Saturday, April 30, 2005

here's a song i found.. but i've not yet listened cos i dont know where to get it). i've heard homegrown talent corinne may before though.. never knew she was a she? plus, this song pretty much describes the life i live..

corrinne may: journey
It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause it's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
To you

sigh. i'm in the midst of exams now.. one last paper on tue.. and wat can i say.. i have this sinking sickening fear that i'm going to do way worse than last sem.. sometimes, i wonder whether going to nus has brought down my self-esteem.. it's not that i think i'm a failure(ok..fine, i do at times..) but, i just dont feel confident about my studies here in uni at all... and it doesnt help that the people around me, the majority have much better CAPS than me.. that when they say they can't do well for a particular module, the worst grade they get is like my best..i feel pressured to do well.. bcos i want to give my parents something to be proud of(its my last shot at good grades here in uni), bring God some glory through my studies, just to get good grades to be proud of for once.

but, the one thing i'm holding on to, is the fact that since God brought me to nus, barely, he must have a reason for placing me here, by His grace. and, for that, i'm grateful. and i believe, though many at tiems i would falter, that He will bring me through these 3/4 years in nus.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

oh. i forgot to add... after the sermon today, i prayed and asked God to give me direction in my lfe.. and also to help me in serving in wefc..and i prayed specifically that God will help.. it's not that im lazy or anything, but i needed a sign that God will always be with me as i serve Him in this new church..assurance.. so, i asked that after i prayed and opened my eyes, someone from the youth ministry would talk to me..

so, i opened my eyes.. and blink blink.. nothing happened.. oh well.. nvm.. i went down to the fellowship hall and got a little fazed out by the huge crowd for Ps Twee Kim's appreciation lunch.. and was starting to wonder what on earth i was going to do in this huge crowd.. and then..

i felt a tap on my shoulder.. i turned around, this girl, Aggie, a youth leader, told me that Ps Jabez (the youth pastor) assigned(can't think of a better word) me to join her cg.. oh man.. at that point, i couldn't stop smiling.. haha.. an answered prayer!! immediate! (well, almost ^ ^)

i'll be starting from scratch again.. as a youth.. so, heh.. i'm just glad God answered my prayer.. it's a new start to a new ministry!! i'm really excited.. ^ ^

Stand Firm

Today, Pastor Shern gave a very good sermon.. it was a very uplifting message..

as some of you may know.. i've been stressed out by school, a new church, life in general...a lot of stuff.

i've also been struggling in my relationship with God eversince uncle louis died. His death made me question God a lot, made me question my intentions in life... a lot of questions in fact.. too many that i got scared to a certain point cos i got worried that i may start doubting God to the point that i would forsake Him.. thankfully, i think i've hit the most bottom of the pit already.. and am slowly tryin to climb back up..

today's sermon gave me a renewed confidence in God. God is real and alive. God is eternal. we should ALL be living for Eternity.

so, according to this eternity principle:
1. my studies now flagging or not is just a fleeting spot in the never-ending line of eternal life.(but that doesn't mean i should just give up on my studies, of course.. heh)
2. my feeling of fat and any sickness (and etc) is only temporal.. when Jesus returns, i will have a new and glorified body, umblemished.
3. all the stress, depression and negative feelings i ever experience on this earth will all come to naught in heaven. in heaven, there is nothing but unspeakable joy and contentment.
4. working for money, material goods is useless cos i can never bring them to heaven with me.. instead, i should work towards my eternal rewards in heaven.

1 Corinthians 15:58 says, "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work o fthe Lord, because you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain."


to contextualise this verse:

if you've been bogged down by the stress of life, that sometimes you lose sight of God,yet you know that God is your only hope, STAND FIRM!!
if you've been praying for the salvation of your unsaved friend or parent or grandparent, and they don't seem to be responding, STAND FIRM!!
if you've been seeking direction for your life, unsure with what God wants you to do, STAND FIRM!!
if you feel that you have been disheartening God, disappointing Him, STAND FIRM!!
if you haven't been serving God as much as you know He wants, serve by faith and STAND FIRM!!
if you've been trying to be a strong testimony for God in school or work, yet you feel that you fail Him at times, STAND FIRM!!

the list goes on... just STAND FIRM!! in your walk with God, your service to God. always remember that our life here is only transient.. what matters most is eternity. so, work towards that, ok?

anyway, hope some have been encouraged by this post.. i would really encourage you to go read 1Corinthians 15. God really spoke to me and put my life in perspective...okie.. exams start this friday for me, so it's time to go back to the books(or rather stacks of notes..)

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
Our God is an awesome God!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

mr lonely

it's rather amusing, to be reading an email from a friend, where she mentions in passing the song, Lonely. and then, lo n behold, u hear it on the radio:

Lonely, I’m mister lonely
I have nobody to call my own

it's such a cute song..

Saturday, April 09, 2005


Disappear ~by Bebo Norman from Try (2004)

On a day like this I want to crawl beneath a rock 
A million miles from the world, the noise, the commotion 
That never seems to stop 
And on a day like this I want to run away from the routine 
Run away from the daily grind that can suck the life 
Right out of me 
I know of only one place I can run to...
I want to hide in You 
The Way, the Life, the Truth 
So I can disappear 
And love is all there is to see 
Coming out of me 
And You become clear 
As I disappear 
I don't want to care about earthly things 
Be caught up in all the lies that trick my eyes 
They say it's all about me 
I'm so tired of it being about me...
I would rather be cast away 
Separated from the human race 
If I don't bring You glory 
If I don't bring You glory 
If I don't bring You glory

Monday, April 04, 2005

a new creation

Yesterday was my dad's installation as the senior pastor in woodlands efc. It was also a day which I found socializing too much of a hassle and a chore:(

I'm not an extremely extroverted person. I can be, but only after warming up to people. It takes time. It took me one & a half semesters before my vcf friends realised I could be corny.. At 1st encounter, I have the tendency to want to keep to myself. It would help a lot if people seemed friendlier and take the first step. Then again, maybe they are...

Too many 'I's... too self-centred, too focused on my own problems. I am supposed to know what I'm doing in a new church; I'm still excited about teaching youth ee in a new church. But it's discouraging when faced with a daunting task of knowing a huge group of 90+ ppl, leaders not included. So, I simply freaked yesterday and went home straight after church cos someone was coming to view the house.

Just did my quiet time on 2 Corinthians 5:17,
'If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!'

Our Daily Journey goes on to say that "all of us have different personalities. Yours is a part of who you are, whether or not you are a believer in Jesus. But when we accept Him as Saviour, our personality should begin reflecting Him. We should become more loving, caring, and interested in others. For me, that meant not being a zombie (which comes naturally to me), but opening up and being friendly."

It was as if this entry was written for me. How true.

So, still faced with the daunting task of knowing too many people @Teenedge, I've decided to break things down a little simpler. Every Sunday, during the lunch break before Teenedge, I will "force" myself to join people, smile and say hi and talk to them. The goal is, to talk to at least ONE person properly and get to know him/her. So there, one person per week doesn't sound too scary, right? It's time to put the skills from How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie into good use.

Why am I writing all this? I need you to pray for me, I can't do it alone:)

2 Corinthians 5:16-21
16 From now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.

Sunday, April 03, 2005


a penny for my thoughts..