blogthings

took a lil time off to destress... and amuse myself.

Your Birthdate: January 15

With a birthday on the 15th of any month, you are apt to have really strong attachments to home, family and domestic scene. The 1 and 5 equaling 6, provide the sort of energy that makes you an excellent parent or teacher. You are very responsible and capable. This is an attractive and an attracting influence. You like harmony in your environment and strive to maintain it. You tend to learn by observation rather than study and research. You may like to cook, but you probably don't follow recipes. This number shows artistic leanings and would certainly support an talents that may be otherwise in your makeup. You're a very generous and giving person, but perhaps a bit stubborn in ways.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

*blinks* then *gulps*.. okkaaayyy, this is a lil freaky..

the next one is hilarious.. i'm a eunuch!! what a tagline.. haha=D

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

uh... is this a sign?

You Should Learn Japanese

You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture. From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko!

What Language Should You Learn?

i still prefer french though.. but, would like to give korean a go..haha

darn.. im too longwinded..

Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical

You blog like no one else is reading... You tend to use your blog to explore ideas - often in long winded prose. Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily. But if they disagree with once too much, you'll pull them from your blogroll!

What's Your Blogging Personality?

oh.... i love reese so much.. apparently, eating myself IS an option..

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

wedding song revisted

what's a good song for a wedding??

a Christian love song.

i've always loved Just Let Me Say, until, i realised that i can never tell God how much i love Him.. it seems so wrong.. so, i figured, a song that talks about God's love would be better.. How Deep the Father's Love. i think it's a really beautiful song, but i hope it isn't too solemn a song for a wedding.. my mother says a more joyful song would be better.. but, i can't seem to think of any joyous Christian love song... that is not glass-shattering. how?!

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross
My guilt upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no powr's, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

`Stuart Townend

save all

un/fortunately, i've a 'save-all' mentality.

why it's unfortunate? because it hurts when people whom i care for seem to be slipping out of reach, out of sight. it's like a stab to the heart when you read friends' blogs, hear of friends' ongoings through other friends, knowing that they are going through tough patches in life. i feel so helpless. really don't know what to do, except pray. but still, saying that i'll pray for you/them seems so cliche. sometimes, it feels like it's said in passing, like giving up in resignation. the best thing i can offer them is a God whom i can trust, and i know, a God whom they can trust too. but, but.. how?

people are fleeting, circumstances are changing, systems are undependable. i know i've been blessed so greatly, blessed so much that it makes things difficult to talk to people. i've a warm and stable family, though we squabble, but still, we are there. and i know family is something i can count on. having my uni tuition fees paid for by my dad, actually being in nus. i've friends, countless; my handphone book is testimony. but, how many do i even contact? friends... so what? have i been doing my part? when shawna shared at cg last thurs, about her friend who underwent depression, it made me think of who i am neglecting. and i think mingjie brought up a good point at cg too: i've to share my life with them too. i'm always too eager to hear how things have been going for them, and when it comes to me, my life, though interesting and highly exciting to me, i fear that it's boring and unpalatable to others.

why? it always revolves around church, and now vcf. i don't have that 'romantic' bgr to gossip about, idiots to bitch about, angst to unload, that happening party to go to. but, i'm happy, contented. the most i can gripe about is the never-ending pile of schoolwork, the new-house-that-is-yet-to-be-moved-into, annoying (at times) parents & siblings, being tired.. and..well, that's all. my problems, though many it seems at times, are so trivial compared to others. God has done so much for me, I've seen him work in people and situations. God doesn't have to do things for me. it's just so.. iffy at times. how to share joy?

i think what serene said is true and so frightening. vcf and even christian life can be so insular. i just feel comfortable with these friends.. and i think i spend too much time with them. yes, we have to spend time to work together in ministry; yes, they are always there in the library to study with; yes, they are often the ones who understand my deeper gripes and frustration regarding spiritual stuff; yes, they are the ones who can encourage me and pray for me because we know that we have common and shared understanding in the same God.

but i can't neglect others. these were the people who were a part of me at some point in life. it feels sad that they won't understand why i get excited over the ways God has been working in my life. God is my whole life. i work and pray that more may come to the saving knowledge of Christ. and fear grips me, because, life is too short, too fleeting. what if i don't get a chance to share the gospel? what if they don't want to believe that Jesus saves? why don't they want to?

what have i been doing with my life. who and what have i been spending my time on?

i need to recognise and live by the fact that the one who 'saves' is the Holy Spirit, not me. i can't make people believe. mr Holy Spirit can. but what i can do, is help disciple others. that's what christians are called to: to make disciples of all nations. that's the one thing that was most impressed on my heart at last saturday's National Consultation of International Students Ministry when pastor mark asked me if there were plans to disciple the international students who come to singapore(we'll leave this lesson for another day. learnt a lot of stuff on sat).

sigh. i'm like my favourite pick-me-up now: mango-papaya shake. i feel all shaken, stirred and squashed.. and sad. i don't understand why God chooses to work in certain ways. But since i know that i'm just a 20 year old kid, and God has eternity before and after Him, my knowledge is uncomparable to His wisdom.

i can't save.

i can only pray.

i can only obey.

wedding song

The wedding song. is there a wedding song??

tell me I should go and screw myself. like seriously. what on earth was I thinking. was I even on earth?

St andrew's cath

a note to myself: bake macarons once you move!! click here for yummy-looking macarons..

today I had a lot of ice-cream.. in various forms and flavours. gelato in chocolate, rocher, tiramisu, rum&raisin, durian(the best) & yoghurt -- all courtesy of frankie's new cafe small, medium, large (and no, I had no part to play in this name game). if I seem like a pig for eating too much, well, I had only 2 mini cups. john just slapped on all the flavours so I could try more.. haha. yes. I am an ice-cream freak. I could live on ice-cream alone. after that, we had dinner at lot1 and my wonderful brother bought a cup of minimelts: mocha& mint, another wonderful combination. I've really eaten a lot of ice-cream today. I'm full. though, I could have a go at the japanese redbean icecream that the 7eleven at fong seng's sells =X

ok, the latter part of my day was more frivolous. In the morning, I actually woke up for serious stuff. went for the National Council of International Students Ministry held at St Andrew's Cathedral. today was my first time ever in 20 years at St Andrew's. I was already running late, but the moment I stepped into the hall/sanctuary(is that what you call it?!), it just took my breath away, literally. I had to stop and just stare and take it all in. the cathedral is just so beautiful and awe-inspiring that two thoughts came to my mind there and then:

1. I really need to go to those cathedrals in Europe. I heard they are bigger and more beautiful.
2. if a church, a man-made building, can be so beautiful that it demands such awe and attention from people(me at least), what about God? God is even more awe-inspiring. yet, how come, Christians always struggle in their walk. ok, why do I always struggle in my walk with God. why is it difficult to spend time getting to know HIM-- the maker of all things beautiful. if God's snowcapped mountains and vast oceans(esp Korean coastlines..courtesy of Da Chang Jin..heh), tulips and daffodils, redwood trees and coconut palms, clear blue skies and purple sunsets make people stand in amazement at the beauty of it all, why have we forgotten and neglected the Creator of them all?

manymany times when I have chosen to delight myself in the things of the world, I've forgotten God. Sam gave me a very good analogy. he watched Be With Me and found the girl's unrequited love rather sad. Yet, it made him realise how sad God will be when we choose to not return His love. He sent me this poem a week ago. for all you un-literature people, I hope you dig out some understanding of it. it's such a beautiful poem by George Herbert:

The Pulley
When God at first made Man,

Having a glass of blessings standing by -

Let us (said He) pour on him all we can;

Let the world's riches, which dispersed lie,

Contract into a span.

So strength first made a way,

Then beauty flow'd, then wisdom, honour, pleasure:

When almost all was out, God made a stay,

Perceiving that, alone of all His treasure,

Rest in the bottom lay.

For if I should (said He)

Bestow this jewel also on my creature

He would adore my gifts instead of Me,

And rest in Nature, not the God of Nature:

So both should losers be.

Yet let him keep the rest.

But keep them with repining restlessness;

Let him be rich and weary, that at least,

If goodness lead him not, yet weariness

May toss him to My breast.

stressed?

hullo you =D what do you do when you are stressed/frustrated??

1. I run.
Especially on a really empty stomach, makes me feel lighter.. and after running, I get all airy-fairy, especially my head.. and I think this 'lightness' in the head is somewhat simliar to the high you get from taking drugs. not that i've ever taken drugs before. =X wei's principle that "running produces endorphins, and endorphins make you happy" really works. trust me on that. so, stay away from drugs, because, God has made you a body that produces a drug(endorphin) that will help to desensitize your pain by attaching itself to the end nodes of your nerves.. haha. [ok, my feeble attempt to recall my Psych 1101exposure module]. PLUS, running=exercising=burning calories=healthIER body(and also =lose weight...) especially when...

2. I consume( to put it mildly) chocolates.
today was a prime eg of the benefits chocolate brings. my psycholinguistic project was driving me nuts.. we were trying to come up with examples for our experiment.. and I was almost dying in the process because everything was getting highly confusing. BUT, after delia came back with chocs.. (and obviously, i popped a few) haha. viola! the brain cleared instantly. and after that, we had a jolly(and hilarious) good time recording nonsense sentences(for our project. nonsense, because they don't make much sense^ ^). try this:

The rich man has a house.
The rich man has a mouse.
The poor boy has a mouse.
The poor boy has a house.
The sardines are in the can.
The sardines are in the fan... dots. i think you get the point. and imagine. I had to say this aloud many many times while I was in the discussion room in the library. and because we were sharing a room with a bunch of indian national students, I think we irritated them to the core.. to the point that, after saying and replaying these nonsense sentences, one of them said, " The cowboy has a horse"... and then, they all broke out in laughther(at us-.-) and then started gibbering in what I think was Tamil.. oh well. it was all a funny experience.. and I was highly embarassed. which would bring me to my next point..

3. I laugh.
which, sometimes I wonder, if I overdo it. I cannot hide my laughther(can't keep a straight face -.-) in fact, I erupt into bursts/bouts of laughther whenever I hear something funny... which, happens pretty often, because to me, many things are funny.. but then, laughther makes people happy.. And God has created joy, of which, one way to express it is through laughther:) yesterday's cg session was refreshing. the silly questions people ask like, "What's your favourite tree?", or better still, "How would you eat your rice if you had only one chopstick??". really.

4. I find a friend/s.
or, to say it a bit more crudely, I find a friend I can complain to.. Friends are really important. and I thank God for each of them.

5. I talk to God.
I just remembered a verse in Romans 8:26, 27. it says:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."

so often, I'm so tired already. and sometimes, I get so tired of complaining and whining..to the point that I can't find words to express everything.. But, it's truly comforting to know that God knows everything. and we can just groan and mumble to God, and God will know. Because, God understands.

Esther moment

This week was a startling week.

I was reminded by God: what on earth I'm here on earth for, why I changed church, why I'm in NUS, why I am who I am.

It was mainly a case of comfort, complacency. I've realised, which is rather frightening, when life gets so comfortable, exciting and fun, focus gets very shifted from God. When things go wrong, I will always go and pray and beg and just, be still before God, because I know I cannot handle on my own. But, when things are all so cheery and rosy, going just the way you want, it's so dangerous, because, I'm not doing things with God's strength, but mine. It can come to the stage where I do things, serve God because I like it, I'm comfortable with it (which is important to serve God and like it). But I can't serve God only with what I like, and leave what I would rather not do outside my door.

But, it's so freaky, to have God say: " Go and do." Ok, maybe not those exact words. But, it was rather scary when God reminded me why He placed me in church, in school. If I chose to do things the way I wanted to, I would not be obeying Him. However, the costs are high. Ok, maybe not so high, like that of Paul the apostle. But, to me, they are still high. I'm still scared. Worried because I may not have enough time, energy, joy to do for God, to live life. Which I just realised, I don't "do" for God. Rather, I "be" for Him.

"Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
` Esther 4:13,14

da chang jin

S. is so going to kill me.. i just know it. and this time, it's 100% my fault.. ok, maybe i'll take away 2%.

i told her i may meet her at 9.30am this morning in school to go through the next 2 lessons of ee, which all depended on whether i could wake up in time.. and. ha. guess what i did last night, or rather, in the dead stillness of this morning??

i had a Da Jang Geum marathon!! for those clueless non-tv people, it's one of the latest korean tv dramas( or as some people would like to insist, soap opera) that has taken the world by storm. i'm not exaggerating. yes, thanks to edmund, i FINALLY got my hands on this show.. at the rate scv spits out one 45-min session/day, is simply pure torture i tell you.

but, you must know, me and tv drama serials are like.. er, bees to honey?? and, this show has to be really good.. so good to the point that i am willing to forgo watching another hk serial with my favourite actor: ron ng..

and so, in the words of wen, i "chose my tv show over a friend". it's hilarious, to me.. but not when your friend is a lil pissed with you.. to make matters worse, my stomach decided 2 hours ago, that it wanted to reject the food that i ate today.. so, i can't go to school, or rather, i'm still debating whether i should go to school tomorrow.. give myself the extra one day of holiday.. i still have all my stuff to pack(moving stuff to new house this sat). plus, i am really serious when i say i'm not feeling well...

the one thing that's stopping me is that, er... i told S. i would meet her tomorrow after our lecture instead, to make up for today. shucks. tell me i'm so screwed..i know i'm going to make her angrier..

help.

this is one of those times i really regret doing something =X

genderlect

i burst out laughing when one of my freshie cgms told me this:

mJ says:
u know wat...
mJ says:
i find the ALLO buddy thing real gd...
rong en ` flicker strong/ says:
is it
rong en ` flicker strong/ says:
why?
rong en ` flicker strong/ says:
so fast ?
mJ says:
yeah...
mJ says:
as in..
mJ says:
gd la
rong en ` flicker strong/ says:
haha
rong en ` flicker strong/ says:
you speak like a typical guy.. haha
mJ says:
it help us to be spiritually committed to another guy
rong en ` flicker strong/ says:
heh.. ok, that's better

i laughed because, he talks like a typical guy. was doing readings for my sociolinguistics project yesterday, and came to a topic on "conversations between college roommates". it said that contrary to belief, guys actually do talk about serious topics. but, as opposed to girls, who can yak and expound til the cows come home, guys would approach the subject to the point (most of the time in a "ya, like you know.. yeah." way). ever knew there is a genderlect? a difference in language between men and women? here it is in real life=D

dumb

just saw on arts central, a guy who bothered to purify his own pee, through a tedious process of putting it through some pump, to remove the solid wastes inside. and well, he drank 2 sips of it, before running off, declaring that it tasted like sh**.. that was like utterly dumb..like, DUH, it's pee for pete's sake!! of course it tastes like s***

i felt like gagging watching him drink his pee.

have you ever done dumb things before?

electric guitar

andrew picked up the guitar on his birthday, over the weekend. and since then, he has been strumming, banging(at least, that's what it sounds like to me=X) on my poor guitar. on top of that, i swear i hear it get hit accidentally against the wall or bed sometimes.. like mega *ouch*. i know my guit ain't in a good condition.. i didn't realise how bad it was til jie pointed out that dad's guit had been humidified( a bump had formed, due to humidity).. and then when i went home, alas! my guitar had a bump too.. oh shucks. and, i didn't realise how bad the tone was affected until i strummed weiying's guitar last thursday.. only then, did i realise that my guitar sounds really bad(while hers sounded really good. it was a warm rich tone..) =X i would buy a new one, if not for the fact that it's like not on the proprity list for now...

today, i was/am in a sucky mood... had a hard time trying to talk to people during arts fg.. as in, normally, comversations flow easily for me, but today, it was just bad.. thankfully it was just me and florence in the end.. so i didn't have to rack my brains desperately to squeeze an ounce of conversing to some unknown person...sigh. stayed in the library from 2-8pm.. i had to get research done for my e-lang projects. i exhuasted the minute nus library. argh. came home, no dinner again as usual.. had bread and honey. and my mom's bread is usually really good.. just that because we need to move house, like soon, she's clearing the stock. and when something's exhuasted, she doesn't replenish, so the bread was rather dry. i feel dry.

point is, i blasted music on my comp, til i could hear the electric guitar really audibly, the thumpings(ok. wrong word. plus, on hindsight, i think that's the bass). had the sudden urge to go a bit crazy on an electric guitar. plus since andrew has hijacked my acoutic guit, it's high time i picked up another instrument... sigh.

today was just one of those days you wish you stayed under the covers in bed, with the rain beating down on your windowpane, with the wind howling, with the windchimes chiming like crazy, with a hot mug of milo&horlicks.

i feel like a kid sometimes.

dont cause others to stumble

Had dinner at a friend's home the other day, something I always enjoy because the mom's cooking is such comfort food, the dad is always hilarious to talk to:)

Nope, today I ain't gonna talk about food. I've been thinking, eversince the dad mentioned something in passing, about the way Christians live and serve in and out of church. Let me give you 2 hypothetical scenarios:

1. Z serves in a ministry in church on a regular basis, usually. However, there are a number of times when Z allows work to take first place i.e. when work and ministry events clash, work would definitely come first. This obviously results in some disgruntledness amongst others, because it shows that Z doesn't take ministry seriously, allowing service to church (even God) be done out of convenience.

2. Y also serves in a ministry in church and also is a committee member at work. Y is very committed to ministry in church, often seen by others as a good steward (worker) of God. However, at work, Y is viewed, at times by others, to be incompetent in the committee i.e. not fulfilling the responsibilities required of Y. This also, leads to disgruntledness amongst Y's colleagues.

Now, I've given you examples of 2 extremes. One is very committed in work, but slackens in the area of church ministry; while the other is the stark opposite.

Who would you say is better? Most probably Y? Because Y is doing God's work faithfully? Or Z? because to Z's non-Christian friends, Z is a responsible worker and they know they can always count on Z?

Who would you think is the baddie? Z, because Z shows the friends that God takes 2^nd place? Or Y, because Y is somewhat hypocritical, by showing, through actions that only "God's work" is important?

I ain't going to point accusing fingers, and neither should you, 'cause this is not my intention of blogging about this. I've come to one conclusion:

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God -- even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.

` 1 Corinthians 10:31-33

I know it's not easy to strike a balance. I struggle too, to balance the so-called "God's work" and everything else that would fall under the category of "secular stuff". Often, I shall admit, that I find it more of a joy to do "God's work" because it seems more fulfilling.

But, after much thinking, and definitely after reading the verses in 1 Corinthians, I think it's pretty clear, and even wrong to categorize things into "God's work" vs "not God's work". 3 things I've learnt:

1. As stated, "whatever I do, do it all for the glory of God". This is rather self-explanatory.

2. Don't allow my actions to "cause anyone to stumble". In the 2 examples I gave, Z and Y would cause people to stumble. Christians, especially young ones, would think that it's ok to serve in ministry as and when it is convenient for them, after observing Z. Non-Christians would find Y hypocritical for choosing to devote time and effort only to church work, and as a result, find Christians, using Y as their example, to be a hypocritical bunch.

3. I should "try to please everyone", not because I'm a people-pleaser; rather, do good "so that many would be saved". This sums it all up. Whatever I do, be it in church, vcf, school, home, with friends, in public, everywhere lah.. I should seek to live my life such that in whatever I do, my actions would bring people one step closer to God.

But, before I end, it's plain to see that this ain't easy. There would be instances where what I say about God would be incongruent with my actions. And for that, I'm human. I will try my best, with God's strength and grace. But if you really want to see someone who really walked his talk, go check out the Bible, and read the gospel of John. You won't be able to find faults in or with Him=D

mess

i hate mess.

i totally can't stand the fact that when i come home from school, dead tired, esp when thursday is my longest day with 6 hours of lessons straight(no breaks) + cg, to a home that's in a mess. messy dining table with newspaperbowlsabel'stextbookspensandthelikes, messy living room with the cushions strewn all over, messy clothes basket with clothes overflowing, messy kitchen with bowlspotsandpans all unwashed, messy service balcony with half-filled pails of water(cos of the washing machine that is still spoilt), just a complete mess.

it's like, there's no clean house with some order and neatness. my mom can't be bothered, the males in the house obviously aren't bothered, in fact, they are the ones who contribute to the mess. messmessmessmess.. argh

guess who cleans up the house?? and no, it's not because i'm such a filial daughther, because, my parents obviously don't think there's any problem.. i just had to be born with this clean streak in me. i have to see neatness, order, everything in place. if i could, i think i would choose not to have this clean gene in me.. i think i got it from my paternal grandma, she's like.. woa. she cleans the house everyday. i, thankfully, am not such a complusive clean freak. i can live with a bit of dirt.. then again, maybe it's the enviroment at home.. i guess i've the potential of being a cleanliness maniac. my mom says i wasted my kindergarden school fees, because instead of sitting and listening to (boring) teachers (who insisted on A specific way of drawing the number 5..so much for creativity.), i chose to arrange the shoes of my fellow classmates outside the classroom in neat little rows.. even to the extent of washing the toilet basins.. haha. don't worry, i'm not intending to wash nus' toilets anytime soon.

ah..now i feel better. got this out of my system. sigh. i wonder, if i can make such a fuss about physical mess in my house, what about the spiritual mess in me?? would i feel frustrated, rectify the problem immediately by clearing out whatever is bad.. so funny how life is, eh?

mom's birthday.

one extremely irritating fact about moving house is that it leaves the fridge extremely empty(in my mom's bid to clear the fridge). today, is my mom's birthday. and i figured that since i've been such an insolence recently, i should come home early from school and prepare dinner. but, how much creativity can one amass with one bundle of chinese vegetables and two chicken breasts? it brings a whole new meaning to the "five loaves, two fishes" notion.

of course there's the (wet)market. but, it's pouring heavily now.. darn. plus, i hope i get reimbursed by my dad.. i'm seriously broke. what a dutiful daughther i am. heh.

peanuts

i'm feeling a tad whimsical now. my house, it seems, can't wait to get rid of us. take my room for example. i endured for 2 hours, sitting hunched over a box, packing books, under a flickering room light. yeah. one of the bulbs in my room decided today that it couldn't decided whether to be on or off. and my mom commented how 'timely' it is.

if anything, some electrician guy is coming over tomorrow, to remove the oven, the 2 living room lights and the room lights and transport them to the new house for installation.. and according to my mom, we will be living in darkness til oct6. i think it would be highly interesting. interesting to the point that my mom nearly collapsed with laughther at the thought of living in darkness.. well, i'm glad she is in a good mood today. the renovation has been causing her much stress and distress. it's good that the marble grinder(the person, not the machine) is well, a pro marble grinder.. haha. one less thing for my mom to worry about^ ^

oh, take a look at this:



of all the brands for boxes that aunty josephine had to get for us: FARMER brand peanuts. i think it's rather hilarious.
1. the name is rather apt for our family.
2. peanuts?? people would actually think we are millionaires, esp with the not so recent NKF fiasco. Lol.

God is not safe

God, is a God to reckon with, not one to take lightly.

As Mr. Beaver tells the children in C. S Lewis', The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe:

"Is -- is he a man?" asked Lucy.

"Aslan a man!" said Mr. Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of the Beasts? Aslan is a lion -- the Lion, the great Lion."

"Ooh," said Susan, "I thought he was a man. Is he -- quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."

"That you will, dearie, and make no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver, "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else silly."

"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver, "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you?
Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good.
He's the King, I tell you."

Psalm 104: 1-4

Praise the LORD, my soul.
LORD my God, you are very great;
you are clothed with splendour and majesty.
The LORD wraps himself in light as with a garment;
he stretches out the heavens like a tent
and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters.
He makes the clouds his chariot
and rides on the wings of the wind.
He makes winds his messengers,
flames of fire his servants.

God's ways

i'm feeling extremely disgusted now.

over an hour ago, i just watched a hk serial, where the female lead was almost raped. about 20 min ago, one of my prc friends, exclaimed "my god" when i said hi to him.
5 min ago, chanel news asia reported that they found a dismembered woman's body in orchard road.

i feel so sick to my stomach. sick to the point i feel like puking out the yoghurt i just ate.

about 10 days ago, katrina hit the south of america.
9 days ago, 3 women were sentenced to 3 years imprisonment for organising a 'happy camp' for muslim children in some indonesian village.

you tell me, what is this world coming to?

i think the worst part about the whole katrina incident isn't bush(and yes, i am biased. i'm pro-bush, though his recent slow response to katrina has made me to lose a bit of the respect i used to have for him).

i kinda understand why the refugees would loot the supermarkets for food. i'll even give some leeway to those who loot rampantly at the shops. yes, we know new orleans is a black community, poor even before the hurricane hit. but, how can we justify the rape cases?

i was sick to the stomach when i read the reports on how men took advantage of the situation and raped women&girls.

the hurricane destroyed homes, destroyed the food supply, left people penniless and homeless, therefore they were/are hungry. physically hungry. i would like to know what justifies the sexual hunger. what is their justification for raping 7-year olds. to satisfy WHAT, pray tell. your hunger? those rumblings in your stomach? i don't think so.

maybe i'm thinking of things in very simplistic terms. i think in black and white. but i guess, as the Bible says, this is really the sign of the end times, when people are evil, so evil they do such repulsive things. i know i would never understand in this life time why. why God allows such things to happen. yes, i know the reasons, but i would never understand the intent.

above all, God is great. His thoughts are much higher than my thoughts, His ways are much loftier than mine. How can i compare my puny mind to His omniscience?

God is great

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

this song puts everything in perspective. when God is great, everything else will tremble at His voice, His might, just at Him.

if you don't already realise, it's been my favourite song for a few months.whenever i'm tired, i blast this song on my comp. i'm glad i don't have to lead worship to wait til i get to sing this song... church sings it often enough...heh. you know, it's one of those songs you would never get tired of singing or listening. because, the song is all about God. not one of those, "oh, my God, you are so great because you did all these things for me".

God is great. period.

Christ is helping me

do u haf a bf ? well i haf a feeling u dun. if u observe nus ppl, u will notice they make dinks(sic. i think for things) bearable here by bf-gf affections. either dat or u gota be veri strong. u r totful n cheerful. must be christ helping u

my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when i read this sms..

if you met me today, you would realise that i was super duper stressed, feeling damn demoralised, just dead beat. so out of sorts to the point that i went to the library to hibernate, literally, and set things right with God before i met anymore people. and later, as i shared with the ifg comm people, i told them that i've been feeling very stretched by people, feeling guilty that i didn't do my bit as a cgl or even a christian in nus to promote today's evangelistic DTT(dinner time talk), above all, feeling just totally off because i've not been spending proper time with God.

i don't dare meet another person now, christian or non-christian, without praying for that person first. it may seem a little extreme to you, but, ok, for those i would classify as 'friends' i.e. those i feel comfortable with, and our relationship is 2-way[meaning, both of us have a common understanding and goal], i'm more than happy to meet you, because sometimes, i do need a human to help cheer me up(like today's lil session with debs n clement^ ^). but, with people, i'm discipling or trying to lead to God, i really cannot do it soley on my own strength, therefore, i have to commit this person in God's hands first.

so, after i prayed, and sent off a long overdue sms asking this girl i knew, how she was, and she asked me to "share with her about my happiness in Christ", i was very blown away. hullo, i don't think i was feeling exceptionally happy or joyful today. "happiness"?! i blinked quite a number of times, before i asked her to further elaborate. and then, she sent this long sms.

i really needed this encouragement. more so, it's quite heartening when someone tells you that she can see Christ helping me. she made my day^ ^. it's really 2 prong:

1. it's a reminder to me that no matter what, Jesus is my strength.
2. i hope this means that God is really working through me and using me. so many times, i keep wondering if i'm on the right track, and i think this is a sign that i am?? that if others can actually see that God is "helping me", it means i must be leading them to God and nowhere else..especially when today, was like the worst day of the semester since the start of school, it feels really good that at my lowest point, God still used me to bless someone else, and better still, in turn get blessed back!!

haha.. on a lighter note, this 3rd thought struck me:
if, because i'm obviously so very single, with no boyfriend to 'lean on', and people can therefore deduce that it must be Christ who's my pillar of strength, and not the boyfriend... what would happen if one day, i do have one... would it mean that the boyfriend becomes the new pillar of strength? even if i know that he doesn't, how would people know that i'm drawing from God's strength and not that human guy??? or worse, does it mean i'm to remain single for the rest of my life, so that it is so darn obvious that it's God and no one else?! *gulp*

what to do for my birthday

i know my birthday is not for another 4 months plus. and NO, i am NOT pulling a deborah by announcing my birthday, for , come to think of it, silly debs, why did you announce to the world your birthday? to get loads of pink presents??

but, i've been thinking about my impending 21st birthday, not because i want presents(haha.. that's an added incentive though).by the way, my mom just passed me this gold key pendant, which was given to her by her mother(my grandma) and told me, "eh, i've given you your birthday present already ah." To which, i retorted, annoyed of course, "eh, you didn't pay for that. so cheapskate-.-"

after hearing last year, the 21st birthday party that shawna threw for herself, and the testimony she gave to her friends; and reading grace wee's blog entry on her friend's birthday party that turned evangelistic... well.. i've been thinking, since last year, and especially more since i know i'm moving to besides church... i think you would know what i'm driving at. what better place to hold a party. heh.

my friends, especially my non-christian friends. sigh. i've been plagued with immense guilt recently. i did blog once about how they would always comment that i'm always spending time with church, and now, it's vcf and the likes.. like how last week, i was supposed to meet my jc friends for lunch in school, or rather, it was one friend, justina. to cut a long story short, i ended up having lunch with the hk exchange student, and even had the opportunity to share Christ with him. BUT, in the midst, my friends called and asked where i was. how was i to explain that i was sharing the gospel?? can one even compare the opportunity to share the gospel with one to a casual meeting of long time no see friends? don't even get me started on neglecting people.

anyway, the point is, i think my birthday would be a good opportunity for my friends to mix around and, in a way, understand me better. of course, i would be so blessed if i had friends like grace, who took the opportunity and shared the vision with another girl and went round talking to strangers, looking for the opportunity to share Christ and His love. i want so much that everyone i know would come to the saving knowledge of Jesus, that eventhough i don't and can't spend mych time with you, i'll know that ultimately, we share in God's love and i'd see you in heaven.

so, my dear readers of this little blog, you've been told months in advance. my birthday is coming up!!! you know what to do:)

p/s: grace wee, if you are reading this, you are definitely invited to my birthday party^ ^

beautiful sunset

guess who took this pic.. heh. c'est moi.
guess where this pic was taken in.. C'est a Singapour en La Gardens Botanics.

something tells me my french is very bad.. but, yes, so pretty right.. can you actually believe that you can actually see such beautiful sunsets in singapore?? i didn't, til i saw this. this was taken a couple of weeks back at botanics, when debs, serene, rita & i had our little rendezvous there.

did you rise the sun for me,
paint a million stars that i might know your majesty

in this case, God set the sun for me, that i might know His majesty

p/s all credits for this latest blog pic (points up) goes to darlie again. of course. heh=D

annoyed.

i'm highly annoyed.

i have this friend, who's overseas. a couple of months back, me, being the nice person, decided to email him and ask him how things were for him, plus, i told him what was going on in my life. he took ages to reply. and, when he finally did, instead of returning the greetings, he asked me to go and find out the emails of some people i'm not in contact with.. i was a lil annoyed, because, at least he could have the common courtesy to say hi and all the etc nice-ities before asking for a favour... i didn't reply his email for about a week, and then, guess what. he sent me another email this time, questioning God's existence, and then subsequently, my existence.. woa. that pissed me to the point that i almost hit the roof.

[ok, i figured, a lil background knowledge here would do everyone some good. this guy here, isn't a christian. i thought he was, and so did a lot of other people, until i chatted with him properly before he left s'pore. that's when i found out he wasn't. i shared the gospel with him and all, but.. oh well. since then, i've grown to realise that he seriously doubts the existence of God.how i know, he used to ask me all sorts of questions on msn.]

hence, when he used such a means to get my attention, i was fuming mad.. he made me feel that i only 'befriended' him to 'convert' him. as if, once he starts questioning God, i would respond pronto. anyway, why am i brining this up? well, because, i just checked my friendster account( i do so once every few months..) and lo and behold, what i did find:

Subject:	hi adeline
Message:	hey,does GOD exist,madeline? do u have an answer...

-.- you even got my name wrong. tell me, should i be annoyed? argh.

aching mouth

if i could, i would chop off my mouth. my left wisdom tooth that has emerged three-quarters , is aching.. i feel like a teething 20-month old baby-.- plus, i bit the right side of my mouth a few days ago, in my excitement while eating(what's new). so now, there's this cut there.. either that or it's a breeding ground for a soon-to-emerge-ulcer. whatever it is, my mouth really hurts.

but, as always, one must always look on the bright side of life, right?! so, here's the plus point of an aching mouth: aching mouth= can't chew properly OR food causing further pain to the mouth. therefore, these would result in me eating less, which would inevitably(i hope) lead to a drastic drop in weight, like that of olinda cho/ quan yi feng/ rui en/ lindsay lohan/ *insert name of any female(and sometimes male) celebrity*

wow.i aspire to be as thin as lindsay lohan. let's celebrate with a green salad and topped with boiled skinless chicken breast.

*yikes* i almost forgot, i can't chew.

moving house n the likes

one of my prc friends just went offline... to study. yes, study. and then, this thought struck me, that if i study at the same frequency as he does, man, i'm going to be on dean's list this sem. ( who am i even trying to kid =X)

anyway, i'll be off soon lah. i really should START on my south asia readings. the course pack is so heavy, i refuse to carry it to school, so i can only read it at home. but before i go, i must go wash my clothes, which, have i informed you, my dear reader, that i'm moving house?? yes, sometime next month, i would've moved to woodlands. uh-huh, you read correctly, it's w-o-o-d-l-a-n-d-s. even further away from nus =X but, thankfully, it's near church. ok, 'near' is an understatement. it's a 5-min stroll from the doorstep of my house, to the doorstep of church. heh. which brings me back to the issue of washing clothes.

10 reasons why i'm glad we are moving house:
1. we (finally) get a new washing machine. my present one broke down in may. so, i'm more than happy to finally be able to throw my clothes in a washing machine.
2. i get to redo my room!! it'll be either pink&green or pink&brown.. or just sky blue, w flowers. haha. i think i saw some horrified looks. ^ ^
3. i'm going to get a sofa!!! come sit, come sit!!
4. we are going to get wireless!!!
5. the new house is near church
6. it's also near 3 supermarkets, which means, i don't have to lug an ice-pack in search of those elusive ingredients whenever i bake/cook.
7. it's also near causeway point. which, actually, ain't a good thing, cos this would equate to more trips, subsequently more money spent. i should just go set up a fixed deposit.pfft.
8. ok, im running out of pointless ideas, i'm just glad for a change. i've grown to love change:)
in my 20 years of life, i've moved houses, changed churches, gone to so many schools, met so many people, changed so many 'best' friends, seen so much happen...
i realise that only one thing is common. and that would be God, of course:) and i'm glad i can count on God for always being there when i need Him, for providing my every need.

thank You God:)

(now, off to make a go at the dean's list ^ ^)

ain't perfect

it's official, i ain't a freshie anymore.

a freshie I am no more
of thicker tomes I must pore
Wisdom come my way, I implore.

yesterday was arts vcf welcome tea. there were many freshies.. a lot. to the point that, i'm a lil worried for cg, cos i realised that there will be many needs to be met. have to make sure the freshies fit in, the seniors still get their input, and my co-cgls that we are still alive.. haha. yeah. maybe "worried" ain't the word. i'm definitely challenged. and i've grown to realise that i'm a perfectionist. especially when i take charge. it took my social work tutorial to clash with my e-lang core modules, which spelled a total disrutption of my PERFECT timetable. i freaked, i tell you. plus, i was darn pissed that the lecturer didn't bother putting up her module on ivle any sooner than 2 days before the lecture, kindly informing us of the difference in the two separate sw modules. i was like, wert?! (then again, it's my fault, i should have checked the sw website.)

so, it led me to the choice of 1. find another module to replace the dropped sw one( rebidding at round 3C??if i can even find any modules left-.-) or 2. drop sw, and simply stick to 5 mods this sem. argh. after i calmed down, i realised that it could be God's way of saying, "stick to 5 modules. you can't handle 6 this sem." so, i'm back to 5 modules. yes. sigh. i guess it's a good thing after all, because, i've grown to realise that meeting people, especially new people, saps my energy. i was so exhausted after yesterday's welcome tea. i've met way too many people eversince i've moved church, and especially so for vcf in the past 2 months. [disclaimer: but, that doesn't mean i don't enjoy meeting people.]

sunday's Festival of Praise, was real good. the worship was simply there to exalt God, and nothing else. it's so often that we forget that we all exist to magnify God's glory. and that we are all here by God's grace.. haha. i think from now on, people should just call me by my chinese name 'Rong En', cos it means, by the grace and for the glory of God. furthermore, when Ps Edmond Chan prayed at FOP, he reminded everyone that we need to be joyful, that the "joy of the Lord is our strength". how true. i need to find joy in meeting people, in serving God, in studying, at home, etc...

a friend pointed out that i strive to be perfect in things. yesterday, while i was recharging my batteries before welcome tea, i did my qt and prayed. and these 3 lines surfaced in my head:

perfection unattainable
leave everything in the hands of
the God who is able.

school begins

and so school began
without much fanfare
like that of those big bangs
of the Singapore birthday glare.


hoey, im back to writing poetry.
this struck me at an ungodly hour of 10plus am, during social linguistics module, while i struggled to make it through the prof's brit accent.. ok, i was just zoned out. if i'm in a better mood, i'll post one on tt hk exchange student i met during the south asia module. haha. if u know my fascination with hk, to put it mildly... heh

beatcoop

where did www.beatcoop.com go??? it just disappeared. one day, it's there, running, the next day, it has run away... i think i know where it went. i'm positive the nus co-op hacked into beatcoop.com AND brought the server down.

argh. now, i can't get my textbooks 2ndhand no more. i'll have to resort to that chicken coop for exhorbitant prices..

narnia.

i'm like.. WOA!! now..have u SEEN the trailers, yes, trailerS for The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe?? i've found a website that has the official movie trailer PLUS behind the scenes action with the director, etc...

this, is something you've to see for yourself.

heh. if you haven't realized by now, yes. i'm a huge C. S Lewis fan. for the simple fact that he's such a true Christian writer.

and, there are 2 reasons why i'm so excited about this movie:
1. yes, i do so want to see everything that i've imagined about the book.
2. more importantly, the parallels between Aslan, the Lion & Jesus, will hopefully, make the gospel clearer to my friends. narnia is like, the gospel in a chronicled fantasy form.

constipated

constipated.

that's what i'm feeling. majorly. i don't know if my sense of lethargy today has to do with my inability to get rid of the abcess. plus, i think i've eaten 7 of my mom's oatmeal choc chip cookies.. she baked them for too long, they were hard enough to stone a person to death.. argh. don't ask me why i ate them. sigh. i guess they tasted nice.. just that they were hard? and that's how i feel now. hard. constipated.

yawnz.

random thoughts

here's some very random thoughts for today:
1. my dad thinks blogging is msn-ing, another form of chatting.. AND he expressed this thought during service today (^0^)
2. the nus websiteS have gone through COUNTLESS changes. each time i check the different websites, i swear, they look like they've undergone A LOT of changes. i get the feeling of vertigo(freefall).
3. i can't make up my mind how many modules to take this sem and which mods to take.. and bidding starts tomorrow morn.. =X
4. in the past 4 weeks, i think i've eaten dinner with my family about 3 times???
5. some insurance guy managed to capture my attention for at least 45 min. i'm amazed.
6. yday's prc gathering was good. and i've still MUCH to learn from God, as always.
7. my handphone dictionary doesn't have PIMPLE & i'm going to matric fair tmr.. wo mei lian jian ren + i just realised that my shift is during the last hour of bidding.i'm so screwed.
8. there's a mozzie bite on my palm.. it hurts.
9. cg retreat was very good. there was very GOOD sharing.. and i think it's so amazing and exciting to see how God works in each of our lives + it's encouraging to know that i'm not the only one going through certain things. what's most important is that we upholded(or is it upheld??) one another in prayer. refreshing ^ ^
10.it's only 11.15pm and my dad is ALREADY bugging me to GO& SLEEP?!?!
11. tuition was surprisingly manageable. except for this qn on convection currents and the monsoon season.
12. i can't find my favourite purplecross earrings-.-

cheated

i saw a really nice denim skirt @18 bucks from bugis, today.

problem is, i bought this SAME really nice skirt @29 bucks from queensway, on tuesday.

i got cheated of not 1, not even 2, NOT EVEN 5 dollars.. but a whopping ELEVEN ?!#$%#$^*%&* that's a lot to a poor student like me-.-

english

yes.. haha. i'm an english genius, if that is any encouragment for my decision to major in English. i've realised that when i say i'm an English Major, the very common response is, " Wow, so you must be very good in English, huh?"

ermz....well.... does the test below explain everything??? haha.. my england prowress...

do not even make me go into how i think my English standard has degenerated eversince entering pjc.. i tell you, that's what a neighbourhood school does to me. and those 4 years of scgs, where we girls were all encouraged to be vocal ladies(in perfect Queen's English, mind you) just went down the longkang. now, after 1 year of nus, i'm even more conscious of how much i slang in singlish.. this blog is a testimony of all my lahs, lors, and what-have-yous-.-

English Genius

You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 80% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!
Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

The Commonly Confused Words Test

just live it

and i thought i finished blogging.

God speaks.

adeline, shut up.

go live it.

love?

it's very late.. but, i've a sudden spurge of bloginspiration.. haha. my latest msn nick has caused a little upheaval with some friends.. here's a sample of a typical conversation:

Izzy- says: hey
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: hey
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: are u aust??
Izzy- says: yups
Izzy- says: who u love ?
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: you
Izzy- says: hah
Izzy- says: as if!
Izzy- says: who addy who?
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: haha.. i really mean it
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: i love YOU
Izzy- says: wha
Izzy- says: addy
Izzy- says: whoa.. addy wazzzup?
Izzy- says: hahaha
Izzy- says: wat modules u taking

yeah, isabelle got bored of our conversation and changed subject to that time of the year(choosing of modules.. another subject altogether). fine, i admit i'm being cheeky lah.. ( i tell you this is what singlehood does to me).. but, i just find it little sad that for one to feel fulfilled, one needs a partner(in my case, it's of the opposite sex). when i told justina i was very happy, and life was rather good, she went, "HAHA.. so WHO's the guy!!" i had to remind her that i don't need a guy to make me satisfied (but, may i add that that does not mean i pray that God bestows the gift of celibacy on me...).

yes, i'm getting a lil lovesick( a side effect of watching one too many hk serials, which i must add for the 2nd time that Ron Ng has such lovey dovey eyes ^ ^ they just melt my heart.. haha.i've weakness, yes, no??) coupled with the lovey dovey pictures of sond&her bf.. oh man. sometimes, yes, i do wonder, what am i "missing".. i'm in one of those moods..

but, to set the record straight, i'm not on a i-need-a-boyfriend alert.. more of a cute-hunky guy alert.haha. all for eye candy,esp when mr TALLDARK&HANDSOME-year4psych major is gone from the face of nus, i'm quite sad.. shucks, i'm deviating from the intended subject.

my point is, i love God. and by doing so, i'm supposed to love everyone else too.. although some people make things difficult by being rather unlovable.. i think i'm not ready for any serious relationship til i learn the lesson of loving the people around me.. which would include, my family, close friends, school friends, vcf mates, church mates, youths, tutorial mates, school mates, neighbours, relatives, community people, tuition kids, singaporeans, world citizens?? my list goes on..

have to show that i love them..

i love you, you know?

rest

i know it seems ludicrous(hanini's favourite word).... but, i fell sick over the weekend.(yes, school has not even started). better still, i think i overstretched myself last week. i do not even want to think about what is going to happen when the new Academic Year kicks in, and i start taking those 6 modules, co-lead a cg, be part of ifg comm, teach tuition on weekends, meet up with friends, be home enough to make my parents happy... not forgetting moving house(which, may i add, i've not even started to do any packing?!?) for once, i'm actually glad i'm not serving in church.

it's a sort of "happy" busy. this hols, if it's not another camp, it's another vcf meeting; if not, another going out to meet yet another friend. do i make myself to sound so busy? plus, i come home late almost every night, and come online to check emails and find some solace in friends who are willing to hear me whine ( you know who you are^^)

but, i must keep myself in check. it's crazy lah.. and it's just not the way things should be. yes, i've a lot of things to do, roles to play, responsibilities to fulfill.. and often, i feel so stretched that i really really wish i had 2or3 mondays, etc... but, there is a reason why God made only 7-day weeks, each day with only 24 hours... i haven't exactly learnt how to prioritise.. cos everything SEEMS so freaking important. and sometimes, i wonder what's more important. i'm learning things the hard way, in the form of my parents bugging and nagging at me. trust me, it's not pleasant music to anyone's ears... i'm still learning( have to reiterate that. learning.)

to my non-christian friends, all the things i do in vcf, church *any God-related activity*, are all catgorised under [Church] . i used to hate it(still do) whenever i meet up with my friends.. and they go, "So addy, busy with Church AGAIN??" (coloured words mine) now, i sheepishly tell them, " Er, no lah. i'm busy with cca stuff." which is, half true.. just that i choose to fail to inform them that my cca is ANOTHER christian based thingy... it's not that i'm ashamed of serving in minstry, or God... it's just.. how am i to explain that everything i do is for God??

My WHOLE life is for God. i've learnt that there is NO such thing as something more important than the other, someone more important than another.. (haha.. unless of course, you take HK hunky dories like RON NG & shopping into consideration.. yeah, they are LESS important) HOW, you tell me? HOW can i put my friends up against some youth or a cg member in comparison. HOW. i don't know. discipleship is very important. if you disciple someone well, that person can in turn, effectively discipleANDevangelise to others. but, so is evangelism. that's why my friends are so so so important to me. i cannot face the thought of everyone so dear to me, not being able to spend eternity with Him. and, to make things seemingly more complicated, what am i todo with my family?? i thought(note the past tense) that since my family is Christian, they are pretty much self-sufficient... but, my dear parents have been reminding(to put it very very nicely) me that "charity begins at home. how can you go out and serve others but don't serve your own family!!!" and if you want to know my parents' definition of serving, haha.. well, think along the lines of 'serving'.. not forgetting, "your little brother is 4 years old now.. in 3 years time, he'll be in primary one. if you all don't spend time with him, next thing you know he'll be in pri1!!!!!!!!!!!" ( do not even bring my grandparents into the picture...)

i'm not making myself out to be adeline-fam-the-great-whom-everyone-wants-a-piece-of.... eventhough that's how i feel at times(minus "the-great" part of course). i fear the term "burn out".. it's a term that suddenly seems so so real. i fear just being immobile midway during sem: the time where all essays kick in, tests are around the corner.. and best, i just don't feel like going to school... BUT, i read last week during QT in Hebrews 13, that in everthing we do, we are supposed to " bring a sacrifice of praise unto God ". i'm still learning. still trying to live out my life that is 1. a sacrifice, 2. in a manner of praise, 3. for God, the one and only.

learning.. learning.. struggling. kinda need prayer, so pray for me, ya?

courtesy

ugh. my dear people. when i sms you, for goodness' sake, please reply me lah......

and when i call you, bother to return my call.. ugh

then again, the intended people are prob not going to read this, but. common handphone courtesy for all. actually this is something we all should have learnt even in the dinosaur age of telephones.

ugh

mozilla: Spacecrocodile

inactive

i've not been blogging.. it's not that i don't know what to write.. it's just that too many things have been going on, and i dont know where to begin.. it's like information overload? i'll blog soon:)

mozilla

my mozilla ( an internet browser) is a bit weird. every page i open up, has a different name. i'm currently using Mozilla Lightningkangaroo, checking my email on Hyperbear, and opened up another 2 more, just to see what funny names they have, which are Suntortoise and Powerferret by the way...

haha. it's my first day@home in a long while, doing nothing. it feels good, so pardon me :D

prayer

today's youth worship was very good. i don't know why, but the 11o'clock service was just fantastic. the choir sang with more gusto, the band did more of their fancy tricks, emily did a good job:) i guess she was more confident after 2 services ^ ^

we were worshipping God.

i notice i made a "mistake" in yesterday's entry. when i was thinking about the choir, i was only concerned about their performance. i later realised that i had forgotten about the spiritual aspect.

one thing i have learned in vcf is that serving in a secular ministry, eg a cca in school, is very different from serving God in church/campus ministry... or any ministry for God.yes, we all want things to run perfect. but, it's important to realise that we are serving God in whatever we do, be it planning a camp, outing, vision for the year ahead. we carry out tasks in our human ways, by doing them. BUT, we must NOT neglect PRAYER. how a programme runs, is very important. but what is even more important is that we have to pray and intercede to God, asking that His will will be done. if we don't pray, but just go ahead planning and doing, we might as well do any other secular activity, not God's work.

now, let me explain the prayer part though. i used to think that prayer would be something like this: we have a meeting to discuss, let's say a camp. the meeting is 3 hours. you start off with a word of prayer, maybe a short devotion. then, you are off to discuss whatever you want to discuss. after 2 hours, it's about time to wrap up. there's a quick round of sharing. then, people break up into little groups of 3/4 to pray for one another and the event, for at most half an hour. and then, at the end of it, someone would wrap up the entire meeting with prayer.

we prayed right?? (at least i saw the word "pray" a few times.) NOPE.

i've since learnt that what i used to "pray" in the past, was such punified prayer. it wasn't exactly interceding. in retrospect, it was more of a prayer of convenience. i was like telling God, here are my prayer requests, if you want, take it and then give me my request. if you don't want, then nevermind lor.

what have i since learnt is prayer?(before i begin, please remember that my word is not THE Bible. so, it's my own personal experience and growth)

when we pray for an event or some vision, i've realised that it is important to spend time asking God what He has in mind/store. when i went for the ifg (international friendship group) comm meetings, we kinda started off on a wrong footing. the first 3 meetings, we went straight into doing a review of the past year and what we wanted for the year ahead. thankfully, our chairman realised it in time, and organized a prayer meeting.. we just sat there for an hour and a half, and just prayed. it was a very simple thing. we just prayed about whatever came to our minds, whatever issues that seemed pressing. it was, i think, the Holy Spirit's prompting.

i've grown to realise that when we take time out of our "busy" schedules to pray, God honours our prayers. to the world, prayer would seem like a useless thing , because we appear to be not doing anything. BUT, to God, it's very different. it shows that we are willing to quieten down our hearts before, to listen to what part of His plans He wants us to be a part of.

we must have it ingrained in us, that in whatever we do, we are serving God, not the world. and when we serve God, we've to come to seek His will.

looney

i swear i'm going looney these days.. i've been laughing & chuckling to myself the whole day. fine, at sporadic intervals.

big God

tomorrow, or rather today is going to be youth weekend. i hope i'm not too apprehensive about leading the section choir later at 10am.. i've never done it before.. whatever i know is from musical practice at scgs' rehearsals.. sigh. let's hope i make some headyway &sense. pray for me:) pray especially for the youth service, that God will use each one of us to bless and lead the entire church. so exciting right ^ ^ pray also that above all, God will help us to serve Him, only for Him; not for any human recognition. cos' it's all about Jesus.

anyway, next week is vcf freshmen camp.. i was not excited.. in fact rather tired. i swear i'm getting old. the thought of ANOTHER camp, just makes me wanna go and sleep. but, thankfully, my co-leader of our group HABBAT (pakistani for love), is jeremy. this guy i met when i was in p6, at angora brethen chapel, where my dad preached at their church camp. haha.. you know, the good thing about tagging along to all these camps, changing churches, going to new schools, making friends with your friends' friends: you get to make more friends. in a way it's like net-working. but, i also see it as how God has introduced so many people into my life, making it so colourful and exciting. different people impact my life in different ways. similarly, i get to, hopefully, impact the people whom i come into contact with, in whatever little or big way that God allows.. so exciting, rite^ ^

anyway, i'm glad my co-leader for foc is a familiar person..someone i find easy to talk to. so, i dont have to worry about whether i can work with him... i thank God. He answered my prayer without me even asking Him. which reminds me of Jeremiah 33:2,3. we've got to pray BIG. cos'

My God is so BIG
so STRONG and so MIGHTY
there's nothing my God cannot do
NO WAY

The mountains are His
The valleys are HIs
the stars are His handiwork too

My God is so BIG
so STRONG and so MIGHTY
there's nothing my God cannot do
For YOU^ ^

credit to nat

nice blog rite?? it's got a funky edge. by the way, All for Love is my favourite song from Hillsong United's latest album, Look to You.

credit for this latest skin must be given to Darlie Chue aka Natania the nuthead. she insists on being called my daughther.. but, let me reiterate, i'm very single.. thank you.

sick

this is an absolutely gross thing to write, but, my stomach is churning. ugh. i'm sick, down with some kind of flu that inflicts fever and diarrhea, possibly cough. down since sunday night, caught possibly from one of my brothers(abel or asher) OR one of the kids at the centre who have been sneezing at me/my arm/in my face.

plus, i think it only worsened because i've been getting only 6 hours of sleep or less for the past few weeks, eversince i started work, only to be aggravated by my staying over at the cia camp on sat with the sec4s. BUT, i had a good talk with serene& wen. (duh it was good.. i slept only an hour)AND i got to see my sec2s.. they are growing up!!

i hope i'm well enough to go back to work tomorrow and well enough to eat chicken rice balls in malacca at the church retreat.

i can only say one thing: i am growing old.. no more late nights -.-

lpc-- failure n evangelism

just came back from lpc(leadership planning camp) for vcf. and i am proud to say that i FINALLY sorted out my thoughts with evangelism.

ok, you see, i had this problem. last year's national day street e, was the last day i led someone to Christ. subsequent street es seemed hopeless. yes, i know that God's word never returns empty. and that it's not me the people are rejecting, but God Himself. BUT, i as the street es & ojts progressed, i couldn't help but feel despondent. it's one thing to know the theory, another to apply it.

to be honest, i must admit that i did judge myself on the number of people i could lead to Christ. it's not to show that i'm a good "evangelist". it's more due to the perception that, if my spiritual gift is evangelism, then why was i "stagnating"?? why was i not bearing any "fruits". when i went for ojts n street e, it was like nothing much happened. which was not true, of course, on hindsight.

through the course of the past year, i did feel a greater burden for the youths i shared the gospel with. i just couldn't comprehend why anyone, on hearing The Good News, would say he/she wants to believe. but when he comes to the commitment part, and i explain the cost of following Christ, which is to let God take control, many come to a halt and make a u-turn, preferring to just believe with the head, which was something that i cautioned against. i thought i was damn zai lah.. for "scaring" people away. this burden has been making me pray for the youths in Singapore, and my own friends. that God will create a desire in them to want to know Him.

in lpc, i learnt and recognised that i was basing my worth with God on the successes i had in evangelism. when no-one wanted to believe in God out on the streets, i thought i was a failure in God's eyes, and let it get to me. and as wen said, i cannot let these thoughts affect me, because, if i get so affected to the extent of not seeing the point for evangelism, satan has "won" the battle. bell was also right to say that i was pushing myself too hard. therefore, i must not give up. and press on doing God's work.

what is most important is to rejoice in the simple and basic fact that i am REDEEMED by God. that MY name is written in the Book of Life. and that is more than sufficient for my to be joyful. furthermore, God loves me not because of who i am, but because of who He is,

because God is love^ ^

esc

i started temp work at the Evangel Student Care Centre today..and heh. i quite like it. the kids are rather adorable.. the boys are precocious.. a little too precocious too handle at times.. the girls are just so so sweet.. first day@work.. heh. let me finish this month, and it may be another story. but, i doubt it :)

i was hoping/expecting to be down at the youth centre and not the primary kids side. but, working with kids may be a good change.. i must say, i'm really proud to say that i shared the gospel with 4 kids today (^-^). and, i'm really happy bcos, i think i almost led 2 of the girls to Christ. why almost? because, i don't know how to lead them in the commitment part.. i only know youth ee, so, when i shared with them, my brain had to multi task.. one of the boys, was screaming(and i really mean screaming.. hollering..) half of the time. but the other 3 kids were really listening.. just that at the end, when i came to the faith part, both boys ran away to watch spongebob sqaurepants. oh well, i think that may be for the better.

kk, back to the multitasking.. i had a hollering kid running around the room, at the same time, as i tried trying to make youth ee more kids ee..had to run the gospel presentation through my head to figure out which parts were more relevant for kids, and at the same time, share the actual gospel presentation. it was really by God's grace that i managed to pull through..

and i was so excited, that when i came home, i asked my dad n abel how kids ee is different from the youth version.. now, i'm better equipped.. i dont think i'll panic so much when i share the gospel with the kids next time. they are such a joy. their eyes are just fixated on you, and you know for sure that they are listening to you, genuinely..not out of politeness. which brings to mind the 4 girls that emily(wefc)& bell met on the streets on thur. it is quite sad that such a wonderful gift as eternal life, can bring about such harsh words.. as emily said herself, it brought daggers to her heart as she read one of the girl's blog.

no wonder Jesus said "let the little children come". to have childlike faith, is just something i wish i still have now.. i don't know if i have. mind you, childlike faith is not blind faith. because children are so simple and innocent(not necessarily naive), they recognise truth when they see it. not like adults(of my age.. older or even younger..)

as we grow older, our lives become more "complicated", we get more tied up in unnecessary "activities". although, we would like to think that we are more "matured", personally, i still prefer simplicity and innocence. to just trust in God for everything, without having to rationalise and worry. and this is a truth i've been reading about in the Chronicles of Narnia.

oh man. i can yak for ages about Narnia.. have you WATCHED the trailer for The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. heh. i haven't, but i heard it was good. i simply can't wait for the movie to come out on 22nd December... anyway, publicity, aside. let me share with you 2 important concepts about Christianity from the Narnia series.. yes, i finally decided to read all 7 books.. just that andrewfam the great lost book 3.i learnt a lot from C.S.Lewis, but, here are 2 poignant truths:

1. we did not choose God. Instead, God chose us first.
in The Silver Chair(book 4) when the girl, jill was bewildered on how, by simply calling out the name of aslan, she entered the magical kingdom of Narnia.
and, Aslan said this, " You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you."
how true. we can never call unto God, unless he has first created the desire within us.

2. to have childlike faith like lucy.
lucy, to me, is just truly so trusting in Aslan, the Lion. and that fact that she is always the first to see Him, while he remains "invisible" to the rest, speaks voulmes..

i can only say this much. i strongly ENCOURAGE you to pick up a book of the Chronicles of Narnia..start with The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe first. as for me, i love the kids i'm working with.. and i can only hope that by hanging out with kids half my age, some of that innocence and sweetness will rub off on me ^ ^

GSS

damn. am i in a blogging mood or what. i simply cannot contain my excitement about the Great Singapore Sale.. although, given a choice, i would rather be in Hong Kong now, i have to make do with what i have here.. (wen, next year!! hk here we come!!!)

to curb my spending, heh, i decided i better come up with a wishlist. it's tough to keep within this limit, that i agree:

1. peasant skirt ( i just bought one today.. so, erm.. yeah. but...)
2. rattan bag ( i saw one today.. more like a few.. but, their was this ancient looking bag.. ugh, which was CRYING out to me)
3. nike pink&green sneakers
4. one or two pairs on earrings (i've fasted from buying earrings for way too long...)
5. a funky top.(when i see it, i'll know it,w hich i think, i've seen one too many.sigh)
6. another bag?! in one of those funky mama psychadelic colours??? ( yes, i know, i've too many bags)

can i formulate into words what you, my dear reader is probably thinking.. yes, i feel materialistic.. and yes, i think i'm a major shopaholic.. that's a bad bad habit/hobby to pick up from a friend(courtesy of serene foo and her one too many shopping trips...) NEVER have a shopaholic as a friend, and a wealthy one too, to add.

then again, i'm a woman(that sounds so so weird.. calling myself a woman?! i mean, it's not that i've just gone for a sex change or what, but.. i think i'm entering into the realm of age-ism... sigh) and woman are entitled to shop as much as men are to football...

it is during such a time as this, i wish that i have a rich boyfriend.. ha. but, in the mean time, i'm more than contented with my heavenly Father, who's far greater than anyone else in this world and beyond ^ ^

unchanging

today, i met up with kwee yong & yi ting, my dear juniors from pjc.. heh. they,cute as ever.. they make me feel young^ ^

i tried to explain nus lingo to yi ting.. i.e. bidding system, modules, etc.. but i think i left her in more of a blur then anything else.. i better make good my promise to be there when she bids for her modules.. and i wonder whether i scared her off when i told her how lonely one can be in the first semester in nus.

sigh. can you imagine??? it's been more than a year.. just last year, i was a scared chicken, because, i had not gotten my admissions letter from nus YET. and one year has already passed, so quickly.. a little too quickly perhaps, to the extent that i feel as if i have not caught my breath. so much has happened, eversince i entered jc and left it, to work and then later off to uni... and i can only attest to one thing that has been constant.

God.

I AM.

people change, and i'm not spared. But, i'm thankful for God is unchanging.

Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging.
Your love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet.
Your love is a mystery, how You gently lift me
When I am surrounded, Your love carries me.

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, Your love makes me sing.
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, Your love makes me sing.

Your love is surprising, I can feel it rising
All the joy that's growing, deep inside of me
Everytime I see You, all Your goodness shines through
I can feel this God song rising up in me.

vcfers

for the picture below, i forgot to add that it was deb's birthday last week.. and the whole bunch of us vcf-ers had a surprise birthday party for her...was she shocked or what. heh.. i've never had a surprise birthday before..

anyway, another day, when i'm up to it, i shall write an entry on vcf.. and how God is leading me in nus through vcf... i'll save it for another day.

for reference, the people below, from left to right, top to bottom are:
mark, matt, andrew, kevin, ruiyi, joel & me.
jocelyn, adeline wan, deborah(her royal higness), mel, fern & angeline.

deb's birthday with fellow vcf-ers. 

power n purpose

Ps shern gave a very good sermon today, or rather, yesterday.he spoke on Acts 2:1-14, talking about the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. which was timely, cos today, in another less than 8 hours, i'll be going back to qbc for the youth ee clinic. i'm excited now. im glad. i was getting worried that if i dint get my act together, i'll be... i dunno..

i can regurgitate the entire gospel to you, but, that's not good enough. i was worried that i kinda lost the fire. i've been disappointed by past mass street evangelisms.. the youths on the streets i met, they were just not interested in God, they couldn't care less, keeping God at arms length... my heart aches for them.. it always does. and i always tear for my non-christian friends. because, recently, i've been learning that it's a long journey. life is a long and ardous journey. and praying for your friends' salvations is not a one night stand. it requires daily prayer, which i confess, i don't remember everyday. i get frustrated that when i ask my friends out for vcf talks or etc, the response is always that of, "i'm too busy, another time, ok?". please dont take it that im dissing people. on top of that, when i shared Christ with my prcs, they are all so polite and scientific.. i don't know..

it's all these things that take the fire out of you at times.. you get disappointed to see that, as if, God is not working. your prayers aren't answered. but, you know that you can't give up trying. you cant give up praying for your friends, trying to break down the communication barriers with the prcs, going out to the streets to share the gospel... because if you don't play your part, who will?

so, i'm thankful for the sermon. for God speaking to me and reassuring me that He will always re-fill me with the Holy Spirit. oh.. here's a little Holy Spirit trivia for you. baptism of Holy Spirit vs filling of the Holy Spirit?? what's the diff? i finally found out.

Baptism- it's the initial experience. the Holy Spirit resides in us when we believe that Jesus died for our sins.

Filling- the ongoing experience. Just like a fire, we need regular douses of petrol to keep going.

so, here i am. re-filled with the Holy Spirit. i'm charged up and excited. i do hope that today i would be able to pass on the passion and enthusiasm i caught from the zion people, esp jialing, to other youth leaders, and they can pass it on to their church. i hope that that today would be a start for the youth grup at wefc. i hope to see God continue the good work done at qbc...

as for my friends, i shall just concentrate on bringing them one step closer to God everyday(:

But, most importantly, i want to be able to experience once again God working in me, and through me, for Him.

kingdom of heaven

I watched Kingdom of Heaven today with wen.. and,I'm glad she said she wanted to watch it, cos I would never have gone. I seriously thought it was a sucky show that portayed christianity in a bad light ( so I heard from my friends).

It is a good movie, plenty of action(but way too much blood. explains the NC16 rating. the blood spurts were comparable to kill bill). Furthermore, Orlando Bloom is hot as ever. In LOTR he was such a pretty boy. But in Kingdom of Heaven, he oozed such manly heroism (^o^).

Frivolities aside, this movie is good, for the very simple reason that it showed how human Christians are. it was sad to see how divided the christians were. there were 2 camps of people. One, fought for God, for Christianity, or so they thought. the other, fought for fame, wealth and power. i just, sigh. i get very sad(even more than just plain old sad) whenever people, friends say that hypocritical Christians are a big issue to them. Ghandi himself said, "Find me a Christian who's not a hypocrtic, and i will believe" (something to that extent). but, people forget that Christians are human just like anyone else. we all sin and fall short of God's lory and standard. that's why we need God. That's why you can never find a non-hypocritical Christian because everyone will fall at some point of time.

i would sincerely encourage you to catch this movie, to see the helpless and the utter hopelessness of humans. and lest we Christians think to ourselves that we are much better than the Christians portayed in Kingdom of Heaven, watch out, cause you've already fallen into the trap of hypocrisy.

disclaimer: to have a total stranger tagging on my board.. seems alien.(no offence fudgebumkin, it's a 1st in a long while.. yeha. i'm a lil deprived) i feel like a xiaxue(apparently, asia's best blog of the year) i'll comment abt her another day...btw, just for the record, i didn't write the poem.. ( i had better say that.. if not, wat with all this talk on how blogs are not one's private n personal space.. we bloggers are liable to libel suits.. gosh)

anyway, just to set things straight. i'm a christian. a firm one at that.. one who believes that evangelism is something every christian should do, be it friendship evangelism or street e, etc... so, the poem below, was something reina, a youth shared today@cg. it struck me to not give up praying for my friends, n doing the small things that would bring them one step closer to God.

we should all share the gospel with the non-christian friends around us. as the poem itself says, how can we be friends, if we never share with them the most precious thing in life??

a poem from a non-christian to her christian friend:

My friend, I stand in judgment now

And feel that you are to blame somehow

On earth I walked with you each day

And never did you show the way

You know the Lord in truth and glory

But never did you tell the story

My knowledge then was very dim

You could have led me safe to Him

Though we lived together on the earth

You never told me of the second birth

And now I stand this day condemned

Because you failed to mention Him

You taught me many things, that's true

I called you my friend and trusted you

But I learned now that it's too late

You could have saved me from this fate

We walked by day and talked by night

And yet you showed me not the light

You let me live and love and die

You know I will never live on high

Yes, I called you friend in life

And trusted you through joy and strife

And yet coming to this end

I cannot call you "my friend".