Monday, October 17, 2005

decisions to follow Christ

"I don't think God really cares about which one you decide to do. I do think He has an interest in how each situation might influence your call to follow Christ."

How true. we have brains for a reason.. and a heart to discern...

Sunday, October 16, 2005


in the end, i chose Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace for marcus&jasmine's wedding. figured, i'll save How Deep The Father's Love for my own wedding.heh. more so, because, i wanted a song that this young Christian couple could better relate to and understand.. and also for my mom. because, Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace is my mom's favourite song. i hope it brightened her day. i know she was pleasantly surprised:p

in less than a week, i've had to choose worship songs for various occasions. it's been an entire onslaught.. figured i would take them on, because i could feel God's urging.. and as this week of worship sessions draw to a close, with the final being this tue, i have realised that my entire life has to be worship unto God.

it's so tough to sing songs, praises to God saying that He is my everything, that i would tell of His goodness and mercies, that i would shout His fame forever, etc.. dunno, just find it so difficult to worship God simply. many times i just get stumped and well, stumped..i'll just stare at the lyrics trying to make meaning of them. is it just me, or nowadays, many songs, that are so pleasant to the ears don't really seem to be praising God. there are just too many 'I's in them, too many 'me's...maybe i'm being sensitive but, it's hard. perhaps my life is just not right with God therefore i can't give him the due praise. i guess, i really have to learn how to make my entire life an offering of worship unto God.

It's all about you, Jesus.
And all this is for you,
for your glory and your fame.
It's not about me,
as if you should do things my way.
You alone are God and i surrender,
to Your ways.

Friday, October 14, 2005


thought i'll pay a little visit to eliza. mark is mad, he put every word of my conversation(note: it's my.. not 'our') through eliza...

anyway, i decided to talk to eliza myself, and here's our conversation. it's hilarious i tell you. it all boils down to what i've concluded from my psycholinguistics module: language is innate as discovered by Noam Chomsky. and guess who made language innate?? God. God was the one who built us so intricate, that we are better than computers (being able to accomplish simple yet complex tasks like conversing), yet not devoid of feelings.

(this is me)>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> ni hao ma
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> wei she me ni kan bu dong
Please go on.
>> can i whack you?
Whether or not you can whack I depends on you more than me.
>> so i can whack you lah
Perhaps in your fantasies we can whack each other.
>> oh
What does that suggest to you ?
>> so, i shall whack you now.. where's my stick?
Do you wish to shall whack me ?
>> ya. why not
Why do you ask ?
>> because i think you are dumb
Is that the real reason ?
>> then, what do you think
Does that question interest you ?
>> if it doesn't, would i even be asking it
Do you think its likely that it doesn't ?
>> *rolls eyes*
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> strong? like throttling you?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> oh. it doens't matter.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> you are really dumb.
What makes you think I am really dumb ?
>> because you are giving computer generated answers
Do computers worry you ?
>> well, yes. computers like you worry me.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> hahahahhaha
Please go on.
>> this is getting funnier by the day.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that you are really really dumb
Does it please you to believe I am really really dumb ?
>> yes. because it shows that i'm still better than you.
You are sure.
>> yes, a human HAS to be better than a computer.
I see.
>> don't you agree?
Oh, I agree ?
>> yes. just say yes.
I understand.

so, bottom line is, eliza told me to whack her..

ok, shoot me. i need major comic relief.

Thursday, October 13, 2005


for some inexplicable reason, i'm feeling happy now.. just like how last friday, after i met debs and then decided to head over for lydia's dinner, all of a sudden, i was just woooshed.. washed over by inexplicable happiness.. i don't know why.. maybe it's because it was the weekend. last week was just looonngggggg, and i was bogged down by the doesnt-seem-to-be-ending-renovation-of the-new-house... next week, if all goes well, we may actually get to move!!*bounces* a totally bad bad time to move house for me, being in the midst of my 4 projects and 1 term paper. but, oh well, i'll let next 2 weeks worry for themselves..

ok, i realise i'm sounding a little incoherent. but, i'm actually very happy with today's cg. it was one of the few sessions that i actually ended cg feeling very light. i think it's because i was so pleased by justina's surprise visit. sometimes, when i rattle of to my friends, i wonder if they ever listen. that's why i would rather they talk, and i listen. so i was really pleasantly surprised when justina remembered that there was cg on thurs. heh. after a ghost call on my hp, which i swear is going bonkers..

it just brings me immense joy when the people around me, the people whom i love are brought one step closer to God. heh. and oh.. i'm also very very glad to see raymond coming for cg each week. and meisi, i must take my hat off to you. i realise i'm too subtle. dropping hints DOESN'T work. all you need is a meisi to ask you directly and then, ya. *swoosh* you hear the arrow flying through the air. i must learn that. perhaps, over the years, i fear coming on too hard on people because of certain bad experiences. but, i guess i need to have more confidence. and i think that's something i really need to learn. oh well. ok, have to go do my south asian tut now..

it's the weekend tomorrow!!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


took a lil time off to destress... and amuse myself.

Your Birthdate: January 15

With a birthday on the 15th of any month, you are apt to have really strong attachments to home, family and domestic scene.
The 1 and 5 equaling 6, provide the sort of energy that makes you an excellent parent or teacher.
You are very responsible and capable.

This is an attractive and an attracting influence.
You like harmony in your environment and strive to maintain it.
You tend to learn by observation rather than study and research.

You may like to cook, but you probably don't follow recipes.
This number shows artistic leanings and would certainly support an talents that may be otherwise in your makeup.
You're a very generous and giving person, but perhaps a bit stubborn in ways.

*blinks* then *gulps*.. okkaaayyy, this is a lil freaky..

the next one is hilarious.. i'm a eunuch!! what a tagline.. haha=D

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

uh... is this a sign?
You Should Learn Japanese

You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture.
From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko!

i still prefer french though.. but, would like to give korean a go..haha

darn.. im too longwinded..
Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical

You blog like no one else is reading...
You tend to use your blog to explore ideas - often in long winded prose.
Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily.
But if they disagree with once too much, you'll pull them from your blogroll!

oh.... i love reese so much.. apparently, eating myself IS an option..
Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

wedding song revisted

what's a good song for a wedding??

a Christian love song.

i've always loved Just Let Me Say, until, i realised that i can never tell God how much i love Him.. it seems so wrong.. so, i figured, a song that talks about God's love would be better.. How Deep the Father's Love. i think it's a really beautiful song, but i hope it isn't too solemn a song for a wedding.. my mother says a more joyful song would be better.. but, i can't seem to think of any joyous Christian love song... that is not glass-shattering. how?!

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross
My guilt upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no powr's, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Stuart Townend

Monday, October 03, 2005

save all

un/fortunately, i've a 'save-all' mentality.

why it's unfortunate? because it hurts when people whom i care for seem to be slipping out of reach, out of sight. it's like a stab to the heart when you read friends' blogs, hear of friends' ongoings through other friends, knowing that they are going through tough patches in life. i feel so helpless. really don't know what to do, except pray. but still, saying that i'll pray for you/them seems so cliche. sometimes, it feels like it's said in passing, like giving up in resignation. the best thing i can offer them is a God whom i can trust, and i know, a God whom they can trust too. but, but.. how?

people are fleeting, circumstances are changing, systems are undependable. i know i've been blessed so greatly, blessed so much that it makes things difficult to talk to people. i've a warm and stable family, though we squabble, but still, we are there. and i know family is something i can count on. having my uni tuition fees paid for by my dad, actually being in nus. i've friends, countless; my handphone book is testimony. but, how many do i even contact? friends... so what? have i been doing my part? when shawna shared at cg last thurs, about her friend who underwent depression, it made me think of who i am neglecting. and i think mingjie brought up a good point at cg too: i've to share my life with them too. i'm always too eager to hear how things have been going for them, and when it comes to me, my life, though interesting and highly exciting to me, i fear that it's boring and unpalatable to others.

why? it always revolves around church, and now vcf. i don't have that 'romantic' bgr to gossip about, idiots to bitch about, angst to unload, that happening party to go to. but, i'm happy, contented. the most i can gripe about is the never-ending pile of schoolwork, the new-house-that-is-yet-to-be-moved-into, annoying (at times) parents & siblings, being tired.. and..well, that's all. my problems, though many it seems at times, are so trivial compared to others. God has done so much for me, I've seen him work in people and situations. God doesn't have to do things for me. it's just so.. iffy at times. how to share joy?

i think what serene said is true and so frightening. vcf and even christian life can be so insular. i just feel comfortable with these friends.. and i think i spend too much time with them. yes, we have to spend time to work together in ministry; yes, they are always there in the library to study with; yes, they are often the ones who understand my deeper gripes and frustration regarding spiritual stuff; yes, they are the ones who can encourage me and pray for me because we know that we have common and shared understanding in the same God.

but i can't neglect others. these were the people who were a part of me at some point in life. it feels sad that they won't understand why i get excited over the ways God has been working in my life. God is my whole life. i work and pray that more may come to the saving knowledge of Christ. and fear grips me, because, life is too short, too fleeting. what if i don't get a chance to share the gospel? what if they don't want to believe that Jesus saves? why don't they want to?

what have i been doing with my life. who and what have i been spending my time on?

i need to recognise and live by the fact that the one who 'saves' is the Holy Spirit, not me. i can't make people believe. mr Holy Spirit can. but what i can do, is help disciple others. that's what christians are called to: to make disciples of all nations. that's the one thing that was most impressed on my heart at last saturday's National Consultation of International Students Ministry when pastor mark asked me if there were plans to disciple the international students who come to singapore(we'll leave this lesson for another day. learnt a lot of stuff on sat).

sigh. i'm like my favourite pick-me-up now: mango-papaya shake. i feel all shaken, stirred and squashed.. and sad. i don't understand why God chooses to work in certain ways. But since i know that i'm just a 20 year old kid, and God has eternity before and after Him, my knowledge is uncomparable to His wisdom.

i can't save.

i can only pray.

i can only obey.

wedding song

The wedding song. is there a wedding song??

tell me I should go and screw myself. like seriously. what on earth was I thinking. was I even on earth?

Saturday, October 01, 2005

St andrew's cath

a note to myself: bake macarons once you move!! click here for yummy-looking macarons..

today I had a lot of ice-cream.. in various forms and flavours. gelato in chocolate, rocher, tiramisu, rum&raisin, durian(the best) & yoghurt -- all courtesy of frankie's new cafe small, medium, large (and no, I had no part to play in this name game). if I seem like a pig for eating too much, well, I had only 2 mini cups. john just slapped on all the flavours so I could try more.. haha. yes. I am an ice-cream freak. I could live on ice-cream alone. after that, we had dinner at lot1 and my wonderful brother bought a cup of minimelts: mocha& mint, another wonderful combination. I've really eaten a lot of ice-cream today. I'm full. though, I could have a go at the japanese redbean icecream that the 7eleven at fong seng's sells =X

ok, the latter part of my day was more frivolous. In the morning, I actually woke up for serious stuff. went for the National Council of International Students Ministry held at St Andrew's Cathedral. today was my first time ever in 20 years at St Andrew's. I was already running late, but the moment I stepped into the hall/sanctuary(is that what you call it?!), it just took my breath away, literally. I had to stop and just stare and take it all in. the cathedral is just so beautiful and awe-inspiring that two thoughts came to my mind there and then:

1. I really need to go to those cathedrals in Europe. I heard they are bigger and more beautiful.
2. if a church, a man-made building, can be so beautiful that it demands such awe and attention from people(me at least), what about God? God is even more awe-inspiring. yet, how come, Christians always struggle in their walk. ok, why do I always struggle in my walk with God. why is it difficult to spend time getting to know HIM-- the maker of all things beautiful. if God's snowcapped mountains and vast oceans(esp Korean coastlines..courtesy of Da Chang Jin..heh), tulips and daffodils, redwood trees and coconut palms, clear blue skies and purple sunsets make people stand in amazement at the beauty of it all, why have we forgotten and neglected the Creator of them all?

manymany times when I have chosen to delight myself in the things of the world, I've forgotten God. Sam gave me a very good analogy. he watched Be With Me and found the girl's unrequited love rather sad. Yet, it made him realise how sad God will be when we choose to not return His love. He sent me this poem a week ago. for all you un-literature people, I hope you dig out some understanding of it. it's such a beautiful poem by George Herbert:

The Pulley
When God at first made Man,
Having a glass of blessings standing by -
Let us (said He) pour on him all we can;
Let the world's riches, which dispersed lie,
Contract into a span.

So strength first made a way,
Then beauty flow'd, then wisdom, honour, pleasure:
When almost all was out, God made a stay,
Perceiving that, alone of all His treasure,
Rest in the bottom lay.

For if I should (said He)
Bestow this jewel also on my creature
He would adore my gifts instead of Me,
And rest in Nature, not the God of Nature:
So both should losers be.

Yet let him keep the rest.
But keep them with repining restlessness;
Let him be rich and weary, that at least,
If goodness lead him not, yet weariness
May toss him to My breast.