wedding song revisted

what's a good song for a wedding??

a Christian love song.

i've always loved Just Let Me Say, until, i realised that i can never tell God how much i love Him.. it seems so wrong.. so, i figured, a song that talks about God's love would be better.. How Deep the Father's Love. i think it's a really beautiful song, but i hope it isn't too solemn a song for a wedding.. my mother says a more joyful song would be better.. but, i can't seem to think of any joyous Christian love song... that is not glass-shattering. how?!

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross
My guilt upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no powr's, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

`Stuart Townend

save all

un/fortunately, i've a 'save-all' mentality.

why it's unfortunate? because it hurts when people whom i care for seem to be slipping out of reach, out of sight. it's like a stab to the heart when you read friends' blogs, hear of friends' ongoings through other friends, knowing that they are going through tough patches in life. i feel so helpless. really don't know what to do, except pray. but still, saying that i'll pray for you/them seems so cliche. sometimes, it feels like it's said in passing, like giving up in resignation. the best thing i can offer them is a God whom i can trust, and i know, a God whom they can trust too. but, but.. how?

people are fleeting, circumstances are changing, systems are undependable. i know i've been blessed so greatly, blessed so much that it makes things difficult to talk to people. i've a warm and stable family, though we squabble, but still, we are there. and i know family is something i can count on. having my uni tuition fees paid for by my dad, actually being in nus. i've friends, countless; my handphone book is testimony. but, how many do i even contact? friends... so what? have i been doing my part? when shawna shared at cg last thurs, about her friend who underwent depression, it made me think of who i am neglecting. and i think mingjie brought up a good point at cg too: i've to share my life with them too. i'm always too eager to hear how things have been going for them, and when it comes to me, my life, though interesting and highly exciting to me, i fear that it's boring and unpalatable to others.

why? it always revolves around church, and now vcf. i don't have that 'romantic' bgr to gossip about, idiots to bitch about, angst to unload, that happening party to go to. but, i'm happy, contented. the most i can gripe about is the never-ending pile of schoolwork, the new-house-that-is-yet-to-be-moved-into, annoying (at times) parents & siblings, being tired.. and..well, that's all. my problems, though many it seems at times, are so trivial compared to others. God has done so much for me, I've seen him work in people and situations. God doesn't have to do things for me. it's just so.. iffy at times. how to share joy?

i think what serene said is true and so frightening. vcf and even christian life can be so insular. i just feel comfortable with these friends.. and i think i spend too much time with them. yes, we have to spend time to work together in ministry; yes, they are always there in the library to study with; yes, they are often the ones who understand my deeper gripes and frustration regarding spiritual stuff; yes, they are the ones who can encourage me and pray for me because we know that we have common and shared understanding in the same God.

but i can't neglect others. these were the people who were a part of me at some point in life. it feels sad that they won't understand why i get excited over the ways God has been working in my life. God is my whole life. i work and pray that more may come to the saving knowledge of Christ. and fear grips me, because, life is too short, too fleeting. what if i don't get a chance to share the gospel? what if they don't want to believe that Jesus saves? why don't they want to?

what have i been doing with my life. who and what have i been spending my time on?

i need to recognise and live by the fact that the one who 'saves' is the Holy Spirit, not me. i can't make people believe. mr Holy Spirit can. but what i can do, is help disciple others. that's what christians are called to: to make disciples of all nations. that's the one thing that was most impressed on my heart at last saturday's National Consultation of International Students Ministry when pastor mark asked me if there were plans to disciple the international students who come to singapore(we'll leave this lesson for another day. learnt a lot of stuff on sat).

sigh. i'm like my favourite pick-me-up now: mango-papaya shake. i feel all shaken, stirred and squashed.. and sad. i don't understand why God chooses to work in certain ways. But since i know that i'm just a 20 year old kid, and God has eternity before and after Him, my knowledge is uncomparable to His wisdom.

i can't save.

i can only pray.

i can only obey.

wedding song

The wedding song. is there a wedding song??

tell me I should go and screw myself. like seriously. what on earth was I thinking. was I even on earth?

St andrew's cath

a note to myself: bake macarons once you move!! click here for yummy-looking macarons..

today I had a lot of ice-cream.. in various forms and flavours. gelato in chocolate, rocher, tiramisu, rum&raisin, durian(the best) & yoghurt -- all courtesy of frankie's new cafe small, medium, large (and no, I had no part to play in this name game). if I seem like a pig for eating too much, well, I had only 2 mini cups. john just slapped on all the flavours so I could try more.. haha. yes. I am an ice-cream freak. I could live on ice-cream alone. after that, we had dinner at lot1 and my wonderful brother bought a cup of minimelts: mocha& mint, another wonderful combination. I've really eaten a lot of ice-cream today. I'm full. though, I could have a go at the japanese redbean icecream that the 7eleven at fong seng's sells =X

ok, the latter part of my day was more frivolous. In the morning, I actually woke up for serious stuff. went for the National Council of International Students Ministry held at St Andrew's Cathedral. today was my first time ever in 20 years at St Andrew's. I was already running late, but the moment I stepped into the hall/sanctuary(is that what you call it?!), it just took my breath away, literally. I had to stop and just stare and take it all in. the cathedral is just so beautiful and awe-inspiring that two thoughts came to my mind there and then:

1. I really need to go to those cathedrals in Europe. I heard they are bigger and more beautiful.
2. if a church, a man-made building, can be so beautiful that it demands such awe and attention from people(me at least), what about God? God is even more awe-inspiring. yet, how come, Christians always struggle in their walk. ok, why do I always struggle in my walk with God. why is it difficult to spend time getting to know HIM-- the maker of all things beautiful. if God's snowcapped mountains and vast oceans(esp Korean coastlines..courtesy of Da Chang Jin..heh), tulips and daffodils, redwood trees and coconut palms, clear blue skies and purple sunsets make people stand in amazement at the beauty of it all, why have we forgotten and neglected the Creator of them all?

manymany times when I have chosen to delight myself in the things of the world, I've forgotten God. Sam gave me a very good analogy. he watched Be With Me and found the girl's unrequited love rather sad. Yet, it made him realise how sad God will be when we choose to not return His love. He sent me this poem a week ago. for all you un-literature people, I hope you dig out some understanding of it. it's such a beautiful poem by George Herbert:

The Pulley
When God at first made Man,

Having a glass of blessings standing by -

Let us (said He) pour on him all we can;

Let the world's riches, which dispersed lie,

Contract into a span.

So strength first made a way,

Then beauty flow'd, then wisdom, honour, pleasure:

When almost all was out, God made a stay,

Perceiving that, alone of all His treasure,

Rest in the bottom lay.

For if I should (said He)

Bestow this jewel also on my creature

He would adore my gifts instead of Me,

And rest in Nature, not the God of Nature:

So both should losers be.

Yet let him keep the rest.

But keep them with repining restlessness;

Let him be rich and weary, that at least,

If goodness lead him not, yet weariness

May toss him to My breast.

stressed?

hullo you =D what do you do when you are stressed/frustrated??

1. I run.
Especially on a really empty stomach, makes me feel lighter.. and after running, I get all airy-fairy, especially my head.. and I think this 'lightness' in the head is somewhat simliar to the high you get from taking drugs. not that i've ever taken drugs before. =X wei's principle that "running produces endorphins, and endorphins make you happy" really works. trust me on that. so, stay away from drugs, because, God has made you a body that produces a drug(endorphin) that will help to desensitize your pain by attaching itself to the end nodes of your nerves.. haha. [ok, my feeble attempt to recall my Psych 1101exposure module]. PLUS, running=exercising=burning calories=healthIER body(and also =lose weight...) especially when...

2. I consume( to put it mildly) chocolates.
today was a prime eg of the benefits chocolate brings. my psycholinguistic project was driving me nuts.. we were trying to come up with examples for our experiment.. and I was almost dying in the process because everything was getting highly confusing. BUT, after delia came back with chocs.. (and obviously, i popped a few) haha. viola! the brain cleared instantly. and after that, we had a jolly(and hilarious) good time recording nonsense sentences(for our project. nonsense, because they don't make much sense^ ^). try this:

The rich man has a house.
The rich man has a mouse.
The poor boy has a mouse.
The poor boy has a house.
The sardines are in the can.
The sardines are in the fan... dots. i think you get the point. and imagine. I had to say this aloud many many times while I was in the discussion room in the library. and because we were sharing a room with a bunch of indian national students, I think we irritated them to the core.. to the point that, after saying and replaying these nonsense sentences, one of them said, " The cowboy has a horse"... and then, they all broke out in laughther(at us-.-) and then started gibbering in what I think was Tamil.. oh well. it was all a funny experience.. and I was highly embarassed. which would bring me to my next point..

3. I laugh.
which, sometimes I wonder, if I overdo it. I cannot hide my laughther(can't keep a straight face -.-) in fact, I erupt into bursts/bouts of laughther whenever I hear something funny... which, happens pretty often, because to me, many things are funny.. but then, laughther makes people happy.. And God has created joy, of which, one way to express it is through laughther:) yesterday's cg session was refreshing. the silly questions people ask like, "What's your favourite tree?", or better still, "How would you eat your rice if you had only one chopstick??". really.

4. I find a friend/s.
or, to say it a bit more crudely, I find a friend I can complain to.. Friends are really important. and I thank God for each of them.

5. I talk to God.
I just remembered a verse in Romans 8:26, 27. it says:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."

so often, I'm so tired already. and sometimes, I get so tired of complaining and whining..to the point that I can't find words to express everything.. But, it's truly comforting to know that God knows everything. and we can just groan and mumble to God, and God will know. Because, God understands.

Esther moment

This week was a startling week.

I was reminded by God: what on earth I'm here on earth for, why I changed church, why I'm in NUS, why I am who I am.

It was mainly a case of comfort, complacency. I've realised, which is rather frightening, when life gets so comfortable, exciting and fun, focus gets very shifted from God. When things go wrong, I will always go and pray and beg and just, be still before God, because I know I cannot handle on my own. But, when things are all so cheery and rosy, going just the way you want, it's so dangerous, because, I'm not doing things with God's strength, but mine. It can come to the stage where I do things, serve God because I like it, I'm comfortable with it (which is important to serve God and like it). But I can't serve God only with what I like, and leave what I would rather not do outside my door.

But, it's so freaky, to have God say: " Go and do." Ok, maybe not those exact words. But, it was rather scary when God reminded me why He placed me in church, in school. If I chose to do things the way I wanted to, I would not be obeying Him. However, the costs are high. Ok, maybe not so high, like that of Paul the apostle. But, to me, they are still high. I'm still scared. Worried because I may not have enough time, energy, joy to do for God, to live life. Which I just realised, I don't "do" for God. Rather, I "be" for Him.

"Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
` Esther 4:13,14

da chang jin

S. is so going to kill me.. i just know it. and this time, it's 100% my fault.. ok, maybe i'll take away 2%.

i told her i may meet her at 9.30am this morning in school to go through the next 2 lessons of ee, which all depended on whether i could wake up in time.. and. ha. guess what i did last night, or rather, in the dead stillness of this morning??

i had a Da Jang Geum marathon!! for those clueless non-tv people, it's one of the latest korean tv dramas( or as some people would like to insist, soap opera) that has taken the world by storm. i'm not exaggerating. yes, thanks to edmund, i FINALLY got my hands on this show.. at the rate scv spits out one 45-min session/day, is simply pure torture i tell you.

but, you must know, me and tv drama serials are like.. er, bees to honey?? and, this show has to be really good.. so good to the point that i am willing to forgo watching another hk serial with my favourite actor: ron ng..

and so, in the words of wen, i "chose my tv show over a friend". it's hilarious, to me.. but not when your friend is a lil pissed with you.. to make matters worse, my stomach decided 2 hours ago, that it wanted to reject the food that i ate today.. so, i can't go to school, or rather, i'm still debating whether i should go to school tomorrow.. give myself the extra one day of holiday.. i still have all my stuff to pack(moving stuff to new house this sat). plus, i am really serious when i say i'm not feeling well...

the one thing that's stopping me is that, er... i told S. i would meet her tomorrow after our lecture instead, to make up for today. shucks. tell me i'm so screwed..i know i'm going to make her angrier..

help.

this is one of those times i really regret doing something =X

genderlect

i burst out laughing when one of my freshie cgms told me this:

mJ says:
u know wat...
mJ says:
i find the ALLO buddy thing real gd...
rong en ` flicker strong/ says:
is it
rong en ` flicker strong/ says:
why?
rong en ` flicker strong/ says:
so fast ?
mJ says:
yeah...
mJ says:
as in..
mJ says:
gd la
rong en ` flicker strong/ says:
haha
rong en ` flicker strong/ says:
you speak like a typical guy.. haha
mJ says:
it help us to be spiritually committed to another guy
rong en ` flicker strong/ says:
heh.. ok, that's better

i laughed because, he talks like a typical guy. was doing readings for my sociolinguistics project yesterday, and came to a topic on "conversations between college roommates". it said that contrary to belief, guys actually do talk about serious topics. but, as opposed to girls, who can yak and expound til the cows come home, guys would approach the subject to the point (most of the time in a "ya, like you know.. yeah." way). ever knew there is a genderlect? a difference in language between men and women? here it is in real life=D

dumb

just saw on arts central, a guy who bothered to purify his own pee, through a tedious process of putting it through some pump, to remove the solid wastes inside. and well, he drank 2 sips of it, before running off, declaring that it tasted like sh**.. that was like utterly dumb..like, DUH, it's pee for pete's sake!! of course it tastes like s***

i felt like gagging watching him drink his pee.

have you ever done dumb things before?

electric guitar

andrew picked up the guitar on his birthday, over the weekend. and since then, he has been strumming, banging(at least, that's what it sounds like to me=X) on my poor guitar. on top of that, i swear i hear it get hit accidentally against the wall or bed sometimes.. like mega *ouch*. i know my guit ain't in a good condition.. i didn't realise how bad it was til jie pointed out that dad's guit had been humidified( a bump had formed, due to humidity).. and then when i went home, alas! my guitar had a bump too.. oh shucks. and, i didn't realise how bad the tone was affected until i strummed weiying's guitar last thursday.. only then, did i realise that my guitar sounds really bad(while hers sounded really good. it was a warm rich tone..) =X i would buy a new one, if not for the fact that it's like not on the proprity list for now...

today, i was/am in a sucky mood... had a hard time trying to talk to people during arts fg.. as in, normally, comversations flow easily for me, but today, it was just bad.. thankfully it was just me and florence in the end.. so i didn't have to rack my brains desperately to squeeze an ounce of conversing to some unknown person...sigh. stayed in the library from 2-8pm.. i had to get research done for my e-lang projects. i exhuasted the minute nus library. argh. came home, no dinner again as usual.. had bread and honey. and my mom's bread is usually really good.. just that because we need to move house, like soon, she's clearing the stock. and when something's exhuasted, she doesn't replenish, so the bread was rather dry. i feel dry.

point is, i blasted music on my comp, til i could hear the electric guitar really audibly, the thumpings(ok. wrong word. plus, on hindsight, i think that's the bass). had the sudden urge to go a bit crazy on an electric guitar. plus since andrew has hijacked my acoutic guit, it's high time i picked up another instrument... sigh.

today was just one of those days you wish you stayed under the covers in bed, with the rain beating down on your windowpane, with the wind howling, with the windchimes chiming like crazy, with a hot mug of milo&horlicks.

i feel like a kid sometimes.

dont cause others to stumble

Had dinner at a friend's home the other day, something I always enjoy because the mom's cooking is such comfort food, the dad is always hilarious to talk to:)

Nope, today I ain't gonna talk about food. I've been thinking, eversince the dad mentioned something in passing, about the way Christians live and serve in and out of church. Let me give you 2 hypothetical scenarios:

1. Z serves in a ministry in church on a regular basis, usually. However, there are a number of times when Z allows work to take first place i.e. when work and ministry events clash, work would definitely come first. This obviously results in some disgruntledness amongst others, because it shows that Z doesn't take ministry seriously, allowing service to church (even God) be done out of convenience.

2. Y also serves in a ministry in church and also is a committee member at work. Y is very committed to ministry in church, often seen by others as a good steward (worker) of God. However, at work, Y is viewed, at times by others, to be incompetent in the committee i.e. not fulfilling the responsibilities required of Y. This also, leads to disgruntledness amongst Y's colleagues.

Now, I've given you examples of 2 extremes. One is very committed in work, but slackens in the area of church ministry; while the other is the stark opposite.

Who would you say is better? Most probably Y? Because Y is doing God's work faithfully? Or Z? because to Z's non-Christian friends, Z is a responsible worker and they know they can always count on Z?

Who would you think is the baddie? Z, because Z shows the friends that God takes 2^nd place? Or Y, because Y is somewhat hypocritical, by showing, through actions that only "God's work" is important?

I ain't going to point accusing fingers, and neither should you, 'cause this is not my intention of blogging about this. I've come to one conclusion:

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God -- even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.

` 1 Corinthians 10:31-33

I know it's not easy to strike a balance. I struggle too, to balance the so-called "God's work" and everything else that would fall under the category of "secular stuff". Often, I shall admit, that I find it more of a joy to do "God's work" because it seems more fulfilling.

But, after much thinking, and definitely after reading the verses in 1 Corinthians, I think it's pretty clear, and even wrong to categorize things into "God's work" vs "not God's work". 3 things I've learnt:

1. As stated, "whatever I do, do it all for the glory of God". This is rather self-explanatory.

2. Don't allow my actions to "cause anyone to stumble". In the 2 examples I gave, Z and Y would cause people to stumble. Christians, especially young ones, would think that it's ok to serve in ministry as and when it is convenient for them, after observing Z. Non-Christians would find Y hypocritical for choosing to devote time and effort only to church work, and as a result, find Christians, using Y as their example, to be a hypocritical bunch.

3. I should "try to please everyone", not because I'm a people-pleaser; rather, do good "so that many would be saved". This sums it all up. Whatever I do, be it in church, vcf, school, home, with friends, in public, everywhere lah.. I should seek to live my life such that in whatever I do, my actions would bring people one step closer to God.

But, before I end, it's plain to see that this ain't easy. There would be instances where what I say about God would be incongruent with my actions. And for that, I'm human. I will try my best, with God's strength and grace. But if you really want to see someone who really walked his talk, go check out the Bible, and read the gospel of John. You won't be able to find faults in or with Him=D

mess

i hate mess.

i totally can't stand the fact that when i come home from school, dead tired, esp when thursday is my longest day with 6 hours of lessons straight(no breaks) + cg, to a home that's in a mess. messy dining table with newspaperbowlsabel'stextbookspensandthelikes, messy living room with the cushions strewn all over, messy clothes basket with clothes overflowing, messy kitchen with bowlspotsandpans all unwashed, messy service balcony with half-filled pails of water(cos of the washing machine that is still spoilt), just a complete mess.

it's like, there's no clean house with some order and neatness. my mom can't be bothered, the males in the house obviously aren't bothered, in fact, they are the ones who contribute to the mess. messmessmessmess.. argh

guess who cleans up the house?? and no, it's not because i'm such a filial daughther, because, my parents obviously don't think there's any problem.. i just had to be born with this clean streak in me. i have to see neatness, order, everything in place. if i could, i think i would choose not to have this clean gene in me.. i think i got it from my paternal grandma, she's like.. woa. she cleans the house everyday. i, thankfully, am not such a complusive clean freak. i can live with a bit of dirt.. then again, maybe it's the enviroment at home.. i guess i've the potential of being a cleanliness maniac. my mom says i wasted my kindergarden school fees, because instead of sitting and listening to (boring) teachers (who insisted on A specific way of drawing the number 5..so much for creativity.), i chose to arrange the shoes of my fellow classmates outside the classroom in neat little rows.. even to the extent of washing the toilet basins.. haha. don't worry, i'm not intending to wash nus' toilets anytime soon.

ah..now i feel better. got this out of my system. sigh. i wonder, if i can make such a fuss about physical mess in my house, what about the spiritual mess in me?? would i feel frustrated, rectify the problem immediately by clearing out whatever is bad.. so funny how life is, eh?

mom's birthday.

one extremely irritating fact about moving house is that it leaves the fridge extremely empty(in my mom's bid to clear the fridge). today, is my mom's birthday. and i figured that since i've been such an insolence recently, i should come home early from school and prepare dinner. but, how much creativity can one amass with one bundle of chinese vegetables and two chicken breasts? it brings a whole new meaning to the "five loaves, two fishes" notion.

of course there's the (wet)market. but, it's pouring heavily now.. darn. plus, i hope i get reimbursed by my dad.. i'm seriously broke. what a dutiful daughther i am. heh.

peanuts

i'm feeling a tad whimsical now. my house, it seems, can't wait to get rid of us. take my room for example. i endured for 2 hours, sitting hunched over a box, packing books, under a flickering room light. yeah. one of the bulbs in my room decided today that it couldn't decided whether to be on or off. and my mom commented how 'timely' it is.

if anything, some electrician guy is coming over tomorrow, to remove the oven, the 2 living room lights and the room lights and transport them to the new house for installation.. and according to my mom, we will be living in darkness til oct6. i think it would be highly interesting. interesting to the point that my mom nearly collapsed with laughther at the thought of living in darkness.. well, i'm glad she is in a good mood today. the renovation has been causing her much stress and distress. it's good that the marble grinder(the person, not the machine) is well, a pro marble grinder.. haha. one less thing for my mom to worry about^ ^

oh, take a look at this:



of all the brands for boxes that aunty josephine had to get for us: FARMER brand peanuts. i think it's rather hilarious.
1. the name is rather apt for our family.
2. peanuts?? people would actually think we are millionaires, esp with the not so recent NKF fiasco. Lol.

God is not safe

God, is a God to reckon with, not one to take lightly.

As Mr. Beaver tells the children in C. S Lewis', The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe:

"Is -- is he a man?" asked Lucy.

"Aslan a man!" said Mr. Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of the Beasts? Aslan is a lion -- the Lion, the great Lion."

"Ooh," said Susan, "I thought he was a man. Is he -- quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."

"That you will, dearie, and make no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver, "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else silly."

"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver, "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you?
Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good.
He's the King, I tell you."

Psalm 104: 1-4

Praise the LORD, my soul.
LORD my God, you are very great;
you are clothed with splendour and majesty.
The LORD wraps himself in light as with a garment;
he stretches out the heavens like a tent
and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters.
He makes the clouds his chariot
and rides on the wings of the wind.
He makes winds his messengers,
flames of fire his servants.

God's ways

i'm feeling extremely disgusted now.

over an hour ago, i just watched a hk serial, where the female lead was almost raped. about 20 min ago, one of my prc friends, exclaimed "my god" when i said hi to him.
5 min ago, chanel news asia reported that they found a dismembered woman's body in orchard road.

i feel so sick to my stomach. sick to the point i feel like puking out the yoghurt i just ate.

about 10 days ago, katrina hit the south of america.
9 days ago, 3 women were sentenced to 3 years imprisonment for organising a 'happy camp' for muslim children in some indonesian village.

you tell me, what is this world coming to?

i think the worst part about the whole katrina incident isn't bush(and yes, i am biased. i'm pro-bush, though his recent slow response to katrina has made me to lose a bit of the respect i used to have for him).

i kinda understand why the refugees would loot the supermarkets for food. i'll even give some leeway to those who loot rampantly at the shops. yes, we know new orleans is a black community, poor even before the hurricane hit. but, how can we justify the rape cases?

i was sick to the stomach when i read the reports on how men took advantage of the situation and raped women&girls.

the hurricane destroyed homes, destroyed the food supply, left people penniless and homeless, therefore they were/are hungry. physically hungry. i would like to know what justifies the sexual hunger. what is their justification for raping 7-year olds. to satisfy WHAT, pray tell. your hunger? those rumblings in your stomach? i don't think so.

maybe i'm thinking of things in very simplistic terms. i think in black and white. but i guess, as the Bible says, this is really the sign of the end times, when people are evil, so evil they do such repulsive things. i know i would never understand in this life time why. why God allows such things to happen. yes, i know the reasons, but i would never understand the intent.

above all, God is great. His thoughts are much higher than my thoughts, His ways are much loftier than mine. How can i compare my puny mind to His omniscience?

God is great

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

this song puts everything in perspective. when God is great, everything else will tremble at His voice, His might, just at Him.

if you don't already realise, it's been my favourite song for a few months.whenever i'm tired, i blast this song on my comp. i'm glad i don't have to lead worship to wait til i get to sing this song... church sings it often enough...heh. you know, it's one of those songs you would never get tired of singing or listening. because, the song is all about God. not one of those, "oh, my God, you are so great because you did all these things for me".

God is great. period.

Christ is helping me

do u haf a bf ? well i haf a feeling u dun. if u observe nus ppl, u will notice they make dinks(sic. i think for things) bearable here by bf-gf affections. either dat or u gota be veri strong. u r totful n cheerful. must be christ helping u

my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when i read this sms..

if you met me today, you would realise that i was super duper stressed, feeling damn demoralised, just dead beat. so out of sorts to the point that i went to the library to hibernate, literally, and set things right with God before i met anymore people. and later, as i shared with the ifg comm people, i told them that i've been feeling very stretched by people, feeling guilty that i didn't do my bit as a cgl or even a christian in nus to promote today's evangelistic DTT(dinner time talk), above all, feeling just totally off because i've not been spending proper time with God.

i don't dare meet another person now, christian or non-christian, without praying for that person first. it may seem a little extreme to you, but, ok, for those i would classify as 'friends' i.e. those i feel comfortable with, and our relationship is 2-way[meaning, both of us have a common understanding and goal], i'm more than happy to meet you, because sometimes, i do need a human to help cheer me up(like today's lil session with debs n clement^ ^). but, with people, i'm discipling or trying to lead to God, i really cannot do it soley on my own strength, therefore, i have to commit this person in God's hands first.

so, after i prayed, and sent off a long overdue sms asking this girl i knew, how she was, and she asked me to "share with her about my happiness in Christ", i was very blown away. hullo, i don't think i was feeling exceptionally happy or joyful today. "happiness"?! i blinked quite a number of times, before i asked her to further elaborate. and then, she sent this long sms.

i really needed this encouragement. more so, it's quite heartening when someone tells you that she can see Christ helping me. she made my day^ ^. it's really 2 prong:

1. it's a reminder to me that no matter what, Jesus is my strength.
2. i hope this means that God is really working through me and using me. so many times, i keep wondering if i'm on the right track, and i think this is a sign that i am?? that if others can actually see that God is "helping me", it means i must be leading them to God and nowhere else..especially when today, was like the worst day of the semester since the start of school, it feels really good that at my lowest point, God still used me to bless someone else, and better still, in turn get blessed back!!

haha.. on a lighter note, this 3rd thought struck me:
if, because i'm obviously so very single, with no boyfriend to 'lean on', and people can therefore deduce that it must be Christ who's my pillar of strength, and not the boyfriend... what would happen if one day, i do have one... would it mean that the boyfriend becomes the new pillar of strength? even if i know that he doesn't, how would people know that i'm drawing from God's strength and not that human guy??? or worse, does it mean i'm to remain single for the rest of my life, so that it is so darn obvious that it's God and no one else?! *gulp*

what to do for my birthday

i know my birthday is not for another 4 months plus. and NO, i am NOT pulling a deborah by announcing my birthday, for , come to think of it, silly debs, why did you announce to the world your birthday? to get loads of pink presents??

but, i've been thinking about my impending 21st birthday, not because i want presents(haha.. that's an added incentive though).by the way, my mom just passed me this gold key pendant, which was given to her by her mother(my grandma) and told me, "eh, i've given you your birthday present already ah." To which, i retorted, annoyed of course, "eh, you didn't pay for that. so cheapskate-.-"

after hearing last year, the 21st birthday party that shawna threw for herself, and the testimony she gave to her friends; and reading grace wee's blog entry on her friend's birthday party that turned evangelistic... well.. i've been thinking, since last year, and especially more since i know i'm moving to besides church... i think you would know what i'm driving at. what better place to hold a party. heh.

my friends, especially my non-christian friends. sigh. i've been plagued with immense guilt recently. i did blog once about how they would always comment that i'm always spending time with church, and now, it's vcf and the likes.. like how last week, i was supposed to meet my jc friends for lunch in school, or rather, it was one friend, justina. to cut a long story short, i ended up having lunch with the hk exchange student, and even had the opportunity to share Christ with him. BUT, in the midst, my friends called and asked where i was. how was i to explain that i was sharing the gospel?? can one even compare the opportunity to share the gospel with one to a casual meeting of long time no see friends? don't even get me started on neglecting people.

anyway, the point is, i think my birthday would be a good opportunity for my friends to mix around and, in a way, understand me better. of course, i would be so blessed if i had friends like grace, who took the opportunity and shared the vision with another girl and went round talking to strangers, looking for the opportunity to share Christ and His love. i want so much that everyone i know would come to the saving knowledge of Jesus, that eventhough i don't and can't spend mych time with you, i'll know that ultimately, we share in God's love and i'd see you in heaven.

so, my dear readers of this little blog, you've been told months in advance. my birthday is coming up!!! you know what to do:)

p/s: grace wee, if you are reading this, you are definitely invited to my birthday party^ ^

beautiful sunset

guess who took this pic.. heh. c'est moi.
guess where this pic was taken in.. C'est a Singapour en La Gardens Botanics.

something tells me my french is very bad.. but, yes, so pretty right.. can you actually believe that you can actually see such beautiful sunsets in singapore?? i didn't, til i saw this. this was taken a couple of weeks back at botanics, when debs, serene, rita & i had our little rendezvous there.

did you rise the sun for me,
paint a million stars that i might know your majesty

in this case, God set the sun for me, that i might know His majesty

p/s all credits for this latest blog pic (points up) goes to darlie again. of course. heh=D