Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Christ is helping me

do u haf a bf ? well i haf a feeling u dun. if u observe nus ppl, u will notice they make dinks(sic. i think for things) bearable here by bf-gf affections. either dat or u gota be veri strong. u r totful n cheerful. must be christ helping u

my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when i read this sms..

if you met me today, you would realise that i was super duper stressed, feeling damn demoralised, just dead beat. so out of sorts to the point that i went to the library to hibernate, literally, and set things right with God before i met anymore people. and later, as i shared with the ifg comm people, i told them that i've been feeling very stretched by people, feeling guilty that i didn't do my bit as a cgl or even a christian in nus to promote today's evangelistic DTT(dinner time talk), above all, feeling just totally off because i've not been spending proper time with God.

i don't dare meet another person now, christian or non-christian, without praying for that person first. it may seem a little extreme to you, but, ok, for those i would classify as 'friends' i.e. those i feel comfortable with, and our relationship is 2-way[meaning, both of us have a common understanding and goal], i'm more than happy to meet you, because sometimes, i do need a human to help cheer me up(like today's lil session with debs n clement^ ^). but, with people, i'm discipling or trying to lead to God, i really cannot do it soley on my own strength, therefore, i have to commit this person in God's hands first.

so, after i prayed, and sent off a long overdue sms asking this girl i knew, how she was, and she asked me to "share with her about my happiness in Christ", i was very blown away. hullo, i don't think i was feeling exceptionally happy or joyful today. "happiness"?! i blinked quite a number of times, before i asked her to further elaborate. and then, she sent this long sms.

i really needed this encouragement. more so, it's quite heartening when someone tells you that she can see Christ helping me. she made my day^ ^. it's really 2 prong:

1. it's a reminder to me that no matter what, Jesus is my strength.
2. i hope this means that God is really working through me and using me. so many times, i keep wondering if i'm on the right track, and i think this is a sign that i am?? that if others can actually see that God is "helping me", it means i must be leading them to God and nowhere else..especially when today, was like the worst day of the semester since the start of school, it feels really good that at my lowest point, God still used me to bless someone else, and better still, in turn get blessed back!!

haha.. on a lighter note, this 3rd thought struck me:
if, because i'm obviously so very single, with no boyfriend to 'lean on', and people can therefore deduce that it must be Christ who's my pillar of strength, and not the boyfriend... what would happen if one day, i do have one... would it mean that the boyfriend becomes the new pillar of strength? even if i know that he doesn't, how would people know that i'm drawing from God's strength and not that human guy??? or worse, does it mean i'm to remain single for the rest of my life, so that it is so darn obvious that it's God and no one else?! *gulp*


delphinium said...

sweetie, it doesn't mean that a boyfriend becomes your new pillar of strength, it means that his time with you and your relationship becomes a celebration of how wonderful a love can be if it is blessed by God =).

debs said...

i think Ps 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" can aptly answer your last point.
i'm abit poofed to say why now, but i thought to leave a comment first before i forget. till next time, IDGAS. wahahah