Saturday, March 25, 2006

Jesus, take the wheel

ade's a happy happy girl:) she finally bought carrie underwood's cd, Some Hearts. the speakers are blasting Jesus, take the wheel now.

have to hand it to carrie (macham talking as if she's my friend.. ). of all the songs in her album, she chose Jesus, take the wheel as her first single. is that a statement or what. when she sang this song on American Idol a few weeks back, and my dad heard her. and we heard the applause the audience had for her, which was not exactly thunderous, i really felt for her. dad says we must really pray that she is really a Christian and not a "christian" ( think britney spears), that God will keep her pure and use her mightily.

She was driving last Friday
on her way to Cincinnati

On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy
with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low
on faith and gasoline

It'd been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind
and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning
on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder
when she made it to the shoulder

And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat
sleeping like a rock

And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life

I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel

Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

friends and God

i think i think too much. oh well.

i usually get quite scared when life's too good, and i'm given too many blessings. i know some may think what is wrong with me.. God give, just take lah?! right...

when i was 14or 15,can't really remember exactly when.. we had a new year's lunch at uncle roger's home. uncle roger and family invited this whole bunch of their friends from church(gefc), friends they've been with for years.. and they were having a sharing session with the whole gin gang of family members. they were thanking God for the stuff that had happened in the past year.

i remember how aunty G thanked God for blessing her with aunty L for being such agood friend, to the extent that once, when G had a bad quarrel with her husband, she called L when L was having a holiday with her family. and L was patient enough to hear her out, despite the fact that she was away on holiday... and there were other similar stories..thanking God for family members, friends, etc...

i remember on the way home, i told my mom that it was really cool to have such friendships. however, my mom pointed out that throughout that entire sharing session, no one was really praising and thanking God for being God. yes, they said " i thank God for friend A...." or " i am thankful to God for friend B...".

but no one said " i thank God for being being there for me.."

all those thanks had centred on the gift, and not the giver.

well, almost, save for one. uncle John and his wife had thanked God for being their pillar of strength and comfort that year, as he had cancer. and with a near-death experience, he realised that only God is truly grace and worthy of praise. they had thank God for being Him.

often i read people's blogs, and hear people share that they are grateful to God for their friends/ cg/ bf or gf/ cg leader or any other leader for that matter / *insert some person*, for being there and providing the support when they really needed it.

and often i wonder, in the midst of it all, where is God?

yes, it is good to have a friend/s who is/are there when you need her/him. and lest you think i'm some loner bugger with no friends (hence this entry), please don't get the wrong idea. i do have friends, many in fact.. some who are really people i know i can count on for prayer and accountability. friends who have been there to cheer me up, friends who have been there to point me back to God. in fact, i think that's what friends are for... to point you back to God.

but then, there are times when these friends are there, that when there's trouble, instead of turning to God first, i turn to them. and that's when it gets scary. it's like my dad getting me that ipod i've wanted for ages. but instead of thanking my dad,i go, "thank you ipod! you are there to bring music into my life(literally). you are the one who gives me a beat to live to! you are the one who saves me from the annoying clutches of the evil tv mobile!"

ok, so maybe i sound like i am exaggerating. like a hyperbole gone all wrong. but i think, i do that at times.

i think the turning point of my life came when i was in sec1, back from the land of 50 stars (and states). i came back to scgs, where i was eager to reunite with my sweet valley high-like gang of friends. and boy, was i wrong. for those last 3 months, i went through pure teenage hell of backstabbing. girls bitched about me having a fake american accent, being proud for having lived in the states.. they even spread these rumours to girls from other classes... and everyday, i went home to cry. but, my parents prodded me to bring everything to God. and i have definitely not regretted that decision.

it's been 8 years since i decided to depend on God only. as much as i hope i am depending on Him only, and no one else, there are times, when i forget God, and focus on His gifts instead. that's why i thank God for trials, because, they remind me that God is there. that i don't need to run anywhere else, except to Him.

and i think, by fully understanding that it is only God who provides, that i can truly appreciate His gifts. and not be afraid of accepting His blessings.

so, there. thank you, my friend;)

and thank you God, for being here.

Friday, March 24, 2006

kairos vs kairos??

today after frontiers, i had 2.. no 3 choices:

1. previous cell
2. food trail around eastern part of singapore with the youth leaders
3. go home. period.

and since the thai Meet team was going for my previous cg, i thought it would be good to go back, because i could go back and see them all,while blending into the background (cos Meet team was there). of course the reason i wanted to go back was because i missed them too.. it's been almost a year since i moved to wefc.

but then,because the wefc youth leaders had that food trail, and yes, it was food. but no, i actually had no mood for any greasy food... and also, i thought it's good that i should go because it's the church that i am in now.

it's always good and comforting to be with people you are comfortable with. you can just be yourself, sit back and watch the people you love chatter, and once in a while, laugh with them.

yet, the nagging thought of responsibility and of course, calling (which was what today's frontiers' session was all about) kept being pushed back and forth, back and forth in my mind.

in the end, i decided i was/still am actually, really tired. plus if i did go for cell, i would be late, and i didn't want to make a grand entrance(which defeated the whole idea of blending into the background). and, i had not much energy left to go to some ulu part of singapore in the east (easties.. don't protest.. i actually like east coast park. yes. ).

i went home.

but at causeway point, while checking out the bakeries and prodding their breads to see if they were soft and eat-able, i suddenly remembered that my previous cell was called kairos.

and that brought back a flood of memories...i remembered that after i had prayed about whether i should stay on in qbc or move with the rest of the family to wefc, of which God indicated very clearly in several instances, that i should move on to wefc.. i talked to jonathan, who was at that time, both a vcfer and a youth leader in wefc, and he said he was going for kairos. and i asked him, "kairos?! what's kairos". to which he replied that it was the cg formed for the youth leaders in wefc.

and i remembered how that sent shivers down my spine... to see how God was taking me out from one kairos to another. it has always been clear that God wants me to serve in the youth ministry.

i look at the bunch of youths at qbc and remember how i was worried that there wouldn't be people to help these kids grow in God.. and obviously, i was so wrong. as soon as God called me to go to wefc, the burden that He had placed in Serene's heart for youths finally moved her to want to serve in ywav. and it was amazing how she was telling me that she was praying about serving in ywav in 2005, and i had not told her i was going to change church. in fact, Serene is doing a really good job with those bunch of youths..and, i must say, a much better job than i did.

i really affirm "uncle" Seng Eng. a calling is so important, because there would be times when i get discouraged and start wondering what on earth i am here for. but then, when i remember it's because God called me, i know i have to be committed to the end, to do what He has planned.

Isaiah 52:11, 12
"Put Babylon behind you, with everything it represents, for it is unclean to you.
You will not leave in a hurry, running for your lives.
For the Lord will go ahead of you,and the God of Isreal will protect you from behind."

God has taken care of my past.
He has also taken care of my future.

Sunday, March 19, 2006


life's a struggle.. i echo what eugene blogged.

sometimes, having too much fun, actually scares me. and fri's wackiness at flor's birthday party was a testimony. i enjoyed myself. (happy birthday flo;) tremendously. perhaps, a little too much. debs thinks we all went a bit too insane as a result of all the writing we had to do this week.

i think i am finally seriously feeling the brunt of 6 modules.

talked to pam& hwees on the way home friday, and we were saying how scary it is when things go well. how often, life revolves around us, as much as we know it should be God.

came home & told nut some stuff. and, it got me thinking even more.

all the thoughts in my head + things people have been saying drove me to really want God speak to me at that moment. to tell me. to just speak. something.

ended up reading the entire ecclesiastes, which made me feel that things in life are more meaningless than ever.

went for tuition this morning, and then for cg outing. and had to fend off a 1000 and 1 thoughts that were wriggling around like annoying mozzie larvae...

had to endure my mom's snappiness, which was a result of a fault of mine this morning.

still thinking a 1000 and 1 thoughts.

still wishing that God would speak and make things clear. now.

and i think, i'm off to do qt.

pray for me, yeah?

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

replace the lamp of my first love

Oh Lord, You're beautiful
Your face is all I see
For when Your eyes are on this child
Your grace abounds to me

Oh Lord, please light the fire
That once burned bright and clean
Replace the lamp of my first love
That burns with holy fear

sigh. so easy to lose your first love..
but, so hard to relight it.