the past 3 months have been truly a challenge. there has never been another period in my life when i can be happy one day and then depressingly sad the next. sometimes i show it, but often i try to hide it. i do thank God for friends who can look from afar and sense something amiss in me.
but that's not the point. over the weekend, i was wondering. this is not the way life should be. i can't live from day to day, happy one day sad the next.. and be sad more often than joyful. i've been letting people and things affect me more than i want them to be. my mood has become dependent on things, when it should actually be resting on God.
and i guess i felt it a lot in the weekend. that week, it seemed that quite a few friends were going through problems and i felt extra burdened for them, didn't have the best of weeks with my parents, i was very tempted to throttle one of my tuition girls, i was a bit at wits end for the state of arts vcf, plus personal issues were resurfacing again. i slept a lot on saturday too..never felt so defeated before..
which struck me then. if i have Christ with me, why am i not living a victorious life. why is everything dependent on the circumstances, which change all the time. instead of the one God, who never changes?
so there, that's me in retrospection again.
the good thing about this week's term break is that i'm surprisingly quite free... other than wed, being the only day i'm packed from morn to night, the rest of the days, i have nothing planned!! which means, i can lunch with whoever's free, and meet friends on the spur of the moment. so cool can. i mean, it's cool to be free and not be bogged down by obligations and appointments.. makes everything sound so professional and business like. *shakes head* be happy for me.. hahaha
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
an ADEfying post
okie.. a quickie before i talk to adrian...
i'm in smc now(s'pore m'sia collection). was supposed to be doing readings for my assignment due in like one and a half weeks.. but after a while, i gave up. the brain was rebelling..
am using dan's mac, and decided to check out blogs, since i've not done so in like, a week. read matt talking about his weekend plans to emerald isle (sounds so scgs-ish...) and him going up to urbana for the ivcf conference in dec.. saw debs' blog.. and oohed over her city photos with winnie.. with adrian reading behind my back now.. and then went to gilbert's blog and the conversation went like this:
me: he can run through
HI ADE. =D [einniw and gniyiew are here to contribute to your blog]
it's now 7.44pm on a sat evening.. and i'm supposed to finish up my post. haha.
as i was trying to say:
me: he (gilbert) can run past a park to the beach!! eh, his daily runs are to the beach lah. mine's round hdb flats in woodlands.
winnie: at least you have legs to run.
winnie or einniw has a point. i can gripe about my seemingly boring life here in spore and really wish i was somewhere else...
or, i can truly be thankful for the things i have, like the fact that i can even run.
speaking of run, time for my destressifying sat evening jog now. i seem to need jogs more often to clear the head and system.
i'm in smc now(s'pore m'sia collection). was supposed to be doing readings for my assignment due in like one and a half weeks.. but after a while, i gave up. the brain was rebelling..
am using dan's mac, and decided to check out blogs, since i've not done so in like, a week. read matt talking about his weekend plans to emerald isle (sounds so scgs-ish...) and him going up to urbana for the ivcf conference in dec.. saw debs' blog.. and oohed over her city photos with winnie.. with adrian reading behind my back now.. and then went to gilbert's blog and the conversation went like this:
me: he can run through
HI ADE. =D [einniw and gniyiew are here to contribute to your blog]
it's now 7.44pm on a sat evening.. and i'm supposed to finish up my post. haha.
as i was trying to say:
me: he (gilbert) can run past a park to the beach!! eh, his daily runs are to the beach lah. mine's round hdb flats in woodlands.
winnie: at least you have legs to run.
winnie or einniw has a point. i can gripe about my seemingly boring life here in spore and really wish i was somewhere else...
or, i can truly be thankful for the things i have, like the fact that i can even run.
speaking of run, time for my destressifying sat evening jog now. i seem to need jogs more often to clear the head and system.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
dream dream dream whenever i'm with you...
Was reminded of Singapore Dreaming from damien's blog..
I'm very proud to say that in week 5 of school, I went to catch a movie on a monday night with two international students, Irene & Christian. It took much effort though, on Christian's part to drag me away from work.
What I really loved about the movie was how it was so real. Irene, turned to me a few times during the movie to ask whether the enstrangement of the family members was real or exaggerated. I had to whisper back that I do see such distant relationships in Singapore. From sibling rivalry to almost-there sex-scenes, the need for hard work to prove oneself to the lack of communication in a marriage...
There's no explicit moral at the end of the movie. But as adults, we should be able to draw the links for ourselves. Neither do i want to be a spoiler. Go watch. Forget Monster House. Forget Devil Wears Prada. Drop by a cinema in the heartlands and catch a local movie about Singaporeans, with your fellow Singaporeans.
The government should pay me for this.
Speaking of hard work, after the movie, Christian was lamenting on how Singaporean students are so serious with their schoolwork, that they can't seem to see life beyond their studies.I was half-chuckling to myself, because he had a hard time trying to pull me away from school. He had asked me when I was free. Thinking that he wanted a tourguide, I started to ask him where he wanted to go visit in Singapore, etc.. it took a full 5 minutes for me to realise he just wanted a friend to go chill out with. I felt rather ashamed for myself, and fellow Singaporeans, how we've "forgotten" to just be friends with people.
Be it in cg or arts comm or international students or old friends, the people i'm serving, have at times lost their "faces". I've seen them as chores and a list of people to meet, only to get ticked off when i've accomplished what I've done. Obviously I don't aspire to do that.. But along the way, unconsciously, this has been happening.
Which reminds me of the hols, where almost every other night, I'd be rushing off for some vcf event or meeting.. to which my friend would always chuckle and shake his head on hearing that it's vcf. Again.
Have I forgotten my first love. Have i forgotten how to enjoy this life that God has given me. Have i forgotten how to just be myself, a child of God, serving God. Yes. But not a servant of God. To "be" and not "do".
Dream, dream, dream
Whenever I'm with you.
I'm very proud to say that in week 5 of school, I went to catch a movie on a monday night with two international students, Irene & Christian. It took much effort though, on Christian's part to drag me away from work.
What I really loved about the movie was how it was so real. Irene, turned to me a few times during the movie to ask whether the enstrangement of the family members was real or exaggerated. I had to whisper back that I do see such distant relationships in Singapore. From sibling rivalry to almost-there sex-scenes, the need for hard work to prove oneself to the lack of communication in a marriage...
There's no explicit moral at the end of the movie. But as adults, we should be able to draw the links for ourselves. Neither do i want to be a spoiler. Go watch. Forget Monster House. Forget Devil Wears Prada. Drop by a cinema in the heartlands and catch a local movie about Singaporeans, with your fellow Singaporeans.
The government should pay me for this.
Speaking of hard work, after the movie, Christian was lamenting on how Singaporean students are so serious with their schoolwork, that they can't seem to see life beyond their studies.I was half-chuckling to myself, because he had a hard time trying to pull me away from school. He had asked me when I was free. Thinking that he wanted a tourguide, I started to ask him where he wanted to go visit in Singapore, etc.. it took a full 5 minutes for me to realise he just wanted a friend to go chill out with. I felt rather ashamed for myself, and fellow Singaporeans, how we've "forgotten" to just be friends with people.
Be it in cg or arts comm or international students or old friends, the people i'm serving, have at times lost their "faces". I've seen them as chores and a list of people to meet, only to get ticked off when i've accomplished what I've done. Obviously I don't aspire to do that.. But along the way, unconsciously, this has been happening.
Which reminds me of the hols, where almost every other night, I'd be rushing off for some vcf event or meeting.. to which my friend would always chuckle and shake his head on hearing that it's vcf. Again.
Have I forgotten my first love. Have i forgotten how to enjoy this life that God has given me. Have i forgotten how to just be myself, a child of God, serving God. Yes. But not a servant of God. To "be" and not "do".
Dream, dream, dream
Whenever I'm with you.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
endorphins and euphoria
today (wed), was one of the worst days of my school life.. i never had so much trouble concentrating during class and feeling extremely tired to boot. first, there's was morning prayer at 9am, which i was obviously late. not proud of it, but i seriously had to drag myself out of bed. i felt like a piece of stone. was hoping to speak to flo after that, but turns out she had to go home to do stuff. meisi went off to the labs, william went off somewhere...so, for the first wednesday eversince school started, i had a free break. spent the time writing a letter, then finished up my readings.. but i struggled through them. in the library, i was so tired i had to nap before continuing.
what's worse, at peter tan's interactional discourse class, my head was up in the clouds. no, i wasn't on cloud 9. my brain had never felt so flighty for ages.. i was day-dreaming.. about nothing. normally when i day-dream, it would be about something. but today, i day-dreamed about nothing. it was so weird. i couldn't eat chocs to lubricate the brain cells.. so during break, i had a mix of milo and black coffee (sans milk).. felt slightly better after that, caffeine does wonders. i'm thankful that today's class was interesting.. can't imagine if it were boring.. i would've probably turned into stone..
after zapping semantics readings, i kinda rushed home.. had to rush, because emily wanted to have dinner. but, my day was so bad, and i was seriously so down and out, i knew i had to run. and i did. the first 10min was torture, because, the brain kept telling the muscles, "you can't do it. STOP!". which i did. i would stop, walk a few steps, then push myself more.
the running was good. as wei always says, " running produces endorphins. endorphins make you happy". so there, after half an hour, the mind was a whole lot clearer,my spirit was somewhat lifted.. the body was real hot though. i took a hot shower and rushed down to 834 for dinner. thankfully eunice, farand & ps jabez were there, to keep emily company;)
had a steaming bowl of bittergourd soup for dinner.. trust me, a 30min run+hot shower +hot soupy dinner= a very hot ade. i felt like i was a self-contained sauna. i think that all the perpsiration made me sweat my stress and guts out. i never felt so good in a long while.
emily and i had quite a good conversation over dinner.. we were talking about how everyone needs healing & deliverance.. for the past 4(out of 6) sessions of H&D that i've gone, i must say, i've been working through some issues.. especially issues which i never knew were issues. come to think of it, if i've been moody recently, it's quite possibly that some stuff are being getting rid of, in my life. so have patience with me.
as we run in this race of life, there will oft be times and things that will try to stop us from running. but we can't give up. different things can motivate us to continue, but the one thing that should be our main motivation is Christ. to press on and finish the race. to hear God saying, "well done, my good and faithful servant". i'm definite that when i hear those words, endorphins could never compare to the euphoria of being with the Father.
what's worse, at peter tan's interactional discourse class, my head was up in the clouds. no, i wasn't on cloud 9. my brain had never felt so flighty for ages.. i was day-dreaming.. about nothing. normally when i day-dream, it would be about something. but today, i day-dreamed about nothing. it was so weird. i couldn't eat chocs to lubricate the brain cells.. so during break, i had a mix of milo and black coffee (sans milk).. felt slightly better after that, caffeine does wonders. i'm thankful that today's class was interesting.. can't imagine if it were boring.. i would've probably turned into stone..
after zapping semantics readings, i kinda rushed home.. had to rush, because emily wanted to have dinner. but, my day was so bad, and i was seriously so down and out, i knew i had to run. and i did. the first 10min was torture, because, the brain kept telling the muscles, "you can't do it. STOP!". which i did. i would stop, walk a few steps, then push myself more.
the running was good. as wei always says, " running produces endorphins. endorphins make you happy". so there, after half an hour, the mind was a whole lot clearer,my spirit was somewhat lifted.. the body was real hot though. i took a hot shower and rushed down to 834 for dinner. thankfully eunice, farand & ps jabez were there, to keep emily company;)
had a steaming bowl of bittergourd soup for dinner.. trust me, a 30min run+hot shower +hot soupy dinner= a very hot ade. i felt like i was a self-contained sauna. i think that all the perpsiration made me sweat my stress and guts out. i never felt so good in a long while.
emily and i had quite a good conversation over dinner.. we were talking about how everyone needs healing & deliverance.. for the past 4(out of 6) sessions of H&D that i've gone, i must say, i've been working through some issues.. especially issues which i never knew were issues. come to think of it, if i've been moody recently, it's quite possibly that some stuff are being getting rid of, in my life. so have patience with me.
as we run in this race of life, there will oft be times and things that will try to stop us from running. but we can't give up. different things can motivate us to continue, but the one thing that should be our main motivation is Christ. to press on and finish the race. to hear God saying, "well done, my good and faithful servant". i'm definite that when i hear those words, endorphins could never compare to the euphoria of being with the Father.
Monday, September 04, 2006
boosters
if you were wondering, i got rid of the tagboard because i got spammed too many times. patience got the better of me at their 4th atrocity-.-
and i changed my layout, but it appears on internet explorer that there's a huge gap in between my links. i tried to read the html to find out what went wrong. but i can't tell. so, it's just going to stay that way, until a kind soul finds out for me, or, i get bored and change it myself. both options, i think will prob only be realised at the end of the year..
let's talk about school: i'm starting to realise that this year's classes are kinda mixed. i still feel i'm at the wrong side of the bell curve. especially when 2 out of 4 of the elang classes i'm taking, i'm one of the few year 3 students. doesn't help that it's a struggle to do readings, because those that i've read so far, are honestly, beyond me. they make me:
1. frown ;(
2. scratch my head *scratches*
3. wince (as if in pain)
and, my classic emoticon:
4. -.- annoyed.
nope, i'm not annoyed at my lecturers.. just a bit annoyed at myself for not being able to get something.. ok, this now sounds like i have a major inferiority complex. like i'm dumb or something. everything's relative. that i know.
just need encouragement here and there.. which came in today's elang argument class when i found a good claim to an argument. and also, the return of my media writing assignments..
thank God. perhaps i need to work harder.. which i did, over the weekend.
the end of the year seems to come real soon..
and i changed my layout, but it appears on internet explorer that there's a huge gap in between my links. i tried to read the html to find out what went wrong. but i can't tell. so, it's just going to stay that way, until a kind soul finds out for me, or, i get bored and change it myself. both options, i think will prob only be realised at the end of the year..
let's talk about school: i'm starting to realise that this year's classes are kinda mixed. i still feel i'm at the wrong side of the bell curve. especially when 2 out of 4 of the elang classes i'm taking, i'm one of the few year 3 students. doesn't help that it's a struggle to do readings, because those that i've read so far, are honestly, beyond me. they make me:
1. frown ;(
2. scratch my head *scratches*
3. wince (as if in pain)
and, my classic emoticon:
4. -.- annoyed.
nope, i'm not annoyed at my lecturers.. just a bit annoyed at myself for not being able to get something.. ok, this now sounds like i have a major inferiority complex. like i'm dumb or something. everything's relative. that i know.
just need encouragement here and there.. which came in today's elang argument class when i found a good claim to an argument. and also, the return of my media writing assignments..
thank God. perhaps i need to work harder.. which i did, over the weekend.
the end of the year seems to come real soon..
Sunday, September 03, 2006
betting is fun?!
While researching for my E-lang Argumentation Discourse class debate on gambling, I chanced upon the Singapore Pools' website, which had a line that read:
"Betting should be fun. It should be under your control. Do not let it control you or your life instead.
Be A Winner ! Play Responsibly !"
My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Although it was already 12.20am, trust me, I was wide awake instantly.
Seriously, who are they trying to kid?! And since when was betting "fun". And, may I add, not only is it "fun", it "should be fun". If it isn't, something's wrong! *alarm bells ring*
I shall not attempt to launch into the vices of gambling, much less, the legalization of gambling.
It is a sad mis-fact of life that one should resort to gambling for a dose of "fun".
What's more appalling is that one is encouraged by a government-backed company, to bet.
The governement is in place to protect it's people (see Romans 13). Do pray that it will continue to do so.
"Betting should be fun. It should be under your control. Do not let it control you or your life instead.
Be A Winner ! Play Responsibly !"
My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Although it was already 12.20am, trust me, I was wide awake instantly.
Seriously, who are they trying to kid?! And since when was betting "fun". And, may I add, not only is it "fun", it "should be fun". If it isn't, something's wrong! *alarm bells ring*
I shall not attempt to launch into the vices of gambling, much less, the legalization of gambling.
It is a sad mis-fact of life that one should resort to gambling for a dose of "fun".
What's more appalling is that one is encouraged by a government-backed company, to bet.
The governement is in place to protect it's people (see Romans 13). Do pray that it will continue to do so.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
i finally spruced up my blog a lil:
-increased font size (sorry sonn!!)
-linked, relinked & unlinked quite a few people
-changed headings,etc...
still thinking of changing layout, i.e new picture.. but, lazy to find a new picture, plus i haven't found a layout that is simple yet compact.. so, as the picture says, wait lah.
speaking of pictures, as most would know, my apple's hard disk crashed, burying along with it, some photos, and countless songs... which made me feel a bit sianz. the songs, are legal, because i inherited this laptop from my aunt... now, i'm just chris-rice-less.. which makes me wanna go *argh argh*. but that's not that bad, because, it'll just mean lots of money to buy the albums.. what makes me go *argh argh* to the power of 100, is that my home pc's hard disk ALSO crashed. what's worse is that all my photos, you read it right, ALL got buried to goodness-knows-where. everything from photos from jc prom, to random cf cg absurdities, to my 21st birthday, to the odd ones with frennies... i really ought to make it a habit to upload photos online.. argh
and if you ever wonder why i don't exactly reply tags on my board it's because, i procrastinate and people don't usually reply my replies to their tags that i figured that i'd just leave it at that. but i do read lah. it's one of my (bad) habits, like how i am capable of taking ages (like in days...) to reply smses..
while i carry on rambling... after blog-surfing on friends' blogs, i realise that there are a lot more people reading blogs than one can actually fathom. this is to a certain extent, er.. can't find the word.
ok, i think i sound angsty.
and so 2 weeks of school has whizzed by. i don't wish the hols back, but i do wish i can just get beamed up to heaven now. rest assured, i'm not sucidal. it's just that i realise that if there is that one person i really really want to be with, it's God.
ok fine, so maybe i don't think that everyday. i'm human. but at uds (university dedication service) on thurs, it suddenly dawned on me the meagre capacity of one's heart. i.e, the room one's heart has for something. ok, let me try to explain.. ever liked 2 people at one time before? yes/no? it's not something i'm exactly very proud of (in fact i scoff at shows with people who can't decide between 2.. but hey, that's for being judgemental ade...).
so yes, i have liked 2 guys at a point of time before. i put myself through a lot of torture for that because it came to a point where i was pissed at myself for being fickle. i can't stand it when others are fickle, and i definitely could not tolerate it in myself. but i noticed that after a while, the first guy that i liked, gradually got replaced in my thoughts by the second guy, until he eventually got phased out into oblivion. and so, fickleness would not be an issue anymore. it would be back to one guy again.
i totally forgot about this until uds, when i was thinking of how to pursue God single-heartedly. and it clicked all of a sudden. just as my human heart cannot handle 'liking' 2 separate people, this same heart, definitely cannot follow both God and the world. one would have to be phased out after a while... the world? or is it God?
i never fully grasped Matt 6:24, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." but on thursday, it finally dawned sense.
i cannot, no matter how hard i try, serve God, while still being dogged down by worries, unfulfilled desires, concerns in this world.
either she will hate one and love the other.
and so, as i sang,
"All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaim
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours
Chorus:
Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You."
the line "wishes and dreams that are yet to come true" struck my heart hard. God, they are yours.
I'd be taking a lifetime to learn how to place God as the one thing my heart focuses on..
oh well, i've got an entire life to learn..
and in the mean time, i know i'm not ready to meet God yet. so til then, hey earth;)
-increased font size (sorry sonn!!)
-linked, relinked & unlinked quite a few people
-changed headings,etc...
still thinking of changing layout, i.e new picture.. but, lazy to find a new picture, plus i haven't found a layout that is simple yet compact.. so, as the picture says, wait lah.
speaking of pictures, as most would know, my apple's hard disk crashed, burying along with it, some photos, and countless songs... which made me feel a bit sianz. the songs, are legal, because i inherited this laptop from my aunt... now, i'm just chris-rice-less.. which makes me wanna go *argh argh*. but that's not that bad, because, it'll just mean lots of money to buy the albums.. what makes me go *argh argh* to the power of 100, is that my home pc's hard disk ALSO crashed. what's worse is that all my photos, you read it right, ALL got buried to goodness-knows-where. everything from photos from jc prom, to random cf cg absurdities, to my 21st birthday, to the odd ones with frennies... i really ought to make it a habit to upload photos online.. argh
and if you ever wonder why i don't exactly reply tags on my board it's because, i procrastinate and people don't usually reply my replies to their tags that i figured that i'd just leave it at that. but i do read lah. it's one of my (bad) habits, like how i am capable of taking ages (like in days...) to reply smses..
while i carry on rambling... after blog-surfing on friends' blogs, i realise that there are a lot more people reading blogs than one can actually fathom. this is to a certain extent, er.. can't find the word.
ok, i think i sound angsty.
and so 2 weeks of school has whizzed by. i don't wish the hols back, but i do wish i can just get beamed up to heaven now. rest assured, i'm not sucidal. it's just that i realise that if there is that one person i really really want to be with, it's God.
ok fine, so maybe i don't think that everyday. i'm human. but at uds (university dedication service) on thurs, it suddenly dawned on me the meagre capacity of one's heart. i.e, the room one's heart has for something. ok, let me try to explain.. ever liked 2 people at one time before? yes/no? it's not something i'm exactly very proud of (in fact i scoff at shows with people who can't decide between 2.. but hey, that's for being judgemental ade...).
so yes, i have liked 2 guys at a point of time before. i put myself through a lot of torture for that because it came to a point where i was pissed at myself for being fickle. i can't stand it when others are fickle, and i definitely could not tolerate it in myself. but i noticed that after a while, the first guy that i liked, gradually got replaced in my thoughts by the second guy, until he eventually got phased out into oblivion. and so, fickleness would not be an issue anymore. it would be back to one guy again.
i totally forgot about this until uds, when i was thinking of how to pursue God single-heartedly. and it clicked all of a sudden. just as my human heart cannot handle 'liking' 2 separate people, this same heart, definitely cannot follow both God and the world. one would have to be phased out after a while... the world? or is it God?
i never fully grasped Matt 6:24, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." but on thursday, it finally dawned sense.
i cannot, no matter how hard i try, serve God, while still being dogged down by worries, unfulfilled desires, concerns in this world.
either she will hate one and love the other.
and so, as i sang,
"All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaim
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours
Chorus:
Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You."
the line "wishes and dreams that are yet to come true" struck my heart hard. God, they are yours.
I'd be taking a lifetime to learn how to place God as the one thing my heart focuses on..
oh well, i've got an entire life to learn..
and in the mean time, i know i'm not ready to meet God yet. so til then, hey earth;)
Saturday, August 12, 2006
cors bidding
this is blog-worthy:
thursday, 12.15pm:
NM 2220 Introduction to media writing, of 1660, i bid 1700
EL 4252 Interactive Discourse of 101, i bid 99.
at 4.30pm, at close bidding, with like zero clue what i could bid, i swopped 10 points around:
NM 2220 Introduction to media writing: 1690
EL 4252 Interactive Discourse: 109
wei asked what's the point of what i was doing.. i didn't know either..
friday, 9.40am, i logged onto ivle to see that i had all 5 of my modules. half amused, i went online to cors to check my programme account.
imagine my amusement and amazement to see that my programme account looked like this:
0.
yeah. bidding in the blind ain't fun.
but, it is pretty awesome to see that i got such figures so "zhong". never was lucky at lucky draws.
but, i give God the glory. couldn't have been so accurate for 2 modules.
hopefully, this is a sign to a different academic year.
thursday, 12.15pm:
NM 2220 Introduction to media writing, of 1660, i bid 1700
EL 4252 Interactive Discourse of 101, i bid 99.
at 4.30pm, at close bidding, with like zero clue what i could bid, i swopped 10 points around:
NM 2220 Introduction to media writing: 1690
EL 4252 Interactive Discourse: 109
wei asked what's the point of what i was doing.. i didn't know either..
friday, 9.40am, i logged onto ivle to see that i had all 5 of my modules. half amused, i went online to cors to check my programme account.
imagine my amusement and amazement to see that my programme account looked like this:
0.
yeah. bidding in the blind ain't fun.
but, it is pretty awesome to see that i got such figures so "zhong". never was lucky at lucky draws.
but, i give God the glory. couldn't have been so accurate for 2 modules.
hopefully, this is a sign to a different academic year.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
passion. hobbies?
i've been thinking eversince (uncle) james asked me last tuesday what my passion is. i said it was people. i enjoy spending time with people, and i love to see them grow.
while i was working, farand asked meisi and me what our hobbies are. and i think i remember being a bit stunned at that question (because no one asks such old fashioned questions anymore), and then muttering, watching movies, reading, shopping.
so, yes. back to thinking. after a few days, i remembered that i enjoy writing. not the kind of writing that requires a pen and paper.. but you know, writing in general? writing poetry, prose. in secondary school, i wanted to be a journalist when i grew up. it was my dream to study in columbia university. and then, after a while, i perished that thought, because a journalist's life in singapore was a tad too erratic especially if i knew that serving God in church is important.
another thing that i've always loved is music. when i was young, i had begged my parents for years for piano lessons. but music lessons were too expensive. i finally got it my wish in p5, albeit because my brother 'needed' it as an outlet for him. i'm supposed to know piano. even after playing the guitar for 7 years, i'm only so-so. i've come to deduce that i may have an interest in music, but my talent isn't really there. i've always wanted to be a part of a band and have our own gigs. but i guess that would only be a figment of my dreams and imagination.
if God calls, perhaps i'd have a shot. but, in the mean time, i'm back with people. are my hobbies in line with my passion/s? i guess i better go mull more.
while i was working, farand asked meisi and me what our hobbies are. and i think i remember being a bit stunned at that question (because no one asks such old fashioned questions anymore), and then muttering, watching movies, reading, shopping.
so, yes. back to thinking. after a few days, i remembered that i enjoy writing. not the kind of writing that requires a pen and paper.. but you know, writing in general? writing poetry, prose. in secondary school, i wanted to be a journalist when i grew up. it was my dream to study in columbia university. and then, after a while, i perished that thought, because a journalist's life in singapore was a tad too erratic especially if i knew that serving God in church is important.
another thing that i've always loved is music. when i was young, i had begged my parents for years for piano lessons. but music lessons were too expensive. i finally got it my wish in p5, albeit because my brother 'needed' it as an outlet for him. i'm supposed to know piano. even after playing the guitar for 7 years, i'm only so-so. i've come to deduce that i may have an interest in music, but my talent isn't really there. i've always wanted to be a part of a band and have our own gigs. but i guess that would only be a figment of my dreams and imagination.
if God calls, perhaps i'd have a shot. but, in the mean time, i'm back with people. are my hobbies in line with my passion/s? i guess i better go mull more.
Monday, August 07, 2006
God's funny
[disclaimer: i think i'm going to go very off tangent with this post, so, don't grade me for topic flow..]
so there, 2 weeks have passed since i ended work. and weird as it may seem, i enjoyed work at pearson for various reasons, one reason being there was this cute and really nice guy at work, who turns out to be such a major staunch buddhist that he does not eat onions nor garlic because it makes him think too much. ok, that may seem to be the highlight, but nope. he was just eyecandy.
eversince i've been stressing to arts comm that prayer is very important, i've been trying to incorprate prayer in my life. and honestly, i don't know if i've succeeded. i don't spend hours on my knees beside my bed praying and interceding on behalf of people. but i do spend many times a day, on rides home on the mrt, stoning at some fastfood outlet with a book in hand, just talking to God about random stuff and reflecting on a lunch/tea/dinner i just had with a long-time-no-see friend. if anything, with my mac sitting at the apple repair centre getting it's hard-drive changed, has led me to blog very infrequently and dread checking my emails.
don't get me wrong. i love receiving and reading emails (esp those addressed to me only), but it also means that i have to reply them, which i usually enjoy mulling over in the comforts of my room, and not in the church office with different people hovering around. so there, to answer the countless questions of "ade, your comp fixed already ah?" nope, it's still under repair. oh, don't get me wrong, i have nothing against church people hovering over me, (it can't be helped anyway), i've actually had a few pretty good conversations with people while i was trying to finish emailing arts comm stuff. that's like the most important thing that i those precious minutes on the email to do nowadays.
with the hols coming to a close in less than one week, i must say that my 2 objectives have been pretty much met. the first was that i would get ample rest spiritually and physically, of which the past few days have been spent sleeping and reading. the second was to enjoy being (and serving) in church. of which i must give all thanks and glory to God. to be in church now, is like being on auto-run. i know it sounds crude, but if you knew that at a point of time, i had to jumpstart myself each sunday morning, you'd understand why.
it just occured to me that vcf didn't fall into any of the objectives.. not that i love vcf any less, it's just that i knew that God will do His work, as He has been the past 2 years. funny how time flies, i'm going on year 3 already...
oh. did you know God's one funny guy?? i met my jc cca-mate last week at the old kr bus-stop. seeing him brought back many memories from jc. time sure flies.
yup, God's been so funny recently that sometimes, i wish He wasn't so. oh well. i guess i'd appreciate it when i understand why He does what He does. in any case, my train of thought has stopped. that's all for today.
ta-da/
so there, 2 weeks have passed since i ended work. and weird as it may seem, i enjoyed work at pearson for various reasons, one reason being there was this cute and really nice guy at work, who turns out to be such a major staunch buddhist that he does not eat onions nor garlic because it makes him think too much. ok, that may seem to be the highlight, but nope. he was just eyecandy.
eversince i've been stressing to arts comm that prayer is very important, i've been trying to incorprate prayer in my life. and honestly, i don't know if i've succeeded. i don't spend hours on my knees beside my bed praying and interceding on behalf of people. but i do spend many times a day, on rides home on the mrt, stoning at some fastfood outlet with a book in hand, just talking to God about random stuff and reflecting on a lunch/tea/dinner i just had with a long-time-no-see friend. if anything, with my mac sitting at the apple repair centre getting it's hard-drive changed, has led me to blog very infrequently and dread checking my emails.
don't get me wrong. i love receiving and reading emails (esp those addressed to me only), but it also means that i have to reply them, which i usually enjoy mulling over in the comforts of my room, and not in the church office with different people hovering around. so there, to answer the countless questions of "ade, your comp fixed already ah?" nope, it's still under repair. oh, don't get me wrong, i have nothing against church people hovering over me, (it can't be helped anyway), i've actually had a few pretty good conversations with people while i was trying to finish emailing arts comm stuff. that's like the most important thing that i those precious minutes on the email to do nowadays.
with the hols coming to a close in less than one week, i must say that my 2 objectives have been pretty much met. the first was that i would get ample rest spiritually and physically, of which the past few days have been spent sleeping and reading. the second was to enjoy being (and serving) in church. of which i must give all thanks and glory to God. to be in church now, is like being on auto-run. i know it sounds crude, but if you knew that at a point of time, i had to jumpstart myself each sunday morning, you'd understand why.
it just occured to me that vcf didn't fall into any of the objectives.. not that i love vcf any less, it's just that i knew that God will do His work, as He has been the past 2 years. funny how time flies, i'm going on year 3 already...
oh. did you know God's one funny guy?? i met my jc cca-mate last week at the old kr bus-stop. seeing him brought back many memories from jc. time sure flies.
yup, God's been so funny recently that sometimes, i wish He wasn't so. oh well. i guess i'd appreciate it when i understand why He does what He does. in any case, my train of thought has stopped. that's all for today.
ta-da/
Thursday, July 20, 2006
I don't wanna fall away from You
often I wonder. In life, it's so so easy to stray from God, so easy to lose focus on Him, so easy to listen to everyone/thing else except His Voice, so easy to believe every other lie except His Word..
After all the things that you have shown me
I'd be a fool to let them slip away
In doing things I know I shouldn't do
But I don't want to fall away from you
From you
After all
I've only grieved Your spirit
And then I don't know why You stay with me
But every time I fall Your love comes through
And I don't want to fall away from You
When the light is gone
And good times are getting old
There's no one left to count on
And all my friends are cold
When I thirst for love oh Lord
You're a fountain to my soul
My soul, My soul, Oh Lord
My soul
In a way my life is full of burdens
But in a way You carry them from me, Jesus
Cause no one understands the way You do
And you know Lord
I don't want to fall away from You
Well every day I pray to start anew
Cause I don't want to fall away from You
No Lord, I don't wanna fall away from You
No Lord, I don't wanna fall away from You
From You...Lord
-- Keith Green ( I don't wanna fall away from You)
After all the things that you have shown me
I'd be a fool to let them slip away
In doing things I know I shouldn't do
But I don't want to fall away from you
From you
After all
I've only grieved Your spirit
And then I don't know why You stay with me
But every time I fall Your love comes through
And I don't want to fall away from You
When the light is gone
And good times are getting old
There's no one left to count on
And all my friends are cold
When I thirst for love oh Lord
You're a fountain to my soul
My soul, My soul, Oh Lord
My soul
In a way my life is full of burdens
But in a way You carry them from me, Jesus
Cause no one understands the way You do
And you know Lord
I don't want to fall away from You
Well every day I pray to start anew
Cause I don't want to fall away from You
No Lord, I don't wanna fall away from You
No Lord, I don't wanna fall away from You
From You...Lord
-- Keith Green ( I don't wanna fall away from You)
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
and so, it died.
This is it.
Yesterday, Bumpy finally bumped out on me.
And in case you are wondering, "huh? Who's Bumpy?!" Bumpy is the name I gave my ibook, named because of that bump on the front which my aunt gave it from putting it against a candle flame, and also because it gives me a bumpy ride, hanging on me..
And so, yesterday, it finally crashed. I couldn't start it up at all. It took ages, only to just sit there and hang.
That's not all.
My handphone is threatening to just die on me any moment. I HAVE to trade it in before it actually cannot work. The keypad refusing to be pressed syndrome is getting more frequent.
Sigh.
I'm not so worried about the handphone. It can easily be bought for less than $50. $0 if I am not picky. It's the laptop. I'm going to pray real hard that it can be serviced. But, it is so so so tempting to just get a new ibook (yup. i'm a mac fan now.heh). My present one, in it's former state was slow, old(try beating 5 years).. thus, it couldn't be used with a whole lot of applications. Which was fine by me, because, it was meant to be for typing out essays.
Now, with my pay finally within sight, I don't know if I should get a new lappy. It'd easily blow 1.7-1.9K. and that was not why I agreed to work for.. was trying to save up money for Vietnam trip next year.
Oh. Emily just told me great news. Maybe a new ibook wouldn't be so expensive after all.
Maybe.
It's tempting to want to work more to get more work done to earn more money. I'm very tempted. But I need my rest, need to spend time with my family, go out with my mom, spend time just hanging out with my comm. members, play more basketball with my youths (which, heh, I'm not that bad at shooting hoops), meet friends whom I've not been able to because every night seems to have something on.
Sigh. Pray. I dunno how, what. But I do need a new laptop to write my essays on. It is a need, not a want.
Yesterday, Bumpy finally bumped out on me.
And in case you are wondering, "huh? Who's Bumpy?!" Bumpy is the name I gave my ibook, named because of that bump on the front which my aunt gave it from putting it against a candle flame, and also because it gives me a bumpy ride, hanging on me..
And so, yesterday, it finally crashed. I couldn't start it up at all. It took ages, only to just sit there and hang.
That's not all.
My handphone is threatening to just die on me any moment. I HAVE to trade it in before it actually cannot work. The keypad refusing to be pressed syndrome is getting more frequent.
Sigh.
I'm not so worried about the handphone. It can easily be bought for less than $50. $0 if I am not picky. It's the laptop. I'm going to pray real hard that it can be serviced. But, it is so so so tempting to just get a new ibook (yup. i'm a mac fan now.heh). My present one, in it's former state was slow, old(try beating 5 years).. thus, it couldn't be used with a whole lot of applications. Which was fine by me, because, it was meant to be for typing out essays.
Now, with my pay finally within sight, I don't know if I should get a new lappy. It'd easily blow 1.7-1.9K. and that was not why I agreed to work for.. was trying to save up money for Vietnam trip next year.
Oh. Emily just told me great news. Maybe a new ibook wouldn't be so expensive after all.
Maybe.
It's tempting to want to work more to get more work done to earn more money. I'm very tempted. But I need my rest, need to spend time with my family, go out with my mom, spend time just hanging out with my comm. members, play more basketball with my youths (which, heh, I'm not that bad at shooting hoops), meet friends whom I've not been able to because every night seems to have something on.
Sigh. Pray. I dunno how, what. But I do need a new laptop to write my essays on. It is a need, not a want.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Bangkok
Ah. The Bangkok trip was good.
The main reason was that the 4 of us who went, were in desperate need of a break. As Eunice said on her blog, she went with the intention to shop and rest (yes. I know, to put those 2 word together is an oxymoron. But hey! We actually accomplished that feat!!). Mindy and Frankie had been tired out from cafe business due to the World Cup (thank God it's over). As for me, as said in the previous entry, I was in dire need of rest from work, ministry stuff, concerns, worries, yada etc... and so, with 4 very tired people, everything goes at a much slower pace. Shopping and having fun is important, but rest is way at the top. Funny how none of us said anything about it, but I guess it's because we were tired, it crept into and stayed at the top of our agenda. You can do anything you want, but don't tire yourself out. so we got the rest we needed.
Our hotel/guest house rooms were pretty good. The first one that Eunice booked, I refused to stay because the toilet was in a worse state than the SU campsite. After half an afternoon spent calling up hotels/hostels/guesthouses, we eventually found ourselves winding round the back alleys of Chinatown to Riverview Hotel. We managed to squeeze the four of us into one room, which was really cosy. That was for the first 2 nights. The next two nights, we stayed at Asha Guesthouse which exuded a rustic feel. Even though we had to use a common toilet, it was way cleaner and better than SU, except, the toilet cubicle was so puny that when you sit down, your legs stick out from beneath the door.
I guess the fact that we were stuck in traffic in cabs most of the time, as opposed to crazy Thai cabbies who speed down highways at neck-breaking speeds, was a good thing. It's amazing how living in Singapore, everything must be done snappy and pronto. Those jams in Bangkok slowed down the need to rush, because, you are just stuck there. And seeing how laidback the Thais were, definitely put things into perspective. We spent two to three-fifths of our days shopping at the different outdoor and street-side markets. And I bought a lot. Heh. But much less than HK. HK still wins for the quality of their stuff. But Bangkok wins hands down for it's cheap price. Which, I'm very thankful that I am tall and have big feet, hence, buying pretty shoes and funky baby tees were not possible for me.
The company was good. Had good chats with Eunice while stuck in those traffic jams, in between showers, after our QTs. Plus when the other two were too tired, we'd be entertaining ourselves on our own. I've always known Mindy to be quiet, but to see her resilience in action and when she does talk, you realise not talking does not equate to nothing. As for Frankie, he was very useful to do all the guy stuff like carrying our shopping, being a bodyguard, buying food, being fierce... and the not so guy-ish, helping us bargain, partly because he was the only one who could speak Thai, but also, he was dog-set.
I had a lot of time to think about stuff with God. And, I only thought about ministry stuff once (during QT when God spoke). Which was good because, I had been thinking and preparing non-stop, for youth cg and arts comm. stuff. I seriously needed a breather to spend time with God and just to hear Him out on the big and small things in life. Read Eunice's book on discerning God's will, which helped make things a whole lot clearer for ministry and life in general.
So there. Had a refreshing time spiritually, mentally and physically. For now, it's just a matter of keeping things at a lower pace...
The main reason was that the 4 of us who went, were in desperate need of a break. As Eunice said on her blog, she went with the intention to shop and rest (yes. I know, to put those 2 word together is an oxymoron. But hey! We actually accomplished that feat!!). Mindy and Frankie had been tired out from cafe business due to the World Cup (thank God it's over). As for me, as said in the previous entry, I was in dire need of rest from work, ministry stuff, concerns, worries, yada etc... and so, with 4 very tired people, everything goes at a much slower pace. Shopping and having fun is important, but rest is way at the top. Funny how none of us said anything about it, but I guess it's because we were tired, it crept into and stayed at the top of our agenda. You can do anything you want, but don't tire yourself out. so we got the rest we needed.
Our hotel/guest house rooms were pretty good. The first one that Eunice booked, I refused to stay because the toilet was in a worse state than the SU campsite. After half an afternoon spent calling up hotels/hostels/guesthouses, we eventually found ourselves winding round the back alleys of Chinatown to Riverview Hotel. We managed to squeeze the four of us into one room, which was really cosy. That was for the first 2 nights. The next two nights, we stayed at Asha Guesthouse which exuded a rustic feel. Even though we had to use a common toilet, it was way cleaner and better than SU, except, the toilet cubicle was so puny that when you sit down, your legs stick out from beneath the door.
I guess the fact that we were stuck in traffic in cabs most of the time, as opposed to crazy Thai cabbies who speed down highways at neck-breaking speeds, was a good thing. It's amazing how living in Singapore, everything must be done snappy and pronto. Those jams in Bangkok slowed down the need to rush, because, you are just stuck there. And seeing how laidback the Thais were, definitely put things into perspective. We spent two to three-fifths of our days shopping at the different outdoor and street-side markets. And I bought a lot. Heh. But much less than HK. HK still wins for the quality of their stuff. But Bangkok wins hands down for it's cheap price. Which, I'm very thankful that I am tall and have big feet, hence, buying pretty shoes and funky baby tees were not possible for me.
The company was good. Had good chats with Eunice while stuck in those traffic jams, in between showers, after our QTs. Plus when the other two were too tired, we'd be entertaining ourselves on our own. I've always known Mindy to be quiet, but to see her resilience in action and when she does talk, you realise not talking does not equate to nothing. As for Frankie, he was very useful to do all the guy stuff like carrying our shopping, being a bodyguard, buying food, being fierce... and the not so guy-ish, helping us bargain, partly because he was the only one who could speak Thai, but also, he was dog-set.
I had a lot of time to think about stuff with God. And, I only thought about ministry stuff once (during QT when God spoke). Which was good because, I had been thinking and preparing non-stop, for youth cg and arts comm. stuff. I seriously needed a breather to spend time with God and just to hear Him out on the big and small things in life. Read Eunice's book on discerning God's will, which helped make things a whole lot clearer for ministry and life in general.
So there. Had a refreshing time spiritually, mentally and physically. For now, it's just a matter of keeping things at a lower pace...
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
rest in love
I didn't realise how badly I needed a rest, until I went for FOC. For 3/4 of the camps I go for, I enjoy myself tremendously, and am ra-ra to quite an extent. But this camp fell into the other 1/4 category. My energy level was seriously low. So low to the point that I did not want to meet new people. I very much preferred talking to the people I knew already. Because, talking to totally new people requires a lot of energy... it didn't help that I went to foc with a mental list of people I had to talk to before I went, plus other admin stuff that had to be settled before I left for Bangkok.
I was feeling rather bad because as a senior to the freshies (leader or not), I was obviously not setting a good example. But more so, with seniors like Delia and Adrian, I was not doing any justice to the care and attention they lavished on freshies like me. Plus God spoke very pointedly through Ps Edmund, and as I shared with my OG during the session, that God has set us to live in a community, where we are to love everyone deeply. Love is not a choice. Doggedly, it's a command. I have to love the people around me. Even if I feel antisocial, it's wrong because God first loved us and it is through our love for one another in this Christian community, that others would see and come to know about God's love (John 17). And it is this love that sets us apart as holy and different from everyone else (1 Peter 4:8-11). But, once you do love, you would realise it ain't dogged. Love frees you up (sounds idyllic.)
And therein lay a bit of a problem. Often as leaders and supposedly, "more spiritually mature" people, we feel as if we have to keep up with this "holy&zhai" persona. But, I've been learning the past 2 months that this facade is well... a facade. The fact that this entry is going to be in plain view, I am now acknowledging that it is hard. I've learnt from one of my cg members that pretending that everything is ok is not ok. It's fake. But that doesn't mean I can be heck care about everything, because that's not what God called for. Instead, it's about acknowledging that I struggle and try my best with heaps of God's grace and love.
One way for me to change about loving people is to cut down on my busyness. A busy life tires me out. The effects are very telling. I've been busy ever since I returned from my HK trip. That trip tired me out further because of the guilt trip that I made myself go on. Plus a busy weekend and starting work immediately, cancelled out all the positive effects of rest that I had from the previous few camps/retreats. Having to work 5 days a week since then every evening having an appointment for a/n arts comm. meeting/ meet up with a friend/ church stuff, was enough for me to go for FOC seriously drained.
I guess I will still have loads of stuff to do, because by the looks of it, I may only get to end work at the end of July. Grrh. But, it's the perspective and slowing life down and not filling my days up back to back with appointments. Like for example, today, I decided to stay at home and spend time with my family instead of going for some meeting, gathering, yada.. Ah. Family. That will be a separate blog entry. Soon. Hopefully.
So there, loving people will be a lifelong thing. Just as loving God is for eternity. My prayer is that some time next year, I can look back and say that yes, I've grown a bit more closer to God. And for that, I hope God will be pleased.
I was feeling rather bad because as a senior to the freshies (leader or not), I was obviously not setting a good example. But more so, with seniors like Delia and Adrian, I was not doing any justice to the care and attention they lavished on freshies like me. Plus God spoke very pointedly through Ps Edmund, and as I shared with my OG during the session, that God has set us to live in a community, where we are to love everyone deeply. Love is not a choice. Doggedly, it's a command. I have to love the people around me. Even if I feel antisocial, it's wrong because God first loved us and it is through our love for one another in this Christian community, that others would see and come to know about God's love (John 17). And it is this love that sets us apart as holy and different from everyone else (1 Peter 4:8-11). But, once you do love, you would realise it ain't dogged. Love frees you up (sounds idyllic.)
And therein lay a bit of a problem. Often as leaders and supposedly, "more spiritually mature" people, we feel as if we have to keep up with this "holy&zhai" persona. But, I've been learning the past 2 months that this facade is well... a facade. The fact that this entry is going to be in plain view, I am now acknowledging that it is hard. I've learnt from one of my cg members that pretending that everything is ok is not ok. It's fake. But that doesn't mean I can be heck care about everything, because that's not what God called for. Instead, it's about acknowledging that I struggle and try my best with heaps of God's grace and love.
One way for me to change about loving people is to cut down on my busyness. A busy life tires me out. The effects are very telling. I've been busy ever since I returned from my HK trip. That trip tired me out further because of the guilt trip that I made myself go on. Plus a busy weekend and starting work immediately, cancelled out all the positive effects of rest that I had from the previous few camps/retreats. Having to work 5 days a week since then every evening having an appointment for a/n arts comm. meeting/ meet up with a friend/ church stuff, was enough for me to go for FOC seriously drained.
I guess I will still have loads of stuff to do, because by the looks of it, I may only get to end work at the end of July. Grrh. But, it's the perspective and slowing life down and not filling my days up back to back with appointments. Like for example, today, I decided to stay at home and spend time with my family instead of going for some meeting, gathering, yada.. Ah. Family. That will be a separate blog entry. Soon. Hopefully.
So there, loving people will be a lifelong thing. Just as loving God is for eternity. My prayer is that some time next year, I can look back and say that yes, I've grown a bit more closer to God. And for that, I hope God will be pleased.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
long time no blog
if you realised, my previous entry is kinda hanging in mid-air.. last sat, after the kairos guys did their nonsense on my comp, i had to discuss camp details with caleb.. and then, i watched Cars with valery (it was a good outing+show.. deserves an entry on its own actually), after which, i met my sc classmates for dinner at jb. had a long chat with ms on msn on sunday afternoon, took a much needed nap after that, woke up, can't remember what i did actually, but.oh answered a few emails. ah, had another long chat with sb on msn, shared with d & j too.. cool. msn. i'm glad it's back in my life.. now that meet team would be back in like 18 hours, that means, debs & hweeshan would be free on msn too (i hope). yay!! welcome back. [note to matt: see the wonders of msn? but then, you email, so, not too bad..]
haven't really had time to blog about life in specific & general. that measely entry on lpc would never do justice to how real and refreshing that camp was. added on with the unity prayer that saturday, that ended off that week with a sort of bitter yet sweet note. the disappointment of the church retreat after that.. the hk trip, that i enjoyed, yet, something still nags at me.. working at pearson publishers immediately after i returned, which, on a side note, it is a great blessing that ms has joined me. plus the arts comm meetings that have taken place.. oh, last week's kairos that i actually enjoyed.. and how things in church are starting to fit into place. yet things aren't all that rosy..feeling spiritually dry is a reality. and the youth cg camp that is this weekend.. still so much to prepare for, yet so little time & prayers!! but, it's heartening to see sul, caleb, wx & angela working together...still unsure about taking thai lessons.. what the future holds.. and the creeping thoughts of me actually being a workaholic?!
plus how being sick does affect me a bit... to the extent that i think i better end here and post all those stuff i just blogged about,another day. one thing that has been constantly hitting me is that God is most concern about each one of us. and that is enough to give me joy to go through each day, despite how tired i am:)
haven't really had time to blog about life in specific & general. that measely entry on lpc would never do justice to how real and refreshing that camp was. added on with the unity prayer that saturday, that ended off that week with a sort of bitter yet sweet note. the disappointment of the church retreat after that.. the hk trip, that i enjoyed, yet, something still nags at me.. working at pearson publishers immediately after i returned, which, on a side note, it is a great blessing that ms has joined me. plus the arts comm meetings that have taken place.. oh, last week's kairos that i actually enjoyed.. and how things in church are starting to fit into place. yet things aren't all that rosy..feeling spiritually dry is a reality. and the youth cg camp that is this weekend.. still so much to prepare for, yet so little time & prayers!! but, it's heartening to see sul, caleb, wx & angela working together...still unsure about taking thai lessons.. what the future holds.. and the creeping thoughts of me actually being a workaholic?!
plus how being sick does affect me a bit... to the extent that i think i better end here and post all those stuff i just blogged about,another day. one thing that has been constantly hitting me is that God is most concern about each one of us. and that is enough to give me joy to go through each day, despite how tired i am:)
Saturday, June 17, 2006
here i am, sniffling a flu.. with a lump of used tissues threatening to grow into a pile.. this morning i just coughed out the first green phelgm. i finally caught the flu bug. 'finally' because people in close proximity have been coughing their heads off since the beginning of march.. i've been studying around them (in air-con rooms), sharing rooms with them.. from school to church camp.and it took a trip with wen&nat that finally caused my immune system to give way a little. by right i shouldn't be complaining.. because i've been remarking that the best way to lose those kgs accumalated from nerves-soothing-chocolate is by falling sick.. argh.
here i am, feeling a little tired. i couldn't sleep very well last night. possibly because of the flu that was making it difficult to breathe while sleeping. but, i had a lot of thoughts enough to compose a few emails while i tossed& turned in my bed.
Here I am, humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty
Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice
[Majesty - Delirious]
that song just came to mind.
here i am, feeling a little tired. i couldn't sleep very well last night. possibly because of the flu that was making it difficult to breathe while sleeping. but, i had a lot of thoughts enough to compose a few emails while i tossed& turned in my bed.
Here I am, humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty
Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice
[Majesty - Delirious]
that song just came to mind.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
lpc
i typed this long entry on lpc only to have the comp shutdown on me. and the entry is lost. if i even find time to type again. arghargh. actually, i don't think i'd find the time to type them all back again. in summary, lpc was:
1. a simulation of what heaven would be like
2. "prayer is very important" is going to be the foundation of arts comm. plus co-partnering with other faculty chairs:)
3. lpc was a microcosm of the academic year to come. of having to struggle over 2 issues.
want to know more, ask me out on a date, and i'd gladly update you. sigh. if i could summarise lpc in one sentence: i truly met God there.
thank you to the friends, for the times of prayer, chit-chat sessions, back massages, milo & biscuits, laughther, support... too many to say, but you know who you are:) esp when i wasn't my perkiest self during the camp.
thank God for the results, that i've actually completed enough MCs to be a full-fledged ARTS 3 come august. still need to trust in Him that He knows what's for me, and to not worry so much.
will be gone from 31may-3june to batam for church retreat, and then 5-9june, to hk. can't wait. i'm quite excited. after that, i may be starting work...
so, prob won't be blogging for a while.
1. a simulation of what heaven would be like
2. "prayer is very important" is going to be the foundation of arts comm. plus co-partnering with other faculty chairs:)
3. lpc was a microcosm of the academic year to come. of having to struggle over 2 issues.
want to know more, ask me out on a date, and i'd gladly update you. sigh. if i could summarise lpc in one sentence: i truly met God there.
thank you to the friends, for the times of prayer, chit-chat sessions, back massages, milo & biscuits, laughther, support... too many to say, but you know who you are:) esp when i wasn't my perkiest self during the camp.
thank God for the results, that i've actually completed enough MCs to be a full-fledged ARTS 3 come august. still need to trust in Him that He knows what's for me, and to not worry so much.
will be gone from 31may-3june to batam for church retreat, and then 5-9june, to hk. can't wait. i'm quite excited. after that, i may be starting work...
so, prob won't be blogging for a while.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
wait for the LORD
it's been a while.. and you are forewarned, this is going to be a long entry=D
i changed my blog picture to "Wait for the LORD" during the exam period. when i saw the picture, it just jumped out at me, because the past few months, the one main lesson that God has been teaching me is to wait on Him. to wait on Him for big issues like arts comm, relationships, discipleship; and even seemingly insignificant events, but stuff that carry importance day-to-day like finding a roomate for church retreat.
1. arts comm
thurs& fri, we had arts comm retreat at my church. seeing almost the whole comm (with a few missing cgls), i could only give thanks to God. God is the one who had formed the comm. each member, has been chosen specially by God. it's amazing. when we had vision casting on thursday night, where each one shared about his/her personal burden for arts vcf, i was really amazed to see how the admin side of the comm had a common vision. considering that we didn't really have meetings to plan the retreat, each burden was truly placed there by God.
like how after praying in school with adrian about the comm, to have jocelyn ask me if she could serve in arts comm, i was like *blinkblink/woa God*... to weiying's unknown (to us) mission in nus that needed to be unearthed, to winnie's seemingly long time to pray yet it was truly a process of distilling, to william's response after night cycling .. then there are the cgls too...
i learnt one thing. that i had to wait on God. there's no point rushing, because, God has already chosen His people, and He's simply using this time to mould them. in His time, He would call them when they are ready.
there was and is no need to manipulate people's feelings and thoughts. to coerce them into serving. if it's a no, then, it's up to God. if someone doesn't want to obey the call, then God will simply rise someone else.
for now, the practical lesson i have is that we, as a comm wouldn't have to rush through planning. that doesn't mean that we sit and dilly dally. instead, we need to spend time praying to seek God's direction and to hear His voice. and then, when He reveals, we would be ready to obey and carry out His will.
2. relationships
in a flash, i've completed my first 2 years in nus. and even i can't believe how fast time has just flown by... if you know me well enough, you would realise that i'm a slicker for setting things and time specifically for God. eventhough i'm a female, i can't really multi-task stuff, esp when it comes to relationships, esp of the opposite sex, in particular, that ONE special relationship. then again, after talking to farand the other day, i realise that, it's normal, because girls aren't really able to compartmentalise their feelings from their actions as well as guys do (which, we shall not debate here). and knowing full well of myself, before i entered nus, i specifically set aside the first 2 years to study and serve God, to concentrate on building up friendships and family relationships.. looking back, i'm glad that i did what i had to do, cos, frankly, it made me quite focused on what i had to do. i treat my guy friends as friends, which makes things quite easy for me, because that means i don't have to worry about bgr and all that (which isn't nonsense, but very time consuming).
and well, guess what, 2 years are up. and technically, i should be open to date. which at the moment, doesn't seem to make any difference because, well. there's not really anyone who's clearly the one. and believe it or not, i actually would like to be married by the time i'm 25, which, frankly, is not impossible.. but hard leh.
i'm of the mindset that dating is a complete waste of time. the time can be better used to build up friendships, disciple others, to serve God. instead of flitting from one guy to another, to see if he is THE one. thanks, but no thanks.
not that the biological clock is starting to tick frantically like a timebomb. not that i'm being brainwashed by our beloved government to make babies, which a friend cautioned me against couple months back, telling me to ignore all those campaigns. heh. not that my parents are starting to hint that they want grandchildren, although my mom seems to be scrutinizing every male friend i have now-.-
it's just that. sometimes, it would be nice to have that special person whom you can share on a deeper level and who can provide stability in this crazy world. which, by right, God is supposed to be sufficient for me. that i know. this, can take up another blog entry. i better get back to my point.
point is. when it comes to bgr, i've learnt to wait on God. to not do crazy things to try to attract attention from that person, to not stick your finger in to make things go faster..
and, yes. i guess, with more experience, i would be able to say how waiting on God will bring this into fruitation. but, from expereince with God in other areas, i know that God has prepared someone for me. that although things may seem a bit slow now, God is refining me til i'm ready.
okie dokes, hope this encourages you to wait on God. He makes us wait and not give things instantly, because He is more concerned with us becoming more Christ-like. i'd blog about the rest another time, gotta run. have yet another 21st party to attend:)
i changed my blog picture to "Wait for the LORD" during the exam period. when i saw the picture, it just jumped out at me, because the past few months, the one main lesson that God has been teaching me is to wait on Him. to wait on Him for big issues like arts comm, relationships, discipleship; and even seemingly insignificant events, but stuff that carry importance day-to-day like finding a roomate for church retreat.
1. arts comm
thurs& fri, we had arts comm retreat at my church. seeing almost the whole comm (with a few missing cgls), i could only give thanks to God. God is the one who had formed the comm. each member, has been chosen specially by God. it's amazing. when we had vision casting on thursday night, where each one shared about his/her personal burden for arts vcf, i was really amazed to see how the admin side of the comm had a common vision. considering that we didn't really have meetings to plan the retreat, each burden was truly placed there by God.
like how after praying in school with adrian about the comm, to have jocelyn ask me if she could serve in arts comm, i was like *blinkblink/woa God*... to weiying's unknown (to us) mission in nus that needed to be unearthed, to winnie's seemingly long time to pray yet it was truly a process of distilling, to william's response after night cycling .. then there are the cgls too...
i learnt one thing. that i had to wait on God. there's no point rushing, because, God has already chosen His people, and He's simply using this time to mould them. in His time, He would call them when they are ready.
there was and is no need to manipulate people's feelings and thoughts. to coerce them into serving. if it's a no, then, it's up to God. if someone doesn't want to obey the call, then God will simply rise someone else.
for now, the practical lesson i have is that we, as a comm wouldn't have to rush through planning. that doesn't mean that we sit and dilly dally. instead, we need to spend time praying to seek God's direction and to hear His voice. and then, when He reveals, we would be ready to obey and carry out His will.
2. relationships
in a flash, i've completed my first 2 years in nus. and even i can't believe how fast time has just flown by... if you know me well enough, you would realise that i'm a slicker for setting things and time specifically for God. eventhough i'm a female, i can't really multi-task stuff, esp when it comes to relationships, esp of the opposite sex, in particular, that ONE special relationship. then again, after talking to farand the other day, i realise that, it's normal, because girls aren't really able to compartmentalise their feelings from their actions as well as guys do (which, we shall not debate here). and knowing full well of myself, before i entered nus, i specifically set aside the first 2 years to study and serve God, to concentrate on building up friendships and family relationships.. looking back, i'm glad that i did what i had to do, cos, frankly, it made me quite focused on what i had to do. i treat my guy friends as friends, which makes things quite easy for me, because that means i don't have to worry about bgr and all that (which isn't nonsense, but very time consuming).
and well, guess what, 2 years are up. and technically, i should be open to date. which at the moment, doesn't seem to make any difference because, well. there's not really anyone who's clearly the one. and believe it or not, i actually would like to be married by the time i'm 25, which, frankly, is not impossible.. but hard leh.
i'm of the mindset that dating is a complete waste of time. the time can be better used to build up friendships, disciple others, to serve God. instead of flitting from one guy to another, to see if he is THE one. thanks, but no thanks.
not that the biological clock is starting to tick frantically like a timebomb. not that i'm being brainwashed by our beloved government to make babies, which a friend cautioned me against couple months back, telling me to ignore all those campaigns. heh. not that my parents are starting to hint that they want grandchildren, although my mom seems to be scrutinizing every male friend i have now-.-
it's just that. sometimes, it would be nice to have that special person whom you can share on a deeper level and who can provide stability in this crazy world. which, by right, God is supposed to be sufficient for me. that i know. this, can take up another blog entry. i better get back to my point.
point is. when it comes to bgr, i've learnt to wait on God. to not do crazy things to try to attract attention from that person, to not stick your finger in to make things go faster..
and, yes. i guess, with more experience, i would be able to say how waiting on God will bring this into fruitation. but, from expereince with God in other areas, i know that God has prepared someone for me. that although things may seem a bit slow now, God is refining me til i'm ready.
okie dokes, hope this encourages you to wait on God. He makes us wait and not give things instantly, because He is more concerned with us becoming more Christ-like. i'd blog about the rest another time, gotta run. have yet another 21st party to attend:)
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
no internet
there's been tons of things i wanted to blog about. and as the days pass, many thoughts get lost.. which is quite sad. but GOd holds all our thoughts, rite?
anyway, this is just to inform everyone, since it appears that i've not been appearing here on this blog, and on msn.. plus, the fact that i take a good 3to5days to reply emails, when in the past, it was daily(sometimes hourly).
i don't have internet at home. it's a long story. you want to know, ask me when you see me. but, if you want to know how i've been? my handphone is still working fine. so just sms. although, i've been receiving complaints that i take hours to reply smses sometimes, sigh. oh well. better a reply than none, rite??
okie dokes, got to go. see you whenever i see you, if not, sms. but more importantly, pray for me! and if you need prayer, let me know, i'd glady pray for you:)
anyway, this is just to inform everyone, since it appears that i've not been appearing here on this blog, and on msn.. plus, the fact that i take a good 3to5days to reply emails, when in the past, it was daily(sometimes hourly).
i don't have internet at home. it's a long story. you want to know, ask me when you see me. but, if you want to know how i've been? my handphone is still working fine. so just sms. although, i've been receiving complaints that i take hours to reply smses sometimes, sigh. oh well. better a reply than none, rite??
okie dokes, got to go. see you whenever i see you, if not, sms. but more importantly, pray for me! and if you need prayer, let me know, i'd glady pray for you:)
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
jim elliot
let's just say, yesterday after coming back from school, instead of returning to my el3254 notes, i went and ventured on into a new book, Shadow of the Almighty, by Elizabeth Elliot on the life and testimony of Jim Elliot.
one point to note, Jim Elliot's uni days life ( at least up to where i read), were really captivating, to see how decisions he made, were really God focused.
and/but, because they were so God focused, they dealt a serious and earth-shattering blow. resulting in me feeling so darn freaked, and knowing that if i've surrenered all to God, i shouldn't be holding this life and etc things so dear to me.
which means that, i've not surrendered.
which also means that, by right, these exams aren't that important, but because i've to be a good steward of the time and place that God has given me here in NUS, it's back to EL 3254 for me now.
i strongly encourage everyone to read Shadow of the Almighty, you can't not think of God.
one point to note, Jim Elliot's uni days life ( at least up to where i read), were really captivating, to see how decisions he made, were really God focused.
and/but, because they were so God focused, they dealt a serious and earth-shattering blow. resulting in me feeling so darn freaked, and knowing that if i've surrenered all to God, i shouldn't be holding this life and etc things so dear to me.
which means that, i've not surrendered.
which also means that, by right, these exams aren't that important, but because i've to be a good steward of the time and place that God has given me here in NUS, it's back to EL 3254 for me now.
i strongly encourage everyone to read Shadow of the Almighty, you can't not think of God.
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