Esther moment

This week was a startling week.

I was reminded by God: what on earth I'm here on earth for, why I changed church, why I'm in NUS, why I am who I am.

It was mainly a case of comfort, complacency. I've realised, which is rather frightening, when life gets so comfortable, exciting and fun, focus gets very shifted from God. When things go wrong, I will always go and pray and beg and just, be still before God, because I know I cannot handle on my own. But, when things are all so cheery and rosy, going just the way you want, it's so dangerous, because, I'm not doing things with God's strength, but mine. It can come to the stage where I do things, serve God because I like it, I'm comfortable with it (which is important to serve God and like it). But I can't serve God only with what I like, and leave what I would rather not do outside my door.

But, it's so freaky, to have God say: " Go and do." Ok, maybe not those exact words. But, it was rather scary when God reminded me why He placed me in church, in school. If I chose to do things the way I wanted to, I would not be obeying Him. However, the costs are high. Ok, maybe not so high, like that of Paul the apostle. But, to me, they are still high. I'm still scared. Worried because I may not have enough time, energy, joy to do for God, to live life. Which I just realised, I don't "do" for God. Rather, I "be" for Him.

"Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
` Esther 4:13,14