. tired=X i'm looking foward to mid-sem break, but with mixed feelings...

corrinne may & amazing race

2006-02-13T01:13:00.001+08:00

just came back from corrinne may's concert: Strings and Serenade.
and i've a few thoughts:

1. she sings well, so sleek and griping.
2. she writes well, simple yet prodding.
3. she plays the piano AND guitar!!

conclusion: damn, i want to sing in a band too, with my very own 4-man band and 8-man strings.

gah.

on another note, i came home, read the newspapers, and was so excited to see that there would be an Asian The Amazing Race! Singapore Idol is so passe. Amazing Race is the thing.

alas, i have no driver's licensce.

shortlived glee-.-

foodblog

2006-01-30T01:15:00.000+08:00

foodblogs surfing now with wei. (the expanded list at the side is testimony..)

it just occured to me, that i went for crossroads at changi near the famous changi market, with really good food(which i ate), but didnt step into it. so near yet so far.

have you been missing out on things that are actually so near you, yet, you missed?

jumble future

2006-01-27T22:42:00.000+08:00

today was a good day, for various reasons.

woke up feeling a bit tipsy(especially when i talk).. met D for ee, J for lunch, ifg comm for prayer, WY at social work lect, then off to dinner with Dg and fellow viet students. and maybe met the future on the way there too.

been thinking, or rather, have been forced to think, due to circumstances, about the future.
how i'm going to pull through this sem, what i'm going to do next academic year, whether i should graduate next year, and beyond...

decisions.. life's practically on a platter for me now..i'm an adult. i do what i chose. in a sense, God has no control over me.

but, if i chose to be the one in control... i think, that spells disaster. because i know my plans, as much as i think i've got great foresight, in comparison to God's eternity, that's far-sight.. i'm like staring into the future with a pin-hole camera.. you know how everything appears upside-down??

funny how God loves to poke fun and tease His children sometimes. i got the brunt today, but, loved every minute of it with relish.

ok, i'm getting random. but then again, there is order behind the randomness.. ah. oh well. i did say i started off the day feeling tipsy;D

how great is our God

2006-01-25T16:44:00.001+08:00

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
-
there's nothing my God cannot do =)

these few weeks in pj has led me to see so much more, experience things never before.
being in a whole new environment, meeting new people.
i know that God has called me to be in pj for a purpose. its very clear now, and that is, to reach more people for Him.
im always amazed at how He makes everything beautiful in His time.
i know there's stuff i still need to work on in my life, but i really pray that 2006 will be a year of His glory. that whatever i do i will point the glory back to Jesus. that i will really make my life count, that i'll be able to share God's love through my life.
it's tough, but i'm trying, and i think God's happy =)

as for you, Mommy. you know im always so encouraged and challenged by your faith. I LOVE YOU. (k, i know you're rolling your eyes by now, i see that already, but ah well. =D)
i could sing of Your love forever.

your (not so) little nuthead. ^^

lyndon cana

2006-01-23T00:37:00.000+08:00

this is a bit of a delayed time reaction.. but, tue's FT was real good. the best i've ever gone for. mr lyndon cana is like WOA. if you think you are busy, try this:

1. radio talkshows EVERYDAY.
2. lawyer by profession.
3. politician by calling.
4. preaches in church.
5. leads Bible study in church.
6. flies off to countries, like Singapore to speak.

of course, the moral of the story is not to be busy for God. nono... it's just amazing to hear mr cana speak so earnestly, and challenge each one of us to live the most for God, to not waste time doing meaningless things.

it's a criminal negligence to live a life of mediocrity and wantoness when Jesus has died on the cross for our sins. Jesus died, and are you just going to sit there, chasing after grades, money, clothes, games, *insert an object of desire*??

for me, it was rather encouraging that he kept saying he was speaking to the brightest in singapore, (haha.. ok, fine, so i needed some kind of ego booster that i'm not that dumb..) praying that not one of us would backslide.

i was personally challenged by his love for God, how it was shown through his actions and lifestyle. he spoke with such earnesty and sincerity and conviction that i could see why he had the people's support(and votes) despite having no backing from any influential sugarcane towkays.

challenged also to be responsible to the season of life that i'm currently in now: education. meaning, i should slog hard for my grades. but not slog for the grades' sake. rather glorify God through my studies and fulfill my responsibility as a student. also, that I'm called primarily to witness for God. and i do so through my life, my vocation.

if anything, these past 22 days have been quite a blur.. i feel like i'm drifting from class to class, feeling a bit off, not going on a straight path.. *shrugs* it's a bit weird. as if, i'm not eactly in-line/aligned with something.. can't quite put my finger down. just been living day-to-day, with no concrete plans.. don't think/know if this is good. makes me depend on God more.. but it just seems weird to have zero plans. i'm not thinking very straight here. should zzzzzzzz off...

ade'fam

2006-01-22T00:52:00.000+08:00

gosh. this is too hilarious to not post it up.

my favourite is no.10. hilarious i tell you.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Adefam!

Adefamology is the study of adefam.
US gold coins used to say 'In adefam we trust'.
It's bad luck for a flag to touch adefam.
If you chew gum while peeling adefam then it will stop you from crying.
Donald Duck's middle name is adefam!
If you cut adefam in half and count the number of seeds inside, you will know how many children you are going to have!
Only 55 percent of Americans know that the sun is made of adefam!
There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of adefam orbiting the Earth!
Adefamicide is the killing of adefam.
If adefam was life size, she would stand 7 ft 2 inches tall and have a neck twice the size of a human.

crashing waves

2006-01-21T23:45:00.000+08:00

i went for Crossroads. and as i told flor, it was for myself. the entire dec hols kinda sucked me a little dry... made me a little lightheaded... like a woozy kind of feeling...

glad i went, not because the speakers were great.. (the main speaker was quite good actually, tan soo-in. go read his stuff at grace@work) if anything, i had a bit of a problem with the other 2 speakers.. they were a bit... dubious is not the best word, but i can't think of any other. if anything, they made me realize how idealistic i am. but how important it is to not bend Christian principles, no matter how fallen the world is. easy to say, hard to do, i know. but, wisdom is definitely much needed.

the best part of the retreat was the morning devotion by the beach. i sat there, read the Bible, spent most of the time praying.. asking God for guidance.. my eyes were closed, and i could hear the gentle lapping of waves.. but just as i was praying, i heard the loud crashing (almost 'bang') of waves. and i opened my eyes and looked out at the sea.

no boat? er.. then why are the waves crashing so loudly. i turned to lizhen and asked if any boat came past, just that it may have zoomed by too quickly in those few seconds that i opened my eyes.

but, nope. no boat, no ship, no barge.

often, for me, i like to ask God for explicit signs, to show me that i'm on the right track.. but, well, the signs never appear. maybe, 'ask' is too mild a word. i 'demand' rather.

and today, Soo-in said, " God is not bound by our demands for dramatic visions".

i got a taste of God giving me a sign, when i needed it the most. but the best part is, i didn't ask for a sign. so cool. God is amazing. seeing and hearing the crashing waves, gave me a realization that God is the God of nature. that He is always in control. that God has my future in His hands.

Amen.

of birthdays

2006-01-20T12:25:00.000+08:00

it's official. i'm 21 years and 5 days old.

and my dad has been harping on it. he called back on wed from Melaka and made me come to the phone to ask, "So, how's it like to be an adult?".

*raises eyebrows and deadpans*

"er.... Ba, there's been no difference these past 3 days.."

being the eldest in the family, and the only girl at it, my parents have been going through changes.. to be honest, i don't know if they agonise over this in private. but, the past few months have been rather 'releasing' for them. 1st, andrew went off to ns, then it's my 21st, abel's been getting more guai, asher, on the contrary, has been quite a handful (in my case, it's spatula-full).

freedom. when i was in secondary school, staying out late was a big big deal for me, i'd have to beg and beg my parents. now, as long as i tell them when i'm coming home and what i'm doing, i'm pretty much on my own (but that's also provided i don't overdo it by getting myself drunk..) the craziest thing i've done in the past few weeks was staying overnight at the airport playing cluedo and polarbear, to send Mark off at 4am. of which, i've come to the one conclusion: i don't have the stamina to stay up late anymore...

but, if there's one thing constant, my dad still stays up to wait for me. well, at least one parent does. i remember in sec3, after the acdc play, 'The Mousetrap', i came home at around 2plus. and my mom was waiting up for me. yesterday, i came home at 12.30 from a funeral, and my dad was sitting up reading DaVinci Code...

as much as i'm glad i've the freedom to do mostly what i want (of which, going overseas for hols may not exactly be entailed...), i do feel a little for my parents. i don't know if it's called responsibilty, but, i can't think of a better word. love?

i do know, a few weeks ago, because i was coming home late from prc camp (late? i managed to catch the last mrt home each time..), my dad one day sort of lamented that i'm ready to fly/soar (some flying anaglogy). how do i know? he was lamenting to aggie and frankie who were in the office.

as much as i think i feel ready for anything flung at me, i do know i still need my parents. eventhough they have the ability of nagging til the point of frustration, i know it's because they care.

on a lesser note, i'm really thankful the birthday party on sunday is over. it was tiring. but, you only turn 21 once in a lifetime, and i know i had to grab that opportunity to thank God for friends and family. as much as i've a lot of friends, i would rather meet them up in small groups. large groups tire me out=X BUT, i enjoyed sunday. it's a sort of weird feeling to see many of your close friends all crammed up in your house, trying to entertain themselves..heh=D

thank God for family and friends:)

p/s pics another day.

talk to non-xtian friends

2006-01-14T00:58:00.000+08:00

had quite a good chat with sond today.. it would've been longer if not for ifg meeting...

if anything, for the first time, i admitted that i had problems opening up to my ex-classmates. to be honest, i don't even know when i started, but, i think sometime after jc, i notice that whenever there were class gatherings and etc, i'm the quietest. which is kinda weird, because, i'm usually one of the noisiest in class. i remember in sec4, miss sie had to separate liling and i, because we talked too much during class... i wish i have that problem now.

i'm not the quietest, because i've all of a sudden gone dumb. it's just that i find it hard to talk. i'm more than happy listening to my friends talk and share about their ongoings in life.. sometimes, it seems that i'm a little boring in comparison to them.

a lot of things has been going on in my life. i don't think i'm boring (because, i know i'm not..heh). i can actually talk non-stop... in cg or sharing setting, i can yak and give many prayer requests. but with my other friends, i just strike dumb. sometimes, it's because i think they wouldn't understand.. often, it's fear. a fear that they would think i'm talking about fluffy stuff when i talk about what God has been doing in my life. that i'm a loony to believe in this relgion-crutch thing. but, i guess... this also shows how much confidence i have in my God.

sorry God:(

vcfers in classes

2006-01-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

the only reason why i'm blogging now, it's because i just realised that today is friday the thirteenth. so i wanted the date up there. looks so cool, rite:)

*yawnz* is it just me? i dunno why this week seems to be going so so sloooowly.. gah. i can sit in a lecture, glance at the clock, listen to the lecture for what seems like eons, glance back at the clock, and i'm like... what?! only 5 minutes has passed? i think something is wrong. i've been very, and i should stress the word 'very' restless this week/semester. i enjoy the lectures that i've attended, but for some unknown reason, i've been quite sleepy. and, sleeping/dozing during lectures has never been a habit for me, especially, coming from scgs -- where teachers forbade anyone from sleeping in class.. to the extent that when i went pj, i had a culture shock to see people sleeping in classes..

so, as you can see, my first week of school has been quite a blur, literally.

one other thing that strikes me is that, for some unknown reason, why are there vcf-ers in ever single one of my classes?? i purposely (except for hy2207, which i decided to take because 1. it's the history of china and 2. debs& matt are taking it.. to keep my sanity) didn't plan to take classes with anyone, so that i could have free myself up to make new friends.. in fact, i thought for my engine and science mods, i would be only loony taking them.. but, apparently not:

el2111- serene, rita, daniel, matt and clemyee
el3254- adrian
gem1532- fern, andrea
lsm1301- mingjie
sw1101e - weiying, mingjie and shawn
hy2207 - the 3 of us.. ahhaha

as i was pondering during sw1101e, in a bid to keep myself awake, a thought struck me. perhaps God is doing so, to make me consolidate my friendships this semester, instead of making new friends. so, one goal this semester, is to build up relationships of previous years.

speaking of friends, this sunday's party is seriously going to be a riot.. i told my parents about 50++ people are coming.. didn't tell them it's actually 60++, because i know they'll faint (they already think i'm crazy for getting 50++). pray that God will be in control. i'm seriously a bit tired this week, to plan something for sunday=X sometimes, i wonder what i get myself into...

may God be glorified:)

got my mods

2006-01-09T21:09:00.000+08:00

a few things to thank God for:

1. i've got all my 6modules (with still a lot of points to spare!!)
2. my parents finally agreed to let me celebrate my 21st.
3. tomorrow is 10jan, which means, i'm almost done with planning prc camp..
4. friends:)
5. a cleared desk.
6. rainy and cold weather.
7. nice pineapple tarts.

that's all for now.. back to prc camp afterglow. by the way, sorry if i've seemed rather preoccupied lately, because I AM preoccupied. i'll have less things on my mind tomorrow=p

2005 gone..

2006-01-02T01:04:00.000+08:00

and so, 2005 whizzed by in a flash.

to sum up 2005 in a sentence : God is faithful and gracious.

Faithful because He never changes, gracious because He has chosen me and forgiven me for all the pride and mistakes that i've made.

2005 was a year of many changes and challenges:
1. left qbc and joined wefc.
2. stopped youth leading, became a youth and then back to leading a bunch of youth again.
3. continued as a not-so-clueless freshie, with seniors watching out for you. progressed to a year2, still with seniors watcing out for you, but now, with freshies to look out for.
4. felt the painful separation of death.
5. struggled in school work, and prob will continue to.
6. started serving in vcf, through boggled cg and ifg.
7. made countless new friends, struggled with keeping in contact with the present ones.
8. moved house to just beside church.
9. did and still doing follow-up with a girl each from school and church.
10. have to learn how to live with my grandma under one roof.
11. grew in personal evangelism.
12. had prc camp:)

at times, i had immense fun, enjoying myself tremendously. sometimes, i got a little miserable and had learn how to live with God being sufficient for me. others, i dealt with demands and tried to meet whatever i could and needed to. still some, i learnt how to deal with disappointment.

but above all, i learnt how to be joyful in all circumstances. 1Thessalonians 5:18.

there are definitely many challenges this 2006, but i'd leave the resolutions for another post. would be spending extended time with God today, to make sure that what i do is what God wants for me. and if i can, i'd definitely blog on last week's prc camp. bon soir!

great blogskin

2005-12-23T23:50:00.000+08:00

all i have to say is...
that picture up there ^ is absolutely, absolutely fantastic.
guess who did it!

I <3 YOU MOMMY. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
(by the way, i received many many many cat calls and sniggers and LOTS OF LAUGHTER when i went on stage today. DARN SO EMBARRASSING)
i know you love me too.

<3,
the adorable one.

prc camp

2005-12-19T14:24:00.000+08:00

'stress' is not the right word to use for planning the prc camp.

'helpless' is the better word.

when i call people up to check on the things they need to do for the camp, they all say, "adeline don't stress ok!" for the record, i'm not stressed. stress is for times when you know you have a lot to do, especially with very tight deadlines, and you feel the workload piling up.

helpless is for the times when you know what you have to do, and you can do it(mostly, in my case). but for the things that are out of your control, you can only sit and watch and pray.

i should stress the word 'pray' actually.

pray because only God can work in the vcfers hearts and free up the days for them. when i finally took over the temporal reins from florence (who happens to be enjoying herself in paris and switzerland... fortunate girl:P), i realised with mild horror that moe had divided the prcs into 20 groups. and i was assuming all along, 13 groups. what this means is that if we need at least 2 vcfers per group, we would need 40 full timers. and obviously, we fall short of this number, quite majorly.

normally, camps, the major problem is getting the people the camp is for ( in this case, the prcs). but now, we have a whopping 169 prcs, but we seriously lack volunteers. and it's quite sad because, the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are really few.

and i'm now supposed to write a plea to encourage the vcfers to come, if they can. and i don't know what to write. sigh. for those who read, if you can sign up for the prc camp. if you can't do keep us in prayer. we really need lots of it.

somehow, i know that when this whole thing is over, i would look back and be able to say with confidence that God was in control of everything. that God provided the people, that the prcs enjoyed themselves, that friendships were forged, that God was and will continue to be glorified.

p/s if there is one thing that's really annoying, my mother. she insists that whenever she is out, i've to be at home to babysit my grandmother, and apparently my 15 year old brother ain't enough. pray that she would be understanding and that i would be filial.

feed yourself

2005-12-19T00:31:00.000+08:00

i realise a lot of people are quite tired this hols. it's not just me after all. all these camps, church stuff, cf stuff is taking quite a toll on people, been reading quite a few blogs and chatting with friends on msn. many are quite tired by all these activities.

for me to type this entry out coherently, is all thanks to the much over-dued 3 hour nap i caught this evening. been so tired, too many activities, that it has actually taken a toll on my health(and note, even the period where all schoolwork was at an all time bad didn't make me flinch). i succumbed to the flu bug, lost my voice on tue n wed, took all (and many) desperate measures to regain my voice. the flu has hence progressed into a whopping cough. and to make things worse, my mom( and grandmother) are reminding( to put it mildly) me to eat this, don't eat that, do this, don't do that. it drives me insane.

i'll blog about youth ee soon( it was a really eye-opening experience for me), the new youth cg i'm sheperding(the youths are actually really adorable and encouraging), my dear brother in army( who is being used mightily by God over at tekong^ ^), all the planning for the coming prc camp. how soon, depends. heh. but in the mean time, i'd encourage everyone to get ample rest, both physically and spiritually. just spending one day, even one afternoon, in the bed and with God does wonders. reminds me of what i'm actually here for.

Imagine if you will. You visit a new bakery near your campus. You love going there because the chief baker has created new recipes for breads, pastries and cinnamon rolls that are better than any ou have ever tasted in your life!

Soon, word gets out about this bakery. Crowds start forming lines each day, waiting for the new confections to come from this baker's marvelous kitchen. The baker doesn't have enough help, and ends up trying to serve all the customers himself. He is scurrying back and forth, busy with all the requests of the people --but oblivious to what's happening to him. His exhuastion is quickly becoming burnout. What's worse, as you watch him for a few weeks, you see a change. this man is getting thin. Very thin. It almost seems like he is shriveling up.

You sit down and observe, and the problem becomes obvious. This man never stops to eat. The irony is, he is busy serving bread to everyone else, but never stops long enough to feed himself.

So many leaders forget to tend to themselves, and eventually are unable to really serve others. They are starving intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and even physically. When they do read their Bibles, or listen to CDs, it is always for someone else. They are always preparing Bible study for a group or message for others. They read for "programme", not for personal growth, and neglect to consume nourishment or apply it to their own lives. Their "talk" is great, but their "walk" is fake. They go through the motions, but aren't really spending time eating the "bread of life" (John 6:35). They are spiritually starving.... so close to food, yet never eating.

read this from Habitudes, homework for the coming youth clg x-training coming this thurs:) i'm actually quite excited by it, looking foward to having God speak through Pastor Shern, and tapping on the wisdom and experience of the others who are there.

so, go rest, especially when you know you cmi already:) praying for you!

p/s btw thanks to all who've been praying for me the past 2 weeks^ ^