english

yes.. haha. i'm an english genius, if that is any encouragment for my decision to major in English. i've realised that when i say i'm an English Major, the very common response is, " Wow, so you must be very good in English, huh?"

ermz....well.... does the test below explain everything??? haha.. my england prowress...

do not even make me go into how i think my English standard has degenerated eversince entering pjc.. i tell you, that's what a neighbourhood school does to me. and those 4 years of scgs, where we girls were all encouraged to be vocal ladies(in perfect Queen's English, mind you) just went down the longkang. now, after 1 year of nus, i'm even more conscious of how much i slang in singlish.. this blog is a testimony of all my lahs, lors, and what-have-yous-.-

English Genius

You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 80% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!
Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

The Commonly Confused Words Test

just live it

and i thought i finished blogging.

God speaks.

adeline, shut up.

go live it.

love?

it's very late.. but, i've a sudden spurge of bloginspiration.. haha. my latest msn nick has caused a little upheaval with some friends.. here's a sample of a typical conversation:

Izzy- says: hey
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: hey
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: are u aust??
Izzy- says: yups
Izzy- says: who u love ?
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: you
Izzy- says: hah
Izzy- says: as if!
Izzy- says: who addy who?
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: haha.. i really mean it
ade ` i love you, you know?/ says: i love YOU
Izzy- says: wha
Izzy- says: addy
Izzy- says: whoa.. addy wazzzup?
Izzy- says: hahaha
Izzy- says: wat modules u taking

yeah, isabelle got bored of our conversation and changed subject to that time of the year(choosing of modules.. another subject altogether). fine, i admit i'm being cheeky lah.. ( i tell you this is what singlehood does to me).. but, i just find it little sad that for one to feel fulfilled, one needs a partner(in my case, it's of the opposite sex). when i told justina i was very happy, and life was rather good, she went, "HAHA.. so WHO's the guy!!" i had to remind her that i don't need a guy to make me satisfied (but, may i add that that does not mean i pray that God bestows the gift of celibacy on me...).

yes, i'm getting a lil lovesick( a side effect of watching one too many hk serials, which i must add for the 2nd time that Ron Ng has such lovey dovey eyes ^ ^ they just melt my heart.. haha.i've weakness, yes, no??) coupled with the lovey dovey pictures of sond&her bf.. oh man. sometimes, yes, i do wonder, what am i "missing".. i'm in one of those moods..

but, to set the record straight, i'm not on a i-need-a-boyfriend alert.. more of a cute-hunky guy alert.haha. all for eye candy,esp when mr TALLDARK&HANDSOME-year4psych major is gone from the face of nus, i'm quite sad.. shucks, i'm deviating from the intended subject.

my point is, i love God. and by doing so, i'm supposed to love everyone else too.. although some people make things difficult by being rather unlovable.. i think i'm not ready for any serious relationship til i learn the lesson of loving the people around me.. which would include, my family, close friends, school friends, vcf mates, church mates, youths, tutorial mates, school mates, neighbours, relatives, community people, tuition kids, singaporeans, world citizens?? my list goes on..

have to show that i love them..

i love you, you know?

rest

i know it seems ludicrous(hanini's favourite word).... but, i fell sick over the weekend.(yes, school has not even started). better still, i think i overstretched myself last week. i do not even want to think about what is going to happen when the new Academic Year kicks in, and i start taking those 6 modules, co-lead a cg, be part of ifg comm, teach tuition on weekends, meet up with friends, be home enough to make my parents happy... not forgetting moving house(which, may i add, i've not even started to do any packing?!?) for once, i'm actually glad i'm not serving in church.

it's a sort of "happy" busy. this hols, if it's not another camp, it's another vcf meeting; if not, another going out to meet yet another friend. do i make myself to sound so busy? plus, i come home late almost every night, and come online to check emails and find some solace in friends who are willing to hear me whine ( you know who you are^^)

but, i must keep myself in check. it's crazy lah.. and it's just not the way things should be. yes, i've a lot of things to do, roles to play, responsibilities to fulfill.. and often, i feel so stretched that i really really wish i had 2or3 mondays, etc... but, there is a reason why God made only 7-day weeks, each day with only 24 hours... i haven't exactly learnt how to prioritise.. cos everything SEEMS so freaking important. and sometimes, i wonder what's more important. i'm learning things the hard way, in the form of my parents bugging and nagging at me. trust me, it's not pleasant music to anyone's ears... i'm still learning( have to reiterate that. learning.)

to my non-christian friends, all the things i do in vcf, church *any God-related activity*, are all catgorised under [Church] . i used to hate it(still do) whenever i meet up with my friends.. and they go, "So addy, busy with Church AGAIN??" (coloured words mine) now, i sheepishly tell them, " Er, no lah. i'm busy with cca stuff." which is, half true.. just that i choose to fail to inform them that my cca is ANOTHER christian based thingy... it's not that i'm ashamed of serving in minstry, or God... it's just.. how am i to explain that everything i do is for God??

My WHOLE life is for God. i've learnt that there is NO such thing as something more important than the other, someone more important than another.. (haha.. unless of course, you take HK hunky dories like RON NG & shopping into consideration.. yeah, they are LESS important) HOW, you tell me? HOW can i put my friends up against some youth or a cg member in comparison. HOW. i don't know. discipleship is very important. if you disciple someone well, that person can in turn, effectively discipleANDevangelise to others. but, so is evangelism. that's why my friends are so so so important to me. i cannot face the thought of everyone so dear to me, not being able to spend eternity with Him. and, to make things seemingly more complicated, what am i todo with my family?? i thought(note the past tense) that since my family is Christian, they are pretty much self-sufficient... but, my dear parents have been reminding(to put it very very nicely) me that "charity begins at home. how can you go out and serve others but don't serve your own family!!!" and if you want to know my parents' definition of serving, haha.. well, think along the lines of 'serving'.. not forgetting, "your little brother is 4 years old now.. in 3 years time, he'll be in primary one. if you all don't spend time with him, next thing you know he'll be in pri1!!!!!!!!!!!" ( do not even bring my grandparents into the picture...)

i'm not making myself out to be adeline-fam-the-great-whom-everyone-wants-a-piece-of.... eventhough that's how i feel at times(minus "the-great" part of course). i fear the term "burn out".. it's a term that suddenly seems so so real. i fear just being immobile midway during sem: the time where all essays kick in, tests are around the corner.. and best, i just don't feel like going to school... BUT, i read last week during QT in Hebrews 13, that in everthing we do, we are supposed to " bring a sacrifice of praise unto God ". i'm still learning. still trying to live out my life that is 1. a sacrifice, 2. in a manner of praise, 3. for God, the one and only.

learning.. learning.. struggling. kinda need prayer, so pray for me, ya?

courtesy

ugh. my dear people. when i sms you, for goodness' sake, please reply me lah......

and when i call you, bother to return my call.. ugh

then again, the intended people are prob not going to read this, but. common handphone courtesy for all. actually this is something we all should have learnt even in the dinosaur age of telephones.

ugh

mozilla: Spacecrocodile

inactive

i've not been blogging.. it's not that i don't know what to write.. it's just that too many things have been going on, and i dont know where to begin.. it's like information overload? i'll blog soon:)

mozilla

my mozilla ( an internet browser) is a bit weird. every page i open up, has a different name. i'm currently using Mozilla Lightningkangaroo, checking my email on Hyperbear, and opened up another 2 more, just to see what funny names they have, which are Suntortoise and Powerferret by the way...

haha. it's my first day@home in a long while, doing nothing. it feels good, so pardon me :D

prayer

today's youth worship was very good. i don't know why, but the 11o'clock service was just fantastic. the choir sang with more gusto, the band did more of their fancy tricks, emily did a good job:) i guess she was more confident after 2 services ^ ^

we were worshipping God.

i notice i made a "mistake" in yesterday's entry. when i was thinking about the choir, i was only concerned about their performance. i later realised that i had forgotten about the spiritual aspect.

one thing i have learned in vcf is that serving in a secular ministry, eg a cca in school, is very different from serving God in church/campus ministry... or any ministry for God.yes, we all want things to run perfect. but, it's important to realise that we are serving God in whatever we do, be it planning a camp, outing, vision for the year ahead. we carry out tasks in our human ways, by doing them. BUT, we must NOT neglect PRAYER. how a programme runs, is very important. but what is even more important is that we have to pray and intercede to God, asking that His will will be done. if we don't pray, but just go ahead planning and doing, we might as well do any other secular activity, not God's work.

now, let me explain the prayer part though. i used to think that prayer would be something like this: we have a meeting to discuss, let's say a camp. the meeting is 3 hours. you start off with a word of prayer, maybe a short devotion. then, you are off to discuss whatever you want to discuss. after 2 hours, it's about time to wrap up. there's a quick round of sharing. then, people break up into little groups of 3/4 to pray for one another and the event, for at most half an hour. and then, at the end of it, someone would wrap up the entire meeting with prayer.

we prayed right?? (at least i saw the word "pray" a few times.) NOPE.

i've since learnt that what i used to "pray" in the past, was such punified prayer. it wasn't exactly interceding. in retrospect, it was more of a prayer of convenience. i was like telling God, here are my prayer requests, if you want, take it and then give me my request. if you don't want, then nevermind lor.

what have i since learnt is prayer?(before i begin, please remember that my word is not THE Bible. so, it's my own personal experience and growth)

when we pray for an event or some vision, i've realised that it is important to spend time asking God what He has in mind/store. when i went for the ifg (international friendship group) comm meetings, we kinda started off on a wrong footing. the first 3 meetings, we went straight into doing a review of the past year and what we wanted for the year ahead. thankfully, our chairman realised it in time, and organized a prayer meeting.. we just sat there for an hour and a half, and just prayed. it was a very simple thing. we just prayed about whatever came to our minds, whatever issues that seemed pressing. it was, i think, the Holy Spirit's prompting.

i've grown to realise that when we take time out of our "busy" schedules to pray, God honours our prayers. to the world, prayer would seem like a useless thing , because we appear to be not doing anything. BUT, to God, it's very different. it shows that we are willing to quieten down our hearts before, to listen to what part of His plans He wants us to be a part of.

we must have it ingrained in us, that in whatever we do, we are serving God, not the world. and when we serve God, we've to come to seek His will.

looney

i swear i'm going looney these days.. i've been laughing & chuckling to myself the whole day. fine, at sporadic intervals.

big God

tomorrow, or rather today is going to be youth weekend. i hope i'm not too apprehensive about leading the section choir later at 10am.. i've never done it before.. whatever i know is from musical practice at scgs' rehearsals.. sigh. let's hope i make some headyway &sense. pray for me:) pray especially for the youth service, that God will use each one of us to bless and lead the entire church. so exciting right ^ ^ pray also that above all, God will help us to serve Him, only for Him; not for any human recognition. cos' it's all about Jesus.

anyway, next week is vcf freshmen camp.. i was not excited.. in fact rather tired. i swear i'm getting old. the thought of ANOTHER camp, just makes me wanna go and sleep. but, thankfully, my co-leader of our group HABBAT (pakistani for love), is jeremy. this guy i met when i was in p6, at angora brethen chapel, where my dad preached at their church camp. haha.. you know, the good thing about tagging along to all these camps, changing churches, going to new schools, making friends with your friends' friends: you get to make more friends. in a way it's like net-working. but, i also see it as how God has introduced so many people into my life, making it so colourful and exciting. different people impact my life in different ways. similarly, i get to, hopefully, impact the people whom i come into contact with, in whatever little or big way that God allows.. so exciting, rite^ ^

anyway, i'm glad my co-leader for foc is a familiar person..someone i find easy to talk to. so, i dont have to worry about whether i can work with him... i thank God. He answered my prayer without me even asking Him. which reminds me of Jeremiah 33:2,3. we've got to pray BIG. cos'

My God is so BIG
so STRONG and so MIGHTY
there's nothing my God cannot do
NO WAY

The mountains are His
The valleys are HIs
the stars are His handiwork too

My God is so BIG
so STRONG and so MIGHTY
there's nothing my God cannot do
For YOU^ ^

credit to nat

nice blog rite?? it's got a funky edge. by the way, All for Love is my favourite song from Hillsong United's latest album, Look to You.

credit for this latest skin must be given to Darlie Chue aka Natania the nuthead. she insists on being called my daughther.. but, let me reiterate, i'm very single.. thank you.

sick

this is an absolutely gross thing to write, but, my stomach is churning. ugh. i'm sick, down with some kind of flu that inflicts fever and diarrhea, possibly cough. down since sunday night, caught possibly from one of my brothers(abel or asher) OR one of the kids at the centre who have been sneezing at me/my arm/in my face.

plus, i think it only worsened because i've been getting only 6 hours of sleep or less for the past few weeks, eversince i started work, only to be aggravated by my staying over at the cia camp on sat with the sec4s. BUT, i had a good talk with serene& wen. (duh it was good.. i slept only an hour)AND i got to see my sec2s.. they are growing up!!

i hope i'm well enough to go back to work tomorrow and well enough to eat chicken rice balls in malacca at the church retreat.

i can only say one thing: i am growing old.. no more late nights -.-

lpc-- failure n evangelism

just came back from lpc(leadership planning camp) for vcf. and i am proud to say that i FINALLY sorted out my thoughts with evangelism.

ok, you see, i had this problem. last year's national day street e, was the last day i led someone to Christ. subsequent street es seemed hopeless. yes, i know that God's word never returns empty. and that it's not me the people are rejecting, but God Himself. BUT, i as the street es & ojts progressed, i couldn't help but feel despondent. it's one thing to know the theory, another to apply it.

to be honest, i must admit that i did judge myself on the number of people i could lead to Christ. it's not to show that i'm a good "evangelist". it's more due to the perception that, if my spiritual gift is evangelism, then why was i "stagnating"?? why was i not bearing any "fruits". when i went for ojts n street e, it was like nothing much happened. which was not true, of course, on hindsight.

through the course of the past year, i did feel a greater burden for the youths i shared the gospel with. i just couldn't comprehend why anyone, on hearing The Good News, would say he/she wants to believe. but when he comes to the commitment part, and i explain the cost of following Christ, which is to let God take control, many come to a halt and make a u-turn, preferring to just believe with the head, which was something that i cautioned against. i thought i was damn zai lah.. for "scaring" people away. this burden has been making me pray for the youths in Singapore, and my own friends. that God will create a desire in them to want to know Him.

in lpc, i learnt and recognised that i was basing my worth with God on the successes i had in evangelism. when no-one wanted to believe in God out on the streets, i thought i was a failure in God's eyes, and let it get to me. and as wen said, i cannot let these thoughts affect me, because, if i get so affected to the extent of not seeing the point for evangelism, satan has "won" the battle. bell was also right to say that i was pushing myself too hard. therefore, i must not give up. and press on doing God's work.

what is most important is to rejoice in the simple and basic fact that i am REDEEMED by God. that MY name is written in the Book of Life. and that is more than sufficient for my to be joyful. furthermore, God loves me not because of who i am, but because of who He is,

because God is love^ ^

esc

i started temp work at the Evangel Student Care Centre today..and heh. i quite like it. the kids are rather adorable.. the boys are precocious.. a little too precocious too handle at times.. the girls are just so so sweet.. first day@work.. heh. let me finish this month, and it may be another story. but, i doubt it :)

i was hoping/expecting to be down at the youth centre and not the primary kids side. but, working with kids may be a good change.. i must say, i'm really proud to say that i shared the gospel with 4 kids today (^-^). and, i'm really happy bcos, i think i almost led 2 of the girls to Christ. why almost? because, i don't know how to lead them in the commitment part.. i only know youth ee, so, when i shared with them, my brain had to multi task.. one of the boys, was screaming(and i really mean screaming.. hollering..) half of the time. but the other 3 kids were really listening.. just that at the end, when i came to the faith part, both boys ran away to watch spongebob sqaurepants. oh well, i think that may be for the better.

kk, back to the multitasking.. i had a hollering kid running around the room, at the same time, as i tried trying to make youth ee more kids ee..had to run the gospel presentation through my head to figure out which parts were more relevant for kids, and at the same time, share the actual gospel presentation. it was really by God's grace that i managed to pull through..

and i was so excited, that when i came home, i asked my dad n abel how kids ee is different from the youth version.. now, i'm better equipped.. i dont think i'll panic so much when i share the gospel with the kids next time. they are such a joy. their eyes are just fixated on you, and you know for sure that they are listening to you, genuinely..not out of politeness. which brings to mind the 4 girls that emily(wefc)& bell met on the streets on thur. it is quite sad that such a wonderful gift as eternal life, can bring about such harsh words.. as emily said herself, it brought daggers to her heart as she read one of the girl's blog.

no wonder Jesus said "let the little children come". to have childlike faith, is just something i wish i still have now.. i don't know if i have. mind you, childlike faith is not blind faith. because children are so simple and innocent(not necessarily naive), they recognise truth when they see it. not like adults(of my age.. older or even younger..)

as we grow older, our lives become more "complicated", we get more tied up in unnecessary "activities". although, we would like to think that we are more "matured", personally, i still prefer simplicity and innocence. to just trust in God for everything, without having to rationalise and worry. and this is a truth i've been reading about in the Chronicles of Narnia.

oh man. i can yak for ages about Narnia.. have you WATCHED the trailer for The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. heh. i haven't, but i heard it was good. i simply can't wait for the movie to come out on 22nd December... anyway, publicity, aside. let me share with you 2 important concepts about Christianity from the Narnia series.. yes, i finally decided to read all 7 books.. just that andrewfam the great lost book 3.i learnt a lot from C.S.Lewis, but, here are 2 poignant truths:

1. we did not choose God. Instead, God chose us first.
in The Silver Chair(book 4) when the girl, jill was bewildered on how, by simply calling out the name of aslan, she entered the magical kingdom of Narnia.
and, Aslan said this, " You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you."
how true. we can never call unto God, unless he has first created the desire within us.

2. to have childlike faith like lucy.
lucy, to me, is just truly so trusting in Aslan, the Lion. and that fact that she is always the first to see Him, while he remains "invisible" to the rest, speaks voulmes..

i can only say this much. i strongly ENCOURAGE you to pick up a book of the Chronicles of Narnia..start with The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe first. as for me, i love the kids i'm working with.. and i can only hope that by hanging out with kids half my age, some of that innocence and sweetness will rub off on me ^ ^

GSS

damn. am i in a blogging mood or what. i simply cannot contain my excitement about the Great Singapore Sale.. although, given a choice, i would rather be in Hong Kong now, i have to make do with what i have here.. (wen, next year!! hk here we come!!!)

to curb my spending, heh, i decided i better come up with a wishlist. it's tough to keep within this limit, that i agree:

1. peasant skirt ( i just bought one today.. so, erm.. yeah. but...)
2. rattan bag ( i saw one today.. more like a few.. but, their was this ancient looking bag.. ugh, which was CRYING out to me)
3. nike pink&green sneakers
4. one or two pairs on earrings (i've fasted from buying earrings for way too long...)
5. a funky top.(when i see it, i'll know it,w hich i think, i've seen one too many.sigh)
6. another bag?! in one of those funky mama psychadelic colours??? ( yes, i know, i've too many bags)

can i formulate into words what you, my dear reader is probably thinking.. yes, i feel materialistic.. and yes, i think i'm a major shopaholic.. that's a bad bad habit/hobby to pick up from a friend(courtesy of serene foo and her one too many shopping trips...) NEVER have a shopaholic as a friend, and a wealthy one too, to add.

then again, i'm a woman(that sounds so so weird.. calling myself a woman?! i mean, it's not that i've just gone for a sex change or what, but.. i think i'm entering into the realm of age-ism... sigh) and woman are entitled to shop as much as men are to football...

it is during such a time as this, i wish that i have a rich boyfriend.. ha. but, in the mean time, i'm more than contented with my heavenly Father, who's far greater than anyone else in this world and beyond ^ ^

unchanging

today, i met up with kwee yong & yi ting, my dear juniors from pjc.. heh. they,cute as ever.. they make me feel young^ ^

i tried to explain nus lingo to yi ting.. i.e. bidding system, modules, etc.. but i think i left her in more of a blur then anything else.. i better make good my promise to be there when she bids for her modules.. and i wonder whether i scared her off when i told her how lonely one can be in the first semester in nus.

sigh. can you imagine??? it's been more than a year.. just last year, i was a scared chicken, because, i had not gotten my admissions letter from nus YET. and one year has already passed, so quickly.. a little too quickly perhaps, to the extent that i feel as if i have not caught my breath. so much has happened, eversince i entered jc and left it, to work and then later off to uni... and i can only attest to one thing that has been constant.

God.

I AM.

people change, and i'm not spared. But, i'm thankful for God is unchanging.

Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging.
Your love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet.
Your love is a mystery, how You gently lift me
When I am surrounded, Your love carries me.

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, Your love makes me sing.
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, Your love makes me sing.

Your love is surprising, I can feel it rising
All the joy that's growing, deep inside of me
Everytime I see You, all Your goodness shines through
I can feel this God song rising up in me.

vcfers

for the picture below, i forgot to add that it was deb's birthday last week.. and the whole bunch of us vcf-ers had a surprise birthday party for her...was she shocked or what. heh.. i've never had a surprise birthday before..

anyway, another day, when i'm up to it, i shall write an entry on vcf.. and how God is leading me in nus through vcf... i'll save it for another day.

for reference, the people below, from left to right, top to bottom are:
mark, matt, andrew, kevin, ruiyi, joel & me.
jocelyn, adeline wan, deborah(her royal higness), mel, fern & angeline.

deb's birthday with fellow vcf-ers. 

power n purpose

Ps shern gave a very good sermon today, or rather, yesterday.he spoke on Acts 2:1-14, talking about the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. which was timely, cos today, in another less than 8 hours, i'll be going back to qbc for the youth ee clinic. i'm excited now. im glad. i was getting worried that if i dint get my act together, i'll be... i dunno..

i can regurgitate the entire gospel to you, but, that's not good enough. i was worried that i kinda lost the fire. i've been disappointed by past mass street evangelisms.. the youths on the streets i met, they were just not interested in God, they couldn't care less, keeping God at arms length... my heart aches for them.. it always does. and i always tear for my non-christian friends. because, recently, i've been learning that it's a long journey. life is a long and ardous journey. and praying for your friends' salvations is not a one night stand. it requires daily prayer, which i confess, i don't remember everyday. i get frustrated that when i ask my friends out for vcf talks or etc, the response is always that of, "i'm too busy, another time, ok?". please dont take it that im dissing people. on top of that, when i shared Christ with my prcs, they are all so polite and scientific.. i don't know..

it's all these things that take the fire out of you at times.. you get disappointed to see that, as if, God is not working. your prayers aren't answered. but, you know that you can't give up trying. you cant give up praying for your friends, trying to break down the communication barriers with the prcs, going out to the streets to share the gospel... because if you don't play your part, who will?

so, i'm thankful for the sermon. for God speaking to me and reassuring me that He will always re-fill me with the Holy Spirit. oh.. here's a little Holy Spirit trivia for you. baptism of Holy Spirit vs filling of the Holy Spirit?? what's the diff? i finally found out.

Baptism- it's the initial experience. the Holy Spirit resides in us when we believe that Jesus died for our sins.

Filling- the ongoing experience. Just like a fire, we need regular douses of petrol to keep going.

so, here i am. re-filled with the Holy Spirit. i'm charged up and excited. i do hope that today i would be able to pass on the passion and enthusiasm i caught from the zion people, esp jialing, to other youth leaders, and they can pass it on to their church. i hope that that today would be a start for the youth grup at wefc. i hope to see God continue the good work done at qbc...

as for my friends, i shall just concentrate on bringing them one step closer to God everyday(:

But, most importantly, i want to be able to experience once again God working in me, and through me, for Him.

kingdom of heaven

I watched Kingdom of Heaven today with wen.. and,I'm glad she said she wanted to watch it, cos I would never have gone. I seriously thought it was a sucky show that portayed christianity in a bad light ( so I heard from my friends).

It is a good movie, plenty of action(but way too much blood. explains the NC16 rating. the blood spurts were comparable to kill bill). Furthermore, Orlando Bloom is hot as ever. In LOTR he was such a pretty boy. But in Kingdom of Heaven, he oozed such manly heroism (^o^).

Frivolities aside, this movie is good, for the very simple reason that it showed how human Christians are. it was sad to see how divided the christians were. there were 2 camps of people. One, fought for God, for Christianity, or so they thought. the other, fought for fame, wealth and power. i just, sigh. i get very sad(even more than just plain old sad) whenever people, friends say that hypocritical Christians are a big issue to them. Ghandi himself said, "Find me a Christian who's not a hypocrtic, and i will believe" (something to that extent). but, people forget that Christians are human just like anyone else. we all sin and fall short of God's lory and standard. that's why we need God. That's why you can never find a non-hypocritical Christian because everyone will fall at some point of time.

i would sincerely encourage you to catch this movie, to see the helpless and the utter hopelessness of humans. and lest we Christians think to ourselves that we are much better than the Christians portayed in Kingdom of Heaven, watch out, cause you've already fallen into the trap of hypocrisy.

disclaimer: to have a total stranger tagging on my board.. seems alien.(no offence fudgebumkin, it's a 1st in a long while.. yeha. i'm a lil deprived) i feel like a xiaxue(apparently, asia's best blog of the year) i'll comment abt her another day...btw, just for the record, i didn't write the poem.. ( i had better say that.. if not, wat with all this talk on how blogs are not one's private n personal space.. we bloggers are liable to libel suits.. gosh)

anyway, just to set things straight. i'm a christian. a firm one at that.. one who believes that evangelism is something every christian should do, be it friendship evangelism or street e, etc... so, the poem below, was something reina, a youth shared today@cg. it struck me to not give up praying for my friends, n doing the small things that would bring them one step closer to God.

we should all share the gospel with the non-christian friends around us. as the poem itself says, how can we be friends, if we never share with them the most precious thing in life??

a poem from a non-christian to her christian friend:

My friend, I stand in judgment now

And feel that you are to blame somehow

On earth I walked with you each day

And never did you show the way

You know the Lord in truth and glory

But never did you tell the story

My knowledge then was very dim

You could have led me safe to Him

Though we lived together on the earth

You never told me of the second birth

And now I stand this day condemned

Because you failed to mention Him

You taught me many things, that's true

I called you my friend and trusted you

But I learned now that it's too late

You could have saved me from this fate

We walked by day and talked by night

And yet you showed me not the light

You let me live and love and die

You know I will never live on high

Yes, I called you friend in life

And trusted you through joy and strife

And yet coming to this end

I cannot call you "my friend".

here's a song i found.. but i've not yet listened cos i dont know where to get it). i've heard homegrown talent corinne may before though.. never knew she was a Christian..is she? plus, this song pretty much describes the life i live..

corrinne may: journey
It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause it's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
To you

sigh. i'm in the midst of exams now.. one last paper on tue.. and wat can i say.. i have this sinking sickening fear that i'm going to do way worse than last sem.. sometimes, i wonder whether going to nus has brought down my self-esteem.. it's not that i think i'm a failure(ok..fine, i do at times..) but, i just dont feel confident about my studies here in uni at all... and it doesnt help that the people around me, the majority have much better CAPS than me.. that when they say they can't do well for a particular module, the worst grade they get is like my best..i feel pressured to do well.. bcos i want to give my parents something to be proud of(its my last shot at good grades here in uni), bring God some glory through my studies, just to get good grades to be proud of for once.

but, the one thing i'm holding on to, is the fact that since God brought me to nus, barely, he must have a reason for placing me here, by His grace. and, for that, i'm grateful. and i believe, though many at tiems i would falter, that He will bring me through these 3/4 years in nus.

oh. i forgot to add... after the sermon today, i prayed and asked God to give me direction in my lfe.. and also to help me in serving in wefc..and i prayed specifically that God will help.. it's not that im lazy or anything, but i needed a sign that God will always be with me as i serve Him in this new church..assurance.. so, i asked that after i prayed and opened my eyes, someone from the youth ministry would talk to me..

so, i opened my eyes.. and blink blink.. nothing happened.. oh well.. nvm.. i went down to the fellowship hall and got a little fazed out by the huge crowd for Ps Twee Kim's appreciation lunch.. and was starting to wonder what on earth i was going to do in this huge crowd.. and then..

i felt a tap on my shoulder.. i turned around, this girl, Aggie, a youth leader, told me that Ps Jabez (the youth pastor) assigned(can't think of a better word) me to join her cg.. oh man.. at that point, i couldn't stop smiling.. haha.. an answered prayer!! immediate! (well, almost ^ ^)

i'll be starting from scratch again.. as a youth.. so, heh.. i'm just glad God answered my prayer.. it's a new start to a new ministry!! i'm really excited.. ^ ^

Stand Firm

Today, Pastor Shern gave a very good sermon.. it was a very uplifting message..

as some of you may know.. i've been stressed out by school, a new church, life in general...a lot of stuff.

i've also been struggling in my relationship with God eversince uncle louis died. His death made me question God a lot, made me question my intentions in life... a lot of questions in fact.. too many that i got scared to a certain point cos i got worried that i may start doubting God to the point that i would forsake Him.. thankfully, i think i've hit the most bottom of the pit already.. and am slowly tryin to climb back up..

today's sermon gave me a renewed confidence in God. God is real and alive. God is eternal. we should ALL be living for Eternity.

so, according to this eternity principle:
1. my studies now flagging or not is just a fleeting spot in the never-ending line of eternal life.(but that doesn't mean i should just give up on my studies, of course.. heh)
2. my feeling of fat and any sickness (and etc) is only temporal.. when Jesus returns, i will have a new and glorified body, umblemished.
3. all the stress, depression and negative feelings i ever experience on this earth will all come to naught in heaven. in heaven, there is nothing but unspeakable joy and contentment.
4. working for money, material goods is useless cos i can never bring them to heaven with me.. instead, i should work towards my eternal rewards in heaven.


1 Corinthians 15:58 says, "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work o fthe Lord, because you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain."

STAND FIRM!!

to contextualise this verse:

if you've been bogged down by the stress of life, that sometimes you lose sight of God,yet you know that God is your only hope, STAND FIRM!!
if you've been praying for the salvation of your unsaved friend or parent or grandparent, and they don't seem to be responding, STAND FIRM!!
if you've been seeking direction for your life, unsure with what God wants you to do, STAND FIRM!!
if you feel that you have been disheartening God, disappointing Him, STAND FIRM!!
if you haven't been serving God as much as you know He wants, serve by faith and STAND FIRM!!
if you've been trying to be a strong testimony for God in school or work, yet you feel that you fail Him at times, STAND FIRM!!

the list goes on... just STAND FIRM!! in your walk with God, your service to God. always remember that our life here is only transient.. what matters most is eternity. so, work towards that, ok?

anyway, hope some have been encouraged by this post.. i would really encourage you to go read 1Corinthians 15. God really spoke to me and put my life in perspective...okie.. exams start this friday for me, so it's time to go back to the books(or rather stacks of notes..)

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
Our God is an awesome God!

mr lonely

it's rather amusing, to be reading an email from a friend, where she mentions in passing the song, Lonely. and then, lo n behold, u hear it on the radio:

Lonely, I’m mister lonely
I have nobody to call my own

it's such a cute song..

Disappear

Disappear ~by Bebo Norman from Try (2004)

On a day like this I want to crawl beneath a rock 

A million miles from the world, the noise, the commotion 

That never seems to stop 

And on a day like this I want to run away from the routine 

Run away from the daily grind that can suck the life 

Right out of me 

I know of only one place I can run to...

Chorus: 

I want to hide in You 

The Way, the Life, the Truth 

So I can disappear 

And love is all there is to see 

Coming out of me 

And You become clear 

As I disappear 

I don't want to care about earthly things 

Be caught up in all the lies that trick my eyes 

They say it's all about me 

I'm so tired of it being about me...

I would rather be cast away 

Separated from the human race 

If I don't bring You glory 

If I don't bring You glory 

If I don't bring You glory

a new creation

Yesterday was my dad's installation as the senior pastor in woodlands efc. It was also a day which I found socializing too much of a hassle and a chore:(

I'm not an extremely extroverted person. I can be, but only after warming up to people. It takes time. It took me one & a half semesters before my vcf friends realised I could be corny.. At 1st encounter, I have the tendency to want to keep to myself. It would help a lot if people seemed friendlier and take the first step. Then again, maybe they are...

Too many 'I's... too self-centred, too focused on my own problems. I am supposed to know what I'm doing in a new church; I'm still excited about teaching youth ee in a new church. But it's discouraging when faced with a daunting task of knowing a huge group of 90+ ppl, leaders not included. So, I simply freaked yesterday and went home straight after church cos someone was coming to view the house.

Just did my quiet time on 2 Corinthians 5:17,
'If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!'

Our Daily Journey goes on to say that "all of us have different personalities. Yours is a part of who you are, whether or not you are a believer in Jesus. But when we accept Him as Saviour, our personality should begin reflecting Him. We should become more loving, caring, and interested in others. For me, that meant not being a zombie (which comes naturally to me), but opening up and being friendly."

It was as if this entry was written for me. How true.

So, still faced with the daunting task of knowing too many people @Teenedge, I've decided to break things down a little simpler. Every Sunday, during the lunch break before Teenedge, I will "force" myself to join people, smile and say hi and talk to them. The goal is, to talk to at least ONE person properly and get to know him/her. So there, one person per week doesn't sound too scary, right? It's time to put the skills from How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie into good use.

Why am I writing all this? I need you to pray for me, I can't do it alone:)

2 Corinthians 5:16-21
16 From now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.

thoughts

a penny for my thoughts..

'tired' is brandished on my forehead.
-.-

in Christ alone

went back to geylang efc yesterday for serice. was really ministered by this song.. i thought it put the whole of last week into perspective, for me at least.

`In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

passed

life has never seemed so short until today.

it brings home the point that life here on earth is so short. be it 20 years or 50, even 100.. when compared to ETERNITY in heaven with God. what should we be doing with our life then?

got peace?

got peace?

ade ` the garden city is browning into a hay city` says:

peace. it's so impt

Jingwen says:

it is.

Jingwen says:

when you do something wrong,

Jingwen says:

no peace

Jingwen says:

when you don't know what to do

Jingwen says:

no peace

Jingwen says:

when you feel guilty

Jingwen says:

no peace

Jingwen says:

when you are angry

Jingwen says:

no peace

Jingwen says:

when you are sad

Jingwen says:

no peace

Jingwen says:

when you are anxious,

Jingwen says:

no peace

i've realised that u won't have peace unless you do God's will. if you go against Him or be disobedient, you'l feel very frustrated.

a good eg would be this whole issue of my changing church/ministry. i didn't want to leave cos i knew i would miss the youths, some who are more like friends than little mentees(: i knew that i'l miss my friends.. cos, God really answered my prayer when i asked for Christian friends in church who would help me in my walk with God.. heh. He didn't just give me one, He gave me so many more!!(there're like 8or 9 others around my age) i knew that i will miss being comfortable in a church and knowing everyone, and just being myself..

but, when i finally let go, and told God that if it was His will for me to move to the new church, He must give me peace with the decision and help me look foward to going.

so, i'm really thankful now, cos i have the peace about this whole issue. i would definitely miss you all, but, please pray for me that i will have peace when i am at woodlands efc, ok?

does anyone know how to upload the pics in my hp??

hot weather

the heat is simply unbearable. didn't go for ywav today cos i'm really down with the cold. and the muscles were/are aching. and i feared that they would melt like jelly that comes into direct contact with the scorching sun. ok. fine. i exaggerate. the unfunny thing is that although i have the cold, i don't feel cold. -.-

hot weather makes me write stupid and irritated things.. -.-

let's write about something more pleasant. like V-Day:)
v-day this year was one of the most happening v-days.. heh. why? let me tell u, cos, i saw david yeo in the arts canteen!! ^ ^ he is STILL TALL & CUTE. the downside? i saw him with the same girl he was with the other time i spotted him at ps, which means, she's probably he's girlfriend and there goes one very eligible guy who's taken.

(i think some eyes are rolling now)

so, anyway, the next day, i had esc (English Speaking Corner) with the prcs.. i realise that these chinese scholars really know what they want in life. esp with the recent debate in the news about the competition singaporeans face with 30,000 chinese students in singapore, from primary school to varsity. i couldn't help but feel for them, the prcs, that is. i do get the whole notion of how infuriating it is to compete with these foreign students. in scgs, there were these few vietnamese scholars who swept almost all the bookprizes, from physics to literature. and then, last sem, i saw how the chinese really could jack up the bell curve of grades for my french class.. they were really smart/hardworking.

now now, before anyone starts misquoting me that i am anti-foreign talent, let me clarify.

to be in direct contact with 14 china scholars now, i've a better picture and understanding. these 14 prcs, 8 are your average "joe"s and 6 average "jane"s, came to singapore with barely passable english. trust me, i had to speak my really broken chinese to communicate with them. now, it's been almost 2 months since they've gone through intensive english classes at nus. and i now understand why china chinese do so well in school.

their english is still not on par with mine, but, they are really humble. they are willing to let me correct their english for them. teachability. because their english is not good, they make up for it by mugging hard. that's why they do so well in school. to make up for their not-as-good english. another reason why they study so hard is also to make it big. sucess is really important to them. they don't take it for granted. well, that's my theory.

one major thing i've realised is that chinese like any other people need God. back to what i said in the beginning, that these chinese really know what they want in life.

or, do they?

i just hope that they will grow to realise even if they attain love, career, family. they will never be satsified unless they know God. Matthew 16:26 says:

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

this is the theme verse for Falling.Spinning, a vcf musical that's coming up in the Easter week. for more info, go to Falling.Spinning

anyway, just to go back to v-day. my prcs asked me what i did for v-day at the end of the esc session. they had such mischievous grins on their faces and their eyes held that expectant look. when i told them that my v-day was boring, spent with vcf@swordfighters, their attention strayed and they started to pack up and not listen to what i was saying.. grrh. what was that supposed to mean?? that if i didnt have a date with a hot guy or ANY guy for that matter, it wasn't worth listening to me?!

oh well. c'est la vie.
je n'ai pas de ami. -.-
(french for " i do not have any boyfriends.)Lol. damn. my french is good.

gettin sick

i'm in school now.. this is like the first time in ages since i've blogged in school.. which means that i've been very productive(i hope) n not wasting time online..(i.e. hibernating in the lib)

mid term break is next week. a measely four pathetic days. and adeline thinks she is falling sick. she went to bed last night very tired and with a horrible sore throat :( plus the nose has decided to be block..i can just taste the phelgm. i think i've run into the problem of too many activities, too much homework, too many people and not enough time for rest.. trust me, 5 and a half hours of sleep a day is simply not enough.

BUT, i'm not looking foward to next week.. too many assignments, too many readings to catch up on(but compare to last term, slightly better), too many people to catch up with, too many things to do, too many activities again.. and just 4 days. ugh.

and, above all, not enough time spent with God. by the time i come home eveyrday, i'm so tired, i just zone out infront of the tv. i'm just short of falling into bed without bathing. plus, may i add, the weather is so so hot the past 2 months, that i think i get a taste of what hell is. i simply cannot take heat. i need the cold. ugh.

so much for complaints. i'm coming down with the cold, so pardon me.

it's chinese new year.. but, i'm positive that watever weight i lost durin the dec hols from runnin around, is all back...ugh.

Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect when I am weak
All that I cling to, I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me

Is it not tough to let go of things in life??

i do. it's never easy..but, i thank God..i'm actually excited about moving on. just now when i asked my dad if he thinks i could come back for e-training.. he gave the expected answer: no.

but, what was surprising was that i actually agreed with him. and i could actually 'feel' that i had to move on. oh well. an answered prayer.

sometimes i wonder if i get things easy from God. why is it that my prayers get answered??(ok, fine.. maybe not all) i was talking to this guy in school this week. he used to go to church. and, two of his close family members passed away last year. he just couldn't comprehend how God could remain silent in such a time as that. eventually, he gave up on God. for His silence.

i really wanted to share the gospel with my friend at that time..but, i had this strong urge that it was not the right time. and i've been thinkin recently.. why was God silent?i don't even know what my friend went through. what i fear most is that how am i to tell him that God loves him so much, yet He let his family members die without knowin Christ. i just do not know.

and now, i am getting a little worried.. wat if God decideds to leave me in silence for a while?? to let me know how it feels??? can i handle it? can i come out of it stronger. can it not happen this half of this year?? can i come out of it with greater trust in God?

as i ramble, i realise a few things...

1. it's ok if i can't comprehend what my friend has gone through. i can never taste any struggles that any friend undergoes. i can't . God can.

That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin.So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it.
Hebrews4:14-16

2. i need a firm foundation in Christ. one so strong, that no matter what happens, i will not crumble. it's ok to waver a little..but, ultimately, always remember that if life is unbearable when God is silent, how much more so, if i take God out of my life completely.

Lord i give You my heart, i give You my soul, i live for You alone
every breath that i take, every moment i'm awake
LORD, have your way in me.

that's my prayer.. that God will have His way in me. do pray for my friend. and for me if i ever get the chance to talk to him again(:

le temps

i've been feeling happy recently.. joyful, if u think that's a better word cos' "happy" is just a state of mind. but, "joyful" is a state of being.. Lol.. i should go lecture philo ^ ^

don't even know why i'm feelin so good. it's good to feel good. i hope i stay up here for a while. it sux to feel bad. besides, it's been a long long time since i last felt so good.. life seems almost perfect.. which is dangerous cos' it may take God out of the picture.. must work extra hard to not neglect Him when life is smooth.

yeah. u know, i really feel good..

anyway, just a funny thought, i can't help but feel as if the need to find a bf is right in my face. nono.. is "need" the right word?? maybe "want" would be better. want to find a bf. it's tough u know, when most of your friends around you are either officially attached or half attached, havin an exclusive relationship with some guy. maybe it's bcos i've been 20 for half a month, and the biological clock is goin 'tick-tock tick-tock'. my mom says it's the AGE to start dating.. argh. it's not the pressure.. it's just in-your-face. and i find it very irritating..make that extremely irritating. everytime i meet up with my sec & jc friends.. the MAJOR topic is always about guys, bf. whenever i meet up with long-time-no-see friends, i must say i'm a bore.. cos' i have no 'interesting' tales to tell about any encounter with any guys.. (unless u count that super cute&blur psych guy i met last fri.. haha.. he's really REALLY cute ^ ^ he makes me actually consider taking psych as my major..tempting.. but, nah) it doesn't help that my mother, when talking to her friends, KEEPS mentioning her intention to kick my out of the house in 3 years time cos' i'l be "married by then". right. *fumes* obviously she is joking.. like she jokes even with the fishmonger about marrying me off to the richest guy in the market. "market", as in the palce where you go buy food.. not the general term "market". i seriously fear when the parents talk to other parents with guys of marriageable age and JOKE about MY marriage?! it is seriously scary..*freaks*

ugh. anyway, just an afterthought. i've been worried about what i'm goin to major in nus.. and i've finally decided to major in European studies, with a minor in English studies. this combination actually allows me to read History, Lit & English..my 3 loves(: i'm actually excited just thinking about it.. don't u think it's cool to say that you major in European studies?? it's just so avant garde.

anyway, better go study for tmr's french test. Bonsoir ^ ^

addicted to pineapple tarts

i'm seriously addicted to Glory pineapple tarts..they are so yummy, the pastry is not the excessive flaky kind, there's plenty of crunch from the pineapple.. ooh.. i would like to think that they are not that fattening bcos the pastry is not buttery.. haha. as if. i'm trying to kid myself.. unfortunately, abel just decided to try them and ate the remainin 3... -.- he should have eaten earlier, then i would not have devoured so many!?

anyway, fat season is coming in.. ooh cny.. don't u just love it?? pineapple tarts, bak gua, kueh bang kit, grandma's cookin, my mom's cookin.. cookies of all kind, chock full of butter.. calorie laden.. haha. n that goondu abel is readin over my shoulder now as i type and has decided to try the above mentioned..

argh.

randoms

took this off from timfoo's blog.. i just thought that it was rather apt for what i've been mulling over recently:

Thankfully, it was also then that God made me realise that i was not alone! He was with me=) Was very comforted by that. And it was then that i felt realli close to God. Soon, my confidence picked up and i got to know more people there=)

What i thought was gonna be a horrible phase, turned out more than juz fine! Now as I look back, i think God is reminding me that regardless of how many people are around you, or how many people are not around you, you can still be complete in Him. He even tells you how. Thank you Jesus, Praise God!=)

something to remind myself of now, just the thing to remember in the next few months to come. it is true.. when one starts to focus on the wrong things, ie. the focus is shifted from God, life will feel unbalanced. eventhough last year nus was such an alienating world for me, i did feel really close to God. but these few days, i feel like i'm all over the place. drifting further. and i recognize that i'm clinging on to the wrong things. it's tough to not cling. it's not absolutely wrong. it's not even wrong. but it becomes wrong when the focus is no longer on God..

it's so difficult to live a life where i am complete only in God. it's so easy to forget when one is surrounded with people/friends. it's a lesson God has been trying to teach me since sec school.. it seems that every year, i've one best friend flying off to study in some country. i thought i learnt my lesson well, when liz left and i've learnt to cope.. apparently not. this time, it's my turn to uproot. i've got to live such that regardless of the people around me, i'm complete only in God. sigh. such a difficult lesson to learn. but it's a must to.

makes me think of the song: it's all about You, Jesus. And all this is for You, for Your glory and Your grace. it's not about me, as if You should do things my way. You alone are God and I surrender, to Your ways.

this one is just plain weird.. it seems like me.. but not really.. it's for relationships.. n i took it without ever havin a bf.. LOL ^ ^

You are a RSIT--Reserved Sentimental Intellectual Taker. This makes you a Archetypal Older Child.

You are a hard nut to crack. You have a wicked sense of humor. Despite your reserved nature, you are more comfortable (and successful) in the meeting and courting mode than you are in a long term relationship. You feel misunderstood, and usually you are.

When you're in a good mood, you're funny, fascinating and a sexy firecracker, but when you're in a bad mood you are moody, broody and impatient. In courtship mode, you don't have to let anyone see your moody side. If you had your way, even in a long term relationship you would have enough time apart to deal with your bad moods yourself; unfortunately, it rarely works that way.

You stifle *a lot* of anger and frustration -- from all areas of your life -- so when it comes out it comes out nasty. More than any other type, your conflicts tend to turn on one tiny thing -- the dishes, the laundry -- that's really a scapegoat for your larger dissatisfactions with your relationship. You're baffled that your partner just can't do the dishes -- your partner is baffled that it's such a big deal. The only way around it is to let the dishes go entirely and try to get at the real root of what's bothering you.

I'm making you sound like a bear, but the fact is that you're so warm and charming most of the time that it effectively offsets the times you're unhappy.

You will make a weirdly good parent.


don't u just like the last part?? now, that's wat i call WEIRD.

now, this IS hilarious... wah lao.. they told me to g n lie more...


Your score as a human being is 80.35.

You are close to ideal. So close, and yet so far. Amusing, really, to watch someone squirm so close to the vaunted ranks of perfection and still remain so very, very ordinary. It is all one can do to keep one's ingratiating smile from polluting one's perfect face.

Actually, one recommends you take the quiz again and lie a little.


piece of crap.. don't they realise that NICE people actually exist???is that so HARD to believe??

You are a SECL--Sober Emotional Constructive Leader. This makes you a Politician.

You cut deals, you change minds, you make things happen. You would prefer to be liked than respected, but generally people react to you with both. You are very sensitive to criticism, since your entire business is making people happy.

At times your commitment to the happiness of other people can cut into the happiness of you and your loved ones. This is very demanding on those close to you, who may feel neglected. Slowly, you will learn to set your own agenda--including time to yourself.

You are gregarious, friendly, charming and charismatic. You like animals, sports, and beautiful cars. You wear understated gold jewelry and have secret bad habits, like chewing your fingers and fidgeting.

You are very difficult to dislike.

__________________________________________________________
did this on my first try.. n this was wat i got.. i sounds lil like me.. when i disagreed n did more.. it started to not sound like me.. so, bottom line.. just tkae the first score.

go to: http://hokev.brinkster.net/quiz/default.asp?quiz=Better+Personality&page=1

me, sarah, sond & liz! my sec sch best friends(: 

2005 resolution

I am seriously STUFFED. Went to sond's house today w liz& sarah... apparently, to celebrate my birthday. I love my friends.heh. we talked a lot about relationships(or rathertheir relationships w their bf/guy friends). Looking at them, it makes me even more certain to stay off any guy for the next one&half years.. it's so time consuming+emotionally drainin.. I can't even handle academic stuff n church n friends n family well enough. Oh well.. so much for wanting to get married by 25 and then have kids before 30.. haha. It's hilarious, I know. I seriously don't think that's quite feasible(:

Oh well. It's almost an ides into January.. and I think I've finally figured what my resolutions for this year are...
1. spend more time with the grandparents.ie have dinner with them once a week/fornight.
2. Befriend tutorial mates. And hopefully share the gospel with them.
3. exercise.Exercise.EXERCISE!!
4. work diligently in school.
5. Trust in God more. And to not doubt His plans for me.

So, there. My resolutions for 2005. I don't care about all those bs that resolutions don't work. Well, if you don't try, how would you know??

Anyway, the first day of school, yesterday, was good.. I was really tired by the end of it. But, thankfully I had a free day today to rest.. I better get used to this routine. So far, school seems good. I feel more confident. And it helps when you do know more people. What's most important is that I know that for this year, I should try to share the gospel with my friends.. which means, I have to go find friends first. When you kinda know what God's plan for you is, there's this indescribable assurance in life.

Okay. I better go off.. there's class tmr morn@8am. But, I'm still full from the lagsana. And I think I'm constipated again. I always am when school term kicks in..ugh.. how's that for my stomach??

got this off one of the vcf online albums. thought it was really apt esp after the ywav camp+ the recent tsunami. 

new year

oh well..guess wat.
wat?
it's the new year.. 2005!!
*sheepish grin* okok.. fine.. no lame jokes..
i'm kinda in a hyper mood now..
sometimes i wonder.. the older you get, the more the brain degenerates rite?? esp with the amount of lame jokes i spew nowadays..

jokes aside.

it's 2005. and i'l be 20 in some days..(*ah-hem*i'm not as bhb as some ppl, who put countdown the days for you to remind you.. plus, blatantly tell you wat they want for their birthdays..how annoying*rolls eyes*) heh. anyway, my teenage years are going gone.. i'm left with a few days now..heh.. it reminds me of luyang.. she said she had a very low-key n hush hush 20th birthday..at that time, which was like 2 years back, i didn't quite get her.. but, now, i understand. i'm getting old.. and it's not easy comin to terms with it. ok, so maybe i'm exaggerating the whole issue.

going to hit 20..
it's when more responsibilites are dished out.. your licence to act ridiculous, is almost gone. ppl, esp the older n wiser adults would give that wat-on-earth-are-u-doing??? look. yeah.. i get the in church sometimes.. esp, when i talk too loudly and laugh too loudly.. thankfully.. i'm responsible most of the other times.. if not.. there goes my rep..

this year.. is going to be a new year.. a challenging year. the school year will be interesting, i'm quite excited abt sem2.i'll know virtually no one for all my modules.again. but this sem is different from last sem. i'm confident that God has let me go to nus for a purpose.. and i pray that He will really use me this sem.i hope that i will have confidence in school, in meeting new people and making new friends. confidence. what a way to start the year. let's hope i have this same confidence for moving to a new church(:

still

Uncle Lawrence lead this at watchnight service, yesterday night. as we sang this song, it struck me with the fact that God is KING over the flood, over the recent tsunami disaster, eventhough it may seem unfair of God to have allowed it to happen.

Still



Hide me now

Under your wings

Cover me

within your mighty hand



When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with you above the storm

Father you are king over the flood

I will be still and know you are God



Find rest my soul

In Christ alone

Know his power

In quietness and trust

i PASSED

ooooooooohhhhhhh... i passed. i PASSED.. heh. yeah. i passed my 1st uni exam.. n considerin the amount i studied with all the adjustments to make this 2nd half yr, i'm very grateful to God. my cap score sux. so i shant talk abt it..but, i realize that without tuition next sem, and with a better idea of how uni is like.. i think i'll do better. no. not think. i know i would do better.. just dont slack.

as always, glory goes back to God. cos' that's what i'm living for*grin*(:

ooh.. Christmas time!!

ade has FINALLY finished bakin..kinda tired too.. BUT, ade has NOT finished her Christmas cards!! oh well, wat's new..she never finishes her Christmas cards in time.. they are always belated. heh. oh well.so much for speakin in 3rd person.. i should go bathe now n try to get some cards done..either way, i know i can't finish enough...anyway,

just want to wish all those readin: Merry Christmas(: God loves you(: & i love ya too(:

busy busy busy christmas

non-stop shuttling from one christian event to another.. it's supposed to be good..but it goes to the extent of me neglecting my other friends. i know i'm spending too much time with christian stuff..1st, it was youth ee trainin(can really see God moving), then wefc youth camp(amazin to see non-xtians want to accept Christ), qbc return of the king camp(revival pumpin to see our Christian youths wantin to be prepared), the gig@taka(heh. it was fun), vcf china students orientation(in e midst of it), ywav Christmas party(tomorrow!!).. trust me, that's not all.. there's more to come in next 10 days. i'll tell you more abt all these when i finally get to spend an ENTIRE day at home doin NOTHIN...which, won't be soon.. but, just felt like bloggin..

the problem is that i can go out on the streets n do ee, i can reach out to the youths, i can talk to the china students and be excited abt sharin Christ with them... but then, i miss out on my own friends. to me, lifestyle evangelism is uptmost important. 80% of xtians knew Christ through a friend/family..and i know i'm not doing enough.. i cant even bring a friend of my mine to Christ. i can't even let them know of this wonderful gift of eternal that they can actually receive. i can't even let them know of the true meanin of Christmas.. i can't help my Christian friends who are still not strong in Christ to grow. i dont spend enough time with ANY of them. liz came back close to a month ago, n i've NOT seen her. i don't even know where sondha is now..argh.

it explains a lot when my smses arent replied. i dont even know wat to do.. i still have so much to learn.. how to allocate time appropriately..

i guess, i've to get right with God first. haven't even been spending enough time doin QT, if i'm not too tired out to do. sigh. adeline fam READ THIS:BLOCK OUT ONE DAY FOR EQTWG.

anyway,my dear reader who is readin this, dont worry, i'm fine. just a little too tired n busy. i know wat i need to do. just help me pray to God that i will do wat needs to be done, k?

if i don't blog before Christmas, have a Merry Christmas(: May you celebrate Christmas because of Jesus' birth and not anything else. Amen!

Shout YOUR Fame

SOME SAY YOU'RE JUST A GOOD MAN, SOME SAY YOU WERE KIND
SOME SAY YOU ARE IN THE GRAVE, BUT I SAY YOU'RE ALIVE
SOME SAY YOU'RE JUST A PROPHET, SOME SAY YOU WERE WISE
SOME SAY YOU WERE JUST A MAN, BUT I SAY YOU ARE GOD, YOU ARE MY GOD

I WILL SHOUT YOUR FAME TO ALL THE EARTH
I WILL LIFT YOUR NAME ON HIGH
AND THE WORLD WILL KNOW YOUR GREATNESS
YOU ARE MY GOD, I WILL SHOUT YOUR FAME

I KNOW YOU'RE THE MESSIAH. YOU GAVE YOUR LIFE FOR ME
I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONLY WAY, JESUS YOU ARE GOD, YOU ARE MY GOD

I WILL SHOUT YOUR FAME TO ALL THE EARTH
I WILL LIFT YOUR NAME ON HIGH
AND THE WORLD WILL KNOW YOUR GREATNESS
YOU ARE MY GOD, JESUS I WILL SHOUT YOUR FAME
TO ALL THE EARTH
I WILL LIFT YOUR NAME ON HIGH
I WILL SHOW THE WORLD YOUR GOODNESS
AS I LIVE A LIFE THAT SHOUTS YOU FAME
AS I LIVE A LIFE THAT SHOUTS YOU FAME

JESUS I DECIDE TO LIVE
LIVE A LIFE THAT SHOUTS YOUR FAME
SHOUT YOUR FAME

TAUFIK!!!

heh. i'm so happy!!! Taufik WON Singaproe Idol!! so cool. he's so cute. then again, so is nathaniel n david.. but, Taufik can sing!!! heh. okok. FINE. before i start sounding like some love-crazed teenage-bopper fan, i shall stop my gushings(:

*grins* anyway, yes. i am proud of tua Taufik. esp when he's going to go world idol, he definitely will beat rueben studdard anytime. and go make Singapore PROUD!

ok. i stop.

the exams ended over a week ago.. n i'm at home nursing a stomach flu.. not that i'm complaining... cos, stomach flu=eat less=lose weight!!! i think i ate something wrong at jb on monday. either that or i had too much yami yoghurt.. plus all the walking done last week during youth ee, it feels good(to be eating less..) you've no idea how much i eat when i study..

what's most important is that last week@youth ee was GOOD!! i'm so proud of each of the trainess from qbc.. they surprised me. plus the effort they put in to mug everyday N how they are sharing the gospel to their friends n relatives now tt they know how to..it's just amazing to see the urgency in them. it's something that i must learn too. i've to learn to make witnessing a lifestyle. it was awesome also to see God work in both the youth leaders n youths. must say that eric led a very good worship on sat(: God always works. He doesn't need humans, yet He still uses each one of us as His instruments.

it's my prayer now that all the ppl we've shared the gospel with on the streets will realize the urgency of believing in God. that only God can truly satisfy them. sigh. we just gotta keep praying(:

ooh exams..

guess wat. the exams start tomorrow. and they will be over in 5 short days. why short? bcos i know i cant finish studying. there's 6 more chapter's of psych to memorise til tue.tell me about retroactive interference...

and that's not including the other 6 lit texts to analyse. i'l prob get a C for this lit module. i got back lit term essay no.2. it was another C+. fine. the worst part was that the wonderful lit doc said i had to "work much harder" cos he couldn't see "much effort" put into that essay. right, if that's what you called 2 weeks of sleepless nights, so be it. and i'm supposed to feel encouraged. i'm only a hair's width from despair.

at least the exams will be over next tue. at least. if not for the fact abt the grades. it gets me worried, i must admit. the thing is, i keeping reading psalms. it's rather 'funny'. i read abt how God is firm and unchanging, that He will always watch over me and protect me from the 'evil one'. for the isrealites, the 'evil ones' were those who kept attacking them, throwing them into slavery, taking them away from God. heh ^ ^. i just realised something. was just going to ask what is that 'evil one' that keeps attacking me. cos there's nothing physically hitting me now(prob never will be any). i KNOW. evil one=anything that tries to take my focus away from God^ ^

so, pray for me, ya? that i'll keep my focus on God. i know that i'll do ok ultimately(at least i hope i dont get any grade lower than a C) some may call it 'blind faith'. but that's not what i want.

i want 'trusting faith'.

racing with horses

hmm. it appears that my running men have ceased to exist. they must be suffering from fatigue of running in squares for too long. oh well.. anyone seen them, catch them back for me, ya?

ok, fine, i admit that was so lame. but, oh WELL. i've one week and 2 more days left to study for the exams. do pray that i won't worry abt my french n my gem module too much.. i think i seriously screwed up the final tests.. n worse, there is no exam to mug for to bu-chang.. shucks. i'm a sucker for year-end exams. i can't stand 100%CA. CA=continual 'ardwork. for ling shi bao fo jiao ppl like me, i'm just screwed. anyway, no time to hyperventilate, i better mug my best for the other 3 modules.. then, i'm FREE for the next one n a half months..

Isaiah 12:5 If you're worn out in this footrace with men, what makes you think you can race against horses?

the END of essays

crap. only for this sem. wait. no. i still have the exams. oh well . sigh. any idea how much i D.R.E.A.D essays now? my brain is like a dry sponge. writing essays is like attempting to wring water out of a dry sponge. let's hope next sem is better ya?

really running in squares...

well, this is just for the visual impact... Lol.. it's quite hilarious actually...

running in squares...

this is how i feel sometimes. ha. in school, in life... ennui. entrapment..

okok.. maybe it's just bcos i'm trying to write that darn lit essay.. bleah. but still, just a thought, do u feel like u are running in squares, circles, rectangles, triangles.. for that matter???

blocked nose

i woke up this morn with my left-half of the nose. b.l.o.ck.e.d

ok. that doesn't really matter, other than the fact that i can't breathe properly. now, why did i come online to blog? i'm relieved bcos of an answered prayer. the one thing that has been bothering since the start of school(other than school. ah haha) has been settled.. so peaceful.. and i can actually concentrate on studying now(exams are in 4 and a 1/2 weeks time) funny how God works everything out, in His time.

funny that anyi should say i'm sounding so child-like..lots of things have been on my mind recently girl.. if i start writing in grown-up-speak, i'll just totally depress myself. besides, its good to have a child-like faith in God, ya? even if it's hard. sigh. oh well.

i gtg.. have that stupid-sure-to-fail psych test to study for..

angel-pig 

daft draft

realised that my recent posts have been so purile.. yeah. i know. trying not to think too much abt things. oh well.. u'll know a little about it soon.

my brain's been overcrowded with thoughts. too many things have been going on. i remember mr ariffin said before that i had to learn how to work under stress better. i always thought i could(i.e. u know when exams are just around the corner n u start studying like mad.. ) too many things have been going on. and sometimes, i don't know who to trust. that's no good. i kinda fear that that child-like part of me is slowly ebbing away... .. .

school's getting better(bcos God sternly told me while i was doing my quiet time that i had better get out of my depressive rut. ha. oh well, i'm trying God, i really am. but, it's just so difficult..) i can thank God that i've not been distracted by the opposite sex in nus(Lol. does it help that they are not appealing enough??) and a stable family that i can count on. oh. and vcf. it's been keeping my sanity, providing support spiritually, constanty reminding me to reach out to friends and not wallow in self-pity. yup yup ^ ^

ah. and above all, i do thank God for giving me peace and strength (:

hoey! purple hue 

brain dead-ness

i'm in school now. my brain half dead from TRYING to finish a long dued assignment. or rather, i think my brain is dead. already. heh. i've kinda lost my flair for crapping out essays during that 8 months of break... i kinda miss it actually.. sigh. but, no complaints(:

so curly.

For some absurd reason, my hair is getting really curly nowadays. When I pluck those irritant strands out, they are so curly!? And then I realized, when the hair becomes shorter, there is less weight to pull it down, thus it get curlier. Sigh. Oh well. I can’t get the best of everything. If hair’s neater, it’s gotta be short… and curly.

bluesky