wishes and dreams that are yet to come true

i finally spruced up my blog a lil:
-increased font size (sorry sonn!!)
-linked, relinked & unlinked quite a few people
-changed headings,etc...

still thinking of changing layout, i.e new picture.. but, lazy to find a new picture, plus i haven't found a layout that is simple yet compact.. so, as the picture says, wait lah.

speaking of pictures, as most would know, my apple's hard disk crashed, burying along with it, some photos, and countless songs... which made me feel a bit sianz. the songs, are legal, because i inherited this laptop from my aunt... now, i'm just chris-rice-less.. which makes me wanna go *argh argh*. but that's not that bad, because, it'll just mean lots of money to buy the albums.. what makes me go *argh argh* to the power of 100, is that my home pc's hard disk ALSO crashed. what's worse is that all my photos, you read it right, ALL got buried to goodness-knows-where. everything from photos from jc prom, to random cf cg absurdities, to my 21st birthday, to the odd ones with frennies... i really ought to make it a habit to upload photos online.. argh

and if you ever wonder why i don't exactly reply tags on my board it's because, i procrastinate and people don't usually reply my replies to their tags that i figured that i'd just leave it at that. but i do read lah. it's one of my (bad) habits, like how i am capable of taking ages (like in days...) to reply smses..

while i carry on rambling... after blog-surfing on friends' blogs, i realise that there are a lot more people reading blogs than one can actually fathom. this is to a certain extent, er.. can't find the word.

ok, i think i sound angsty.

and so 2 weeks of school has whizzed by. i don't wish the hols back, but i do wish i can just get beamed up to heaven now. rest assured, i'm not sucidal. it's just that i realise that if there is that one person i really really want to be with, it's God.

ok fine, so maybe i don't think that everyday. i'm human. but at uds (university dedication service) on thurs, it suddenly dawned on me the meagre capacity of one's heart. i.e, the room one's heart has for something. ok, let me try to explain.. ever liked 2 people at one time before? yes/no? it's not something i'm exactly very proud of (in fact i scoff at shows with people who can't decide between 2.. but hey, that's for being judgemental ade...).

so yes, i have liked 2 guys at a point of time before. i put myself through a lot of torture for that because it came to a point where i was pissed at myself for being fickle. i can't stand it when others are fickle, and i definitely could not tolerate it in myself. but i noticed that after a while, the first guy that i liked, gradually got replaced in my thoughts by the second guy, until he eventually got phased out into oblivion. and so, fickleness would not be an issue anymore. it would be back to one guy again.

i totally forgot about this until uds, when i was thinking of how to pursue God single-heartedly. and it clicked all of a sudden. just as my human heart cannot handle 'liking' 2 separate people, this same heart, definitely cannot follow both God and the world. one would have to be phased out after a while... the world? or is it God?

i never fully grasped Matt 6:24, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." but on thursday, it finally dawned sense.

i cannot, no matter how hard i try, serve God, while still being dogged down by worries, unfulfilled desires, concerns in this world.

either she will hate one and love the other.

and so, as i sang,

"All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaim
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

Chorus:
Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You."

the line "wishes and dreams that are yet to come true" struck my heart hard. God, they are yours.

I'd be taking a lifetime to learn how to place God as the one thing my heart focuses on..

oh well, i've got an entire life to learn..

and in the mean time, i know i'm not ready to meet God yet. so til then, hey earth;)