mess

i hate mess.

i totally can't stand the fact that when i come home from school, dead tired, esp when thursday is my longest day with 6 hours of lessons straight(no breaks) + cg, to a home that's in a mess. messy dining table with newspaperbowlsabel'stextbookspensandthelikes, messy living room with the cushions strewn all over, messy clothes basket with clothes overflowing, messy kitchen with bowlspotsandpans all unwashed, messy service balcony with half-filled pails of water(cos of the washing machine that is still spoilt), just a complete mess.

it's like, there's no clean house with some order and neatness. my mom can't be bothered, the males in the house obviously aren't bothered, in fact, they are the ones who contribute to the mess. messmessmessmess.. argh

guess who cleans up the house?? and no, it's not because i'm such a filial daughther, because, my parents obviously don't think there's any problem.. i just had to be born with this clean streak in me. i have to see neatness, order, everything in place. if i could, i think i would choose not to have this clean gene in me.. i think i got it from my paternal grandma, she's like.. woa. she cleans the house everyday. i, thankfully, am not such a complusive clean freak. i can live with a bit of dirt.. then again, maybe it's the enviroment at home.. i guess i've the potential of being a cleanliness maniac. my mom says i wasted my kindergarden school fees, because instead of sitting and listening to (boring) teachers (who insisted on A specific way of drawing the number 5..so much for creativity.), i chose to arrange the shoes of my fellow classmates outside the classroom in neat little rows.. even to the extent of washing the toilet basins.. haha. don't worry, i'm not intending to wash nus' toilets anytime soon.

ah..now i feel better. got this out of my system. sigh. i wonder, if i can make such a fuss about physical mess in my house, what about the spiritual mess in me?? would i feel frustrated, rectify the problem immediately by clearing out whatever is bad.. so funny how life is, eh?

mom's birthday.

one extremely irritating fact about moving house is that it leaves the fridge extremely empty(in my mom's bid to clear the fridge). today, is my mom's birthday. and i figured that since i've been such an insolence recently, i should come home early from school and prepare dinner. but, how much creativity can one amass with one bundle of chinese vegetables and two chicken breasts? it brings a whole new meaning to the "five loaves, two fishes" notion.

of course there's the (wet)market. but, it's pouring heavily now.. darn. plus, i hope i get reimbursed by my dad.. i'm seriously broke. what a dutiful daughther i am. heh.

peanuts

i'm feeling a tad whimsical now. my house, it seems, can't wait to get rid of us. take my room for example. i endured for 2 hours, sitting hunched over a box, packing books, under a flickering room light. yeah. one of the bulbs in my room decided today that it couldn't decided whether to be on or off. and my mom commented how 'timely' it is.

if anything, some electrician guy is coming over tomorrow, to remove the oven, the 2 living room lights and the room lights and transport them to the new house for installation.. and according to my mom, we will be living in darkness til oct6. i think it would be highly interesting. interesting to the point that my mom nearly collapsed with laughther at the thought of living in darkness.. well, i'm glad she is in a good mood today. the renovation has been causing her much stress and distress. it's good that the marble grinder(the person, not the machine) is well, a pro marble grinder.. haha. one less thing for my mom to worry about^ ^

oh, take a look at this:



of all the brands for boxes that aunty josephine had to get for us: FARMER brand peanuts. i think it's rather hilarious.
1. the name is rather apt for our family.
2. peanuts?? people would actually think we are millionaires, esp with the not so recent NKF fiasco. Lol.

God is not safe

God, is a God to reckon with, not one to take lightly.

As Mr. Beaver tells the children in C. S Lewis', The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe:

"Is -- is he a man?" asked Lucy.

"Aslan a man!" said Mr. Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of the Beasts? Aslan is a lion -- the Lion, the great Lion."

"Ooh," said Susan, "I thought he was a man. Is he -- quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."

"That you will, dearie, and make no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver, "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else silly."

"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver, "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you?
Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good.
He's the King, I tell you."

Psalm 104: 1-4

Praise the LORD, my soul.
LORD my God, you are very great;
you are clothed with splendour and majesty.
The LORD wraps himself in light as with a garment;
he stretches out the heavens like a tent
and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters.
He makes the clouds his chariot
and rides on the wings of the wind.
He makes winds his messengers,
flames of fire his servants.

God's ways

i'm feeling extremely disgusted now.

over an hour ago, i just watched a hk serial, where the female lead was almost raped. about 20 min ago, one of my prc friends, exclaimed "my god" when i said hi to him.
5 min ago, chanel news asia reported that they found a dismembered woman's body in orchard road.

i feel so sick to my stomach. sick to the point i feel like puking out the yoghurt i just ate.

about 10 days ago, katrina hit the south of america.
9 days ago, 3 women were sentenced to 3 years imprisonment for organising a 'happy camp' for muslim children in some indonesian village.

you tell me, what is this world coming to?

i think the worst part about the whole katrina incident isn't bush(and yes, i am biased. i'm pro-bush, though his recent slow response to katrina has made me to lose a bit of the respect i used to have for him).

i kinda understand why the refugees would loot the supermarkets for food. i'll even give some leeway to those who loot rampantly at the shops. yes, we know new orleans is a black community, poor even before the hurricane hit. but, how can we justify the rape cases?

i was sick to the stomach when i read the reports on how men took advantage of the situation and raped women&girls.

the hurricane destroyed homes, destroyed the food supply, left people penniless and homeless, therefore they were/are hungry. physically hungry. i would like to know what justifies the sexual hunger. what is their justification for raping 7-year olds. to satisfy WHAT, pray tell. your hunger? those rumblings in your stomach? i don't think so.

maybe i'm thinking of things in very simplistic terms. i think in black and white. but i guess, as the Bible says, this is really the sign of the end times, when people are evil, so evil they do such repulsive things. i know i would never understand in this life time why. why God allows such things to happen. yes, i know the reasons, but i would never understand the intent.

above all, God is great. His thoughts are much higher than my thoughts, His ways are much loftier than mine. How can i compare my puny mind to His omniscience?

God is great

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

this song puts everything in perspective. when God is great, everything else will tremble at His voice, His might, just at Him.

if you don't already realise, it's been my favourite song for a few months.whenever i'm tired, i blast this song on my comp. i'm glad i don't have to lead worship to wait til i get to sing this song... church sings it often enough...heh. you know, it's one of those songs you would never get tired of singing or listening. because, the song is all about God. not one of those, "oh, my God, you are so great because you did all these things for me".

God is great. period.

Christ is helping me

do u haf a bf ? well i haf a feeling u dun. if u observe nus ppl, u will notice they make dinks(sic. i think for things) bearable here by bf-gf affections. either dat or u gota be veri strong. u r totful n cheerful. must be christ helping u

my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when i read this sms..

if you met me today, you would realise that i was super duper stressed, feeling damn demoralised, just dead beat. so out of sorts to the point that i went to the library to hibernate, literally, and set things right with God before i met anymore people. and later, as i shared with the ifg comm people, i told them that i've been feeling very stretched by people, feeling guilty that i didn't do my bit as a cgl or even a christian in nus to promote today's evangelistic DTT(dinner time talk), above all, feeling just totally off because i've not been spending proper time with God.

i don't dare meet another person now, christian or non-christian, without praying for that person first. it may seem a little extreme to you, but, ok, for those i would classify as 'friends' i.e. those i feel comfortable with, and our relationship is 2-way[meaning, both of us have a common understanding and goal], i'm more than happy to meet you, because sometimes, i do need a human to help cheer me up(like today's lil session with debs n clement^ ^). but, with people, i'm discipling or trying to lead to God, i really cannot do it soley on my own strength, therefore, i have to commit this person in God's hands first.

so, after i prayed, and sent off a long overdue sms asking this girl i knew, how she was, and she asked me to "share with her about my happiness in Christ", i was very blown away. hullo, i don't think i was feeling exceptionally happy or joyful today. "happiness"?! i blinked quite a number of times, before i asked her to further elaborate. and then, she sent this long sms.

i really needed this encouragement. more so, it's quite heartening when someone tells you that she can see Christ helping me. she made my day^ ^. it's really 2 prong:

1. it's a reminder to me that no matter what, Jesus is my strength.
2. i hope this means that God is really working through me and using me. so many times, i keep wondering if i'm on the right track, and i think this is a sign that i am?? that if others can actually see that God is "helping me", it means i must be leading them to God and nowhere else..especially when today, was like the worst day of the semester since the start of school, it feels really good that at my lowest point, God still used me to bless someone else, and better still, in turn get blessed back!!

haha.. on a lighter note, this 3rd thought struck me:
if, because i'm obviously so very single, with no boyfriend to 'lean on', and people can therefore deduce that it must be Christ who's my pillar of strength, and not the boyfriend... what would happen if one day, i do have one... would it mean that the boyfriend becomes the new pillar of strength? even if i know that he doesn't, how would people know that i'm drawing from God's strength and not that human guy??? or worse, does it mean i'm to remain single for the rest of my life, so that it is so darn obvious that it's God and no one else?! *gulp*

what to do for my birthday

i know my birthday is not for another 4 months plus. and NO, i am NOT pulling a deborah by announcing my birthday, for , come to think of it, silly debs, why did you announce to the world your birthday? to get loads of pink presents??

but, i've been thinking about my impending 21st birthday, not because i want presents(haha.. that's an added incentive though).by the way, my mom just passed me this gold key pendant, which was given to her by her mother(my grandma) and told me, "eh, i've given you your birthday present already ah." To which, i retorted, annoyed of course, "eh, you didn't pay for that. so cheapskate-.-"

after hearing last year, the 21st birthday party that shawna threw for herself, and the testimony she gave to her friends; and reading grace wee's blog entry on her friend's birthday party that turned evangelistic... well.. i've been thinking, since last year, and especially more since i know i'm moving to besides church... i think you would know what i'm driving at. what better place to hold a party. heh.

my friends, especially my non-christian friends. sigh. i've been plagued with immense guilt recently. i did blog once about how they would always comment that i'm always spending time with church, and now, it's vcf and the likes.. like how last week, i was supposed to meet my jc friends for lunch in school, or rather, it was one friend, justina. to cut a long story short, i ended up having lunch with the hk exchange student, and even had the opportunity to share Christ with him. BUT, in the midst, my friends called and asked where i was. how was i to explain that i was sharing the gospel?? can one even compare the opportunity to share the gospel with one to a casual meeting of long time no see friends? don't even get me started on neglecting people.

anyway, the point is, i think my birthday would be a good opportunity for my friends to mix around and, in a way, understand me better. of course, i would be so blessed if i had friends like grace, who took the opportunity and shared the vision with another girl and went round talking to strangers, looking for the opportunity to share Christ and His love. i want so much that everyone i know would come to the saving knowledge of Jesus, that eventhough i don't and can't spend mych time with you, i'll know that ultimately, we share in God's love and i'd see you in heaven.

so, my dear readers of this little blog, you've been told months in advance. my birthday is coming up!!! you know what to do:)

p/s: grace wee, if you are reading this, you are definitely invited to my birthday party^ ^

beautiful sunset

guess who took this pic.. heh. c'est moi.
guess where this pic was taken in.. C'est a Singapour en La Gardens Botanics.

something tells me my french is very bad.. but, yes, so pretty right.. can you actually believe that you can actually see such beautiful sunsets in singapore?? i didn't, til i saw this. this was taken a couple of weeks back at botanics, when debs, serene, rita & i had our little rendezvous there.

did you rise the sun for me,
paint a million stars that i might know your majesty

in this case, God set the sun for me, that i might know His majesty

p/s all credits for this latest blog pic (points up) goes to darlie again. of course. heh=D

annoyed.

i'm highly annoyed.

i have this friend, who's overseas. a couple of months back, me, being the nice person, decided to email him and ask him how things were for him, plus, i told him what was going on in my life. he took ages to reply. and, when he finally did, instead of returning the greetings, he asked me to go and find out the emails of some people i'm not in contact with.. i was a lil annoyed, because, at least he could have the common courtesy to say hi and all the etc nice-ities before asking for a favour... i didn't reply his email for about a week, and then, guess what. he sent me another email this time, questioning God's existence, and then subsequently, my existence.. woa. that pissed me to the point that i almost hit the roof.

[ok, i figured, a lil background knowledge here would do everyone some good. this guy here, isn't a christian. i thought he was, and so did a lot of other people, until i chatted with him properly before he left s'pore. that's when i found out he wasn't. i shared the gospel with him and all, but.. oh well. since then, i've grown to realise that he seriously doubts the existence of God.how i know, he used to ask me all sorts of questions on msn.]

hence, when he used such a means to get my attention, i was fuming mad.. he made me feel that i only 'befriended' him to 'convert' him. as if, once he starts questioning God, i would respond pronto. anyway, why am i brining this up? well, because, i just checked my friendster account( i do so once every few months..) and lo and behold, what i did find:

Subject:	hi adeline
Message:	hey,does GOD exist,madeline? do u have an answer...

-.- you even got my name wrong. tell me, should i be annoyed? argh.

aching mouth

if i could, i would chop off my mouth. my left wisdom tooth that has emerged three-quarters , is aching.. i feel like a teething 20-month old baby-.- plus, i bit the right side of my mouth a few days ago, in my excitement while eating(what's new). so now, there's this cut there.. either that or it's a breeding ground for a soon-to-emerge-ulcer. whatever it is, my mouth really hurts.

but, as always, one must always look on the bright side of life, right?! so, here's the plus point of an aching mouth: aching mouth= can't chew properly OR food causing further pain to the mouth. therefore, these would result in me eating less, which would inevitably(i hope) lead to a drastic drop in weight, like that of olinda cho/ quan yi feng/ rui en/ lindsay lohan/ *insert name of any female(and sometimes male) celebrity*

wow.i aspire to be as thin as lindsay lohan. let's celebrate with a green salad and topped with boiled skinless chicken breast.

*yikes* i almost forgot, i can't chew.

moving house n the likes

one of my prc friends just went offline... to study. yes, study. and then, this thought struck me, that if i study at the same frequency as he does, man, i'm going to be on dean's list this sem. ( who am i even trying to kid =X)

anyway, i'll be off soon lah. i really should START on my south asia readings. the course pack is so heavy, i refuse to carry it to school, so i can only read it at home. but before i go, i must go wash my clothes, which, have i informed you, my dear reader, that i'm moving house?? yes, sometime next month, i would've moved to woodlands. uh-huh, you read correctly, it's w-o-o-d-l-a-n-d-s. even further away from nus =X but, thankfully, it's near church. ok, 'near' is an understatement. it's a 5-min stroll from the doorstep of my house, to the doorstep of church. heh. which brings me back to the issue of washing clothes.

10 reasons why i'm glad we are moving house:
1. we (finally) get a new washing machine. my present one broke down in may. so, i'm more than happy to finally be able to throw my clothes in a washing machine.
2. i get to redo my room!! it'll be either pink&green or pink&brown.. or just sky blue, w flowers. haha. i think i saw some horrified looks. ^ ^
3. i'm going to get a sofa!!! come sit, come sit!!
4. we are going to get wireless!!!
5. the new house is near church
6. it's also near 3 supermarkets, which means, i don't have to lug an ice-pack in search of those elusive ingredients whenever i bake/cook.
7. it's also near causeway point. which, actually, ain't a good thing, cos this would equate to more trips, subsequently more money spent. i should just go set up a fixed deposit.pfft.
8. ok, im running out of pointless ideas, i'm just glad for a change. i've grown to love change:)
in my 20 years of life, i've moved houses, changed churches, gone to so many schools, met so many people, changed so many 'best' friends, seen so much happen...
i realise that only one thing is common. and that would be God, of course:) and i'm glad i can count on God for always being there when i need Him, for providing my every need.

thank You God:)

(now, off to make a go at the dean's list ^ ^)

ain't perfect

it's official, i ain't a freshie anymore.

a freshie I am no more
of thicker tomes I must pore
Wisdom come my way, I implore.

yesterday was arts vcf welcome tea. there were many freshies.. a lot. to the point that, i'm a lil worried for cg, cos i realised that there will be many needs to be met. have to make sure the freshies fit in, the seniors still get their input, and my co-cgls that we are still alive.. haha. yeah. maybe "worried" ain't the word. i'm definitely challenged. and i've grown to realise that i'm a perfectionist. especially when i take charge. it took my social work tutorial to clash with my e-lang core modules, which spelled a total disrutption of my PERFECT timetable. i freaked, i tell you. plus, i was darn pissed that the lecturer didn't bother putting up her module on ivle any sooner than 2 days before the lecture, kindly informing us of the difference in the two separate sw modules. i was like, wert?! (then again, it's my fault, i should have checked the sw website.)

so, it led me to the choice of 1. find another module to replace the dropped sw one( rebidding at round 3C??if i can even find any modules left-.-) or 2. drop sw, and simply stick to 5 mods this sem. argh. after i calmed down, i realised that it could be God's way of saying, "stick to 5 modules. you can't handle 6 this sem." so, i'm back to 5 modules. yes. sigh. i guess it's a good thing after all, because, i've grown to realise that meeting people, especially new people, saps my energy. i was so exhausted after yesterday's welcome tea. i've met way too many people eversince i've moved church, and especially so for vcf in the past 2 months. [disclaimer: but, that doesn't mean i don't enjoy meeting people.]

sunday's Festival of Praise, was real good. the worship was simply there to exalt God, and nothing else. it's so often that we forget that we all exist to magnify God's glory. and that we are all here by God's grace.. haha. i think from now on, people should just call me by my chinese name 'Rong En', cos it means, by the grace and for the glory of God. furthermore, when Ps Edmond Chan prayed at FOP, he reminded everyone that we need to be joyful, that the "joy of the Lord is our strength". how true. i need to find joy in meeting people, in serving God, in studying, at home, etc...

a friend pointed out that i strive to be perfect in things. yesterday, while i was recharging my batteries before welcome tea, i did my qt and prayed. and these 3 lines surfaced in my head:

perfection unattainable
leave everything in the hands of
the God who is able.

school begins

and so school began
without much fanfare
like that of those big bangs
of the Singapore birthday glare.


hoey, im back to writing poetry.
this struck me at an ungodly hour of 10plus am, during social linguistics module, while i struggled to make it through the prof's brit accent.. ok, i was just zoned out. if i'm in a better mood, i'll post one on tt hk exchange student i met during the south asia module. haha. if u know my fascination with hk, to put it mildly... heh

beatcoop

where did www.beatcoop.com go??? it just disappeared. one day, it's there, running, the next day, it has run away... i think i know where it went. i'm positive the nus co-op hacked into beatcoop.com AND brought the server down.

argh. now, i can't get my textbooks 2ndhand no more. i'll have to resort to that chicken coop for exhorbitant prices..

narnia.

i'm like.. WOA!! now..have u SEEN the trailers, yes, trailerS for The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe?? i've found a website that has the official movie trailer PLUS behind the scenes action with the director, etc...

this, is something you've to see for yourself.

heh. if you haven't realized by now, yes. i'm a huge C. S Lewis fan. for the simple fact that he's such a true Christian writer.

and, there are 2 reasons why i'm so excited about this movie:
1. yes, i do so want to see everything that i've imagined about the book.
2. more importantly, the parallels between Aslan, the Lion & Jesus, will hopefully, make the gospel clearer to my friends. narnia is like, the gospel in a chronicled fantasy form.

constipated

constipated.

that's what i'm feeling. majorly. i don't know if my sense of lethargy today has to do with my inability to get rid of the abcess. plus, i think i've eaten 7 of my mom's oatmeal choc chip cookies.. she baked them for too long, they were hard enough to stone a person to death.. argh. don't ask me why i ate them. sigh. i guess they tasted nice.. just that they were hard? and that's how i feel now. hard. constipated.

yawnz.

random thoughts

here's some very random thoughts for today:
1. my dad thinks blogging is msn-ing, another form of chatting.. AND he expressed this thought during service today (^0^)
2. the nus websiteS have gone through COUNTLESS changes. each time i check the different websites, i swear, they look like they've undergone A LOT of changes. i get the feeling of vertigo(freefall).
3. i can't make up my mind how many modules to take this sem and which mods to take.. and bidding starts tomorrow morn.. =X
4. in the past 4 weeks, i think i've eaten dinner with my family about 3 times???
5. some insurance guy managed to capture my attention for at least 45 min. i'm amazed.
6. yday's prc gathering was good. and i've still MUCH to learn from God, as always.
7. my handphone dictionary doesn't have PIMPLE & i'm going to matric fair tmr.. wo mei lian jian ren + i just realised that my shift is during the last hour of bidding.i'm so screwed.
8. there's a mozzie bite on my palm.. it hurts.
9. cg retreat was very good. there was very GOOD sharing.. and i think it's so amazing and exciting to see how God works in each of our lives + it's encouraging to know that i'm not the only one going through certain things. what's most important is that we upholded(or is it upheld??) one another in prayer. refreshing ^ ^
10.it's only 11.15pm and my dad is ALREADY bugging me to GO& SLEEP?!?!
11. tuition was surprisingly manageable. except for this qn on convection currents and the monsoon season.
12. i can't find my favourite purplecross earrings-.-

cheated

i saw a really nice denim skirt @18 bucks from bugis, today.

problem is, i bought this SAME really nice skirt @29 bucks from queensway, on tuesday.

i got cheated of not 1, not even 2, NOT EVEN 5 dollars.. but a whopping ELEVEN ?!#$%#$^*%&* that's a lot to a poor student like me-.-

english

yes.. haha. i'm an english genius, if that is any encouragment for my decision to major in English. i've realised that when i say i'm an English Major, the very common response is, " Wow, so you must be very good in English, huh?"

ermz....well.... does the test below explain everything??? haha.. my england prowress...

do not even make me go into how i think my English standard has degenerated eversince entering pjc.. i tell you, that's what a neighbourhood school does to me. and those 4 years of scgs, where we girls were all encouraged to be vocal ladies(in perfect Queen's English, mind you) just went down the longkang. now, after 1 year of nus, i'm even more conscious of how much i slang in singlish.. this blog is a testimony of all my lahs, lors, and what-have-yous-.-

English Genius

You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 80% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!
Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

The Commonly Confused Words Test

just live it

and i thought i finished blogging.

God speaks.

adeline, shut up.

go live it.

love?

it's very late.. but, i've a sudden spurge of bloginspiration.. haha. my latest msn nick has caused a little upheaval with some friends.. here's a sample of a typical conversation:

Izzy- says: hey
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: hey
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: are u aust??
Izzy- says: yups
Izzy- says: who u love ?
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: you
Izzy- says: hah
Izzy- says: as if!
Izzy- says: who addy who?
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: haha.. i really mean it
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: i love YOU
Izzy- says: wha
Izzy- says: addy
Izzy- says: whoa.. addy wazzzup?
Izzy- says: hahaha
Izzy- says: wat modules u taking

yeah, isabelle got bored of our conversation and changed subject to that time of the year(choosing of modules.. another subject altogether). fine, i admit i'm being cheeky lah.. ( i tell you this is what singlehood does to me).. but, i just find it little sad that for one to feel fulfilled, one needs a partner(in my case, it's of the opposite sex). when i told justina i was very happy, and life was rather good, she went, "HAHA.. so WHO's the guy!!" i had to remind her that i don't need a guy to make me satisfied (but, may i add that that does not mean i pray that God bestows the gift of celibacy on me...).

yes, i'm getting a lil lovesick( a side effect of watching one too many hk serials, which i must add for the 2nd time that Ron Ng has such lovey dovey eyes ^ ^ they just melt my heart.. haha.i've weakness, yes, no??) coupled with the lovey dovey pictures of sond&her bf.. oh man. sometimes, yes, i do wonder, what am i "missing".. i'm in one of those moods..

but, to set the record straight, i'm not on a i-need-a-boyfriend alert.. more of a cute-hunky guy alert.haha. all for eye candy,esp when mr TALLDARK&HANDSOME-year4psych major is gone from the face of nus, i'm quite sad.. shucks, i'm deviating from the intended subject.

my point is, i love God. and by doing so, i'm supposed to love everyone else too.. although some people make things difficult by being rather unlovable.. i think i'm not ready for any serious relationship til i learn the lesson of loving the people around me.. which would include, my family, close friends, school friends, vcf mates, church mates, youths, tutorial mates, school mates, neighbours, relatives, community people, tuition kids, singaporeans, world citizens?? my list goes on..

have to show that i love them..

i love you, you know?

rest

i know it seems ludicrous(hanini's favourite word).... but, i fell sick over the weekend.(yes, school has not even started). better still, i think i overstretched myself last week. i do not even want to think about what is going to happen when the new Academic Year kicks in, and i start taking those 6 modules, co-lead a cg, be part of ifg comm, teach tuition on weekends, meet up with friends, be home enough to make my parents happy... not forgetting moving house(which, may i add, i've not even started to do any packing?!?) for once, i'm actually glad i'm not serving in church.

it's a sort of "happy" busy. this hols, if it's not another camp, it's another vcf meeting; if not, another going out to meet yet another friend. do i make myself to sound so busy? plus, i come home late almost every night, and come online to check emails and find some solace in friends who are willing to hear me whine ( you know who you are^^)

but, i must keep myself in check. it's crazy lah.. and it's just not the way things should be. yes, i've a lot of things to do, roles to play, responsibilities to fulfill.. and often, i feel so stretched that i really really wish i had 2or3 mondays, etc... but, there is a reason why God made only 7-day weeks, each day with only 24 hours... i haven't exactly learnt how to prioritise.. cos everything SEEMS so freaking important. and sometimes, i wonder what's more important. i'm learning things the hard way, in the form of my parents bugging and nagging at me. trust me, it's not pleasant music to anyone's ears... i'm still learning( have to reiterate that. learning.)

to my non-christian friends, all the things i do in vcf, church *any God-related activity*, are all catgorised under [Church] . i used to hate it(still do) whenever i meet up with my friends.. and they go, "So addy, busy with Church AGAIN??" (coloured words mine) now, i sheepishly tell them, " Er, no lah. i'm busy with cca stuff." which is, half true.. just that i choose to fail to inform them that my cca is ANOTHER christian based thingy... it's not that i'm ashamed of serving in minstry, or God... it's just.. how am i to explain that everything i do is for God??

My WHOLE life is for God. i've learnt that there is NO such thing as something more important than the other, someone more important than another.. (haha.. unless of course, you take HK hunky dories like RON NG & shopping into consideration.. yeah, they are LESS important) HOW, you tell me? HOW can i put my friends up against some youth or a cg member in comparison. HOW. i don't know. discipleship is very important. if you disciple someone well, that person can in turn, effectively discipleANDevangelise to others. but, so is evangelism. that's why my friends are so so so important to me. i cannot face the thought of everyone so dear to me, not being able to spend eternity with Him. and, to make things seemingly more complicated, what am i todo with my family?? i thought(note the past tense) that since my family is Christian, they are pretty much self-sufficient... but, my dear parents have been reminding(to put it very very nicely) me that "charity begins at home. how can you go out and serve others but don't serve your own family!!!" and if you want to know my parents' definition of serving, haha.. well, think along the lines of 'serving'.. not forgetting, "your little brother is 4 years old now.. in 3 years time, he'll be in primary one. if you all don't spend time with him, next thing you know he'll be in pri1!!!!!!!!!!!" ( do not even bring my grandparents into the picture...)

i'm not making myself out to be adeline-fam-the-great-whom-everyone-wants-a-piece-of.... eventhough that's how i feel at times(minus "the-great" part of course). i fear the term "burn out".. it's a term that suddenly seems so so real. i fear just being immobile midway during sem: the time where all essays kick in, tests are around the corner.. and best, i just don't feel like going to school... BUT, i read last week during QT in Hebrews 13, that in everthing we do, we are supposed to " bring a sacrifice of praise unto God ". i'm still learning. still trying to live out my life that is 1. a sacrifice, 2. in a manner of praise, 3. for God, the one and only.

learning.. learning.. struggling. kinda need prayer, so pray for me, ya?

courtesy

ugh. my dear people. when i sms you, for goodness' sake, please reply me lah......

and when i call you, bother to return my call.. ugh

then again, the intended people are prob not going to read this, but. common handphone courtesy for all. actually this is something we all should have learnt even in the dinosaur age of telephones.

ugh

mozilla: Spacecrocodile

inactive

i've not been blogging.. it's not that i don't know what to write.. it's just that too many things have been going on, and i dont know where to begin.. it's like information overload? i'll blog soon:)

mozilla

my mozilla ( an internet browser) is a bit weird. every page i open up, has a different name. i'm currently using Mozilla Lightningkangaroo, checking my email on Hyperbear, and opened up another 2 more, just to see what funny names they have, which are Suntortoise and Powerferret by the way...

haha. it's my first day@home in a long while, doing nothing. it feels good, so pardon me :D

prayer

today's youth worship was very good. i don't know why, but the 11o'clock service was just fantastic. the choir sang with more gusto, the band did more of their fancy tricks, emily did a good job:) i guess she was more confident after 2 services ^ ^

we were worshipping God.

i notice i made a "mistake" in yesterday's entry. when i was thinking about the choir, i was only concerned about their performance. i later realised that i had forgotten about the spiritual aspect.

one thing i have learned in vcf is that serving in a secular ministry, eg a cca in school, is very different from serving God in church/campus ministry... or any ministry for God.yes, we all want things to run perfect. but, it's important to realise that we are serving God in whatever we do, be it planning a camp, outing, vision for the year ahead. we carry out tasks in our human ways, by doing them. BUT, we must NOT neglect PRAYER. how a programme runs, is very important. but what is even more important is that we have to pray and intercede to God, asking that His will will be done. if we don't pray, but just go ahead planning and doing, we might as well do any other secular activity, not God's work.

now, let me explain the prayer part though. i used to think that prayer would be something like this: we have a meeting to discuss, let's say a camp. the meeting is 3 hours. you start off with a word of prayer, maybe a short devotion. then, you are off to discuss whatever you want to discuss. after 2 hours, it's about time to wrap up. there's a quick round of sharing. then, people break up into little groups of 3/4 to pray for one another and the event, for at most half an hour. and then, at the end of it, someone would wrap up the entire meeting with prayer.

we prayed right?? (at least i saw the word "pray" a few times.) NOPE.

i've since learnt that what i used to "pray" in the past, was such punified prayer. it wasn't exactly interceding. in retrospect, it was more of a prayer of convenience. i was like telling God, here are my prayer requests, if you want, take it and then give me my request. if you don't want, then nevermind lor.

what have i since learnt is prayer?(before i begin, please remember that my word is not THE Bible. so, it's my own personal experience and growth)

when we pray for an event or some vision, i've realised that it is important to spend time asking God what He has in mind/store. when i went for the ifg (international friendship group) comm meetings, we kinda started off on a wrong footing. the first 3 meetings, we went straight into doing a review of the past year and what we wanted for the year ahead. thankfully, our chairman realised it in time, and organized a prayer meeting.. we just sat there for an hour and a half, and just prayed. it was a very simple thing. we just prayed about whatever came to our minds, whatever issues that seemed pressing. it was, i think, the Holy Spirit's prompting.

i've grown to realise that when we take time out of our "busy" schedules to pray, God honours our prayers. to the world, prayer would seem like a useless thing , because we appear to be not doing anything. BUT, to God, it's very different. it shows that we are willing to quieten down our hearts before, to listen to what part of His plans He wants us to be a part of.

we must have it ingrained in us, that in whatever we do, we are serving God, not the world. and when we serve God, we've to come to seek His will.

looney

i swear i'm going looney these days.. i've been laughing & chuckling to myself the whole day. fine, at sporadic intervals.

big God

tomorrow, or rather today is going to be youth weekend. i hope i'm not too apprehensive about leading the section choir later at 10am.. i've never done it before.. whatever i know is from musical practice at scgs' rehearsals.. sigh. let's hope i make some headyway &sense. pray for me:) pray especially for the youth service, that God will use each one of us to bless and lead the entire church. so exciting right ^ ^ pray also that above all, God will help us to serve Him, only for Him; not for any human recognition. cos' it's all about Jesus.

anyway, next week is vcf freshmen camp.. i was not excited.. in fact rather tired. i swear i'm getting old. the thought of ANOTHER camp, just makes me wanna go and sleep. but, thankfully, my co-leader of our group HABBAT (pakistani for love), is jeremy. this guy i met when i was in p6, at angora brethen chapel, where my dad preached at their church camp. haha.. you know, the good thing about tagging along to all these camps, changing churches, going to new schools, making friends with your friends' friends: you get to make more friends. in a way it's like net-working. but, i also see it as how God has introduced so many people into my life, making it so colourful and exciting. different people impact my life in different ways. similarly, i get to, hopefully, impact the people whom i come into contact with, in whatever little or big way that God allows.. so exciting, rite^ ^

anyway, i'm glad my co-leader for foc is a familiar person..someone i find easy to talk to. so, i dont have to worry about whether i can work with him... i thank God. He answered my prayer without me even asking Him. which reminds me of Jeremiah 33:2,3. we've got to pray BIG. cos'

My God is so BIG
so STRONG and so MIGHTY
there's nothing my God cannot do
NO WAY

The mountains are His
The valleys are HIs
the stars are His handiwork too

My God is so BIG
so STRONG and so MIGHTY
there's nothing my God cannot do
For YOU^ ^

credit to nat

nice blog rite?? it's got a funky edge. by the way, All for Love is my favourite song from Hillsong United's latest album, Look to You.

credit for this latest skin must be given to Darlie Chue aka Natania the nuthead. she insists on being called my daughther.. but, let me reiterate, i'm very single.. thank you.

sick

this is an absolutely gross thing to write, but, my stomach is churning. ugh. i'm sick, down with some kind of flu that inflicts fever and diarrhea, possibly cough. down since sunday night, caught possibly from one of my brothers(abel or asher) OR one of the kids at the centre who have been sneezing at me/my arm/in my face.

plus, i think it only worsened because i've been getting only 6 hours of sleep or less for the past few weeks, eversince i started work, only to be aggravated by my staying over at the cia camp on sat with the sec4s. BUT, i had a good talk with serene& wen. (duh it was good.. i slept only an hour)AND i got to see my sec2s.. they are growing up!!

i hope i'm well enough to go back to work tomorrow and well enough to eat chicken rice balls in malacca at the church retreat.

i can only say one thing: i am growing old.. no more late nights -.-

lpc-- failure n evangelism

just came back from lpc(leadership planning camp) for vcf. and i am proud to say that i FINALLY sorted out my thoughts with evangelism.

ok, you see, i had this problem. last year's national day street e, was the last day i led someone to Christ. subsequent street es seemed hopeless. yes, i know that God's word never returns empty. and that it's not me the people are rejecting, but God Himself. BUT, i as the street es & ojts progressed, i couldn't help but feel despondent. it's one thing to know the theory, another to apply it.

to be honest, i must admit that i did judge myself on the number of people i could lead to Christ. it's not to show that i'm a good "evangelist". it's more due to the perception that, if my spiritual gift is evangelism, then why was i "stagnating"?? why was i not bearing any "fruits". when i went for ojts n street e, it was like nothing much happened. which was not true, of course, on hindsight.

through the course of the past year, i did feel a greater burden for the youths i shared the gospel with. i just couldn't comprehend why anyone, on hearing The Good News, would say he/she wants to believe. but when he comes to the commitment part, and i explain the cost of following Christ, which is to let God take control, many come to a halt and make a u-turn, preferring to just believe with the head, which was something that i cautioned against. i thought i was damn zai lah.. for "scaring" people away. this burden has been making me pray for the youths in Singapore, and my own friends. that God will create a desire in them to want to know Him.

in lpc, i learnt and recognised that i was basing my worth with God on the successes i had in evangelism. when no-one wanted to believe in God out on the streets, i thought i was a failure in God's eyes, and let it get to me. and as wen said, i cannot let these thoughts affect me, because, if i get so affected to the extent of not seeing the point for evangelism, satan has "won" the battle. bell was also right to say that i was pushing myself too hard. therefore, i must not give up. and press on doing God's work.

what is most important is to rejoice in the simple and basic fact that i am REDEEMED by God. that MY name is written in the Book of Life. and that is more than sufficient for my to be joyful. furthermore, God loves me not because of who i am, but because of who He is,

because God is love^ ^

esc

i started temp work at the Evangel Student Care Centre today..and heh. i quite like it. the kids are rather adorable.. the boys are precocious.. a little too precocious too handle at times.. the girls are just so so sweet.. first day@work.. heh. let me finish this month, and it may be another story. but, i doubt it :)

i was hoping/expecting to be down at the youth centre and not the primary kids side. but, working with kids may be a good change.. i must say, i'm really proud to say that i shared the gospel with 4 kids today (^-^). and, i'm really happy bcos, i think i almost led 2 of the girls to Christ. why almost? because, i don't know how to lead them in the commitment part.. i only know youth ee, so, when i shared with them, my brain had to multi task.. one of the boys, was screaming(and i really mean screaming.. hollering..) half of the time. but the other 3 kids were really listening.. just that at the end, when i came to the faith part, both boys ran away to watch spongebob sqaurepants. oh well, i think that may be for the better.

kk, back to the multitasking.. i had a hollering kid running around the room, at the same time, as i tried trying to make youth ee more kids ee..had to run the gospel presentation through my head to figure out which parts were more relevant for kids, and at the same time, share the actual gospel presentation. it was really by God's grace that i managed to pull through..

and i was so excited, that when i came home, i asked my dad n abel how kids ee is different from the youth version.. now, i'm better equipped.. i dont think i'll panic so much when i share the gospel with the kids next time. they are such a joy. their eyes are just fixated on you, and you know for sure that they are listening to you, genuinely..not out of politeness. which brings to mind the 4 girls that emily(wefc)& bell met on the streets on thur. it is quite sad that such a wonderful gift as eternal life, can bring about such harsh words.. as emily said herself, it brought daggers to her heart as she read one of the girl's blog.

no wonder Jesus said "let the little children come". to have childlike faith, is just something i wish i still have now.. i don't know if i have. mind you, childlike faith is not blind faith. because children are so simple and innocent(not necessarily naive), they recognise truth when they see it. not like adults(of my age.. older or even younger..)

as we grow older, our lives become more "complicated", we get more tied up in unnecessary "activities". although, we would like to think that we are more "matured", personally, i still prefer simplicity and innocence. to just trust in God for everything, without having to rationalise and worry. and this is a truth i've been reading about in the Chronicles of Narnia.

oh man. i can yak for ages about Narnia.. have you WATCHED the trailer for The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. heh. i haven't, but i heard it was good. i simply can't wait for the movie to come out on 22nd December... anyway, publicity, aside. let me share with you 2 important concepts about Christianity from the Narnia series.. yes, i finally decided to read all 7 books.. just that andrewfam the great lost book 3.i learnt a lot from C.S.Lewis, but, here are 2 poignant truths:

1. we did not choose God. Instead, God chose us first.
in The Silver Chair(book 4) when the girl, jill was bewildered on how, by simply calling out the name of aslan, she entered the magical kingdom of Narnia.
and, Aslan said this, " You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you."
how true. we can never call unto God, unless he has first created the desire within us.

2. to have childlike faith like lucy.
lucy, to me, is just truly so trusting in Aslan, the Lion. and that fact that she is always the first to see Him, while he remains "invisible" to the rest, speaks voulmes..

i can only say this much. i strongly ENCOURAGE you to pick up a book of the Chronicles of Narnia..start with The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe first. as for me, i love the kids i'm working with.. and i can only hope that by hanging out with kids half my age, some of that innocence and sweetness will rub off on me ^ ^

GSS

damn. am i in a blogging mood or what. i simply cannot contain my excitement about the Great Singapore Sale.. although, given a choice, i would rather be in Hong Kong now, i have to make do with what i have here.. (wen, next year!! hk here we come!!!)

to curb my spending, heh, i decided i better come up with a wishlist. it's tough to keep within this limit, that i agree:

1. peasant skirt ( i just bought one today.. so, erm.. yeah. but...)
2. rattan bag ( i saw one today.. more like a few.. but, their was this ancient looking bag.. ugh, which was CRYING out to me)
3. nike pink&green sneakers
4. one or two pairs on earrings (i've fasted from buying earrings for way too long...)
5. a funky top.(when i see it, i'll know it,w hich i think, i've seen one too many.sigh)
6. another bag?! in one of those funky mama psychadelic colours??? ( yes, i know, i've too many bags)

can i formulate into words what you, my dear reader is probably thinking.. yes, i feel materialistic.. and yes, i think i'm a major shopaholic.. that's a bad bad habit/hobby to pick up from a friend(courtesy of serene foo and her one too many shopping trips...) NEVER have a shopaholic as a friend, and a wealthy one too, to add.

then again, i'm a woman(that sounds so so weird.. calling myself a woman?! i mean, it's not that i've just gone for a sex change or what, but.. i think i'm entering into the realm of age-ism... sigh) and woman are entitled to shop as much as men are to football...

it is during such a time as this, i wish that i have a rich boyfriend.. ha. but, in the mean time, i'm more than contented with my heavenly Father, who's far greater than anyone else in this world and beyond ^ ^

unchanging

today, i met up with kwee yong & yi ting, my dear juniors from pjc.. heh. they,cute as ever.. they make me feel young^ ^

i tried to explain nus lingo to yi ting.. i.e. bidding system, modules, etc.. but i think i left her in more of a blur then anything else.. i better make good my promise to be there when she bids for her modules.. and i wonder whether i scared her off when i told her how lonely one can be in the first semester in nus.

sigh. can you imagine??? it's been more than a year.. just last year, i was a scared chicken, because, i had not gotten my admissions letter from nus YET. and one year has already passed, so quickly.. a little too quickly perhaps, to the extent that i feel as if i have not caught my breath. so much has happened, eversince i entered jc and left it, to work and then later off to uni... and i can only attest to one thing that has been constant.

God.

I AM.

people change, and i'm not spared. But, i'm thankful for God is unchanging.

Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging.
Your love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet.
Your love is a mystery, how You gently lift me
When I am surrounded, Your love carries me.

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, Your love makes me sing.
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, Your love makes me sing.

Your love is surprising, I can feel it rising
All the joy that's growing, deep inside of me
Everytime I see You, all Your goodness shines through
I can feel this God song rising up in me.

vcfers

for the picture below, i forgot to add that it was deb's birthday last week.. and the whole bunch of us vcf-ers had a surprise birthday party for her...was she shocked or what. heh.. i've never had a surprise birthday before..

anyway, another day, when i'm up to it, i shall write an entry on vcf.. and how God is leading me in nus through vcf... i'll save it for another day.

for reference, the people below, from left to right, top to bottom are:
mark, matt, andrew, kevin, ruiyi, joel & me.
jocelyn, adeline wan, deborah(her royal higness), mel, fern & angeline.

deb's birthday with fellow vcf-ers. 

power n purpose

Ps shern gave a very good sermon today, or rather, yesterday.he spoke on Acts 2:1-14, talking about the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. which was timely, cos today, in another less than 8 hours, i'll be going back to qbc for the youth ee clinic. i'm excited now. im glad. i was getting worried that if i dint get my act together, i'll be... i dunno..

i can regurgitate the entire gospel to you, but, that's not good enough. i was worried that i kinda lost the fire. i've been disappointed by past mass street evangelisms.. the youths on the streets i met, they were just not interested in God, they couldn't care less, keeping God at arms length... my heart aches for them.. it always does. and i always tear for my non-christian friends. because, recently, i've been learning that it's a long journey. life is a long and ardous journey. and praying for your friends' salvations is not a one night stand. it requires daily prayer, which i confess, i don't remember everyday. i get frustrated that when i ask my friends out for vcf talks or etc, the response is always that of, "i'm too busy, another time, ok?". please dont take it that im dissing people. on top of that, when i shared Christ with my prcs, they are all so polite and scientific.. i don't know..

it's all these things that take the fire out of you at times.. you get disappointed to see that, as if, God is not working. your prayers aren't answered. but, you know that you can't give up trying. you cant give up praying for your friends, trying to break down the communication barriers with the prcs, going out to the streets to share the gospel... because if you don't play your part, who will?

so, i'm thankful for the sermon. for God speaking to me and reassuring me that He will always re-fill me with the Holy Spirit. oh.. here's a little Holy Spirit trivia for you. baptism of Holy Spirit vs filling of the Holy Spirit?? what's the diff? i finally found out.

Baptism- it's the initial experience. the Holy Spirit resides in us when we believe that Jesus died for our sins.

Filling- the ongoing experience. Just like a fire, we need regular douses of petrol to keep going.

so, here i am. re-filled with the Holy Spirit. i'm charged up and excited. i do hope that today i would be able to pass on the passion and enthusiasm i caught from the zion people, esp jialing, to other youth leaders, and they can pass it on to their church. i hope that that today would be a start for the youth grup at wefc. i hope to see God continue the good work done at qbc...

as for my friends, i shall just concentrate on bringing them one step closer to God everyday(:

But, most importantly, i want to be able to experience once again God working in me, and through me, for Him.

kingdom of heaven

I watched Kingdom of Heaven today with wen.. and,I'm glad she said she wanted to watch it, cos I would never have gone. I seriously thought it was a sucky show that portayed christianity in a bad light ( so I heard from my friends).

It is a good movie, plenty of action(but way too much blood. explains the NC16 rating. the blood spurts were comparable to kill bill). Furthermore, Orlando Bloom is hot as ever. In LOTR he was such a pretty boy. But in Kingdom of Heaven, he oozed such manly heroism (^o^).

Frivolities aside, this movie is good, for the very simple reason that it showed how human Christians are. it was sad to see how divided the christians were. there were 2 camps of people. One, fought for God, for Christianity, or so they thought. the other, fought for fame, wealth and power. i just, sigh. i get very sad(even more than just plain old sad) whenever people, friends say that hypocritical Christians are a big issue to them. Ghandi himself said, "Find me a Christian who's not a hypocrtic, and i will believe" (something to that extent). but, people forget that Christians are human just like anyone else. we all sin and fall short of God's lory and standard. that's why we need God. That's why you can never find a non-hypocritical Christian because everyone will fall at some point of time.

i would sincerely encourage you to catch this movie, to see the helpless and the utter hopelessness of humans. and lest we Christians think to ourselves that we are much better than the Christians portayed in Kingdom of Heaven, watch out, cause you've already fallen into the trap of hypocrisy.

disclaimer: to have a total stranger tagging on my board.. seems alien.(no offence fudgebumkin, it's a 1st in a long while.. yeha. i'm a lil deprived) i feel like a xiaxue(apparently, asia's best blog of the year) i'll comment abt her another day...btw, just for the record, i didn't write the poem.. ( i had better say that.. if not, wat with all this talk on how blogs are not one's private n personal space.. we bloggers are liable to libel suits.. gosh)

anyway, just to set things straight. i'm a christian. a firm one at that.. one who believes that evangelism is something every christian should do, be it friendship evangelism or street e, etc... so, the poem below, was something reina, a youth shared today@cg. it struck me to not give up praying for my friends, n doing the small things that would bring them one step closer to God.

we should all share the gospel with the non-christian friends around us. as the poem itself says, how can we be friends, if we never share with them the most precious thing in life??

a poem from a non-christian to her christian friend:

My friend, I stand in judgment now

And feel that you are to blame somehow

On earth I walked with you each day

And never did you show the way

You know the Lord in truth and glory

But never did you tell the story

My knowledge then was very dim

You could have led me safe to Him

Though we lived together on the earth

You never told me of the second birth

And now I stand this day condemned

Because you failed to mention Him

You taught me many things, that's true

I called you my friend and trusted you

But I learned now that it's too late

You could have saved me from this fate

We walked by day and talked by night

And yet you showed me not the light

You let me live and love and die

You know I will never live on high

Yes, I called you friend in life

And trusted you through joy and strife

And yet coming to this end

I cannot call you "my friend".

here's a song i found.. but i've not yet listened cos i dont know where to get it). i've heard homegrown talent corinne may before though.. never knew she was a Christian..is she? plus, this song pretty much describes the life i live..

corrinne may: journey
It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause it's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
To you

sigh. i'm in the midst of exams now.. one last paper on tue.. and wat can i say.. i have this sinking sickening fear that i'm going to do way worse than last sem.. sometimes, i wonder whether going to nus has brought down my self-esteem.. it's not that i think i'm a failure(ok..fine, i do at times..) but, i just dont feel confident about my studies here in uni at all... and it doesnt help that the people around me, the majority have much better CAPS than me.. that when they say they can't do well for a particular module, the worst grade they get is like my best..i feel pressured to do well.. bcos i want to give my parents something to be proud of(its my last shot at good grades here in uni), bring God some glory through my studies, just to get good grades to be proud of for once.

but, the one thing i'm holding on to, is the fact that since God brought me to nus, barely, he must have a reason for placing me here, by His grace. and, for that, i'm grateful. and i believe, though many at tiems i would falter, that He will bring me through these 3/4 years in nus.

oh. i forgot to add... after the sermon today, i prayed and asked God to give me direction in my lfe.. and also to help me in serving in wefc..and i prayed specifically that God will help.. it's not that im lazy or anything, but i needed a sign that God will always be with me as i serve Him in this new church..assurance.. so, i asked that after i prayed and opened my eyes, someone from the youth ministry would talk to me..

so, i opened my eyes.. and blink blink.. nothing happened.. oh well.. nvm.. i went down to the fellowship hall and got a little fazed out by the huge crowd for Ps Twee Kim's appreciation lunch.. and was starting to wonder what on earth i was going to do in this huge crowd.. and then..

i felt a tap on my shoulder.. i turned around, this girl, Aggie, a youth leader, told me that Ps Jabez (the youth pastor) assigned(can't think of a better word) me to join her cg.. oh man.. at that point, i couldn't stop smiling.. haha.. an answered prayer!! immediate! (well, almost ^ ^)

i'll be starting from scratch again.. as a youth.. so, heh.. i'm just glad God answered my prayer.. it's a new start to a new ministry!! i'm really excited.. ^ ^

Stand Firm

Today, Pastor Shern gave a very good sermon.. it was a very uplifting message..

as some of you may know.. i've been stressed out by school, a new church, life in general...a lot of stuff.

i've also been struggling in my relationship with God eversince uncle louis died. His death made me question God a lot, made me question my intentions in life... a lot of questions in fact.. too many that i got scared to a certain point cos i got worried that i may start doubting God to the point that i would forsake Him.. thankfully, i think i've hit the most bottom of the pit already.. and am slowly tryin to climb back up..

today's sermon gave me a renewed confidence in God. God is real and alive. God is eternal. we should ALL be living for Eternity.

so, according to this eternity principle:
1. my studies now flagging or not is just a fleeting spot in the never-ending line of eternal life.(but that doesn't mean i should just give up on my studies, of course.. heh)
2. my feeling of fat and any sickness (and etc) is only temporal.. when Jesus returns, i will have a new and glorified body, umblemished.
3. all the stress, depression and negative feelings i ever experience on this earth will all come to naught in heaven. in heaven, there is nothing but unspeakable joy and contentment.
4. working for money, material goods is useless cos i can never bring them to heaven with me.. instead, i should work towards my eternal rewards in heaven.


1 Corinthians 15:58 says, "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work o fthe Lord, because you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain."

STAND FIRM!!

to contextualise this verse:

if you've been bogged down by the stress of life, that sometimes you lose sight of God,yet you know that God is your only hope, STAND FIRM!!
if you've been praying for the salvation of your unsaved friend or parent or grandparent, and they don't seem to be responding, STAND FIRM!!
if you've been seeking direction for your life, unsure with what God wants you to do, STAND FIRM!!
if you feel that you have been disheartening God, disappointing Him, STAND FIRM!!
if you haven't been serving God as much as you know He wants, serve by faith and STAND FIRM!!
if you've been trying to be a strong testimony for God in school or work, yet you feel that you fail Him at times, STAND FIRM!!

the list goes on... just STAND FIRM!! in your walk with God, your service to God. always remember that our life here is only transient.. what matters most is eternity. so, work towards that, ok?

anyway, hope some have been encouraged by this post.. i would really encourage you to go read 1Corinthians 15. God really spoke to me and put my life in perspective...okie.. exams start this friday for me, so it's time to go back to the books(or rather stacks of notes..)

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
Our God is an awesome God!

mr lonely

it's rather amusing, to be reading an email from a friend, where she mentions in passing the song, Lonely. and then, lo n behold, u hear it on the radio:

Lonely, I’m mister lonely
I have nobody to call my own

it's such a cute song..

Disappear

Disappear ~by Bebo Norman from Try (2004)

On a day like this I want to crawl beneath a rock 

A million miles from the world, the noise, the commotion 

That never seems to stop 

And on a day like this I want to run away from the routine 

Run away from the daily grind that can suck the life 

Right out of me 

I know of only one place I can run to...

Chorus: 

I want to hide in You 

The Way, the Life, the Truth 

So I can disappear 

And love is all there is to see 

Coming out of me 

And You become clear 

As I disappear 

I don't want to care about earthly things 

Be caught up in all the lies that trick my eyes 

They say it's all about me 

I'm so tired of it being about me...

I would rather be cast away 

Separated from the human race 

If I don't bring You glory 

If I don't bring You glory 

If I don't bring You glory

a new creation

Yesterday was my dad's installation as the senior pastor in woodlands efc. It was also a day which I found socializing too much of a hassle and a chore:(

I'm not an extremely extroverted person. I can be, but only after warming up to people. It takes time. It took me one & a half semesters before my vcf friends realised I could be corny.. At 1st encounter, I have the tendency to want to keep to myself. It would help a lot if people seemed friendlier and take the first step. Then again, maybe they are...

Too many 'I's... too self-centred, too focused on my own problems. I am supposed to know what I'm doing in a new church; I'm still excited about teaching youth ee in a new church. But it's discouraging when faced with a daunting task of knowing a huge group of 90+ ppl, leaders not included. So, I simply freaked yesterday and went home straight after church cos someone was coming to view the house.

Just did my quiet time on 2 Corinthians 5:17,
'If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!'

Our Daily Journey goes on to say that "all of us have different personalities. Yours is a part of who you are, whether or not you are a believer in Jesus. But when we accept Him as Saviour, our personality should begin reflecting Him. We should become more loving, caring, and interested in others. For me, that meant not being a zombie (which comes naturally to me), but opening up and being friendly."

It was as if this entry was written for me. How true.

So, still faced with the daunting task of knowing too many people @Teenedge, I've decided to break things down a little simpler. Every Sunday, during the lunch break before Teenedge, I will "force" myself to join people, smile and say hi and talk to them. The goal is, to talk to at least ONE person properly and get to know him/her. So there, one person per week doesn't sound too scary, right? It's time to put the skills from How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie into good use.

Why am I writing all this? I need you to pray for me, I can't do it alone:)

2 Corinthians 5:16-21
16 From now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.

thoughts

a penny for my thoughts..

'tired' is brandished on my forehead.
-.-

in Christ alone

went back to geylang efc yesterday for serice. was really ministered by this song.. i thought it put the whole of last week into perspective, for me at least.

`In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

passed

life has never seemed so short until today.

it brings home the point that life here on earth is so short. be it 20 years or 50, even 100.. when compared to ETERNITY in heaven with God. what should we be doing with our life then?

got peace?

got peace?

ade ` the garden city is browning into a hay city` says:

peace. it's so impt

Jingwen says:

it is.

Jingwen says:

when you do something wrong,

Jingwen says:

no peace

Jingwen says:

when you don't know what to do

Jingwen says:

no peace

Jingwen says:

when you feel guilty

Jingwen says:

no peace

Jingwen says:

when you are angry

Jingwen says:

no peace

Jingwen says:

when you are sad

Jingwen says:

no peace

Jingwen says:

when you are anxious,

Jingwen says:

no peace

i've realised that u won't have peace unless you do God's will. if you go against Him or be disobedient, you'l feel very frustrated.

a good eg would be this whole issue of my changing church/ministry. i didn't want to leave cos i knew i would miss the youths, some who are more like friends than little mentees(: i knew that i'l miss my friends.. cos, God really answered my prayer when i asked for Christian friends in church who would help me in my walk with God.. heh. He didn't just give me one, He gave me so many more!!(there're like 8or 9 others around my age) i knew that i will miss being comfortable in a church and knowing everyone, and just being myself..

but, when i finally let go, and told God that if it was His will for me to move to the new church, He must give me peace with the decision and help me look foward to going.

so, i'm really thankful now, cos i have the peace about this whole issue. i would definitely miss you all, but, please pray for me that i will have peace when i am at woodlands efc, ok?

does anyone know how to upload the pics in my hp??

hot weather

the heat is simply unbearable. didn't go for ywav today cos i'm really down with the cold. and the muscles were/are aching. and i feared that they would melt like jelly that comes into direct contact with the scorching sun. ok. fine. i exaggerate. the unfunny thing is that although i have the cold, i don't feel cold. -.-

hot weather makes me write stupid and irritated things.. -.-

let's write about something more pleasant. like V-Day:)
v-day this year was one of the most happening v-days.. heh. why? let me tell u, cos, i saw david yeo in the arts canteen!! ^ ^ he is STILL TALL & CUTE. the downside? i saw him with the same girl he was with the other time i spotted him at ps, which means, she's probably he's girlfriend and there goes one very eligible guy who's taken.

(i think some eyes are rolling now)

so, anyway, the next day, i had esc (English Speaking Corner) with the prcs.. i realise that these chinese scholars really know what they want in life. esp with the recent debate in the news about the competition singaporeans face with 30,000 chinese students in singapore, from primary school to varsity. i couldn't help but feel for them, the prcs, that is. i do get the whole notion of how infuriating it is to compete with these foreign students. in scgs, there were these few vietnamese scholars who swept almost all the bookprizes, from physics to literature. and then, last sem, i saw how the chinese really could jack up the bell curve of grades for my french class.. they were really smart/hardworking.

now now, before anyone starts misquoting me that i am anti-foreign talent, let me clarify.

to be in direct contact with 14 china scholars now, i've a better picture and understanding. these 14 prcs, 8 are your average "joe"s and 6 average "jane"s, came to singapore with barely passable english. trust me, i had to speak my really broken chinese to communicate with them. now, it's been almost 2 months since they've gone through intensive english classes at nus. and i now understand why china chinese do so well in school.

their english is still not on par with mine, but, they are really humble. they are willing to let me correct their english for them. teachability. because their english is not good, they make up for it by mugging hard. that's why they do so well in school. to make up for their not-as-good english. another reason why they study so hard is also to make it big. sucess is really important to them. they don't take it for granted. well, that's my theory.

one major thing i've realised is that chinese like any other people need God. back to what i said in the beginning, that these chinese really know what they want in life.

or, do they?

i just hope that they will grow to realise even if they attain love, career, family. they will never be satsified unless they know God. Matthew 16:26 says:

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

this is the theme verse for Falling.Spinning, a vcf musical that's coming up in the Easter week. for more info, go to Falling.Spinning

anyway, just to go back to v-day. my prcs asked me what i did for v-day at the end of the esc session. they had such mischievous grins on their faces and their eyes held that expectant look. when i told them that my v-day was boring, spent with vcf@swordfighters, their attention strayed and they started to pack up and not listen to what i was saying.. grrh. what was that supposed to mean?? that if i didnt have a date with a hot guy or ANY guy for that matter, it wasn't worth listening to me?!

oh well. c'est la vie.
je n'ai pas de ami. -.-
(french for " i do not have any boyfriends.)Lol. damn. my french is good.

gettin sick

i'm in school now.. this is like the first time in ages since i've blogged in school.. which means that i've been very productive(i hope) n not wasting time online..(i.e. hibernating in the lib)

mid term break is next week. a measely four pathetic days. and adeline thinks she is falling sick. she went to bed last night very tired and with a horrible sore throat :( plus the nose has decided to be block..i can just taste the phelgm. i think i've run into the problem of too many activities, too much homework, too many people and not enough time for rest.. trust me, 5 and a half hours of sleep a day is simply not enough.

BUT, i'm not looking foward to next week.. too many assignments, too many readings to catch up on(but compare to last term, slightly better), too many people to catch up with, too many things to do, too many activities again.. and just 4 days. ugh.

and, above all, not enough time spent with God. by the time i come home eveyrday, i'm so tired, i just zone out infront of the tv. i'm just short of falling into bed without bathing. plus, may i add, the weather is so so hot the past 2 months, that i think i get a taste of what hell is. i simply cannot take heat. i need the cold. ugh.

so much for complaints. i'm coming down with the cold, so pardon me.

it's chinese new year.. but, i'm positive that watever weight i lost durin the dec hols from runnin around, is all back...ugh.

Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect when I am weak
All that I cling to, I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me

Is it not tough to let go of things in life??

i do. it's never easy..but, i thank God..i'm actually excited about moving on. just now when i asked my dad if he thinks i could come back for e-training.. he gave the expected answer: no.

but, what was surprising was that i actually agreed with him. and i could actually 'feel' that i had to move on. oh well. an answered prayer.

sometimes i wonder if i get things easy from God. why is it that my prayers get answered??(ok, fine.. maybe not all) i was talking to this guy in school this week. he used to go to church. and, two of his close family members passed away last year. he just couldn't comprehend how God could remain silent in such a time as that. eventually, he gave up on God. for His silence.

i really wanted to share the gospel with my friend at that time..but, i had this strong urge that it was not the right time. and i've been thinkin recently.. why was God silent?i don't even know what my friend went through. what i fear most is that how am i to tell him that God loves him so much, yet He let his family members die without knowin Christ. i just do not know.

and now, i am getting a little worried.. wat if God decideds to leave me in silence for a while?? to let me know how it feels??? can i handle it? can i come out of it stronger. can it not happen this half of this year?? can i come out of it with greater trust in God?

as i ramble, i realise a few things...

1. it's ok if i can't comprehend what my friend has gone through. i can never taste any struggles that any friend undergoes. i can't . God can.

That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin.So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it.
Hebrews4:14-16

2. i need a firm foundation in Christ. one so strong, that no matter what happens, i will not crumble. it's ok to waver a little..but, ultimately, always remember that if life is unbearable when God is silent, how much more so, if i take God out of my life completely.

Lord i give You my heart, i give You my soul, i live for You alone
every breath that i take, every moment i'm awake
LORD, have your way in me.

that's my prayer.. that God will have His way in me. do pray for my friend. and for me if i ever get the chance to talk to him again(: