sunset moonrise

today's cg gathering was ultra cool.

the walk to west coast took about half an hour. we sat on the grass at the field. and adrian was late (talking to someone as usual lah). but then, while we were all waiting for him, we were just chatting and stuff. when adrian finally arrived, he walked slowly taking pictures of the sky, and only then we turned to see a truly beautiful sunset.

i read a few days ago somewhere that we should admire the works of nature, not for their beauty, but because of The Maker.

what was more amazing was that, we all got to see a moon-rise. ultra cool. we were all staring at this light blur behind an apartment block, and bit by bit, we would see the moon inch out more.

i can only say that God is truly amazing. He has created such beautiful works of art, to tell of His glory. at the same time, He gives us a chance to appreciate them.

which reminds me of a song. i'm going to introduce a new song!! since, it appears that How Great Is Our God (sing with me) has been so firmly imprinted in people's minds^ ^ there's another song that sings of God's great love:)

Sing of Your great love

All that is within me Lord
Will bless Your Holy name
I live my life to worship You alone
You brought me out of darkness
And into Your glorious light
Forever I will sing of Your great love
Forever I will sing of Your great love

I love to see You glorified
To see You lifted high
I yearn to see all nations bow their knees
It's You alone Lord Jesus
Who can cause the coldest heart
To find Your love and everlasting peace
To find Your love and everlasting peace

Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord
Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord

Your trumpet will sound
And all heavens will know
That the time has finally come
For the bride to take Her place
And we'll hear the angels sing


it's my prayer that each one of us would truly yearn to see people, nations bow their knees before such a beautiful and wonderful God.

today's sharing was good. especially to see how each one of us have grown in God^ ^ and it's my prayer that each one of us would allow ourselves to be used by God to bring the gospel to people to find God's love and everlasting peace. the people who would one day bow their knees before God's throne in heaven to sing of God's great love;)

thank God for FT

thanks to darlie, the tagboard has been fixed;) so tag and be merry!

anyway, i'm really glad i went for FT today. not because of the aftermath, but because of the message. once again God spoke and encouraged. especially today. i really needed encouragement and reaffirment from God.

when i agreed to serve in arts comm, i was really excited especially when it became clear to me the whole purpose of campus ministry. and to have God reaffirming that it was by seeking Him through prayer, that people would be reached.

however, as the weeks wore on, and as i talked to more people, and as i realised that my term as cgl was ending, and as i started to put more pressure on myself, and as i felt that there was starting to have some form of pressure from people... i could feel my enthusiasm waning. on top of that, to start to actually see the state of vcf and the vcfers and nus, i got really burdened. burdened because, i felt helpeless, that i didn't know what to do. also to see how man can be at times..

especially after monday's supposed final arts comm meeting and stuff about cg, plus the stress of that crazy engine gem which i had s/u-ed yet gotten a brit scholar whose grades are counted plus the toll of meeting people.... it really got to me. that when i meet JL to pray in the morning, i told her i didn't want to talk anymore. it culminated when i met E & Lz... that there was this huge burden on me.

but, i'm glad i went for FT. even though time and time again i encourage (although it ends up as nagging to majority) my cg members to go for it, which makes me have to rethink of how to pass on conviction to the people.. once again God spoke. but this time, it was a strange mix of comfort and conviction.

comfort because God's work never stops nor fails.

conviction because all of God's work is to reach and save the lost.

and there's a huge huge huge harvest field here in nus. every time dr Patrick Fung brought up a new point like when he talked about crossing cultural barriers and international students, i would smile and start poking JL. heh. it's really amazing how God works.

and it's my prayer that each one of us who went for today's FT would, as Barnabas had, be sensitive to God's prompting and the needs of the people around them.

and for each one of those who didn't get a chance to hear, it's my prayer that you would also learn likewise.


anyway, on other happy notes:
i thank God once again for friends to brave crazy temperatures in lt 29, which i found out after talking to Em from medicine, that her med mates initially found the lt to be warm. so, they called the nus people to lower the temperature. and the nus people probably got so irritated, they brought it down so low, i( and many many others) was shivering from the inside, that when i (finally!) got the chance to nominate CMS, i was not talking sense.. couldn't even articulate which faculty i was from. ha.

and the abundant donations of food.. it's good to be broke, but yeah, thanks D&M^ ^

and the wonderful sms from wen that she booked the air tickets to HK today!!!!!!!

and a nice grade for el2111 presentation. the presentation that got me rather confused... because i wanted to go one way and S another... heh

oh, and i almost forgot, a nicely wrapped piece of banana chocolate cake from a tutorial mate:) that's another story to tell for another time.

;)

do not touch that tagboard

please do NOT tag on that tagboard.

oh no...i replied some tags on what i thought was my tagboard only to see myself transported to anyi's tagboard.

what was even more hilarious was to see that maicie say i was "good" at html.. *faints*

my reputation at html is definitely down the drain (what rep??hmm...)

so, anyi, if you are reading this, i kinda copied your html for your blog because you had friendly filters for apple computers... and actually, i don't know what went wrong.. i think your tagboard html and mine got a bit mixed up. and i seriously don't know what to do about it. so, ya. give me a few days when i'm a bit freer and hopefully, i would have cleared it by then, if not, deleted that tagboard of mine.. so, it explains why eunice and maicie appeared on yours.. they are my friends:) i am so so sorry....

shucks. so paiseh.

so the prob was my darn apple *BUMPY* ibook. i swear i need a new latop. this is already 5 years old....... argh.

or, you could just say i need to know how to read html, which i don't.. darlie who usually does my blogskins is busy with jc.

so, er.. if you need to say hi here,use my comments instead.

i feel like a klutz=X

accountability

recently, i've been learning that accountability is really important.

your friend and buddy is not just there to pray for you.. often, when we use the word "accountable", what does it actually mean?
in the past few weeks, i've grown to realise the significance behind that overused word.

accountablility is:

1. being open to your leaders.

to be honest, i used to think that my church and school life were very separate. been struggling a lot in both areas recently, and especially in the area of church. and i thought i was alone in this struggle.. but after countless of complaining sessions and after M pointed out that leaders should have a degree of understanding of whatever each of us go through, i did a burden verbaige on F two sundays ago... which subsequently led to another verbaige on S the following saturday. and i must say, it was really a form of release for me. i was really surprised by how both F& S were so understanding, they let me talk and they offered good advice and most importantly, they prayed for me.

2. telling your friend to keep watch for you.

sometimes,handphones can really be annoying..today, i checked my hp after ltp, and read an sms which made me really disappointed with the person... and esp after how i almost ate another person up with my irritation last monday... when i came home, i msn-ed Ms and told her that i had to tell her something, and i really wanted her to pray for me. and it was really necessary, because, i was obviously annoyed and disappointed.. but,if i had let that seed of annoyance and disappointment grow. oh boy. i don't even want to know what the outcome is. after i told her, she helped to clarify some stuff.. and both of us agreed that we should just leave it into the hands of God. by telling Ms, i was getting her to ensure that i wouldn't bitch about that person and have unreasonable thoughts. and more importantly, pray with me for it. ( so, Ms,when you read this.. remember:pray!!)

[ok, here we stop for a lil commercial break. because, as i was typing, this humongous bug flew into my room.. humongous because it landed on my back. without looking, i swiped it away with my hand. it flew to the wall with a thud. and i turned to look, only to see a COCKCROACH!!! of course it felt huge, it was a freaking cockcroach. i stared at it, half in amazement because a cockcroach just flew into my room?! the other half of me was utterly disgusted, because it was a cockcroach, worse, one that could fly. as i watched that thing trot along my wall, a growing fear welled up inside of me. next thing i knew, it flew, and i gave a short yelp and grabbed my towel to shield me. and of course, curiosity got the better of me and i had to peer over that clean towel just in time, to have that thing fly towards me. i quickly crouched, and allowed it to fly to my curtain. but alas! it was not going to fly out. and,i was seriously freaked out. it was 1.35am.. i decided that i couldn't and didn't have the guts to fight it alone, so, i quickly ran out and woke my dad up. and he came. and to cut an already long story shorter, he eventually killed that awful cockcroach by squeezing it in his hands=X (think twice before you shake his hands next time!!). but, ya, he washed his hands with a lot of soap;) now,my room reeks of insecticide...and i think i should sleep in the guest room tonight..]

anyway, what was my point in recounting the midnight tale of the flying cockcroach? well, yeah, it would serve as a really funny story.. but it also shows the importance of accountability..because when you need help, HOLLER. you can never fight a cockcroach alone=D

3. getting your friend to pray with and for you.
as much as i have a tendency to talk a lot.. i actually keep a lot of things to myself.. sometimes i think i keep too many things inside of me, which isn't really wrong. it's just that, there are certain things that need accountability. that if i'm seeking God for an answer and also because of the nature of the issue, it's better to do it with a friend. ok, er, i recognise that i can't exactly state the nature of it, because it's private. but yeah... anyway, after keeping a particular issue to myself for more than 6 months, and after getting a cue today, after knowing that a friend has been keeping himself accountable to his cgl, I decided i better let W know too.. because, i think the burden was getting a lil too heavy for one person to bear. what's amazing is that, after i told her what it was, she sensed that i wasn't ready to give her a full story, so she told me to wait til i was ready. and i really thank God for that. because, i had been holding back for a long time from telling anyone as i was worried that the matter might be blown out of proportion.. and i guess that's why i keep stuff to myself and try to settle it with God.

anyway, there are quite a few other instances that God has been using friends to bless me. if i thank you individually, you know:)

so, if you've been encountering an issue, and you know that it's not best to hold it inside you, let it out, and get a friend to pray for you, ok? which actually, is the most important thing. accountability is firstly letting someone know. but more importantly, being prayed for and with:)

modes and moods

hong kong...

i really can't wait for that. absolutely looking foward to it. and it's the time of the semester that i would tend to go into escapist mode. often.

actually, considering how tired i started off this semester, new into youth min at church, new cg in school and all. i can only give thanks to God for sustaining me, not barely though. it's been overflowing. (hmmm.. i think it's time to change blog picture.)

i was really worried because, i didn't want to suffer a burn out, which would not just incapacitate me from serving effectively, but it would also mean that i would not exactly be able to handle my studies..

although now and then i wished i had learnt certain lessons sooner... i think it's good i learnt them eventually. i can be darn slow and stubborn. been talking to different people, especially since we are nearing the Academic Year.. and once in a while, someone would say that he/she regrets something.

i definitely regret certain stuff. but, i've grown to realise that when we disobey by not doing what God wants, yes, it does mean that we in a way, blocked something greater from happening. but that doesn't mean that God has been restrained by our inability and disobedience. God is much greater than that. Knowing that He has allowed us to go our own ways, shows that He really wants us to be a part of His salvation plan. as much as God wants to seek and save the lost, He also wants each of us to grow to be more Christ-like as we do His will. as much as i realise that it's important to reach others for Christ, i've grown to realise that God is still concerned for me too... He doesn't go about thinking, "ok, since adeline is a christian now, let's move on to the next target". instead, God will use me to touch someone else's life. and by using me, He is actually concerned that eventually, i wouldn't be left out in this race.

as always, it's always one thing to realise, and another to live it out. i guess that's the next step for me. but, it's definitely not easy.. i'm bound to laspse, once in a while, especially when i lose focus, to go into my different modes and moods...

like how now, as much as i would like to be in hk now, to see that lone wishing tree, to eat smooth chee cheong fun, to go shoppping.. to do all these with the 2 friends i'm going with... at the moment, i'm still in singapore with 3 and a half proj/assignments due. so, i jolly well snap out of it and do what i'm entrusted with..

and, if i sound on the depressive side. it's just that i blog more when i'm in a introspective mood... if i get too hyper, i would be dancing about... ok, that sounds weird. ^ ^

Jesus, take the wheel

ade's a happy happy girl:) she finally bought carrie underwood's cd, Some Hearts. the speakers are blasting Jesus, take the wheel now.

have to hand it to carrie (macham talking as if she's my friend.. ). of all the songs in her album, she chose Jesus, take the wheel as her first single. is that a statement or what. when she sang this song on American Idol a few weeks back, and my dad heard her. and we heard the applause the audience had for her, which was not exactly thunderous, i really felt for her. dad says we must really pray that she is really a Christian and not a "christian" ( think britney spears), that God will keep her pure and use her mightily.

She was driving last Friday
on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy
with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low
on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind
and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning
on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air


Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder
when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat
sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

friends and God

i think i think too much. oh well.

i usually get quite scared when life's too good, and i'm given too many blessings. i know some may think what is wrong with me.. God give, just take lah?! right...

when i was 14or 15,can't really remember exactly when.. we had a new year's lunch at uncle roger's home. uncle roger and family invited this whole bunch of their friends from church(gefc), friends they've been with for years.. and they were having a sharing session with the whole gin gang of family members. they were thanking God for the stuff that had happened in the past year.

i remember how aunty G thanked God for blessing her with aunty L for being such agood friend, to the extent that once, when G had a bad quarrel with her husband, she called L when L was having a holiday with her family. and L was patient enough to hear her out, despite the fact that she was away on holiday... and there were other similar stories..thanking God for family members, friends, etc...

i remember on the way home, i told my mom that it was really cool to have such friendships. however, my mom pointed out that throughout that entire sharing session, no one was really praising and thanking God for being God. yes, they said " i thank God for friend A...." or " i am thankful to God for friend B...".

but no one said " i thank God for being being there for me.."

all those thanks had centred on the gift, and not the giver.

well, almost, save for one. uncle John and his wife had thanked God for being their pillar of strength and comfort that year, as he had cancer. and with a near-death experience, he realised that only God is truly grace and worthy of praise. they had thank God for being Him.

often i read people's blogs, and hear people share that they are grateful to God for their friends/ cg/ bf or gf/ cg leader or any other leader for that matter / *insert some person*, for being there and providing the support when they really needed it.

and often i wonder, in the midst of it all, where is God?

yes, it is good to have a friend/s who is/are there when you need her/him. and lest you think i'm some loner bugger with no friends (hence this entry), please don't get the wrong idea. i do have friends, many in fact.. some who are really people i know i can count on for prayer and accountability. friends who have been there to cheer me up, friends who have been there to point me back to God. in fact, i think that's what friends are for... to point you back to God.

but then, there are times when these friends are there, that when there's trouble, instead of turning to God first, i turn to them. and that's when it gets scary. it's like my dad getting me that ipod i've wanted for ages. but instead of thanking my dad,i go, "thank you ipod! you are there to bring music into my life(literally). you are the one who gives me a beat to live to! you are the one who saves me from the annoying clutches of the evil tv mobile!"

ok, so maybe i sound like i am exaggerating. like a hyperbole gone all wrong. but i think, i do that at times.

i think the turning point of my life came when i was in sec1, back from the land of 50 stars (and states). i came back to scgs, where i was eager to reunite with my sweet valley high-like gang of friends. and boy, was i wrong. for those last 3 months, i went through pure teenage hell of backstabbing. girls bitched about me having a fake american accent, being proud for having lived in the states.. they even spread these rumours to girls from other classes... and everyday, i went home to cry. but, my parents prodded me to bring everything to God. and i have definitely not regretted that decision.

it's been 8 years since i decided to depend on God only. as much as i hope i am depending on Him only, and no one else, there are times, when i forget God, and focus on His gifts instead. that's why i thank God for trials, because, they remind me that God is there. that i don't need to run anywhere else, except to Him.

and i think, by fully understanding that it is only God who provides, that i can truly appreciate His gifts. and not be afraid of accepting His blessings.

so, there. thank you, my friend;)

and thank you God, for being here.

kairos vs kairos??

today after frontiers, i had 2.. no 3 choices:

1. previous cell
2. food trail around eastern part of singapore with the youth leaders
3. go home. period.

and since the thai Meet team was going for my previous cg, i thought it would be good to go back, because i could go back and see them all,while blending into the background (cos Meet team was there). of course the reason i wanted to go back was because i missed them too.. it's been almost a year since i moved to wefc.

but then,because the wefc youth leaders had that food trail, and yes, it was food. but no, i actually had no mood for any greasy food... and also, i thought it's good that i should go because it's the church that i am in now.

it's always good and comforting to be with people you are comfortable with. you can just be yourself, sit back and watch the people you love chatter, and once in a while, laugh with them.

yet, the nagging thought of responsibility and of course, calling (which was what today's frontiers' session was all about) kept being pushed back and forth, back and forth in my mind.

in the end, i decided i was/still am actually, really tired. plus if i did go for cell, i would be late, and i didn't want to make a grand entrance(which defeated the whole idea of blending into the background). and, i had not much energy left to go to some ulu part of singapore in the east (easties.. don't protest.. i actually like east coast park. yes. ).

i went home.

but at causeway point, while checking out the bakeries and prodding their breads to see if they were soft and eat-able, i suddenly remembered that my previous cell was called kairos.

and that brought back a flood of memories...i remembered that after i had prayed about whether i should stay on in qbc or move with the rest of the family to wefc, of which God indicated very clearly in several instances, that i should move on to wefc.. i talked to jonathan, who was at that time, both a vcfer and a youth leader in wefc, and he said he was going for kairos. and i asked him, "kairos?! what's kairos". to which he replied that it was the cg formed for the youth leaders in wefc.

and i remembered how that sent shivers down my spine... to see how God was taking me out from one kairos to another. it has always been clear that God wants me to serve in the youth ministry.

i look at the bunch of youths at qbc and remember how i was worried that there wouldn't be people to help these kids grow in God.. and obviously, i was so wrong. as soon as God called me to go to wefc, the burden that He had placed in Serene's heart for youths finally moved her to want to serve in ywav. and it was amazing how she was telling me that she was praying about serving in ywav in 2005, and i had not told her i was going to change church. in fact, Serene is doing a really good job with those bunch of youths..and, i must say, a much better job than i did.

i really affirm "uncle" Seng Eng. a calling is so important, because there would be times when i get discouraged and start wondering what on earth i am here for. but then, when i remember it's because God called me, i know i have to be committed to the end, to do what He has planned.

Isaiah 52:11, 12
"Put Babylon behind you, with everything it represents, for it is unclean to you.
You will not leave in a hurry, running for your lives.
For the Lord will go ahead of you,and the God of Isreal will protect you from behind."

God has taken care of my past.
He has also taken care of my future.

meaningless?

life's a struggle.. i echo what eugene blogged.

sometimes, having too much fun, actually scares me. and fri's wackiness at flor's birthday party was a testimony. i enjoyed myself. (happy birthday flo;) tremendously. perhaps, a little too much. debs thinks we all went a bit too insane as a result of all the writing we had to do this week.

i think i am finally seriously feeling the brunt of 6 modules.

talked to pam& hwees on the way home friday, and we were saying how scary it is when things go well. how often, life revolves around us, as much as we know it should be God.

came home & told nut some stuff. and, it got me thinking even more.

all the thoughts in my head + things people have been saying drove me to really want God speak to me at that moment. to tell me. to just speak. something.

ended up reading the entire ecclesiastes, which made me feel that things in life are more meaningless than ever.

went for tuition this morning, and then for cg outing. and had to fend off a 1000 and 1 thoughts that were wriggling around like annoying mozzie larvae...

had to endure my mom's snappiness, which was a result of a fault of mine this morning.

still thinking a 1000 and 1 thoughts.

still wishing that God would speak and make things clear. now.

and i think, i'm off to do qt.

pray for me, yeah?

replace the lamp of my first love

Oh Lord, You're beautiful
Your face is all I see
For when Your eyes are on this child
Your grace abounds to me

Oh Lord, please light the fire
That once burned bright and clean
Replace the lamp of my first love
That burns with holy fear

sigh. so easy to lose your first love..
but, so hard to relight it.

rebellion ain't for the millions.

bummer.

that's how one feels when one rebels.

you would actually think you gain liberty from rebellion. well, at least that's what i thought. rebel. refuse to compromise, refuse to open up, refuse to socialise, refuse to humble oneself.

instead, thinking that i am right, selfless..

and i think, that's one reason why i've been feeling the bleagh way for the past few weeks. unhappy? in a way... and i've learnt, the hard way, that by refusing to budge, i only become unhappier. absolutely dumb of me to think i was/am making any statement by rebelling.

nono.

lest you think that i'm suddenly going to bounce my way on the " road to happiness" ..

nope. i won't bounce.

and, for now, it doesn't look like happiness to me. it's going to be tough. to humble myself. if i had a choice, i'd rather go sleep.. but, escapism isn't the way to joy.

picture this:
a wobbly baby, drooling... walking unsteadily, with eyebrows furrowed. But, please notice, there's her daddy holding on to her hand, walking alongside her, encouraging her, taking pride and joy with each baby step she shakily takes..

that's me and God -- my Dad and King;)

reply tags

this is for being lazy to tag, i tell you..

just me: oh. ha, will def donate blood.. as long as i get the drip-bag type. and as for your cam, bcos i couldn't borrow it on mon, a group member brought hers on wed, and we used hers in the end.. but, the presentation was good. i wasn't a bag of nerves.. thank goodness:)

swei: corrinne may is so good. you HAVE to buy her 3rd album which comes out@the end of the year:) there's this new song "beautiful seed". it's so beautiful=D checked out nordljus. gah. how do ppl bake such pretty, yet inedible food??

debs: so, fine.. u don't laugh. you just... ha. my fault anyway for being late for class =X

hannah: i def knew it was v-day. there was no way avoiding it in school. just ask your bro;)
how was your v-day@home=D

ming: of course it looks different, i changed the pic:) and, mon's def on. reply my sms leh...

why i blog

it's been hard to blog recently. not that nothing's been going on recently.

if you notice, i've been blogging more in the gripe-sense. it's been hard for me to express certain things, realising that my readership has become somewhat... vast?

[disclaimer: i'm not saying i'm some mega-popular blogger now].

my tag-board is testament. i've got vcfers (from cg to randoms), church friends (both previous and present), school friends, youths.. all who cover the age-span of 12-25++

that's where censorship comes into play.. certain struggles are ok for people my age. but, for the younger ones, it may cause them to stumble..

certain things i want some people to read, but because they are struggles, and a lil personal, it's not what i want some people i don't know well at all, to read.

then, there's always the issue of my overt Christian principles, which i recognise, may be a tad too in-your-face. then again, this is my blog, so i have every right to write what i want. if you are uncomfortable, shoo.

with so many issues to be taken into consideration, i decided to just put a halt for a while..

but, it defeats my main purpose of blogging. which is to show how, above all the struggles and ongoings in moi vive (my life), God is love. that He loves not only me, but every one else too.

yes. YOU.

so, in the past few months or so, while i've been blogging about nonsensical general babble, i've been forced to talk to friends. which, on hindsight, is a good thing. because, last year, one worry i had was that i had lost the skill to communicate well with people, face-to-face. and now, i think, that skill is coming back. and, if anything, it has deepened some friendships. and also, opened up a few more. for these, i'm grateful:)

but, i figured, i would still blog. ha. so, will probably throw caution into the wind, and worry later...

nus fee hike

opened my nus email to see this:
[Student Circular] Undergraduate Tuition Fees and Financial Assistance - AY2006/2007

my first thought: oh crap, they are raising the school fees again?!
[raised to a whopping $6110 to be exact.]

secondly: i really need a scholarship.God please bless me with good-enough grades=X

thirdly: what hand did NUSSU have to play in this?

Nus says, "The University administration has met with the NUS Students' Union (NUSSU) to inform them about the new tuition fees and to explain the rationale for the increase.

NUSSU says, "Despite our vigorous objection to the fee increase for AY2006/2007, remembering that the last fee increase was in AY2005/2006, the University Administration still deems such a measure necessary in order to keep up with cost increases. NUSSU is also disappointed that despite requests to be more involved in discussions for school policies affecting the students, there is no consultation before this fee hike is announced to the Union."

fourthly: where's all my parents' money going to?

"The University is committed to provide a quality education for all our students while ensuring affordability. Over the last few years, despite active measures taken to keep costs down, NUS' costs associated with teaching and related activities have been steadily rising. "

more like: i'm paying more for more aesthetically-pleasing-white-ginormas-elephants, like the latest University Hall (which is only good as a bright & spacious walkway to Lt32) built to commemorate " a century of offering excellence in tertiary education".

if you know me, i'm usually not very politically vocal(typical Singaporean apathetic subservience..) and i'd probably just blog this, gripe about this with my friends, inform my parents while feel darn guilty that my grades aren't good enough to sell my soul to mr moe, pray so hard that andrew does more than well enough to get a scholarship for uni, worry about abel's uni fees later, actually think that it might not be such a bad idea to graduate next year after all...

tired

sometimes, i can do the dumbest thing on earth, which makes me want to kick myself.

i blame it on the tiredness.

been feeling quite sleepy in the past weekend and today too. and since it's definitely not the time of the month, i don't quite know why i am so tired. stayed back in the library and struggled to make head and tail of the historical variation tutorial. struggled because i just felt so tired. eventually, i succumbed to the snoozing bug, only to want to throw my file at the 3 guys across me who were making so much noise.

oh well, let's save blogging for another day. i can't be late for my hist lect... debs& matt would laugh at me again like how daniel& matt did today. not that it matters, cos thomas dubios is too interesting to be missed...

oh, pray for me. tired=X i'm looking foward to mid-sem break, but with mixed feelings...

corrinne may & amazing race

just came back from corrinne may's concert: Strings and Serenade.
and i've a few thoughts:

1. she sings well, so sleek and griping.
2. she writes well, simple yet prodding.
3. she plays the piano AND guitar!!

conclusion: damn, i want to sing in a band too, with my very own 4-man band and 8-man strings.

gah.

on another note, i came home, read the newspapers, and was so excited to see that there would be an Asian The Amazing Race! Singapore Idol is so passe. Amazing Race is the thing.

alas, i have no driver's licensce.

shortlived glee-.-

foodblog

foodblogs surfing now with wei. (the expanded list at the side is testimony..)

it just occured to me, that i went for crossroads at changi near the famous changi market, with really good food(which i ate), but didnt step into it. so near yet so far.

have you been missing out on things that are actually so near you, yet, you missed?

jumble future

today was a good day, for various reasons.

woke up feeling a bit tipsy(especially when i talk).. met D for ee, J for lunch, ifg comm for prayer, WY at social work lect, then off to dinner with Dg and fellow viet students. and maybe met the future on the way there too.

been thinking, or rather, have been forced to think, due to circumstances, about the future.
how i'm going to pull through this sem, what i'm going to do next academic year, whether i should graduate next year, and beyond...

decisions.. life's practically on a platter for me now..i'm an adult. i do what i chose. in a sense, God has no control over me.

but, if i chose to be the one in control... i think, that spells disaster. because i know my plans, as much as i think i've got great foresight, in comparison to God's eternity, that's far-sight.. i'm like staring into the future with a pin-hole camera.. you know how everything appears upside-down??

funny how God loves to poke fun and tease His children sometimes. i got the brunt today, but, loved every minute of it with relish.

ok, i'm getting random. but then again, there is order behind the randomness.. ah. oh well. i did say i started off the day feeling tipsy;D

how great is our God

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
-
there's nothing my God cannot do =)

these few weeks in pj has led me to see so much more, experience things never before.
being in a whole new environment, meeting new people.
i know that God has called me to be in pj for a purpose. its very clear now, and that is, to reach more people for Him.
im always amazed at how He makes everything beautiful in His time.
i know there's stuff i still need to work on in my life, but i really pray that 2006 will be a year of His glory. that whatever i do i will point the glory back to Jesus. that i will really make my life count, that i'll be able to share God's love through my life.
it's tough, but i'm trying, and i think God's happy =)

as for you, Mommy. you know im always so encouraged and challenged by your faith. I LOVE YOU. (k, i know you're rolling your eyes by now, i see that already, but ah well. =D)
i could sing of Your love forever.

your (not so) little nuthead. ^^

lyndon cana

this is a bit of a delayed time reaction.. but, tue's FT was real good. the best i've ever gone for. mr lyndon cana is like WOA. if you think you are busy, try this:

1. radio talkshows EVERYDAY.
2. lawyer by profession.
3. politician by calling.
4. preaches in church.
5. leads Bible study in church.
6. flies off to countries, like Singapore to speak.

of course, the moral of the story is not to be busy for God. nono... it's just amazing to hear mr cana speak so earnestly, and challenge each one of us to live the most for God, to not waste time doing meaningless things.

it's a criminal negligence to live a life of mediocrity and wantoness when Jesus has died on the cross for our sins. Jesus died, and are you just going to sit there, chasing after grades, money, clothes, games, *insert an object of desire*??

for me, it was rather encouraging that he kept saying he was speaking to the brightest in singapore, (haha.. ok, fine, so i needed some kind of ego booster that i'm not that dumb..) praying that not one of us would backslide.

i was personally challenged by his love for God, how it was shown through his actions and lifestyle. he spoke with such earnesty and sincerity and conviction that i could see why he had the people's support(and votes) despite having no backing from any influential sugarcane towkays.

challenged also to be responsible to the season of life that i'm currently in now: education. meaning, i should slog hard for my grades. but not slog for the grades' sake. rather glorify God through my studies and fulfill my responsibility as a student. also, that I'm called primarily to witness for God. and i do so through my life, my vocation.

if anything, these past 22 days have been quite a blur.. i feel like i'm drifting from class to class, feeling a bit off, not going on a straight path.. *shrugs* it's a bit weird. as if, i'm not eactly in-line/aligned with something.. can't quite put my finger down. just been living day-to-day, with no concrete plans.. don't think/know if this is good. makes me depend on God more.. but it just seems weird to have zero plans. i'm not thinking very straight here. should zzzzzzzz off...

ade'fam

gosh. this is too hilarious to not post it up.

my favourite is no.10. hilarious i tell you.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Adefam!

1. Adefamology is the study of adefam.
2. US gold coins used to say 'In adefam we trust'.
3. It's bad luck for a flag to touch adefam.
4. If you chew gum while peeling adefam then it will stop you from crying.
5. Donald Duck's middle name is adefam!
6. If you cut adefam in half and count the number of seeds inside, you will know how many children you are going to have!
7. Only 55 percent of Americans know that the sun is made of adefam!
8. There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of adefam orbiting the Earth!
9. Adefamicide is the killing of adefam.
10. If adefam was life size, she would stand 7 ft 2 inches tall and have a neck twice the size of a human.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

crashing waves

i went for Crossroads. and as i told flor, it was for myself. the entire dec hols kinda sucked me a little dry... made me a little lightheaded... like a woozy kind of feeling...

glad i went, not because the speakers were great.. (the main speaker was quite good actually, tan soo-in. go read his stuff at grace@work) if anything, i had a bit of a problem with the other 2 speakers.. they were a bit... dubious is not the best word, but i can't think of any other. if anything, they made me realize how idealistic i am. but how important it is to not bend Christian principles, no matter how fallen the world is. easy to say, hard to do, i know. but, wisdom is definitely much needed.

the best part of the retreat was the morning devotion by the beach. i sat there, read the Bible, spent most of the time praying.. asking God for guidance.. my eyes were closed, and i could hear the gentle lapping of waves.. but just as i was praying, i heard the loud crashing (almost 'bang') of waves. and i opened my eyes and looked out at the sea.

no boat? er.. then why are the waves crashing so loudly. i turned to lizhen and asked if any boat came past, just that it may have zoomed by too quickly in those few seconds that i opened my eyes.

but, nope. no boat, no ship, no barge.

often, for me, i like to ask God for explicit signs, to show me that i'm on the right track.. but, well, the signs never appear. maybe, 'ask' is too mild a word. i 'demand' rather.

and today, Soo-in said, " God is not bound by our demands for dramatic visions".

i got a taste of God giving me a sign, when i needed it the most. but the best part is, i didn't ask for a sign. so cool. God is amazing. seeing and hearing the crashing waves, gave me a realization that God is the God of nature. that He is always in control. that God has my future in His hands.

Amen.

of birthdays

it's official. i'm 21 years and 5 days old.

and my dad has been harping on it. he called back on wed from Melaka and made me come to the phone to ask, "So, how's it like to be an adult?".

*raises eyebrows and deadpans*

"er.... Ba, there's been no difference these past 3 days.."

being the eldest in the family, and the only girl at it, my parents have been going through changes.. to be honest, i don't know if they agonise over this in private. but, the past few months have been rather 'releasing' for them. 1st, andrew went off to ns, then it's my 21st, abel's been getting more guai, asher, on the contrary, has been quite a handful (in my case, it's spatula-full).

freedom. when i was in secondary school, staying out late was a big big deal for me, i'd have to beg and beg my parents. now, as long as i tell them when i'm coming home and what i'm doing, i'm pretty much on my own (but that's also provided i don't overdo it by getting myself drunk..) the craziest thing i've done in the past few weeks was staying overnight at the airport playing cluedo and polarbear, to send Mark off at 4am. of which, i've come to the one conclusion: i don't have the stamina to stay up late anymore...

but, if there's one thing constant, my dad still stays up to wait for me. well, at least one parent does. i remember in sec3, after the acdc play, 'The Mousetrap', i came home at around 2plus. and my mom was waiting up for me. yesterday, i came home at 12.30 from a funeral, and my dad was sitting up reading DaVinci Code...

as much as i'm glad i've the freedom to do mostly what i want (of which, going overseas for hols may not exactly be entailed...), i do feel a little for my parents. i don't know if it's called responsibilty, but, i can't think of a better word. love?

i do know, a few weeks ago, because i was coming home late from prc camp (late? i managed to catch the last mrt home each time..), my dad one day sort of lamented that i'm ready to fly/soar (some flying anaglogy). how do i know? he was lamenting to aggie and frankie who were in the office.

as much as i think i feel ready for anything flung at me, i do know i still need my parents. eventhough they have the ability of nagging til the point of frustration, i know it's because they care.

on a lesser note, i'm really thankful the birthday party on sunday is over. it was tiring. but, you only turn 21 once in a lifetime, and i know i had to grab that opportunity to thank God for friends and family. as much as i've a lot of friends, i would rather meet them up in small groups. large groups tire me out=X BUT, i enjoyed sunday. it's a sort of weird feeling to see many of your close friends all crammed up in your house, trying to entertain themselves..heh=D

thank God for family and friends:)

p/s pics another day.

talk to non-xtian friends

had quite a good chat with sond today.. it would've been longer if not for ifg meeting...

if anything, for the first time, i admitted that i had problems opening up to my ex-classmates. to be honest, i don't even know when i started, but, i think sometime after jc, i notice that whenever there were class gatherings and etc, i'm the quietest. which is kinda weird, because, i'm usually one of the noisiest in class. i remember in sec4, miss sie had to separate liling and i, because we talked too much during class... i wish i have that problem now.

i'm not the quietest, because i've all of a sudden gone dumb. it's just that i find it hard to talk. i'm more than happy listening to my friends talk and share about their ongoings in life.. sometimes, it seems that i'm a little boring in comparison to them.

a lot of things has been going on in my life. i don't think i'm boring (because, i know i'm not..heh). i can actually talk non-stop... in cg or sharing setting, i can yak and give many prayer requests. but with my other friends, i just strike dumb. sometimes, it's because i think they wouldn't understand.. often, it's fear. a fear that they would think i'm talking about fluffy stuff when i talk about what God has been doing in my life. that i'm a loony to believe in this relgion-crutch thing. but, i guess... this also shows how much confidence i have in my God.

sorry God:(

vcfers in classes

the only reason why i'm blogging now, it's because i just realised that today is friday the thirteenth. so i wanted the date up there. looks so cool, rite:)

*yawnz* is it just me? i dunno why this week seems to be going so so sloooowly.. gah. i can sit in a lecture, glance at the clock, listen to the lecture for what seems like eons, glance back at the clock, and i'm like... what?! only 5 minutes has passed? i think something is wrong. i've been very, and i should stress the word 'very' restless this week/semester. i enjoy the lectures that i've attended, but for some unknown reason, i've been quite sleepy. and, sleeping/dozing during lectures has never been a habit for me, especially, coming from scgs -- where teachers forbade anyone from sleeping in class.. to the extent that when i went pj, i had a culture shock to see people sleeping in classes..

so, as you can see, my first week of school has been quite a blur, literally.

one other thing that strikes me is that, for some unknown reason, why are there vcf-ers in ever single one of my classes?? i purposely (except for hy2207, which i decided to take because 1. it's the history of china and 2. debs& matt are taking it.. to keep my sanity) didn't plan to take classes with anyone, so that i could have free myself up to make new friends.. in fact, i thought for my engine and science mods, i would be only loony taking them.. but, apparently not:

el2111- serene, rita, daniel, matt and clemyee
el3254- adrian
gem1532- fern, andrea
lsm1301- mingjie
sw1101e - weiying, mingjie and shawn
hy2207 - the 3 of us.. ahhaha

as i was pondering during sw1101e, in a bid to keep myself awake, a thought struck me. perhaps God is doing so, to make me consolidate my friendships this semester, instead of making new friends. so, one goal this semester, is to build up relationships of previous years.

speaking of friends, this sunday's party is seriously going to be a riot.. i told my parents about 50++ people are coming.. didn't tell them it's actually 60++, because i know they'll faint (they already think i'm crazy for getting 50++). pray that God will be in control. i'm seriously a bit tired this week, to plan something for sunday=X sometimes, i wonder what i get myself into...

may God be glorified:)

got my mods

a few things to thank God for:

1. i've got all my 6modules (with still a lot of points to spare!!)
2. my parents finally agreed to let me celebrate my 21st.
3. tomorrow is 10jan, which means, i'm almost done with planning prc camp..
4. friends:)
5. a cleared desk.
6. rainy and cold weather.
7. nice pineapple tarts.

that's all for now.. back to prc camp afterglow. by the way, sorry if i've seemed rather preoccupied lately, because I AM preoccupied. i'll have less things on my mind tomorrow=p

2005 gone..

and so, 2005 whizzed by in a flash.

to sum up 2005 in a sentence : God is faithful and gracious.

Faithful because He never changes, gracious because He has chosen me and forgiven me for all the pride and mistakes that i've made.

2005 was a year of many changes and challenges:
1. left qbc and joined wefc.
2. stopped youth leading, became a youth and then back to leading a bunch of youth again.
3. continued as a not-so-clueless freshie, with seniors watching out for you. progressed to a year2, still with seniors watcing out for you, but now, with freshies to look out for.
4. felt the painful separation of death.
5. struggled in school work, and prob will continue to.
6. started serving in vcf, through boggled cg and ifg.
7. made countless new friends, struggled with keeping in contact with the present ones.
8. moved house to just beside church.
9. did and still doing follow-up with a girl each from school and church.
10. have to learn how to live with my grandma under one roof.
11. grew in personal evangelism.
12. had prc camp:)

at times, i had immense fun, enjoying myself tremendously. sometimes, i got a little miserable and had learn how to live with God being sufficient for me. others, i dealt with demands and tried to meet whatever i could and needed to. still some, i learnt how to deal with disappointment.

but above all, i learnt how to be joyful in all circumstances. 1Thessalonians 5:18.

there are definitely many challenges this 2006, but i'd leave the resolutions for another post. would be spending extended time with God today, to make sure that what i do is what God wants for me. and if i can, i'd definitely blog on last week's prc camp. bon soir!

great blogskin

all i have to say is...
that picture up there ^ is absolutely, absolutely fantastic.
guess who did it!

I <3 YOU MOMMY. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
(by the way, i received many many many cat calls and sniggers and LOTS OF LAUGHTER when i went on stage today. DARN SO EMBARRASSING)
i know you love me too.

<3,
the adorable one.

prc camp

'stress' is not the right word to use for planning the prc camp.

'helpless' is the better word.

when i call people up to check on the things they need to do for the camp, they all say, "adeline don't stress ok!" for the record, i'm not stressed. stress is for times when you know you have a lot to do, especially with very tight deadlines, and you feel the workload piling up.

helpless is for the times when you know what you have to do, and you can do it(mostly, in my case). but for the things that are out of your control, you can only sit and watch and pray.

i should stress the word 'pray' actually.

pray because only God can work in the vcfers hearts and free up the days for them. when i finally took over the temporal reins from florence (who happens to be enjoying herself in paris and switzerland... fortunate girl:P), i realised with mild horror that moe had divided the prcs into 20 groups. and i was assuming all along, 13 groups. what this means is that if we need at least 2 vcfers per group, we would need 40 full timers. and obviously, we fall short of this number, quite majorly.

normally, camps, the major problem is getting the people the camp is for ( in this case, the prcs). but now, we have a whopping 169 prcs, but we seriously lack volunteers. and it's quite sad because, the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are really few.

and i'm now supposed to write a plea to encourage the vcfers to come, if they can. and i don't know what to write. sigh. for those who read, if you can sign up for the prc camp. if you can't do keep us in prayer. we really need lots of it.

somehow, i know that when this whole thing is over, i would look back and be able to say with confidence that God was in control of everything. that God provided the people, that the prcs enjoyed themselves, that friendships were forged, that God was and will continue to be glorified.

p/s if there is one thing that's really annoying, my mother. she insists that whenever she is out, i've to be at home to babysit my grandmother, and apparently my 15 year old brother ain't enough. pray that she would be understanding and that i would be filial.

feed yourself

i realise a lot of people are quite tired this hols. it's not just me after all. all these camps, church stuff, cf stuff is taking quite a toll on people, been reading quite a few blogs and chatting with friends on msn. many are quite tired by all these activities.

for me to type this entry out coherently, is all thanks to the much over-dued 3 hour nap i caught this evening. been so tired, too many activities, that it has actually taken a toll on my health(and note, even the period where all schoolwork was at an all time bad didn't make me flinch). i succumbed to the flu bug, lost my voice on tue n wed, took all (and many) desperate measures to regain my voice. the flu has hence progressed into a whopping cough. and to make things worse, my mom( and grandmother) are reminding( to put it mildly) me to eat this, don't eat that, do this, don't do that. it drives me insane.

i'll blog about youth ee soon( it was a really eye-opening experience for me), the new youth cg i'm sheperding(the youths are actually really adorable and encouraging), my dear brother in army( who is being used mightily by God over at tekong^ ^), all the planning for the coming prc camp. how soon, depends. heh. but in the mean time, i'd encourage everyone to get ample rest, both physically and spiritually. just spending one day, even one afternoon, in the bed and with God does wonders. reminds me of what i'm actually here for.

Imagine if you will. You visit a new bakery near your campus. You love going there because the chief baker has created new recipes for breads, pastries and cinnamon rolls that are better than any ou have ever tasted in your life!

Soon, word gets out about this bakery. Crowds start forming lines each day, waiting for the new confections to come from this baker's marvelous kitchen. The baker doesn't have enough help, and ends up trying to serve all the customers himself. He is scurrying back and forth, busy with all the requests of the people --but oblivious to what's happening to him. His exhuastion is quickly becoming burnout. What's worse, as you watch him for a few weeks, you see a change. this man is getting thin. Very thin. It almost seems like he is shriveling up.

You sit down and observe, and the problem becomes obvious. This man never stops to eat. The irony is, he is busy serving bread to everyone else, but never stops long enough to feed himself.

So many leaders forget to tend to themselves, and eventually are unable to really serve others. They are starving intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and even physically. When they do read their Bibles, or listen to CDs, it is always for someone else. They are always preparing Bible study for a group or message for others. They read for "programme", not for personal growth, and neglect to consume nourishment or apply it to their own lives. Their "talk" is great, but their "walk" is fake. They go through the motions, but aren't really spending time eating the "bread of life" (John 6:35). They are spiritually starving.... so close to food, yet never eating.

read this from Habitudes, homework for the coming youth clg x-training coming this thurs:) i'm actually quite excited by it, looking foward to having God speak through Pastor Shern, and tapping on the wisdom and experience of the others who are there.

so, go rest, especially when you know you cmi already:) praying for you!

p/s btw thanks to all who've been praying for me the past 2 weeks^ ^

bad christmas

i just realised a very scary thing.
christmas is in 13 days.

and i'm actually really tired, if not getting a lil grouchy. and being tired, means that my fuse is shortened, considering the fact that it takes a lot to get my temper going. so, i realise that i've been getting easily irritable lately. which is not a good sign, especially when i've just come back from youth camp.

i'm very thankful that youth camp is over. but now, there's today's combined thursday cg gathering later, wefc's first youth ee training seminar this week, the new youth cg, prc camp after christmas-- and these are just things/events that i have to plan and prepare, other things that i have to be present are not included.

i actually think, for once, i've gotten too much on my hands.

and just as i was getting highly irritated by some people, and i started complaining to mr C, who came back from an all time spiritual high from anntic, i was amazed that for once, roles were reversed.

for once, mr C was the one telling me to take things easy. for once he was the one joking, singing online. and to think, this time, he was the one telling me to go and rest.. ha.

plus, for some unknown reason, my voice is going. and no, i'm not losing it because of camp. at abt 8pm, when i was helping my mom peel garlic, i could actually feel my throat getting increasingly sore.

then, to have J, my jc friend tell me that God has healed me and to have faith. really brings a smile to my face:) i miss my old friends from previous schools and churches so so much. i actually miss being in familiar grounds. for once, i actually wish/hope that i dont have to take on challenges. that i don't have to try to do new things, don't have to make new friends.

but, i can't. it's wrong. it's selfish.

so, i need your prayers. please pray that:

1. that i would trust God and obey His commands.
2. for ample rest.
3. my voice would come back, especially with youth ee this week, i can't neither teach nor share the gospel with no voice.
4. i will not be so short tempered. that i would have God's joy in serving him back in my life.
5. to be focused on God and only God. always.
6. to love people. and to have patience to deal with them.
7. to spend time with God to remember the sacrifice that Jesus paid by coming down to this earth.

it'll be all pointless. God will be very sad if i forget the reason why i'm serving him, especially during this Christmas period.

Christmas is in 13 days. are you ready for Christ's birthday?

'Cause, i know i'm not. but, i hope i will be soon:)

dotted

i'm sitting here wiating for emily to finish bathing so we can discuss the prayer lab.

and yes, i've a delayed time reaction. my exams ended over a week ago, so, i've been free, meeting people outside and at home, made numerous trips down to church(which some people now call it my 2nd home...or is it my first?), celebrated countless people's birthdays (of which i've another party to attend in 16hours), remaining extremely broke(as a result).

there is also youth camp next week, a secret garden to create, prc camp to plan and publicize, work at sml to start on 12dec, cgs stuff to pray and plan, more friends to meet up with, and many more camps to come...

i feel...

what i would really want to do is to just bum at home infront of the tv and watch my hk and now korean dramas and discovery travel&adventure, read harry potter, catch harry potter (and chicken little, narnia, about love), read those books&novels that have been piling up on my table&under the bed& on the shelf, sleep, bake all those goodies from those blogs.

nuah in an empty home. there are too many people in my house.

and i think, i need to spend extended time alone with God...

serve God joyfully

Today for Bible Study in church, Reina led a very good BS session. In fact, it was a rather thought-provoking and ministering session. For the past few weeks, I've been struggling in the area of service for God. Which is what Reina shared=)

Why serve?

Why serve God?

Why serve not gladly?

Why serve non-Christians through Christians?

These were really thought-provoking questions, that had me stopped very often too, not because the brain was tired.. Rather, these questions caught me totally off-guard. They struck me hard. And if the questions were tough, check out the answers (if I can even verbalise them).

(As these questions are mostly issues each of us has to struggle and wrestle with God ourselves, I'll jump to the third question.)

Why serve not gladly?
1. no focus on God.
2. no absolute (due to lack of appreciation)
3. no love for God. *Ouch*

It is true. When we serve God, sometimes we may get disillusioned and be unhappy (for a whole list of reasons). But by doing so, it means we don't love God. Ok, I'm sure out of the bottom of our hearts, even when we are unhappy, we would at least love God 3% or maybe 20%. But, as long as we don't love God 100%, it isn't really love. So maybe we aren't exactly unhappy. We don't think, "darn, I hate doing this. Why am I doing this?" But, as long as we end up loving or seeking after something else, and God becomes, even a close second, we don't love God.

How do we serve then?
" We should ask how God wants to be served, not how we want to serve."

It's so deceiving sometimes, that we may think (at least, I know I did) that God calls us to serve Him in a certain area we are particularly good at, or we enjoy. But, there are times, if I may even dare to add, often at times, what God wants and what I want can be vastly different.

For the past few weeks, I was seriously contemplating if I should join a particular ministry. As if I hadn't learnt my lesson, from the previous 2 churches, I thought I would toy with the idea. Thank God for friends who prayed, and for God who intervened so swiftly, that the idea was snuffed out once again. God made it very clear that He wanted me to work with His people, His children in the background. Just as God had provided me in my teen years (gosh, I'm freaking old. To think I can look back and reminisce my 'teen years') with older Christians and pastors who bothered to take the time to guide me, and I had been richly blessed by their wisdom and time, God wanted me to do the same.

So, it's back to youth ministry, after a three-quarter year hiatus^ ^

Just to end off, I thought I'd leave with something highly ironic. You know how people often gripe and moan about how it's so tiring to serve God, that it takes too much of them (us)?

John 4:34
"My food," said Jesus, "s to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work."

For Jesus, doing God's work gives him the strength, the 'food'.
Amazing, ain't it? By right, we should get energized and ministered when we serve God.

It's my prayer that each one of us would serve God joyfully in our whole lives:)

Oh my soul

evan led this song about a month ago at cbs, and i always thought it was a rather cool song. but, when D posted Isaiah40 on her blog, i was quite surprised to see that this song is actually an adaptation of Isaiah 40.

anyways, i'm not posting this song up just because it has a double cool factor. but, more so, the Bible& the lyrics are so true. I have already heard, been told from the beginning that the Lord is on my side. yet, i live out my life as if i've never heard this truth before, worried about stuff, which ultimately lies in God's hands.

Oh my soul

Oh my soul, do you not know,
Have you not heard,
It's been told from the beginning,
The Lord is on your side!

Oh my soul, don't be afraid,
Trust in the Lord,
By his righteousness and power,
He will strengthen, He will guide.

And I will soar on wings like eagles,
Held by the hand of God,
I will run and not grow tired
When on His name I call.

For the Lord is never weary,
His ways are beyond my thoughts,
I will trust in Him with all my heart.

nostalgia

i'm actually feeling a combination of tiredness (i just came back from young adult retreat), stickiness (i just played a lil' pickle ball), hunger (the fridge is still empty..).

inspired by the "wonderful" (haha) entry that the nuthead blogged for me (check out the next entry *points below*), because i was stoned. i've been thinking, actually i do miss ywav.ok, i don't need to think that i do miss them. sigh

here's some of my favourite pictures:


me, the nut and wen. ooh. and because i've finally moved, which means i finally get a washing machine, i can finally wear the white adidas shirt!! because i don't trust myself washing white clothes. yay!


sos girls. minus the one guy.


i actually take great pride when the younger youths grow taller than me. yes, i'm no longer in denial, clement is taller. i accept that.



my sec one, eh, no. these are my sec two jam girls.. aiyoh. so fast. i keep forgetting. it seems only yesterday they entered ywav. and it seems only yesterday i left qbc.

but, living beside church (wefc) now, which in case you do not already know, i've just moved last week, is quite funky. haha. caleb just yelled my brother's name from church. and all andrew had to do was stick his head out of the window and wave in response. it's hilarious. you want any fam-family member? just holler, we'll be down pronto. well, almost.

you know, i just realised, i don't have a pic of the new cg in church. oui, calling out to my cgls.. why no photo??

ok, i'm feeling drowsy. i should go sleep now. i'll blog more coherent stuff another day. i actually have a lot to say. and yes, i know i'm cheong hei=X

NATANIA INVADES :D

hihi. HIHI :D
This is Ade's one and only beloved adorable SLIM(!!) pretty daughter.
Darlie the Nuthead, as she so affectionately calls me -.-
It's really Mommy's honour to have invited me to blog for her.
even though you see her scowling like

(classic Ade smile. for more proof, sneak a peek at her NUS id/IC ;D)
she's actually rather adorable.
LOOKIE!

even though she LIED to me about an imaginary boyfriend at one time...

long enough.
I LOVE YOU MOMMY<3
(gasp! you just called me an evil freak! heartbreaks)

<333 NATANIA!

decisions to follow Christ

"I don't think God really cares about which one you decide to do. I do think He has an interest in how each situation might influence your call to follow Christ."

How true. we have brains for a reason.. and a heart to discern...

worship

in the end, i chose Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace for marcus&jasmine's wedding. figured, i'll save How Deep The Father's Love for my own wedding.heh. more so, because, i wanted a song that this young Christian couple could better relate to and understand.. and also for my mom. because, Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace is my mom's favourite song. i hope it brightened her day. i know she was pleasantly surprised:p

in less than a week, i've had to choose worship songs for various occasions. it's been an entire onslaught.. figured i would take them on, because i could feel God's urging.. and as this week of worship sessions draw to a close, with the final being this tue, i have realised that my entire life has to be worship unto God.

it's so tough to sing songs, praises to God saying that He is my everything, that i would tell of His goodness and mercies, that i would shout His fame forever, etc.. dunno, just find it so difficult to worship God simply. many times i just get stumped and well, stumped..i'll just stare at the lyrics trying to make meaning of them. is it just me, or nowadays, many songs, that are so pleasant to the ears don't really seem to be praising God. there are just too many 'I's in them, too many 'me's...maybe i'm being sensitive but, it's hard. perhaps my life is just not right with God therefore i can't give him the due praise. i guess, i really have to learn how to make my entire life an offering of worship unto God.

It's all about you, Jesus.
And all this is for you,
for your glory and your fame.
It's not about me,
as if you should do things my way.
You alone are God and i surrender,
to Your ways.

eliza

thought i'll pay a little visit to eliza. mark is mad, he put every word of my conversation(note: it's my.. not 'our') through eliza...

anyway, i decided to talk to eliza myself, and here's our conversation. it's hilarious i tell you. it all boils down to what i've concluded from my psycholinguistics module: language is innate as discovered by Noam Chomsky. and guess who made language innate?? God. God was the one who built us so intricate, that we are better than computers (being able to accomplish simple yet complex tasks like conversing), yet not devoid of feelings.

(this is me)>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> ni hao ma
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> wei she me ni kan bu dong
Please go on.
>> can i whack you?
Whether or not you can whack I depends on you more than me.
>> so i can whack you lah
Perhaps in your fantasies we can whack each other.
>> oh
What does that suggest to you ?
>> so, i shall whack you now.. where's my stick?
Do you wish to shall whack me ?
>> ya. why not
Why do you ask ?
>> because i think you are dumb
Is that the real reason ?
>> then, what do you think
Does that question interest you ?
>> if it doesn't, would i even be asking it
Do you think its likely that it doesn't ?
>> *rolls eyes*
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> strong? like throttling you?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> oh. it doens't matter.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> you are really dumb.
What makes you think I am really dumb ?
>> because you are giving computer generated answers
Do computers worry you ?
>> well, yes. computers like you worry me.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> hahahahhaha
Please go on.
>> this is getting funnier by the day.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that you are really really dumb
Does it please you to believe I am really really dumb ?
>> yes. because it shows that i'm still better than you.
You are sure.
>> yes, a human HAS to be better than a computer.
I see.
>> don't you agree?
Oh, I agree ?
>> yes. just say yes.
I understand.

so, bottom line is, eliza told me to whack her..

ok, shoot me. i need major comic relief.

happy?

for some inexplicable reason, i'm feeling happy now.. just like how last friday, after i met debs and then decided to head over for lydia's dinner, all of a sudden, i was just woooshed.. washed over by inexplicable happiness.. i don't know why.. maybe it's because it was the weekend. last week was just looonngggggg, and i was bogged down by the doesnt-seem-to-be-ending-renovation-of the-new-house... next week, if all goes well, we may actually get to move!!*bounces* a totally bad bad time to move house for me, being in the midst of my 4 projects and 1 term paper. but, oh well, i'll let next 2 weeks worry for themselves..

ok, i realise i'm sounding a little incoherent. but, i'm actually very happy with today's cg. it was one of the few sessions that i actually ended cg feeling very light. i think it's because i was so pleased by justina's surprise visit. sometimes, when i rattle of to my friends, i wonder if they ever listen. that's why i would rather they talk, and i listen. so i was really pleasantly surprised when justina remembered that there was cg on thurs. heh. after a ghost call on my hp, which i swear is going bonkers..

it just brings me immense joy when the people around me, the people whom i love are brought one step closer to God. heh. and oh.. i'm also very very glad to see raymond coming for cg each week. and meisi, i must take my hat off to you. i realise i'm too subtle. dropping hints DOESN'T work. all you need is a meisi to ask you directly and then, ya. *swoosh* you hear the arrow flying through the air. i must learn that. perhaps, over the years, i fear coming on too hard on people because of certain bad experiences. but, i guess i need to have more confidence. and i think that's something i really need to learn. oh well. ok, have to go do my south asian tut now..

it's the weekend tomorrow!!

blogthings

took a lil time off to destress... and amuse myself.

Your Birthdate: January 15

With a birthday on the 15th of any month, you are apt to have really strong attachments to home, family and domestic scene. The 1 and 5 equaling 6, provide the sort of energy that makes you an excellent parent or teacher. You are very responsible and capable. This is an attractive and an attracting influence. You like harmony in your environment and strive to maintain it. You tend to learn by observation rather than study and research. You may like to cook, but you probably don't follow recipes. This number shows artistic leanings and would certainly support an talents that may be otherwise in your makeup. You're a very generous and giving person, but perhaps a bit stubborn in ways.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

*blinks* then *gulps*.. okkaaayyy, this is a lil freaky..

the next one is hilarious.. i'm a eunuch!! what a tagline.. haha=D

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

uh... is this a sign?

You Should Learn Japanese

You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture. From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko!

What Language Should You Learn?

i still prefer french though.. but, would like to give korean a go..haha

darn.. im too longwinded..

Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical

You blog like no one else is reading... You tend to use your blog to explore ideas - often in long winded prose. Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily. But if they disagree with once too much, you'll pull them from your blogroll!

What's Your Blogging Personality?

oh.... i love reese so much.. apparently, eating myself IS an option..

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

wedding song revisted

what's a good song for a wedding??

a Christian love song.

i've always loved Just Let Me Say, until, i realised that i can never tell God how much i love Him.. it seems so wrong.. so, i figured, a song that talks about God's love would be better.. How Deep the Father's Love. i think it's a really beautiful song, but i hope it isn't too solemn a song for a wedding.. my mother says a more joyful song would be better.. but, i can't seem to think of any joyous Christian love song... that is not glass-shattering. how?!

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross
My guilt upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no powr's, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

`Stuart Townend

save all

un/fortunately, i've a 'save-all' mentality.

why it's unfortunate? because it hurts when people whom i care for seem to be slipping out of reach, out of sight. it's like a stab to the heart when you read friends' blogs, hear of friends' ongoings through other friends, knowing that they are going through tough patches in life. i feel so helpless. really don't know what to do, except pray. but still, saying that i'll pray for you/them seems so cliche. sometimes, it feels like it's said in passing, like giving up in resignation. the best thing i can offer them is a God whom i can trust, and i know, a God whom they can trust too. but, but.. how?

people are fleeting, circumstances are changing, systems are undependable. i know i've been blessed so greatly, blessed so much that it makes things difficult to talk to people. i've a warm and stable family, though we squabble, but still, we are there. and i know family is something i can count on. having my uni tuition fees paid for by my dad, actually being in nus. i've friends, countless; my handphone book is testimony. but, how many do i even contact? friends... so what? have i been doing my part? when shawna shared at cg last thurs, about her friend who underwent depression, it made me think of who i am neglecting. and i think mingjie brought up a good point at cg too: i've to share my life with them too. i'm always too eager to hear how things have been going for them, and when it comes to me, my life, though interesting and highly exciting to me, i fear that it's boring and unpalatable to others.

why? it always revolves around church, and now vcf. i don't have that 'romantic' bgr to gossip about, idiots to bitch about, angst to unload, that happening party to go to. but, i'm happy, contented. the most i can gripe about is the never-ending pile of schoolwork, the new-house-that-is-yet-to-be-moved-into, annoying (at times) parents & siblings, being tired.. and..well, that's all. my problems, though many it seems at times, are so trivial compared to others. God has done so much for me, I've seen him work in people and situations. God doesn't have to do things for me. it's just so.. iffy at times. how to share joy?

i think what serene said is true and so frightening. vcf and even christian life can be so insular. i just feel comfortable with these friends.. and i think i spend too much time with them. yes, we have to spend time to work together in ministry; yes, they are always there in the library to study with; yes, they are often the ones who understand my deeper gripes and frustration regarding spiritual stuff; yes, they are the ones who can encourage me and pray for me because we know that we have common and shared understanding in the same God.

but i can't neglect others. these were the people who were a part of me at some point in life. it feels sad that they won't understand why i get excited over the ways God has been working in my life. God is my whole life. i work and pray that more may come to the saving knowledge of Christ. and fear grips me, because, life is too short, too fleeting. what if i don't get a chance to share the gospel? what if they don't want to believe that Jesus saves? why don't they want to?

what have i been doing with my life. who and what have i been spending my time on?

i need to recognise and live by the fact that the one who 'saves' is the Holy Spirit, not me. i can't make people believe. mr Holy Spirit can. but what i can do, is help disciple others. that's what christians are called to: to make disciples of all nations. that's the one thing that was most impressed on my heart at last saturday's National Consultation of International Students Ministry when pastor mark asked me if there were plans to disciple the international students who come to singapore(we'll leave this lesson for another day. learnt a lot of stuff on sat).

sigh. i'm like my favourite pick-me-up now: mango-papaya shake. i feel all shaken, stirred and squashed.. and sad. i don't understand why God chooses to work in certain ways. But since i know that i'm just a 20 year old kid, and God has eternity before and after Him, my knowledge is uncomparable to His wisdom.

i can't save.

i can only pray.

i can only obey.

wedding song

The wedding song. is there a wedding song??

tell me I should go and screw myself. like seriously. what on earth was I thinking. was I even on earth?

St andrew's cath

a note to myself: bake macarons once you move!! click here for yummy-looking macarons..

today I had a lot of ice-cream.. in various forms and flavours. gelato in chocolate, rocher, tiramisu, rum&raisin, durian(the best) & yoghurt -- all courtesy of frankie's new cafe small, medium, large (and no, I had no part to play in this name game). if I seem like a pig for eating too much, well, I had only 2 mini cups. john just slapped on all the flavours so I could try more.. haha. yes. I am an ice-cream freak. I could live on ice-cream alone. after that, we had dinner at lot1 and my wonderful brother bought a cup of minimelts: mocha& mint, another wonderful combination. I've really eaten a lot of ice-cream today. I'm full. though, I could have a go at the japanese redbean icecream that the 7eleven at fong seng's sells =X

ok, the latter part of my day was more frivolous. In the morning, I actually woke up for serious stuff. went for the National Council of International Students Ministry held at St Andrew's Cathedral. today was my first time ever in 20 years at St Andrew's. I was already running late, but the moment I stepped into the hall/sanctuary(is that what you call it?!), it just took my breath away, literally. I had to stop and just stare and take it all in. the cathedral is just so beautiful and awe-inspiring that two thoughts came to my mind there and then:

1. I really need to go to those cathedrals in Europe. I heard they are bigger and more beautiful.
2. if a church, a man-made building, can be so beautiful that it demands such awe and attention from people(me at least), what about God? God is even more awe-inspiring. yet, how come, Christians always struggle in their walk. ok, why do I always struggle in my walk with God. why is it difficult to spend time getting to know HIM-- the maker of all things beautiful. if God's snowcapped mountains and vast oceans(esp Korean coastlines..courtesy of Da Chang Jin..heh), tulips and daffodils, redwood trees and coconut palms, clear blue skies and purple sunsets make people stand in amazement at the beauty of it all, why have we forgotten and neglected the Creator of them all?

manymany times when I have chosen to delight myself in the things of the world, I've forgotten God. Sam gave me a very good analogy. he watched Be With Me and found the girl's unrequited love rather sad. Yet, it made him realise how sad God will be when we choose to not return His love. He sent me this poem a week ago. for all you un-literature people, I hope you dig out some understanding of it. it's such a beautiful poem by George Herbert:

The Pulley
When God at first made Man,

Having a glass of blessings standing by -

Let us (said He) pour on him all we can;

Let the world's riches, which dispersed lie,

Contract into a span.

So strength first made a way,

Then beauty flow'd, then wisdom, honour, pleasure:

When almost all was out, God made a stay,

Perceiving that, alone of all His treasure,

Rest in the bottom lay.

For if I should (said He)

Bestow this jewel also on my creature

He would adore my gifts instead of Me,

And rest in Nature, not the God of Nature:

So both should losers be.

Yet let him keep the rest.

But keep them with repining restlessness;

Let him be rich and weary, that at least,

If goodness lead him not, yet weariness

May toss him to My breast.