Monday, January 29, 2007

so undeserving

after that super angst-ridden post *points below*, I saw my sec school best friend, liz, online.. and we chatted a while... the good news is that I'm in a much better mood because she justsaid that she's thinking about water baptism.

It made me go, oh!! and really joyful. Goes beyond happy, I tell you.

It's really an answered prayer because I've been praying for ages (til the point of aging..) for her and her walk with God. It's always such a joy when someone you love decides to follow and run after the same God.

oh so cool.

Thank you God.

p/s the title is 'so undeserving' because I asked God for something that will cheer me up, like a friend to pop up somewhere.. I got so much more, through the internet. the irony of it all is that I'm still cracking my head over my Language and the internet presentation. go figure. but in all.. yay!!

moody issues

I'm in a really bad mood.

I'm angry. Not pissed, not frustrated. Just angry. I don't know how to explain. I'm also hungry, yet I don't feel like eating because that piece of Chinese carrot cake I ate about an hour ago, is now is making me feel rather queasy. I'm also pissed because my mom didn't cook as I told her to. Ok, this makes me sound like I'm treating her to be a maid... But, when you are in a bad mood, every little thing that does not go according to plans, just makes one want to go ARGH.

I'm also annoyed at the fact that I have ZERO clue to my presentation topic on Language as a possibility vs Language as a probability. If you go huh? Trust me you aren't the only one. To make matters worse, the only book in the library that touches on the above subject has been borrowed out, possibility by the girl from the other class who's presenting on the same topic.

Plus my back aches pretty badly because I forgot that I cannot use my nike sling to lug my dinosaur apple. Tell me I'm in such a grouchy mood. I think I'd probably just go home later to sleep and cut off contact with the world for the next 7 hours. And I'm in school on my free day which is a monday past 8pm. Alone.

On top of that, my handphone decided to not make any sound. Again. Plus my brothers lost my earphones. I've been forgetting to bring things and. well, I could go on..

And perhaps I shouldn't go on. One thing I've learnt in my language and internet class, aside from incomprehensible presentation topics, is that blogs are egocentric. Well, ok, it doesn't take a linguist to figure that out. But, if you concorde this post, it would probably have the most 'I's per word ratio.

That's it with humans. Always me, my, I, myself. Things go bad. Argh. sometimes, even swear words come out. Never glorifying. But what's a way to glorify God in (bad mood) times like this?

Praise God. I'm trying.

ok.back to research.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

don't study.. then teach??

WHO WANTS FBT shorts?? says:
what you gonna do after uni?
WHO WANTS FBT shorts?? says:
are you doing honours?
in God i'm ADEquate` says:
i think im grdautating..
in God i'm ADEquate` says:
in God i'm ADEquate` says:
probably going to take a gap year to do contract teaching and go thailand to teach english
WHO WANTS FBT shorts?? says:
i'm graduating as well
WHO WANTS FBT shorts?? says:
i'm.. sick of studying
WHO WANTS FBT shorts?? says:
and the irony of it all is.. i'm planning to teach
in God i'm ADEquate` says:
in God i'm ADEquate` says:
you know.
in God i'm ADEquate` says:
i feel the same way too

happy green frog

jon leong sent this to me while we were msning. and I have to agree.. it looks rather happy. ms asked how I am now. well, I'm not in a estatic mood.. but neither am I feeling lousy. I'm just feeling a-ok. would like to feel as happy as this frog. but, that seems like a silly wish because

1. this frog is just a jpeg.
2. it is afterall, a frog.
3. there was never a story about the prince who kissed the frog-ess.
so, hmm. ya. heh.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

no conclusion

You are forewarned... this entry has potentially no conclusion. What defines a conclusion anyway? That's a philosophical question which I shall not attempt to answer.

SO, one day after my birthday, still suffering from the hangover effects of... drinking kevin's coffee, my brain or rather my heart went into a major overdrive.

OK, I think I still can't tell if it was the heart or the head, because the head is suppose to be rational while the heart is irrational... bottom line is I got irrational to the point of blurness on tuesday night.

I'm dead certain it was the head that told me, "hey! you are graduating in less than a year. What are you going to be doing adeline!!"

hurhur. so some friends say.

I also dunno.

It does not help that the majority, and I am not exaggerating when I say MAJORITY of the year 3s in cf are only graduating next year. I am actually part of the minority graduating this year. Which means that my peers hardly talk about graduating stuff. It's not that I don't count ms, ruth, etcs as my peers.. But it's like. same year supposed to be somewhat same experience... Right?

It also does not help that practically everyone is asking if I'm graduating. I thought that I'd have gotten used to the fact that I am graduating in year3. But, I thought wrong. In fact, I've realised, the more I say, the more I don't want to say, and worse.. the more I want to stay. Some have caught me in this somewhat confused state... That they had to raise their eyebrow and ask, again, "er.. so are you graduating or not?"

The cure to this is not "don't ask ade anymore". I just realised I'm quite confused. This is a whole lot more confusing than that singleness issue. bah. At least last year, I knew what I was struggling with. Now, I don't even know what I'm struggling with...

To stay on? To go? To work? or not? Work where? theological school? missions?

huh? what?

For once in my life, I feel seriously lost. I can't seem to siphon out which are my ambitions, my parents hopes, concerned adults' advice, friends' suggestions.. But most importantly, God's will.

Dealing with BGR is a piece of cake (on hindsight, never when you are in it..). It's either do you want to get attached or not? If no, then, it stops there. If yes, you go on to ask, so is there anyone now? If yes, then, er.. haha. more stuff to consider lah. But if no, then wait lor.

So, ya. I can wait for this. But how to wait when I graduate? I can't be living off my parents for the rest of my life. They've paid for my education all the way up to university.


Well, I guess I do know what to do. I need to know what God's saying in the midst of everything. Which means that I have to stop and be still before God. Constantly. So, if I start lapsing into thin air or start talking a lot of random nonsense or start wincing or start sighing or start not replying emails (and even forwarding stuff) or start blogging nonsense... I'm not going mad. Just thinking.

All this is compounded with all the recent stuff that seems to be happening.. so, if I'm not thinking for myself.. I'm thinking for someone else.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

trying not to feel bleah

today's sunset prayer ended at an record-breaking time of 6.57pm!!

so I headed down to the yih comp lab to print notes and see if I could finish up the history slides.

but after staring at it all, I decided I'd print the notes tomorrow, I didn't have the history text to fill in the gaps. having cramps now meaning I can't move. Wishing I'd get teleported back home somehow. But I've had my fair share of car rides in the past week. So while waiting for the cramps to subside...

do you know that the way you drive really shows your character?

The one person who wins hands down for the Best Driver Award is... Xiong Kun!
That's for offering to send fern AND me home at 12plus in the morning from Changi airport all the way down to Clementi and up to Woodlands.. and this crazy boy stays in Bedok I tell you. Plus, he doesn't scold you for missing the turns and ending up at Tuas. haha. Everything is a-ok.

The scariest thing, aside from speeding cars, which I actually relish, is getting scolded for giving the wrong the directions. I found the entire experience funny more than anything.. so shan't complain.

and, contrary to belief, girls are actually pretty good drivers.. so I say of hweeshan & rixin. But, some guys are nice lah. They drive safely because they realise they've a few lives in the carseats..

I really should learn how to drive.

you know you are 22 when

you spend half of your birthday sleeping at home


feeling blissfully happy


your peers agree that it (sleeping) is a good way to spend one's birthday.
In fact, so Cheryl says, "when you get older, you get to appreciate sleep."


your youth calls you up on the phone, with a conversation that goes like this:

val: Happy Birthday Adeline!!

me: thanks val:)

val: so, how has your birthday been so far?

me: (as of 6.50pm) very good!

val: really? what did you do today?

me: oh! I spent my day sleeping.

val: sleeping? but that's so sad!!

me: haha. no, I think it was bliss.

hahah. I am so old. But, if some people remember, I kicked a mini fuss just before I turned 21. the horrors of adulthood. now, 22 rolls of the tongue easily. It connotes a sense of stablility.

And I do hope that this year will be a stable year, focused on God.

thanks all for the smses & presents & cards:)

ade in her swanking new pastel green birks!!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

of rainy weather and goodbyes

I'm still up at this crazy hour of 2.53am.. because I'm still hungry. but I haven't decided if I want to feed the stomach yet.

and so it's raining again. today, it rained and rained and rained and rained and rained and well, you get my point, it rained somemore..

It was raining while I was sleeping. It was raining when I got up. It was raining when I went to school. It was raining on 96. It was raining and raining all through lunch with kumu. It was raining all through Minorities lecture. It was raining after that. It was really raining when I met up with matt. It was raining when Clara and I took the bus to Parkway Parade. It was raining while we tried to find that supposedly very good fish& chips store.. It was raining when we decided to head to the hawker centre for diner in the end, after walking like 2 rounds round the basement. It was raining while we talked. It was raining when we went back to change my nokia charger. It was raining while we slid across the overhead bridge to catch 36. It was raining all the way to the airport...

Don't know if it rained while we were there to send Christian off.. but, it probably was. It was not raining when xiong kun sent me home.. but we still got lost somewhere near Tuas anyway.

And now, it's raining once again.

The one constant thing: rain.

The next: goodbyes.

I finally realised why I liked The Fray's How to save a life. Not because a close friend has died.. rather...

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I realised the fear is of losing friendships that were once dear... but then somewhere along, don't know what happened.

Xiongkun is such a funny bone.. he was happily driving along the AYE and we were talking about random stuff, until...

me: eh, how come the road got no cars one.

xk: we are not the only car on the road.. we are the first car on the road.

me: *turns around to check the back*
Eh! this is cool lah! we are the only car on the road!!

xk: of course. It's late.

me: but, no, it's only 1am... there should be more cars on the expressway.

* sits up to check the road sign*
TUAS!! why are we going to Tuas??

xk: you said continue on AYE and look out for woodlands ave 2. don't need to look for special turning.

me: oh no. we better turn around... and I better stop talking..

and so there, yes. you happily get distracted only to miss the turning. shan't be so sad about all these goodbyes.. there's a lot more to life than goodbyes.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

my birthday wishlist

It is so shameless to be posting my birthday wishlist on my blog.
but the friends want it. and I figured I might as well say what I want.

but first of all, what I really do not need...
NO: handbags. I think I've more than enough already.

to make things easy, this year, and probably for the rest of my 2- years, it'd be cds and cookbooks.

cds because eversince last year, the process of conviction that piracy and ripping is so wrong, that meant forking out money to get cds for myself instead of ripping off someone...

cookbooks, because they are always so pretty and yummylicious and to prepare for days ( and years) I actually get my own place + kitchen.

1. corrinne may: fly away, safe in a crazy world
2. jamie cullum: twenty something, catching tales
3. the fray: how to save a life
4. casting crowns: casting crowns, lifesong
5. corinne bailey
6. damien rice: O!
7. House soundtrack... does that series House have a soundtrack??

I should stop here.. don't even think I would get all..
1. Jamie Oliver: Jamie's Kitchen

ok. this can cover a few years. I need to sleep. nite.