Saturday, January 21, 2006

crashing waves

i went for Crossroads. and as i told flor, it was for myself. the entire dec hols kinda sucked me a little dry... made me a little lightheaded... like a woozy kind of feeling...

glad i went, not because the speakers were great.. (the main speaker was quite good actually, tan soo-in. go read his stuff at grace@work) if anything, i had a bit of a problem with the other 2 speakers.. they were a bit... dubious is not the best word, but i can't think of any other. if anything, they made me realize how idealistic i am. but how important it is to not bend Christian principles, no matter how fallen the world is. easy to say, hard to do, i know. but, wisdom is definitely much needed.

the best part of the retreat was the morning devotion by the beach. i sat there, read the Bible, spent most of the time praying.. asking God for guidance.. my eyes were closed, and i could hear the gentle lapping of waves.. but just as i was praying, i heard the loud crashing (almost 'bang') of waves. and i opened my eyes and looked out at the sea.

no boat? er.. then why are the waves crashing so loudly. i turned to lizhen and asked if any boat came past, just that it may have zoomed by too quickly in those few seconds that i opened my eyes.

but, nope. no boat, no ship, no barge.

often, for me, i like to ask God for explicit signs, to show me that i'm on the right track.. but, well, the signs never appear. maybe, 'ask' is too mild a word. i 'demand' rather.

and today, Soo-in said, " God is not bound by our demands for dramatic visions".

i got a taste of God giving me a sign, when i needed it the most. but the best part is, i didn't ask for a sign. so cool. God is amazing. seeing and hearing the crashing waves, gave me a realization that God is the God of nature. that He is always in control. that God has my future in His hands.


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