Friday, December 29, 2006

prc camp

oh. I'm very lagging in my top 10s. heck. I've been too busy with PRC camp and other stuff to blog about the past year. And, can I say that I'm seriously too lazy to blog about them?

Met up with liz, sarah & sond on tues. It was good. We laughed over our old school photos. I really miss secondary school days.

Which fast-fowards me to uni days. Results came out. And I'm actually disappointed. Graduation in less than 6months is actually eminent (this word looks odd). But, I can say that each semester has been such a joy. The friendships are such blessings from God.

PRC camp for the past 2 days has been really good. For some, Anntic is the camp to go. But for me, it'd always be PRC camp. Each year that I go for, it's a different thing. Year 1 was God's wake up call for me to quit wallowing in self-pity and to realise that the harvest field is there. Year 2 was really a challenge of trust in God, that He is in control of everything. This year, I just found it all peaceful. My group was the nuah kind. And they are so so sweet. The look on their faces when we gave them the cards that debs, weng seng & I wrote to them. gosh. so priceless. You could tell that they were touched. They started comparing cards, and it was very funny when one of the guys Wen Hao (the mark lookalike) asked why we wrote different stuff on the cards (so sweet rite, debs?).

Plus it's always nice to be with people I can just be myself. I'm very grateful for good co-group leaders. It's way too tiring to manage a group on one's own. Will post photos up when I get them. Sb, help me get from T or is it Tee?? Oh and debs, I got all their emails. will be starting a yahoogroup for them this weekend. I'm looking foward to 13 jan for the afterglow (sb!! our birthday plans!! haha)


Monday, December 25, 2006

2006 Lesson No. 8 - Work.

I got a whole lot more than what I had bargained for when I agreed to work at Pearson during my summer vacation. The one main thing I learnt was that working life ain't a bed of roses. I never could understand why people who used to serve so actively in church, would slowly fade from the scene when they entered the working world. I used to think they had chosen the chasing after the winds over God.

But experiencing a bit of it when I worked at Pearson, changed my entire perspective. Helping Emily with her Modern World History project (of which, I can proudly say I did the maps in that textbook. heh), made me experience real deadlines and the demands of various people from MOE to the authors. I got it easy. I could leave everyday at 5.25 pm to catch the bus back to Boon Lay. But Emily usually had to stay back to work overtime. Seeing her and the many others in the office who were rushing to meet very tight deadlines, made me realise that it's not really our call to decide how much to work. If there's work that needs to be done by a certain time, it has to be done by that time.

Temping at Pearson in the day, while having various cf meetings at night, made me realise that working life is tiring. It saps the life out of you. I had long talks with a few friends, and we realised that eventually it boils down to oneself. Yes, there will always be a never-ending workload. But we can actually choose how much to work, although it would be a tough choice.

I've also realised that if I don't start putting God first in my life now, it's going to be so much harder once I start to work. Reaching out, spending time with Him can easily fall to second, fifth even last place, if I don't begin and continue now.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

2006 Lesson No. 9 - Turning 21 in the family.

I turned 21 this year.

In my earlier reflections on turning 21, I wrote about my dad's 'reaction' in that immediate week. Close to a year later, there's been little things here and there that the dad has been loosening the strings that's rather sweet.

Like for example how I asked permission to go night cycling in May, across the far east (of Singapore. heh). My dad smsed: Take care. Then, less than a second later, he sent another: Take care and enjoy yourself.

Now, to do crazy things overnight, going on holidays overseas, I don't have to ask for permission. It's more of just telling them, to let them know where I am so that they won't have to worry. On hindsight, the really good thing about getting a handphone before entering university, is that the parents do not have the habit of calling you up to find out where you are, which I've noticed, annoys some of my friends.

In my teens, staying out late and hanging out with boys were the 2 main things to show that you were "cool". Now I roll my eyes and go "yeah, right. cool." Now that my age starts with 2-, I notice that I usually stay no later than 10pm when out with my friends. I try to get home before midnight, and usually reach home by 11pm. If given the option to stay out later for drinks, I'm always one of the first to throw in the towel and head home.

I've also come to realise that family is really important. While I was younger, I would try to spend as much time with friends. Family was secondary. I'm still no expert now, but I've since learnt to spend more time with my family. And actually enjoy it.

Had a talk with my mom in November, and it just hit home the importance of family. Even if the family can be annoying, but it's the one place people really know me for who I really am. Although 21 means indendence and freedom, I've realised complete freedom is not the doing whatever you want. Rather, it's living life responsibly that makes the people who love you, blessed.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

2006 Lesson No. 10 - Of Money and Materialism

My travels to Hong Kong, Indonesia, Thailand and Malaysia this year made me realise how materialistic I can be and how fortunate I am to be living in Singapore.

It started off with the HK trip and continued with the Bangkok trip. They were both great holidays. But it was the aftermath that made me wonder whether I was too much of a shopaholic. Granted I had saved a lot and worked at Pearson to fund myself for both trips. Plus I rationalized that the shopping clumped in those 2 trips alone was less than spending $100/month worth of shopping spread out in the entire year.

I felt the pinch more because my former employer delayed my pay check for 2 months, which meant I was seriously in debt for 2 months. And because of that, I had to live at the mercy of my parents who nagged no end. I deserved it though.

The money spent could have been better channelled to the church building fund, people who do not even have enough food to eat, let alone clothes to wear. And here I was adding more variations to a closet that's already too full. But lest you think I'm going to swing to the other extreme and be a hermit and adopt an austere lifestyle, I've come to realise that's not the solution. Whatever God has given, is a blessing. It's good to enjoy life. But, I've since learnt self-control. Before I go on shopping trips, like the recent one to KL, I don't overbuy. Set aside enough to reward myself, and save enough for more fruitful stuff like mission trips.

The KL trip showed me that Singapore is really blessed. I don't know why God would choose to bless us with a good geographical location that's safe from tsunamis, typhoons, earthquakes, etcs. I came back half a day later than planned, because the Malaysian train service was disrupted due to the floods in Johor. At first, I got a kick out the delay. How often can we say, "oh, my plans were disrupted because of a flood?"

While it's a novelty to me, I realised that it's a stark reality to many others. The ride home in the coach with plush red seats and air-conditioning was very comfortable. Too comfortable infact, to be peering out of the bus window to see this:

trees half-submerged, rivers bursting out of their seams, houses flooded, villagers rallying to push a car. I just read in the newspaper today that 60,000 people have been displaced in Johor because of the floods. 4 people have also died because of it. And while some of my friends thank God for great drainage systems in Singapore, it breaks my heart to be there and see that though the waters are shiny on the surface, a lot more lies beneath the calm.

I've also been realising slowly that I am too much of a pampered city girl. While we city folks can often laugh about how we would never survive on a camping trip out in the wilderness with no proper plumbing for any more than 2 days, I guess we often forget that these camping trips are a choice and not a lifestyle. The exco social action game at Anntic (VCF's Annual Teach-in Camp) made me realise the hard way that many of us (soon-to-be graduates) are going to be living a rather easy life.

By the second game station, I (a lowly Indian construction worker) soon realised that those 14 Bible verses that I spent 45 minutes memorising was only going to earn me a measely $5, while a high-flying graduate would only need to memorise 2 verses and be paid a whopping $800 for that. I whined to YanChang that it was unfair, and he was kind and let me work in installments (i.e memorise 3 verses at a shot).

In real life, I know that many would not be able to meet such nice employers. Although it was only a game, it brought home the message very hard to me that there are many others in society who slave and sweat so much, only to earn a few measely dollars. While many of us would be able to work in comfy air-con offices, and although we can gripe about the stress the work brings (which is very real), we would never know what it feels like to work so hard, only to receive $360 a month, with no time for entertainment and other luxuries.

I will always remember that day during the recent exams very vividly, when I was watching an episode of 7Swords on SCV. My dad told me to turn around, to see the Indian cleaner standing at our gate, looking on. 20 minutes later, as the credits ran, he was still standing there. And the sight of him broke my heart. There I was, sitting on my over-squashed but nevertheless still comfy sofa, watching my HK serial, while the cleaner had to stand outside and peer on.

I think when I start work, I need to remember these images and use money wisely for the glory of God's kingdom. With this lesson, I've got few answers but many questions.

Friday, December 22, 2006

where did I go wrong

my current earworm: How To Save A Life, by The Fray.
Courtesy of wei's blog and bluetooth technology. It's one of those songs that makes me sad instantly and puts me into a mulling melancholic mood... I guess that beats songs like the teeny bopper version of Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart (and the very next day you gave it away) that every single imaginable shopping centre and radio station has on repeat mode...I passed my earworm to poor jeelee =X

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

speaking of stuff that puts me in a melancholic mood.. I watched Casino Royale when I was in KL. Seeing Daniel Craig kick serious butt beats Pierce Brosnan sauntering in suave suits. It made me sad for the other half of the day. I think as I grow older mt heart gets softer. Jeelee and Val were saying they must be pretty hard-hearted.. I don't know actually. I actually felt sad after a Bond movie. To redeem myself, the movie shows Bond before his flambouyant cassanova ways. So, you get to meet the girl who broke his heart.

And so, yeah, I've grown older. Another year has passed, made new friends, gone for trips, got broken a few times, laughed lots, cried some. Was talking to Clement the other day online, and decided that I'd take a leaf out of his blog. Will post a 2006 Top 10. Clem's doing Top 10 moments of the year.. After lots of mulling, I decided that many of the issues I've gone through can't be pin-pointed to that one particular moment. It's been a journey. So, I'd be posting my Top 10 lessons of the year from tomorrow til 1 Jan. Some of the posts would explain my absence since the exams. So, there.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Facing exams and existentialism

the parents are away for a holiday with the little brother, the eldest is away at bedok camp, the other, at youth camp downstairs.

so last night was the first night I was home, all alone. Ithink it feels good.

this morning, I was roused from slumber at 6am by the alarm. I woke up dazed. My first thought was, "where am I?". after staring out of my window into the surrealness of the pitch black sky with the lone moon shining from my left, I finally deduced that I was at home. After which, I thought next, "what am I doing today?". after thinking for a long while, I suddenly remembered that I have one more exam today. I actually had to think. gah. must be yesterday's exam. oh wellz. there's only about 7and a half more hours to go...

Sunday, December 03, 2006


"Persistent prayer keeps bringing God and me together, with several important benefits. As I pour out my soul to God, I get it off my chest, so to speak, unloading some of my burden to One who can handle it better. Little by little, as I get to know God I learn that God has nothing in common with an unjust judge or a stingy neighbour, though at times it may seem so. What I learn from spending time with God then better equips me to discern what God wants me to do on earth, as well as my role in that plan."

"Like a child who quits badgering a parent, I have sometimes found that I get an answer to my persistent request after I have learned to without it. The answer then comes as a surprise, an unecpected gift of grace. I seek the gift, find instead the Giver, and eventually come away with the gift I no longer seek."

Philip Yancey's Prayer

Sunday, November 26, 2006

May the peoples praise you, O God; may all the peoples praise you.

Some would know that this semester has been the hardest semester of school in my life. It beats year 1 sem 1. Perhaps it's because of the 2 level 4000 modules I am taking, on top of the fact that this is the first semester that I'm taking 4 English modules. I've been rather maxed out by schoolwork that I seriously don't think I want to go through year 4. Then again, realistically speaking, I don't think I would even qualify.

Yes, I am thankful I'm in NUS. A chance to study in one of the top 25 universities of the world (though some may beg to differ) is really granted by the grace of God. And, although schoolwork stresses me out to the max, I do enjoy what I am learning. I think my thinking has been sharpened and my writing polished. (with stress on 'I think')

And yes, I do enjoy vcf tons. I can say that my cf friends are the closest friends I have ever had. I would be a very aimless adeline without them all.. Shan't even attempt to mention names, because they are too many. From my batch who entered the thursday cgs together as freshies, to people I've served together in various committees, to people from cross faculties, to chance meetings, to wise and caring seniors, to bubbly juniors... the list goes on. Nothing beats serving, praying, questioning the same God.

Gosh. I sound like I am writing my farewell speech.

But in the midst of all the I-want-school-to-end-now thoughts, God has been doing a very special work. It's rather ironic that in the semester that I am the weakest, He is doing the most breakthroughs. It is these breakthroughs that always push my back in focus of my purpose in NUS.

It started off small, with my Jap friend A. We started off lunch small talk with me chattering about Jap food and fashion (yes, I couldn't think of anything better to talk about.), she not saying much. As the semester progressed, she started opening up more and talking a whole lot more, to the point that there were times I wanted to get back to an assignment, but seeing how open she was, I decided to just enjoy the company.

The last Fellowship Teaching saw a student from last year's batch of Chinese SM3 scholars, giving a testimony of how he found God through the camp and later the English Speaking Corner. Hearing that he was baptised last month, and how he wanted to join this year's SM3 orientation camp to help out, both flo and I agreed that all the crazy planning and hiccups we went through last year was worth every frenzy, prayer and sleepless night. It warmed my heart to see how it truly is in God's time that fruit is borne.

As if that was not enough, I bumped into one of my Chinese friends from my ESC group, last month. He actually offered to help out at this year's SM3 orientation camp and was disappointed on finding out that he wouldn't be in S'pore then. But, he quickly offered to join my ESC group next year. And on top of that, said he wanted to join a vcf cg. I was rather blown away.

What made me extremely excited was Jig's call last friday, to tell me that M, a fellow E-lang major on exchange from Canada, expressed interest in accepting Christ. The co-labouring with Jig and prayers were actually bearing fruit. It's not that I don't believe that God answers prayers. It's just that I never thought I'd get to harvest them.

It was really amusing on wed to have lunch with 3 non-christian friends. And as I always do, I gave thanks to God for my food and asked God for a good time with them, before proceeding to tuck into my meal.

I was stunned when my friend J looked at me queerly and asked,

J: Why do you pray so fast?
Me: *eyes open very big* Huh? What do you mean by 'pray so fast'?
J: How come you never pray outloud?
Me: I.. er... you want me to pray outloud??
(I turned and faced all three. Each had this look of expectance on his/her face.)
Me: er. ok, er.. I'd say grace for all of us, ya?

And so I gave thanks for the food.

Ok, so maybe you are wondering why I am typing all this. You see, out of that lunch, I found out that the two guys were sitting for their English qualifying exam on friday(yesterday). One of them, David, was dead certain he was going to fail. I told him, that the more he said he was going to fail, he would. So I told him to tell himself, "I can do it! I WILL pass! My English is good!" each time he felt like he was going to fail. And promised to pray for him.

I just checked my gmail to see this:

Hi Adeline,

First, thank you for your praying!!! I will pass it,...but next sem a tougher one will come to me. I don't know how many exams you have, but anyway all the best for all your exams. Although I don't know how to pray for you, I can help you: if you don't know how to answer questions in the exam, do sms me, I will definately reply immediately,hahahaha,trust me!

I'm going home on Dec 6th. Of cause I'll be back. But just want to know whether you have msn or blog or other online contacts so that i can get in touch with when I'm at home. My msn is... and by the way, if you are free, you may want to pay a visit to my "infant" blog, and of cause you can comment whatever you want there; no matter positive or negative comments, feel free to give. hehe,i won't be angry with you,...because your name is also there.

Finally, again best wishes for your exams, and also Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance (coz i'm afraid to forget to wish you after I leave Singapore)

aka Zong Liang

So, to David, this entry is for you. I mentioned your name too;)

And to the rest of my readers, I am not boasting to show all the brownie points I think I am chalking up in heaven. If everything has been going smoothly for me this semester, I would be inclined to think that all these breakthroughs are a result of my effort. But it's precisely because school has never been such a struggle that it is so clear that this is all God's work. Just as in 2 Corinthians 12:9,

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

For us who are in the midst of exams, and to everyone else be it at work, school or play, let's remember our purpose:

Psalm 67

For the director of music. With stringed instruments. A psalm. A song.
May God be gracious to us and bless us
and make his face shine upon us,

that your ways may be known on earth,
your salvation among all nations.

May the peoples praise you, O God;
may all the peoples praise you.

May the nations be glad and sing for joy,
for you rule the peoples justly
and guide the nations of the earth.

May the peoples praise you, O God;
may all the peoples praise you.

Then the land will yield its harvest,
and God, our God, will bless us.

God will bless us,
and all the ends of the earth will fear him.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


ms will know by now how much I dislike it when I'm told I've to change groups... it has happened one too many times, that each time I hear I've been moved out of a group to another (usually not as fun), I cringe. seriously. and it affects my mood after that.

thankfully, the latest one was an ok one. got moved from one fun group to another. ok, an added incentive to look forward to this year's youth camp. I really hope this year will be a change from the previous two. I really miss being able to sleep late and chatting with friends and the random youth and playing taiwanese heartattack and playing midnight soccer in the mud and laughing at miso soup and challenging youths to love God and hugging youths and singing christmas carols while prancing around.

I guess as much as I say I embrace change, I do like familiarity, especially that of people. crikey.. I'm getting all sentimental now.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Of doaps and Doulos

The past week seems to have passed by really slowly. A lot of stuff have happened. Which, honestly, is quite a lot to handle in a week. But, I'm still alive. Just a little tired.

I've had an overdose of Doulos this week, in the good sense. A team came down on tues for FT (fellowship teaching) and I was struck by the testimony of L who happens to be a PK (pastor's kid) too.. just that he's a SOAP (son of a pastor) and I'm a DOAP (daugther of a pastor). I think I can safely say I was never too problematic as a pk.. but L was really the stereotypical rebellious pk. What's amazing is how he found his identity in God and not in men. and, it doesn't hurt to say that he's cute with floppy hair. hahah. oh wellz.

God really spoke to me on thursday, when another team from Doulos came down to cg. The first was through the presentation of the world. Let's say, everyone in the world (all 6.5 billion) was to be represented by only 10 people:

3 are Christians: 2 nominal + 1 really christian Christian
2 are Muslims
2 are Hindus
1 is a Buddhist
1 is an atheist
1 is a tribal animist

and, for every 10 Christians in the world, only 1 would end up in missions and another would be actively reaching out back home.

1+1=2. only 2 Christians are effectively living out the Great Commission.

That really hit me.

The second thing that struck me was this G's testimony. I really like her. She's really beautiful (not pretty). She reminds me of Catherine Zeta Jones, has such a wacky personality, has such a fire for God.

She grew up in a Christian home and lived a sheltered life. She joined Campus Crusade in uni and was really on fire for God. But it was only her mid-twenties that she was struck by the price Jesus paid for her. And that meant living her life only for Jesus. She decided she wanted to be serious for God. That also meant serving God together with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend, however, wasn't keen on living all out for God. So, she made the painful decision of breaking up with her boyfriend of 10 years.

Don't know if I could ever make a decision like that.. then again, I don't have a boyfriend to begin with, let alone one of 10 years. so, heh. I don't have to make a decision like that after all!! Her testimony spoke because she was willing to give up someone she loved for God. And since I don't have that someone to begin with, I shall not harp for such things.

I am happy for her though, she's 33 this year, and when she goes home next year, she'd be getting married. Her new boyfriend was willing to wait 2 years for her as she went round the world doing God's work on Doulos. cool huh.

Eventhough my dream to get married by 25 seriously looks bleak, I was very edified by G's testimony. She was willing to give someone she loved, put things on hold for God. And God has blessed her ever so richly.

So, I guess waiting does have benefits. Ok, I'd wait =D

(sidenote to S: this is really waiting. press on!!)

Sunday, November 19, 2006


human beings are such sinful and complicated creatures. I really do not know why God would choose us to serve Him. I guess, He really chooses the foolish things of this world to shame the wise.

argh. humans. I used to say adults. but, now that I'm an adult. bah. It would be good to be a child all over again.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

break me

A friend shared something with me on Sunday, which at that time, didn't really sink in. I guess it was meant for today.

She shared that God really spoke to her through the story of the five loaves and two fishes from Elisabeth Elliot's Passion and Purity:

One morning I was reading the story of Jesus' feeding of the five thousand. The disciples could find only five loaves of bread and two fishes. "Let me have them," said Jesus. He asked for all. He took them, said the blessing, and broke them before He gave them out. I remembered what a chapel speaker, Ruth Stull from Peru, had said: "If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."

As a song goes,

As bread that is broken, use our lives
As wine that is poured out, a willing sacrifice.
Empower us Father to share the love of Christ
As bread that is broken, Lord, use our lives.

If I live my life the way I want it, it feeds only one.

But, if my life is broken, and I allow Jesus to have it, it can feed a multitude.

Monday, November 13, 2006


This is the origami ball that Andrew made for me. So pretty rite? Heh. It was in exchange to keep moi mouth shut from annoying him. You see, he came back from Brunei with nothing for me. Which is fine. Just that you don't get your sister nothing, while you get others something-.-

Yesterday was a good Sunday. God spoke to me 3 times on impatience. First through QT, then through Tabby, and lastly through the Bible Study that Sulwyn led.

There is no running away from it. No.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Ask and do not doubt

Since I am on the topic of God answering prayers.. I am in the midst of learning what this verse means:

But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord.

~ James 1:6,7

Something tells me I am going to be learning this for quite a while.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Then you will know that I am the LORD.

I met Clement (black) for lunch today.

He was sharing with me that he thinks that this semester, the cgs in arts have been mostly going their own ways. which is fine, because that means they are building themselves up.
But, they need to move beyond that. Next semester, each cg needs to do more as a body of Arts VCF.

When he said this, a slow smile spread across my face.

As you would have read in my previous post, I was mulling over the state of things in Arts VCF. In fact, just yesterday night, I was, in a way, feeling impatient and uncertain of this semester and what can be done next. (weiying will be my judge. ha)

She reminded me of what I shared with her from the Ezekiel 12:21-28, a month ago, when I told her to hold on to the vision that God gave her at last year's Anntic.

The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, what is this proverb you have in the land of Israel: 'The days go by and every vision comes to nothing'? Say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am going to put an end to this proverb, and they will no longer quote it in Israel.' Say to them, 'The days are near when every vision will be fulfilled. For there will be no more false visions or flattering divinations among the people of Israel. But I the LORD will speak what I will, and it shall be fulfilled without delay. For in your days, you rebellious house, I will fulfill whatever I say, declares the Sovereign LORD.' "

The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, the house of Israel is saying, 'The vision he sees is for many years from now, and he prophesies about the distant future.'

"Therefore say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: None of my words will be delayed any longer; whatever I say will be fulfilled, declares the Sovereign LORD.' "

Granted, the context of this passage is that the prophecies and visions that God said would be fulfilled, were of disaster and famine.. not exactly things anyone would want to be fulfilled..

But, at that time I read it, I could sense God saying, None of my words will be delayed any longer; whatever I say will be fulfilled. The visions that some comm members have seen in June and July will not be delayed any longer. They will be fulfilled.

And in a sense, when I met Clement today, I felt God gently rebuking me. Asking me why have I been doubting what He promised, that they will not come true?Why did I not believe that God loves NUS and IS going to do something.

For it says in Ezekiel 12:20, that all that God allows to happen, both good and bad, only Then you will know that I am the LORD.

Amen. To God be the glory.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

A spiritual revival.

"America needs a shaking, spiritually.

I don't think that a change of leadership in any place or whether it be politically or any other way, I don't think a new programme or another approach to evangelism is going to change our nation.

I need we need a spiritual revival starting with me. I need a revival in my life and so do you."
~ Larry Stockstill

This was Sunday's sermon at New Life Church, in response to Pastor Haggard's sin. These lines jumped out at me because I've been thinking recently about artsvcf as the semester nears its end (shoosh). Was wondering what could be done better... and was reminded that it's ultimately God who would have to do the shaking. Not that we have done enough. I don't think we have, honestly.

It's only up to God. But the only thing we can do is to pray and ask God to intervene. Something which I'm still rather perplexed. I can't judge and say whether we've been praying enough. You can't gauge prayer. You can't see people's hearts. Only God can.

I could definitely do with a revival in my life. How about yours?

p/s click here to go New Life Church's website to hear the sermon.

wash me clean as snow

It breaks my heart utterly to read of another Christian in the spotlight for the wrong reason.

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

It's impossible to live a perfect life. I should know.

Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

Anyone should know actually. How is one to live a life without any sin?

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

Although we humans have that hypocritical tendency to grade our sins, yet in God's eyes, a sin is a sin. If you cannot reach his standard of perfection, you are a sinner.

Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

You may think I'm being simplistic and naive. But tis' not true? I can only pray that God will turn this ugly thing into something beautiful.

Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

It can get rather ugly when a Christian leader commits a sexual sin. Somehow, embezzling funds does not sound as sinful as a gay tryst coupled with drug abuse.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Throw in politics with this week's American elections and you have a worldwide sensational news-story.

Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

And you recall how King David had an affair with Bathsheeba, the wife of a loyal soldier, Uriah. Afraid that his sin would be found out, King David had Uriah 'murdered' by sending him to the frontline to fight.

Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

And yet, God called David a "man after His own heart".

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me

I do not know how God will turn this into something beautiful. But, I do know that this pastor is probably sleeping more peacefully at night these days, despite all the media hype.

Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

I also know that God has forgiven him just as He has forgiven each one of us. God loves you and will never leave you nor forsake you.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

The burden of a hidden sin now lifted, brings joy to one, when it comes to light. More importantly, joy that can only come from God.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.

And God will make this beautiful. As difficult as it may seem, he is using this to turn people back to Him. To let them know He loves them, and only He can heal them.

Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.

Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

~ Psalm 51

Evangelical confesses to 'sexual immorality'

Saturday, November 04, 2006

One gaze only.

Our hands were firmly cemented
By a fast balm which thence did spring;
Our eye-beams twisted, and did thread
Our eyes upon one double string.

So to engraft our hands, as yet
Was all the means to make us one;
And pictures in our eyes to get
Was all our propagation.

As 'twixt two equal armies Fate
Suspends uncertain victory,
Our souls—which to advance their state
Were gone out—hung 'twixt her and me.

And whilst our souls negotiate there,
We like sepulchral statues lay;
All day the same our postures were,
And we said nothing, all the day.

-- from The Ecstasy by John Donne.

One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

Psalm 27: 4 by King David.

Psalm 27: 13, 14 says,
"I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD."

Friday, October 27, 2006

How do I name fried dumplings? Let me count the ways...

Today's blue skies reminded me of a song I sung frequently in my heydays:

Glad that I live am I
That the sky is blue
Glad for the country lanes
And the fall of dew

After the sun, the rain
After the rain, the sun
This is the way of life
'Til the work be done

All that we need to do
Be we low or high
Is to see that we grow
Nearer the sky

My scgs school song. haha. I guess Clara's like the only I know who'd sing it with me;)

Dear God,
thank you for blue haze-less skies;)

Today was a pretty hilarious day. I laughed quite hard twice.

The first, I bumped into Christian and had a chat with him. That poor guy's inbox is full of messages to himself. Ok, to give him credit, he smses reminders to himself. I laughed for a full minute on finding out, cos, he's like the first person I know who smses himself. What a waste of money. Then again, I promised that poor guy I'd sms him more, since he doesn't know that many people here in S'pore.

The fried dumpling fiasco at Fong Seng's -after-cg-supper was even more hilarious.

The Eskimos have 27 different words for snow, while the English Language has only 1.

How about fried dumplings?

Well, according to Eugene, there're at least 4:

(To put into context, this was after Kumu spent a good 5 minutes trying to get the attention of the "Manchu" auntie who works in a Tawainese (afamosa) noodle shop. In the end, he sends his poor friend Shaun to order.)

Kumu: Shaun, can you go order those fried dumplings?
Shaun: What are they called in Chinese?
Eugene: go ask the aunty for shui jiao (or dumplings in soup)
Me: No lah, they aren't called shui jiao!!
Eugene: Aiyah, then ask her for tang yuan la. ( glutinous rice dumplings in sweet soup)
Eugene: I dunno lah, what are they then? WANTONS? (fried flat dumplings)
Me: EUGENE!! THEY ARE GUO TIES!! (fried dumplings)
Eugene: aiyah, what's the difference? they are all the same!

Trust me, when Eugene said tang yuan, Ryan choked in amusement. He has always been saying his chinese is bad, but at least he knows what tang yuans are.. Liz was laughing so hard, she couldn't eat her noodles.

oh boy, I've not had such a good laugh in ages.

It seems when the weather clears, so does my mood. Hope I actually have joy and not just happiness.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Put my hope in God.

The plus point about having a room that faces Johor Bahru is that when wind blows into your room, it means the winds are blowing down from Malaysia!!!!

Blow wind blow!
Blow what?
Blow all the haze back to Indonesia!

hahaha. ok, I'm really quite happy. the hazy weather has been making me rather grouchy. ok. fine. I've been grouchy either way, the haze just doesn't make me feel any better.

ok. today was a rather interesting sunday.

I woke up, er.. grouchy. the house was in a mess, and my cg was coming up. So, I didn't exactly pack the house in the most glorifying manner. No excuses. adeline was bad.

But service at church was good. Aunty Annabel led my favourite song, no prizes for guessing what it is. Sing with me! I think the main thing was that Ps Ivan gave a very good sermon. He spoke on Psalms 42, which is one of my favourite Psalms because of my favourite verse, Psalm 42:5a,

"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Saviour and my God."

Ps Ivan brought up an interesting point. Often, when we are down and out, we would often remind ourselves of the "Happy Times" to pick ourselves up.

That's good. Just that we end up focusing on the wrong thing. Instead, we should be reminding ourselves of the God who brought those happy times. It puts the focus back on the Giver and not the gifts.

There is a second part to Psalm 42:5 which is often forgotten,

"My soul is downcast within me,
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon --from Mount Mizar."

Remember God.

sigh. oh well, after that, was cg time. Today, I teared a bit too much before cg. Had to stop myself before streams actually flowed. well, yes. See, I've been rather down lately. But I couldn't even work out tears for myself to vent my frustrations.

It so happened when one of my girls told me she was going through quite a down time, that tears sprung up in my eyes quite readily. If it wasn't for the fact that we were taking a lift up to my house, I would have really cried right on the spot.

ok, what's my point. now thinking things through, I finally understand that whole thing about feeling for someone. This was really one of those few times that I actually felt the person's pain. Can't say I totally felt it. but if it actually evoked tears in me, you can imagine.

After cg, the girls had a time of prayer, and it was a rare moment. For me, that was a breakthrough in ministry to these girls that Sulwyn and I are leading. I truly thank God for this.

I promise to put up pics of the girls.. I seriously have problems uploading pics from home. I need to put my dormant Flickr account into action!!

Then, there was Kairos business meeting from 2-4pm. oh boy. It was seriously quite straining. I have to hand it to Ps Jabez. Sometimes, I whince at having to lead 13 other people in arts comm, but, that's only 13 other people as compared to a total of 24 youth leaders.. to try to get everyone moving in the same direction is a huge feat.

It's exciting though, the plans for 2007 (time flies huh). They are mostly structural changes. And, if you know me, I don't really like structure. Especially implementing them. But, this time round, I think the pros outweigh the cons. And, to me, that's really exciting. In PJ's words, "Kingdom mentality".

It's my prayer that things will work out fine despite the need to change stuff, that God will continue to use our youth ministry to reach out to the youths here in Woodlands. I guess, that's me, getting kinda used to change. It used to be once every few years, then two, then yearly.. now, changes come like every 6 months.

And, with these changes, there will always be uncertainty. That's why there's a need to put our hope and trust in the one unchanging God, who will never fail Himself.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

break my mid-sem break

the past 3 months have been truly a challenge. there has never been another period in my life when i can be happy one day and then depressingly sad the next. sometimes i show it, but often i try to hide it. i do thank God for friends who can look from afar and sense something amiss in me.

but that's not the point. over the weekend, i was wondering. this is not the way life should be. i can't live from day to day, happy one day sad the next.. and be sad more often than joyful. i've been letting people and things affect me more than i want them to be. my mood has become dependent on things, when it should actually be resting on God.

and i guess i felt it a lot in the weekend. that week, it seemed that quite a few friends were going through problems and i felt extra burdened for them, didn't have the best of weeks with my parents, i was very tempted to throttle one of my tuition girls, i was a bit at wits end for the state of arts vcf, plus personal issues were resurfacing again. i slept a lot on saturday too..never felt so defeated before..

which struck me then. if i have Christ with me, why am i not living a victorious life. why is everything dependent on the circumstances, which change all the time. instead of the one God, who never changes?

so there, that's me in retrospection again.

the good thing about this week's term break is that i'm surprisingly quite free... other than wed, being the only day i'm packed from morn to night, the rest of the days, i have nothing planned!! which means, i can lunch with whoever's free, and meet friends on the spur of the moment. so cool can. i mean, it's cool to be free and not be bogged down by obligations and appointments.. makes everything sound so professional and business like. *shakes head* be happy for me.. hahaha

Friday, September 22, 2006

an ADEfying post

okie.. a quickie before i talk to adrian...

i'm in smc now(s'pore m'sia collection). was supposed to be doing readings for my assignment due in like one and a half weeks.. but after a while, i gave up. the brain was rebelling..

am using dan's mac, and decided to check out blogs, since i've not done so in like, a week. read matt talking about his weekend plans to emerald isle (sounds so scgs-ish...) and him going up to urbana for the ivcf conference in dec.. saw debs' blog.. and oohed over her city photos with winnie.. with adrian reading behind my back now.. and then went to gilbert's blog and the conversation went like this:

me: he can run through

HI ADE. =D [einniw and gniyiew are here to contribute to your blog]

it's now 7.44pm on a sat evening.. and i'm supposed to finish up my post. haha.

as i was trying to say:

me: he (gilbert) can run past a park to the beach!! eh, his daily runs are to the beach lah. mine's round hdb flats in woodlands.

winnie: at least you have legs to run.

winnie or einniw has a point. i can gripe about my seemingly boring life here in spore and really wish i was somewhere else...

or, i can truly be thankful for the things i have, like the fact that i can even run.

speaking of run, time for my destressifying sat evening jog now. i seem to need jogs more often to clear the head and system.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

dream dream dream whenever i'm with you...

Was reminded of Singapore Dreaming from damien's blog..

I'm very proud to say that in week 5 of school, I went to catch a movie on a monday night with two international students, Irene & Christian. It took much effort though, on Christian's part to drag me away from work.

What I really loved about the movie was how it was so real. Irene, turned to me a few times during the movie to ask whether the enstrangement of the family members was real or exaggerated. I had to whisper back that I do see such distant relationships in Singapore. From sibling rivalry to almost-there sex-scenes, the need for hard work to prove oneself to the lack of communication in a marriage...

There's no explicit moral at the end of the movie. But as adults, we should be able to draw the links for ourselves. Neither do i want to be a spoiler. Go watch. Forget Monster House. Forget Devil Wears Prada. Drop by a cinema in the heartlands and catch a local movie about Singaporeans, with your fellow Singaporeans.

The government should pay me for this.

Speaking of hard work, after the movie, Christian was lamenting on how Singaporean students are so serious with their schoolwork, that they can't seem to see life beyond their studies.I was half-chuckling to myself, because he had a hard time trying to pull me away from school. He had asked me when I was free. Thinking that he wanted a tourguide, I started to ask him where he wanted to go visit in Singapore, etc.. it took a full 5 minutes for me to realise he just wanted a friend to go chill out with. I felt rather ashamed for myself, and fellow Singaporeans, how we've "forgotten" to just be friends with people.

Be it in cg or arts comm or international students or old friends, the people i'm serving, have at times lost their "faces". I've seen them as chores and a list of people to meet, only to get ticked off when i've accomplished what I've done. Obviously I don't aspire to do that.. But along the way, unconsciously, this has been happening.

Which reminds me of the hols, where almost every other night, I'd be rushing off for some vcf event or meeting.. to which my friend would always chuckle and shake his head on hearing that it's vcf. Again.

Have I forgotten my first love. Have i forgotten how to enjoy this life that God has given me. Have i forgotten how to just be myself, a child of God, serving God. Yes. But not a servant of God. To "be" and not "do".

Dream, dream, dream
Whenever I'm with you.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

endorphins and euphoria

today (wed), was one of the worst days of my school life.. i never had so much trouble concentrating during class and feeling extremely tired to boot. first, there's was morning prayer at 9am, which i was obviously late. not proud of it, but i seriously had to drag myself out of bed. i felt like a piece of stone. was hoping to speak to flo after that, but turns out she had to go home to do stuff. meisi went off to the labs, william went off, for the first wednesday eversince school started, i had a free break. spent the time writing a letter, then finished up my readings.. but i struggled through them. in the library, i was so tired i had to nap before continuing.

what's worse, at peter tan's interactional discourse class, my head was up in the clouds. no, i wasn't on cloud 9. my brain had never felt so flighty for ages.. i was day-dreaming.. about nothing. normally when i day-dream, it would be about something. but today, i day-dreamed about nothing. it was so weird. i couldn't eat chocs to lubricate the brain cells.. so during break, i had a mix of milo and black coffee (sans milk).. felt slightly better after that, caffeine does wonders. i'm thankful that today's class was interesting.. can't imagine if it were boring.. i would've probably turned into stone..

after zapping semantics readings, i kinda rushed home.. had to rush, because emily wanted to have dinner. but, my day was so bad, and i was seriously so down and out, i knew i had to run. and i did. the first 10min was torture, because, the brain kept telling the muscles, "you can't do it. STOP!". which i did. i would stop, walk a few steps, then push myself more.

the running was good. as wei always says, " running produces endorphins. endorphins make you happy". so there, after half an hour, the mind was a whole lot clearer,my spirit was somewhat lifted.. the body was real hot though. i took a hot shower and rushed down to 834 for dinner. thankfully eunice, farand & ps jabez were there, to keep emily company;)

had a steaming bowl of bittergourd soup for dinner.. trust me, a 30min run+hot shower +hot soupy dinner= a very hot ade. i felt like i was a self-contained sauna. i think that all the perpsiration made me sweat my stress and guts out. i never felt so good in a long while.

emily and i had quite a good conversation over dinner.. we were talking about how everyone needs healing & deliverance.. for the past 4(out of 6) sessions of H&D that i've gone, i must say, i've been working through some issues.. especially issues which i never knew were issues. come to think of it, if i've been moody recently, it's quite possibly that some stuff are being getting rid of, in my life. so have patience with me.

as we run in this race of life, there will oft be times and things that will try to stop us from running. but we can't give up. different things can motivate us to continue, but the one thing that should be our main motivation is Christ. to press on and finish the race. to hear God saying, "well done, my good and faithful servant". i'm definite that when i hear those words, endorphins could never compare to the euphoria of being with the Father.

Monday, September 04, 2006


if you were wondering, i got rid of the tagboard because i got spammed too many times. patience got the better of me at their 4th atrocity-.-

and i changed my layout, but it appears on internet explorer that there's a huge gap in between my links. i tried to read the html to find out what went wrong. but i can't tell. so, it's just going to stay that way, until a kind soul finds out for me, or, i get bored and change it myself. both options, i think will prob only be realised at the end of the year..

let's talk about school: i'm starting to realise that this year's classes are kinda mixed. i still feel i'm at the wrong side of the bell curve. especially when 2 out of 4 of the elang classes i'm taking, i'm one of the few year 3 students. doesn't help that it's a struggle to do readings, because those that i've read so far, are honestly, beyond me. they make me:
1. frown ;(
2. scratch my head *scratches*
3. wince (as if in pain)
and, my classic emoticon:
4. -.- annoyed.

nope, i'm not annoyed at my lecturers.. just a bit annoyed at myself for not being able to get something.. ok, this now sounds like i have a major inferiority complex. like i'm dumb or something. everything's relative. that i know.

just need encouragement here and there.. which came in today's elang argument class when i found a good claim to an argument. and also, the return of my media writing assignments..

thank God. perhaps i need to work harder.. which i did, over the weekend.

the end of the year seems to come real soon..

Sunday, September 03, 2006

betting is fun?!

While researching for my E-lang Argumentation Discourse class debate on gambling, I chanced upon the Singapore Pools' website, which had a line that read:

"Betting should be fun. It should be under your control. Do not let it control you or your life instead.

Be A Winner ! Play Responsibly !"

My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Although it was already 12.20am, trust me, I was wide awake instantly.

Seriously, who are they trying to kid?! And since when was betting "fun". And, may I add, not only is it "fun", it "should be fun". If it isn't, something's wrong! *alarm bells ring*

I shall not attempt to launch into the vices of gambling, much less, the legalization of gambling.

It is a sad mis-fact of life that one should resort to gambling for a dose of "fun".

What's more appalling is that one is encouraged by a government-backed company, to bet.

The governement is in place to protect it's people (see Romans 13). Do pray that it will continue to do so.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

wishes and dreams that are yet to come true

i finally spruced up my blog a lil:
-increased font size (sorry sonn!!)
-linked, relinked & unlinked quite a few people
-changed headings,etc...

still thinking of changing layout, i.e new picture.. but, lazy to find a new picture, plus i haven't found a layout that is simple yet compact.. so, as the picture says, wait lah.

speaking of pictures, as most would know, my apple's hard disk crashed, burying along with it, some photos, and countless songs... which made me feel a bit sianz. the songs, are legal, because i inherited this laptop from my aunt... now, i'm just chris-rice-less.. which makes me wanna go *argh argh*. but that's not that bad, because, it'll just mean lots of money to buy the albums.. what makes me go *argh argh* to the power of 100, is that my home pc's hard disk ALSO crashed. what's worse is that all my photos, you read it right, ALL got buried to goodness-knows-where. everything from photos from jc prom, to random cf cg absurdities, to my 21st birthday, to the odd ones with frennies... i really ought to make it a habit to upload photos online.. argh

and if you ever wonder why i don't exactly reply tags on my board it's because, i procrastinate and people don't usually reply my replies to their tags that i figured that i'd just leave it at that. but i do read lah. it's one of my (bad) habits, like how i am capable of taking ages (like in days...) to reply smses..

while i carry on rambling... after blog-surfing on friends' blogs, i realise that there are a lot more people reading blogs than one can actually fathom. this is to a certain extent, er.. can't find the word.

ok, i think i sound angsty.

and so 2 weeks of school has whizzed by. i don't wish the hols back, but i do wish i can just get beamed up to heaven now. rest assured, i'm not sucidal. it's just that i realise that if there is that one person i really really want to be with, it's God.

ok fine, so maybe i don't think that everyday. i'm human. but at uds (university dedication service) on thurs, it suddenly dawned on me the meagre capacity of one's heart. i.e, the room one's heart has for something. ok, let me try to explain.. ever liked 2 people at one time before? yes/no? it's not something i'm exactly very proud of (in fact i scoff at shows with people who can't decide between 2.. but hey, that's for being judgemental ade...).

so yes, i have liked 2 guys at a point of time before. i put myself through a lot of torture for that because it came to a point where i was pissed at myself for being fickle. i can't stand it when others are fickle, and i definitely could not tolerate it in myself. but i noticed that after a while, the first guy that i liked, gradually got replaced in my thoughts by the second guy, until he eventually got phased out into oblivion. and so, fickleness would not be an issue anymore. it would be back to one guy again.

i totally forgot about this until uds, when i was thinking of how to pursue God single-heartedly. and it clicked all of a sudden. just as my human heart cannot handle 'liking' 2 separate people, this same heart, definitely cannot follow both God and the world. one would have to be phased out after a while... the world? or is it God?

i never fully grasped Matt 6:24, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." but on thursday, it finally dawned sense.

i cannot, no matter how hard i try, serve God, while still being dogged down by worries, unfulfilled desires, concerns in this world.

either she will hate one and love the other.

and so, as i sang,

"All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaim
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You."

the line "wishes and dreams that are yet to come true" struck my heart hard. God, they are yours.

I'd be taking a lifetime to learn how to place God as the one thing my heart focuses on..

oh well, i've got an entire life to learn..

and in the mean time, i know i'm not ready to meet God yet. so til then, hey earth;)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

cors bidding

this is blog-worthy:

thursday, 12.15pm:

NM 2220 Introduction to media writing, of 1660, i bid 1700
EL 4252 Interactive Discourse of 101, i bid 99.

at 4.30pm, at close bidding, with like zero clue what i could bid, i swopped 10 points around:

NM 2220 Introduction to media writing: 1690
EL 4252 Interactive Discourse: 109

wei asked what's the point of what i was doing.. i didn't know either..

friday, 9.40am, i logged onto ivle to see that i had all 5 of my modules. half amused, i went online to cors to check my programme account.

imagine my amusement and amazement to see that my programme account looked like this:


yeah. bidding in the blind ain't fun.

but, it is pretty awesome to see that i got such figures so "zhong". never was lucky at lucky draws.

but, i give God the glory. couldn't have been so accurate for 2 modules.

hopefully, this is a sign to a different academic year.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

passion. hobbies?

i've been thinking eversince (uncle) james asked me last tuesday what my passion is. i said it was people. i enjoy spending time with people, and i love to see them grow.

while i was working, farand asked meisi and me what our hobbies are. and i think i remember being a bit stunned at that question (because no one asks such old fashioned questions anymore), and then muttering, watching movies, reading, shopping.

so, yes. back to thinking. after a few days, i remembered that i enjoy writing. not the kind of writing that requires a pen and paper.. but you know, writing in general? writing poetry, prose. in secondary school, i wanted to be a journalist when i grew up. it was my dream to study in columbia university. and then, after a while, i perished that thought, because a journalist's life in singapore was a tad too erratic especially if i knew that serving God in church is important.

another thing that i've always loved is music. when i was young, i had begged my parents for years for piano lessons. but music lessons were too expensive. i finally got it my wish in p5, albeit because my brother 'needed' it as an outlet for him. i'm supposed to know piano. even after playing the guitar for 7 years, i'm only so-so. i've come to deduce that i may have an interest in music, but my talent isn't really there. i've always wanted to be a part of a band and have our own gigs. but i guess that would only be a figment of my dreams and imagination.

if God calls, perhaps i'd have a shot. but, in the mean time, i'm back with people. are my hobbies in line with my passion/s? i guess i better go mull more.

Monday, August 07, 2006

God's funny

[disclaimer: i think i'm going to go very off tangent with this post, so, don't grade me for topic flow..]

so there, 2 weeks have passed since i ended work. and weird as it may seem, i enjoyed work at pearson for various reasons, one reason being there was this cute and really nice guy at work, who turns out to be such a major staunch buddhist that he does not eat onions nor garlic because it makes him think too much. ok, that may seem to be the highlight, but nope. he was just eyecandy.

eversince i've been stressing to arts comm that prayer is very important, i've been trying to incorprate prayer in my life. and honestly, i don't know if i've succeeded. i don't spend hours on my knees beside my bed praying and interceding on behalf of people. but i do spend many times a day, on rides home on the mrt, stoning at some fastfood outlet with a book in hand, just talking to God about random stuff and reflecting on a lunch/tea/dinner i just had with a long-time-no-see friend. if anything, with my mac sitting at the apple repair centre getting it's hard-drive changed, has led me to blog very infrequently and dread checking my emails.

don't get me wrong. i love receiving and reading emails (esp those addressed to me only), but it also means that i have to reply them, which i usually enjoy mulling over in the comforts of my room, and not in the church office with different people hovering around. so there, to answer the countless questions of "ade, your comp fixed already ah?" nope, it's still under repair. oh, don't get me wrong, i have nothing against church people hovering over me, (it can't be helped anyway), i've actually had a few pretty good conversations with people while i was trying to finish emailing arts comm stuff. that's like the most important thing that i those precious minutes on the email to do nowadays.

with the hols coming to a close in less than one week, i must say that my 2 objectives have been pretty much met. the first was that i would get ample rest spiritually and physically, of which the past few days have been spent sleeping and reading. the second was to enjoy being (and serving) in church. of which i must give all thanks and glory to God. to be in church now, is like being on auto-run. i know it sounds crude, but if you knew that at a point of time, i had to jumpstart myself each sunday morning, you'd understand why.

it just occured to me that vcf didn't fall into any of the objectives.. not that i love vcf any less, it's just that i knew that God will do His work, as He has been the past 2 years. funny how time flies, i'm going on year 3 already...

oh. did you know God's one funny guy?? i met my jc cca-mate last week at the old kr bus-stop. seeing him brought back many memories from jc. time sure flies.

yup, God's been so funny recently that sometimes, i wish He wasn't so. oh well. i guess i'd appreciate it when i understand why He does what He does. in any case, my train of thought has stopped. that's all for today.


Thursday, July 20, 2006

I don't wanna fall away from You

often I wonder. In life, it's so so easy to stray from God, so easy to lose focus on Him, so easy to listen to everyone/thing else except His Voice, so easy to believe every other lie except His Word..

After all the things that you have shown me
I'd be a fool to let them slip away
In doing things I know I shouldn't do
But I don't want to fall away from you
From you

After all
I've only grieved Your spirit
And then I don't know why You stay with me
But every time I fall Your love comes through
And I don't want to fall away from You

When the light is gone
And good times are getting old
There's no one left to count on
And all my friends are cold
When I thirst for love oh Lord
You're a fountain to my soul
My soul, My soul, Oh Lord
My soul

In a way my life is full of burdens
But in a way You carry them from me, Jesus
Cause no one understands the way You do
And you know Lord
I don't want to fall away from You

Well every day I pray to start anew
Cause I don't want to fall away from You

No Lord, I don't wanna fall away from You
No Lord, I don't wanna fall away from You
From You...Lord

-- Keith Green ( I don't wanna fall away from You)

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

and so, it died.

This is it.

Yesterday, Bumpy finally bumped out on me.

And in case you are wondering, "huh? Who's Bumpy?!" Bumpy is the name I gave my ibook, named because of that bump on the front which my aunt gave it from putting it against a candle flame, and also because it gives me a bumpy ride, hanging on me..

And so, yesterday, it finally crashed. I couldn't start it up at all. It took ages, only to just sit there and hang.

That's not all.

My handphone is threatening to just die on me any moment. I HAVE to trade it in before it actually cannot work. The keypad refusing to be pressed syndrome is getting more frequent.


I'm not so worried about the handphone. It can easily be bought for less than $50. $0 if I am not picky. It's the laptop. I'm going to pray real hard that it can be serviced. But, it is so so so tempting to just get a new ibook (yup. i'm a mac fan now.heh). My present one, in it's former state was slow, old(try beating 5 years).. thus, it couldn't be used with a whole lot of applications. Which was fine by me, because, it was meant to be for typing out essays.

Now, with my pay finally within sight, I don't know if I should get a new lappy. It'd easily blow 1.7-1.9K. and that was not why I agreed to work for.. was trying to save up money for Vietnam trip next year.

Oh. Emily just told me great news. Maybe a new ibook wouldn't be so expensive after all.


It's tempting to want to work more to get more work done to earn more money. I'm very tempted. But I need my rest, need to spend time with my family, go out with my mom, spend time just hanging out with my comm. members, play more basketball with my youths (which, heh, I'm not that bad at shooting hoops), meet friends whom I've not been able to because every night seems to have something on.

Sigh. Pray. I dunno how, what. But I do need a new laptop to write my essays on. It is a need, not a want.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


Ah. The Bangkok trip was good.

The main reason was that the 4 of us who went, were in desperate need of a break. As Eunice said on her blog, she went with the intention to shop and rest (yes. I know, to put those 2 word together is an oxymoron. But hey! We actually accomplished that feat!!). Mindy and Frankie had been tired out from cafe business due to the World Cup (thank God it's over). As for me, as said in the previous entry, I was in dire need of rest from work, ministry stuff, concerns, worries, yada etc... and so, with 4 very tired people, everything goes at a much slower pace. Shopping and having fun is important, but rest is way at the top. Funny how none of us said anything about it, but I guess it's because we were tired, it crept into and stayed at the top of our agenda. You can do anything you want, but don't tire yourself out. so we got the rest we needed.

Our hotel/guest house rooms were pretty good. The first one that Eunice booked, I refused to stay because the toilet was in a worse state than the SU campsite. After half an afternoon spent calling up hotels/hostels/guesthouses, we eventually found ourselves winding round the back alleys of Chinatown to Riverview Hotel. We managed to squeeze the four of us into one room, which was really cosy. That was for the first 2 nights. The next two nights, we stayed at Asha Guesthouse which exuded a rustic feel. Even though we had to use a common toilet, it was way cleaner and better than SU, except, the toilet cubicle was so puny that when you sit down, your legs stick out from beneath the door.

I guess the fact that we were stuck in traffic in cabs most of the time, as opposed to crazy Thai cabbies who speed down highways at neck-breaking speeds, was a good thing. It's amazing how living in Singapore, everything must be done snappy and pronto. Those jams in Bangkok slowed down the need to rush, because, you are just stuck there. And seeing how laidback the Thais were, definitely put things into perspective. We spent two to three-fifths of our days shopping at the different outdoor and street-side markets. And I bought a lot. Heh. But much less than HK. HK still wins for the quality of their stuff. But Bangkok wins hands down for it's cheap price. Which, I'm very thankful that I am tall and have big feet, hence, buying pretty shoes and funky baby tees were not possible for me.

The company was good. Had good chats with Eunice while stuck in those traffic jams, in between showers, after our QTs. Plus when the other two were too tired, we'd be entertaining ourselves on our own. I've always known Mindy to be quiet, but to see her resilience in action and when she does talk, you realise not talking does not equate to nothing. As for Frankie, he was very useful to do all the guy stuff like carrying our shopping, being a bodyguard, buying food, being fierce... and the not so guy-ish, helping us bargain, partly because he was the only one who could speak Thai, but also, he was dog-set.

I had a lot of time to think about stuff with God. And, I only thought about ministry stuff once (during QT when God spoke). Which was good because, I had been thinking and preparing non-stop, for youth cg and arts comm. stuff. I seriously needed a breather to spend time with God and just to hear Him out on the big and small things in life. Read Eunice's book on discerning God's will, which helped make things a whole lot clearer for ministry and life in general.

So there. Had a refreshing time spiritually, mentally and physically. For now, it's just a matter of keeping things at a lower pace...

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

rest in love

I didn't realise how badly I needed a rest, until I went for FOC. For 3/4 of the camps I go for, I enjoy myself tremendously, and am ra-ra to quite an extent. But this camp fell into the other 1/4 category. My energy level was seriously low. So low to the point that I did not want to meet new people. I very much preferred talking to the people I knew already. Because, talking to totally new people requires a lot of energy... it didn't help that I went to foc with a mental list of people I had to talk to before I went, plus other admin stuff that had to be settled before I left for Bangkok.

I was feeling rather bad because as a senior to the freshies (leader or not), I was obviously not setting a good example. But more so, with seniors like Delia and Adrian, I was not doing any justice to the care and attention they lavished on freshies like me. Plus God spoke very pointedly through Ps Edmund, and as I shared with my OG during the session, that God has set us to live in a community, where we are to love everyone deeply. Love is not a choice. Doggedly, it's a command. I have to love the people around me. Even if I feel antisocial, it's wrong because God first loved us and it is through our love for one another in this Christian community, that others would see and come to know about God's love (John 17). And it is this love that sets us apart as holy and different from everyone else (1 Peter 4:8-11). But, once you do love, you would realise it ain't dogged. Love frees you up (sounds idyllic.)

And therein lay a bit of a problem. Often as leaders and supposedly, "more spiritually mature" people, we feel as if we have to keep up with this "holy&zhai" persona. But, I've been learning the past 2 months that this facade is well... a facade. The fact that this entry is going to be in plain view, I am now acknowledging that it is hard. I've learnt from one of my cg members that pretending that everything is ok is not ok. It's fake. But that doesn't mean I can be heck care about everything, because that's not what God called for. Instead, it's about acknowledging that I struggle and try my best with heaps of God's grace and love.

One way for me to change about loving people is to cut down on my busyness. A busy life tires me out. The effects are very telling. I've been busy ever since I returned from my HK trip. That trip tired me out further because of the guilt trip that I made myself go on. Plus a busy weekend and starting work immediately, cancelled out all the positive effects of rest that I had from the previous few camps/retreats. Having to work 5 days a week since then every evening having an appointment for a/n arts comm. meeting/ meet up with a friend/ church stuff, was enough for me to go for FOC seriously drained.

I guess I will still have loads of stuff to do, because by the looks of it, I may only get to end work at the end of July. Grrh. But, it's the perspective and slowing life down and not filling my days up back to back with appointments. Like for example, today, I decided to stay at home and spend time with my family instead of going for some meeting, gathering, yada.. Ah. Family. That will be a separate blog entry. Soon. Hopefully.

So there, loving people will be a lifelong thing. Just as loving God is for eternity. My prayer is that some time next year, I can look back and say that yes, I've grown a bit more closer to God. And for that, I hope God will be pleased.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

long time no blog

if you realised, my previous entry is kinda hanging in mid-air.. last sat, after the kairos guys did their nonsense on my comp, i had to discuss camp details with caleb.. and then, i watched Cars with valery (it was a good outing+show.. deserves an entry on its own actually), after which, i met my sc classmates for dinner at jb. had a long chat with ms on msn on sunday afternoon, took a much needed nap after that, woke up, can't remember what i did actually, but.oh answered a few emails. ah, had another long chat with sb on msn, shared with d & j too.. cool. msn. i'm glad it's back in my life.. now that meet team would be back in like 18 hours, that means, debs & hweeshan would be free on msn too (i hope). yay!! welcome back. [note to matt: see the wonders of msn? but then, you email, so, not too bad..]

haven't really had time to blog about life in specific & general. that measely entry on lpc would never do justice to how real and refreshing that camp was. added on with the unity prayer that saturday, that ended off that week with a sort of bitter yet sweet note. the disappointment of the church retreat after that.. the hk trip, that i enjoyed, yet, something still nags at me.. working at pearson publishers immediately after i returned, which, on a side note, it is a great blessing that ms has joined me. plus the arts comm meetings that have taken place.. oh, last week's kairos that i actually enjoyed.. and how things in church are starting to fit into place. yet things aren't all that rosy..feeling spiritually dry is a reality. and the youth cg camp that is this weekend.. still so much to prepare for, yet so little time & prayers!! but, it's heartening to see sul, caleb, wx & angela working together...still unsure about taking thai lessons.. what the future holds.. and the creeping thoughts of me actually being a workaholic?!

plus how being sick does affect me a bit... to the extent that i think i better end here and post all those stuff i just blogged about,another day. one thing that has been constantly hitting me is that God is most concern about each one of us. and that is enough to give me joy to go through each day, despite how tired i am:)

Saturday, June 17, 2006

here i am, sniffling a flu.. with a lump of used tissues threatening to grow into a pile.. this morning i just coughed out the first green phelgm. i finally caught the flu bug. 'finally' because people in close proximity have been coughing their heads off since the beginning of march.. i've been studying around them (in air-con rooms), sharing rooms with them.. from school to church camp.and it took a trip with wen&nat that finally caused my immune system to give way a little. by right i shouldn't be complaining.. because i've been remarking that the best way to lose those kgs accumalated from nerves-soothing-chocolate is by falling sick.. argh.

here i am, feeling a little tired. i couldn't sleep very well last night. possibly because of the flu that was making it difficult to breathe while sleeping. but, i had a lot of thoughts enough to compose a few emails while i tossed& turned in my bed.

Here I am, humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

[Majesty - Delirious]

that song just came to mind.

Saturday, May 27, 2006


i typed this long entry on lpc only to have the comp shutdown on me. and the entry is lost. if i even find time to type again. arghargh. actually, i don't think i'd find the time to type them all back again. in summary, lpc was:

1. a simulation of what heaven would be like
2. "prayer is very important" is going to be the foundation of arts comm. plus co-partnering with other faculty chairs:)
3. lpc was a microcosm of the academic year to come. of having to struggle over 2 issues.

want to know more, ask me out on a date, and i'd gladly update you. sigh. if i could summarise lpc in one sentence: i truly met God there.

thank you to the friends, for the times of prayer, chit-chat sessions, back massages, milo & biscuits, laughther, support... too many to say, but you know who you are:) esp when i wasn't my perkiest self during the camp.

thank God for the results, that i've actually completed enough MCs to be a full-fledged ARTS 3 come august. still need to trust in Him that He knows what's for me, and to not worry so much.

will be gone from 31may-3june to batam for church retreat, and then 5-9june, to hk. can't wait. i'm quite excited. after that, i may be starting work...

so, prob won't be blogging for a while.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

wait for the LORD

it's been a while.. and you are forewarned, this is going to be a long entry=D

i changed my blog picture to "Wait for the LORD" during the exam period. when i saw the picture, it just jumped out at me, because the past few months, the one main lesson that God has been teaching me is to wait on Him. to wait on Him for big issues like arts comm, relationships, discipleship; and even seemingly insignificant events, but stuff that carry importance day-to-day like finding a roomate for church retreat.

1. arts comm
thurs& fri, we had arts comm retreat at my church. seeing almost the whole comm (with a few missing cgls), i could only give thanks to God. God is the one who had formed the comm. each member, has been chosen specially by God. it's amazing. when we had vision casting on thursday night, where each one shared about his/her personal burden for arts vcf, i was really amazed to see how the admin side of the comm had a common vision. considering that we didn't really have meetings to plan the retreat, each burden was truly placed there by God.

like how after praying in school with adrian about the comm, to have jocelyn ask me if she could serve in arts comm, i was like *blinkblink/woa God*... to weiying's unknown (to us) mission in nus that needed to be unearthed, to winnie's seemingly long time to pray yet it was truly a process of distilling, to william's response after night cycling .. then there are the cgls too...

i learnt one thing. that i had to wait on God. there's no point rushing, because, God has already chosen His people, and He's simply using this time to mould them. in His time, He would call them when they are ready.

there was and is no need to manipulate people's feelings and thoughts. to coerce them into serving. if it's a no, then, it's up to God. if someone doesn't want to obey the call, then God will simply rise someone else.

for now, the practical lesson i have is that we, as a comm wouldn't have to rush through planning. that doesn't mean that we sit and dilly dally. instead, we need to spend time praying to seek God's direction and to hear His voice. and then, when He reveals, we would be ready to obey and carry out His will.

2. relationships

in a flash, i've completed my first 2 years in nus. and even i can't believe how fast time has just flown by... if you know me well enough, you would realise that i'm a slicker for setting things and time specifically for God. eventhough i'm a female, i can't really multi-task stuff, esp when it comes to relationships, esp of the opposite sex, in particular, that ONE special relationship. then again, after talking to farand the other day, i realise that, it's normal, because girls aren't really able to compartmentalise their feelings from their actions as well as guys do (which, we shall not debate here). and knowing full well of myself, before i entered nus, i specifically set aside the first 2 years to study and serve God, to concentrate on building up friendships and family relationships.. looking back, i'm glad that i did what i had to do, cos, frankly, it made me quite focused on what i had to do. i treat my guy friends as friends, which makes things quite easy for me, because that means i don't have to worry about bgr and all that (which isn't nonsense, but very time consuming).

and well, guess what, 2 years are up. and technically, i should be open to date. which at the moment, doesn't seem to make any difference because, well. there's not really anyone who's clearly the one. and believe it or not, i actually would like to be married by the time i'm 25, which, frankly, is not impossible.. but hard leh.

i'm of the mindset that dating is a complete waste of time. the time can be better used to build up friendships, disciple others, to serve God. instead of flitting from one guy to another, to see if he is THE one. thanks, but no thanks.

not that the biological clock is starting to tick frantically like a timebomb. not that i'm being brainwashed by our beloved government to make babies, which a friend cautioned me against couple months back, telling me to ignore all those campaigns. heh. not that my parents are starting to hint that they want grandchildren, although my mom seems to be scrutinizing every male friend i have now-.-

it's just that. sometimes, it would be nice to have that special person whom you can share on a deeper level and who can provide stability in this crazy world. which, by right, God is supposed to be sufficient for me. that i know. this, can take up another blog entry. i better get back to my point.

point is. when it comes to bgr, i've learnt to wait on God. to not do crazy things to try to attract attention from that person, to not stick your finger in to make things go faster..

and, yes. i guess, with more experience, i would be able to say how waiting on God will bring this into fruitation. but, from expereince with God in other areas, i know that God has prepared someone for me. that although things may seem a bit slow now, God is refining me til i'm ready.

okie dokes, hope this encourages you to wait on God. He makes us wait and not give things instantly, because He is more concerned with us becoming more Christ-like. i'd blog about the rest another time, gotta run. have yet another 21st party to attend:)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

no internet

there's been tons of things i wanted to blog about. and as the days pass, many thoughts get lost.. which is quite sad. but GOd holds all our thoughts, rite?

anyway, this is just to inform everyone, since it appears that i've not been appearing here on this blog, and on msn.. plus, the fact that i take a good 3to5days to reply emails, when in the past, it was daily(sometimes hourly).

i don't have internet at home. it's a long story. you want to know, ask me when you see me. but, if you want to know how i've been? my handphone is still working fine. so just sms. although, i've been receiving complaints that i take hours to reply smses sometimes, sigh. oh well. better a reply than none, rite??

okie dokes, got to go. see you whenever i see you, if not, sms. but more importantly, pray for me! and if you need prayer, let me know, i'd glady pray for you:)

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

jim elliot

let's just say, yesterday after coming back from school, instead of returning to my el3254 notes, i went and ventured on into a new book, Shadow of the Almighty, by Elizabeth Elliot on the life and testimony of Jim Elliot.

one point to note, Jim Elliot's uni days life ( at least up to where i read), were really captivating, to see how decisions he made, were really God focused.

and/but, because they were so God focused, they dealt a serious and earth-shattering blow. resulting in me feeling so darn freaked, and knowing that if i've surrenered all to God, i shouldn't be holding this life and etc things so dear to me.

which means that, i've not surrendered.

which also means that, by right, these exams aren't that important, but because i've to be a good steward of the time and place that God has given me here in NUS, it's back to EL 3254 for me now.

i strongly encourage everyone to read Shadow of the Almighty, you can't not think of God.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

notice for the beach

i should be studying. argh. i actually had a lot of thoughts this morning and afternoon, and finally when i sit down and face this, i dunno what to type.

oh well. another time.

oh, this is a notice: who wants to go sentosa (though some would prefer east coast park) for a time of bumming at the beach. no beach volley, no frolicking in the sea, no frisbee.. actually can. just that i intend to just have a time of relaxation & reflection after this crazy AY. yup.

company's always nice. no?

leave a comment if you are keen. we'll prolly meet at 5 May 2006, friday, 11am harbourfront mrt station controls :)

and my love lang is....

now i know...
by the way, wen, looks like i was so wrong.. words of affirmation are quite low...

The Five Love Languages
My primary love language is probably
Acts of Service
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Monday, April 24, 2006

come home

for times of existentialism...
and bewildered weariness...
and lonely achings...

2 Timothy 2:9, 10 in the New Living Translation version hit me like a rock on friday night:
"It is God who saved us and chose us to live a holy life. He did this not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan long before the world began--to show his love and kindness to us through Christ Jesus. And now he has made all of this plain to us by the coming of Christ Jesus, our Savior, who broke the power of death and showed us the way to everlasting life through the Good News."

got this song off gracet's blog. makes me think of home...

softly and tenderly Jesus is calling
calling for you and for me
see on the portals He's waiting and watching
watching for you and for me

come home, come home
ye who are weary come home
earnestly, tenderly Jesus is calling
calling O sinner come home...

ah. sigh.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

someone to watch over me

ah. Katherine Mcphee sang this song this week on American Idol. i thought Someone To Watch Over Me is such a beautiful song, and it was even more beautiful, because katherine sang it:)

Someone to watch over me
There's a saying old, says that love is blind
Still w're often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

oh, ace young is out. like finally...

speaking of songs, same birthday and i were just talking about stuff and the conversation kinda evolved into this:

weiying// everyone's acting strangely.. & so am i says:
i was singing in the showers: He's able, He's able, I know He's able, I know my Lord is able to carry me through.
` rong en - Be a Barnabee/ says:
i've been singing diff variations of songs with the word BE STILL
weiying// everyone's acting strangely.. & so am i says:
` rong en - Be a Barnabee/ says:
they were to counter "i dont wanna grow up, im a toys r us kid" and "que sara sara" songs playing in my head
weiying// says:
` rong en says:
i had to remind myself from hebs 5:5 that i HAD To grow up
weiying// says:
` rong en says:
weiying// says:
i keep thinking how to dress up as snoopy. hahaha
` rong en says:
*raises eyebrow*
` rong en says:
sometimes, i feel like oscar the grouch, others, i feel like cookie monster
weiying// says:
weiying// says:
sometimes i feel like the green monster in the rubbish bin (what's that called?) when i eat too much
` rong en says:
oscar the grouch lah

we were trying to destress after a very stressful week of school. and we both agreed, this was the weirdest week of school. ever. it wasn't just the school work. for me, certain issues i was intending to deal with after the exams, took on different forms (macham like ghost liddat) and because it got too much to bear, i had to let it out. which i did yesterday (thanks jL). plus people have been telling me things which i don't want to hear, or rather, i don't want to hear because now is not the time lah. and everyday, there is some new development in arts comm. really. every. day. and the reason why the past few weeks i was so busy meeting people, was because i hoped to free myself up (and others) to just concentrate on exams. but, oh well. they come and they go.

the one thing i ask is really to be still and know that God IS God. just like Psalm 131 says to "quieten down oneself like a weaned child with his mother", i must also quieten down myself before God. especially in decision-making. to make sure that whatever is decided is not of me, but of God.

yup, oh well.. no point blogging so much.. spending time with God is more important. so nitey.

ohoh.. argh. pray for me. i had a major diarrhea( i swear this word is spelt wrong. but i'm going to be lazy) just now in school.. but unfortunately, the stomach still ain't totally cleared... it's a mix of constipation and diarrhea.. the worst case of stomach aches. argh argh=X